Perspective

It's Valentine's Day, and whether or not you have a Valentine, this might be a hard day for you. We get that. It seems like there are just as many married people who don't look forward to this day as single people! So if you're irritated already and the day just began...can we try to cheer you up? A non-schmoopy Valentine edition of Spill the Beans awaits you.

Listen right here!

I was curious, after recording the podcast, what my last single Valentine's Day was like. I didn't remember it very clearly, so I went back to my trusty prayer journal to find my thoughts on that day.

Valentine's Day was always hard, of course, because I wanted to have a Valentine, but I never did. But after my Isaac journey, it was even harder, because Valentine's Day was the day I first learned about him and the potential of a relationship.

So that last single Valentine's Day marked two years since I'd first heard Isaac's name and my life as I knew it changed forever. And I wrote in my prayer journal that day, Hold me today - on this day of love and gifts. Shower me with You and help me to not be caught up in the absence of love.

My heart is still hopelessly tender toward those of you in that spot. Today is my fifth married Valentine's Day, and while I treasure what I have, I still feel that tender bruise under it all, of the years of waiting. I haven't forgotten the sting.


That last single Valentine's Day found me in a place where I had just begun to ache for love again, and it seemed like any promising path in that direction only brought hurt instead of healing. And that day, I chose to pray for the latest one by name. He was new to my friendship circle and what I thought was going to be a door thrown widely open by God's mercy turned out to be just the opposite. So I asked God to be with him specifically and I wrote, Though the pain runs deep for me, I know his own pain runs deep in ways I don't know or see, and such cleansing and healing can only come from You. On yet another single Valentine's Day, help me to trust...help me to know the pain isn't pointless.

Wouldn't it be great if God wrote in Sharpie on the wall? If He spelled out the exact reason for delays and pain and confusion? I'll tell you this much, my single friends: I may be married now, but I still wish He wrote in Sharpie. There are still things I wish I could just grasp. That doesn't go away with a wedding ring.


But listen to this. That particular day in 2012, when I had no idea I was less than ten months away from my own wedding day, I thought back over the guys I'd dated in my life (which, to be fair, were not many) and I recognized how they'd managed to hide me from the world at large. Not a single one of them had wanted an overly public relationship. (Some came before the days of social media, but even then, they weren't wild about public recognition of our relationship.) That was really hurtful, and on the Valentine's Day of 2012, I wrote, I want someone to be so excited about me that he shouts it.

And so it was that eight months later, someone named Ryan grabbed hold of a radio microphone and said in just about the most public way he possibly could that he loved me and wanted to spend forever with me. I'd call that a fairly clear answer to prayer.


Abundant healing for deep hurt, wouldn't you say?

But as I look back, I'm grateful now that those previous loves of mine were not so public after all. I'm grateful those were private, even when I wanted them to be more. I'm grateful the beautiful moments were kept sacred from public eye, and I'm grateful the messy moments were spared the public eye. God knew what He was doing. He knew what He would call me to and the protection I needed when I couldn't see it.

He knew that every hurt was necessary to shape and mold me into the woman Ryan needed as his wife. He knew our relationship was the one that would restore all that had been broken, wounded, and lost - for both of us.

I'm glad I spent that last single Valentine's Day with the Lord. I'm glad I was honest about my hurts and open to His healing. I'm glad He had a plan for me that was so much closer than I could even know. I'm glad He allowed brokenness and I'm glad He brought the healing.

Praying for you today, my bloggy friends. Those of you who are hurting and waiting...I'm praying for you. Praying God will bring a miracle to your day of showing you HIS deep love for you and praying He has a miracle ahead to bring you the love He has for you. And in it all, I'm praying you'll have the eyes to see His perspective at the time of His choosing.

Much love from Shafferland to you.

The Saturday Six

One.

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This post, by the delightful blogger at Between Naps on the Porch, talks about home trends some people say need to go the way of all the earth. I confess some of these items are in our home. And by some, of course, I mean many. How about you? Any of these pop up in your home? Or do you dislike any of them?

Two.

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Last fall, I was part of a Bible study at our church, and our curriculum was written by a pastor's wife named Marian Green. I read this week that she has a new book coming out about her healing and restoration from a life of promiscuity. I also read this article she wrote, and I think it might be helpful to someone, so I wanted to share it.

Three.

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Anyone else loving the Olympics? I am, although I have missed way more of it than I intended to! If you want to have a little Olympics party at home, just for fun, this post has a lot of great ideas! 

Four. 

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I've been invited to some bridal showers recently and found this gift idea, which is very cute, I think, when paired with a waffle iron. And who doesn't love a waffle iron?? 

Five.

I'm just going to leave this one right here... 

Six.

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You know what's great about 13 hours in a car? Plenty of time to read a book! And that's exactly what I did when we traveled home from Kansas earlier this week. I read Lynette Eason's new novel, Without Warning.

This book is the second in a series called Elite Guardians, and while I had not read the first book, I was able to jump in and learn the characters with no problem. The series centers around a group of women who serve as bodyguards for people in dangerous situations. I've gathered that each book in the series will focus on a different member of the group, and this book featured Katie Singleton.

Driving home from work one evening {and into a week of vacation, no less}, Katie happens upon a crime scene investigation at a local restaurant. She recognizes the owner as the uncle of one of her favorite self defense class students and stops to see if she can help. Before the night is over, the back-to-back combination of a body in the cellar of this restaurant and the burning of another restaurant location owned by the same man {Daniel Matthews} convince Katie that Daniel has a target on his back and she wants to figure out why.

Katie and her team come on board to watch over Daniel and his niece, Riley, and the attacks continue to come, as the title says, without warning. As the group tries to stay one step ahead of the person or people behind the crimes, they also work to figure out who is doing this...and why.

I kept trying to put the book down so I could talk to Ryan in the car, but it turned out that was impossible and I had to keep picking it back up again until I finished it.  The suspense was so real that every time Ryan slammed on the brakes, I jumped and screamed. The twists and turns were well-done and I kept saying "Well, I didn't see that coming!"

This is another example of a book that intertwines good suspense {not cheesy} with a strong faith component, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. This was also my introduction to Lynette Eason's writing, and I would absolutely read her work again!

* Thanks to Revell for providing a copy of the book to me in exchange for an honest review. *

Worth the Wait?

I love it when my friends ask me questions that make me think. Seriously love it. And this week, this was the question sent my way:

If and when I finally get married, will I be able to say "he was absolutely worth the wait?" I know what people mean when they say that, but I don't know if it's completely true, or at least if it will be for me. Yes, I can absolutely say that my spiritual life is miles beyond what it would have been if I hadn't had to walk this journey. So in that sense, of course it's worth it. But will I ever be able to say that I don't wish things would have been different and I don't wish I had met him ten years earlier so I could have loved him ten years longer? I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I feel it was worth all the missed experiences we didn't get together. I would love your thoughts on it...

No one has ever asked me this before, and I loved thinking it over. I'm not sure my answer is universal, but it is the truth of my heart, so I thought I'd share it with you today.

I fully expected I would get married right after college, and I was 21 when I graduated from college. I think back to the girl I was at 21, and I was kind of a mess. I had no idea {still!} who I really was, and for as strong as my foundations were, my personal foundations needed some serious stabilizing. I believe 100% if I got married {to anyone!} at that age, I could have ended up having a very happy marriage, but I also believe there would have been a lot of hurdles and obstacles between the wedding and truly happy, simply because of who I was at that tender age. And honestly, I fear I might not have enjoyed marriage in general as much as I did from the start of my married-at-34 story.

Ryan has told me a bit about who he was at 21, and while he was still very much a good, loving, godly man, he has been transparent to me about his rough edges. I fear had we met and married at that time, we would have endured a lot of head-butting that we have not had to contend with by getting married as older, more mature versions of ourselves.

So that's the first part of my answer. It was - for us - worth waiting because the more grown-up versions of who we are are so much better than the 21 year old versions of who we were.

BUT.

For me, the girl who ached to get married, singleness was so hard. And I would be lying if I said there hasn't been a bit of a grief process in letting go of dreams for milestones and moments that we are unlikely to ever know because we got married "so late" in life.

For example, I have always wanted to hit the 50 year mark in marriage. And we still could. But we'll be in our mid-80's, so the chances of us being able to enjoy that milestone to the fullest that I once dreamed I would are slim. Who knows!? We could be that spunky old couple that charges ahead right on into our 80's. But we could be the cranky old TV-watching couple, too! Either way - our 50th is not as much of a "sure thing" as I thought it would be dreaming as a teenager. And for me, that is a very real grief I've had to come to terms with.

While this isn't something we long for, those who marry later and desire to give birth to biological kids have to mourn the loss {or potential loss} of that dream. Sure, they could still have kids and be older moms. Sure, they could adopt. But the typical motherhood dream they always had must be grieved when they get "so far" past the age they always thought they would be when they got married.

I talked about all this with Ryan, and I told him in some ways I feel like it could be approached in a similar way to any other lost dream: a child who died or a spouse who died or left home. There are things that will just never be. Dreams left unrealized.

And that is what I love about God's love stories. They are redemption. Ryan and I have losses suffered prior to meeting each other, and those things make us who we are. We have had to grieve the losses that never can be, both with the lives we thought we would have and even the losses that never can be within our own story {see aforementioned golden anniversary adventures}.

But overriding the loss is God's great redemption. A love story that IS worth the wait but in no way takes away from the pain of the pre-wait. Those years mattered. Those years hurt and wounded. Those years grew me and shaped me, for sure. I am richer for them. But they still hurt. And that hurt needs to be recognized. It doesn't need to be pushed away or discounted just because the end result is as wonderful as it is.

I think we have this need to sweep under the rug anything the preceded the beautiful end to any part of a story. And I don't think that's the right thing to do. I think our whole stories deserve to be given their place. Some have a place of grief and some have a place of joy, but they all have a place. I think we need to recognize where we came from, what we went through, what we lost, what can never be - and allow ourselves to experience all the emotions that go along with them. And certainly we need to give the joy of a beautiful ending its rightful place too, and Ryan and I do just that.

Yes, Ryan was "worth the wait" as the cliche answer goes, but that wait was long and hard, and many times no fun at all. And it's okay to say and grieve that, too.

The Saturday Six

One.

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It's been five years since the season that drained me of all life and made me wonder if I would ever be okay and normal again. Though I longed to know then what I know now {it really will be okay}, God granted me that season of deep pain to teach me to draw close to Him in a way I otherwise never would have experienced. Even so, in that time, there were so many around me who loved me and just wanted me to be okay. They were saddened and confused by my tears and pain and wanted to snap their fingers and fix it all in one instant. It doesn't work like that, and as this post by Kristen Welch so beautifully says...sometimes it is okay to not be okay. Truth for you or those around you today!!


Two.

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In our Sunday School class, we've been studying Gary Thomas's book/curriculum The Sacred Marriage. This past week, we talked about how struggling makes you stronger as a person, and how God sometimes uses marriage struggles to grow strength in people for other areas of their lives and vice versa. Fascinating discussion over that. This article, ALSO by Kristen Welch speaks to the very same thing...and even if you're not married, I think this is both a good pre-marriage read and just a life read. Struggles hit single people too, and they can achieve the same results even if not shared with a spouse. {And a special shout-out to Kristen, who I think now holds the title of being the first person to ever be double-featured on the Saturday 6!}

 Three.

If you grew up in church like I did, there's always the danger that some of the basic foundations of what you've been taught start to become so familiar that you forget they actually hold great meaning. Loved Scotty Smith's fresh writing on the Fruit of the Spirit. Winced a couple times as I was reminded of areas where I fall short and need the Spirit to work in me. Great devo for today.  

Four.

If you didn't catch this post by Ann Voskamp this week, please do read it. As she lamented her lack of gardening finesse this year, her husband offered her the biggest gift in reminding her these beautiful words: “You gotta remember that you were doing important things this spring. Something that I’m thinking will harvest far more in heaven than sunflowers or zinnias — or zucchinis.” She says many more stunning things we all need to hear as well, but that one line just got me. The things we do here may LOOK lackluster here, but what an eternal paycheck they can offer!

Five.

Had a fun first this week...I sat on the OTHER side of the podcast mic! My friend Joey Harris has a podcast, and he asked if I could join him to share a bit of my story and talk some about this new season God's led me to explore. I had a great time chatting with him - it's about 30 minutes long, and if you'd like to hear it, you can listen here!

Six.

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A few weeks ago, my friend Christy posted on social media about a new novel called Five Brides by Eva Marie Everson. I commented to her that I thought it sounded like a fabulous read, so she sent a copy my way, and I have been eager for today to roll around so I can tell you about it!

The novel, based on a true story, weaves the lives of five wildly different, very independent women in the 1950's. Joan Hunt, an American who grew up in England, after her parents fled the States during the Depression, comes to America for the first time in search of gainful employment so she can send money to her family. Her pen pal since childhood, Evelyn Alexander, catches Joan's courage and leaves her own tiny southern farming community to join Joan in Chicago for a chance to become something she never could in the South. They meet the well-to-do Betty Estes, who balks at her parents' insistence that she live in luxury in favor of full time work and independence. The three ladies share an apartment with two sisters of Swedish descent, Magda and Inga, who are chasing their own very different dreams, away from the watchful eyes of their conservative parents.

The five young ladies have virtually nothing in common, besides an address and a desire to make their dreams come true. One rare afternoon, they find themselves all home at once and an impulsive shopping trip leads them to try on a wedding dress in a store window. Each of them try on the same dress and decide to pool their money to purchase it...and each will wear it on her wedding day.

The book follows their dreams and stories, their highs and lows, their successes and defeats. And it brings in fascinating details of life in the fifties - in America and abroad - that provides a beautiful history lesson encased in captivating story form.

I was worried I would not be able to keep up with five story lines, but Eva did a masterful job of weaving them together in such a way that moving from one to the next felt natural, not confusing. My heart rooted for each of the ladies, and I saw a bit of myself in each of them, in different ways. Eva showed how the details of life may have been different in that season, but the heart of each girl remained completely relatable.

The book is long - 480 pages - and I'll admit it's been a while since I read a book of that length. I hoped I wouldn't get bored or overwhelmed - and I most certainly did not. It was a captivating read about a time that though fraught with issues of its own, was beautiful in a way I've never known.

I'm thankful Christy recommended the book and sent a copy my way so I could read it. I'd eagerly read anything else by Eva Marie Everson after this introduction to her!

The Five Year Plan

It was five years ago on Valentine's Day that I gave one of my best efforts to celebrating a holiday that I typically approached with head-to-toe black garb and the bitter consumption of a Blizzard. I was working at IWU as a Financial Aid counselor, and since Valentine's Day fell on a Sunday that year, I invited some student friends of mine over for a home cooked meal - complete with iced sugar cookies and chocolate treats.

We had the best time together, and yet when everyone left and I worked to clean up the kitchen, the familiar questions set in: Would I ever have a Valentine on this day? Would I always spend this holiday somewhere between mourning and welcoming friends into my home?

How I wish I could have curled up across from my own self that day and said "Bekah...let me tell you how unrecognizable your life is going to become in the next five years."


It was that day...that very day...that the first stumbling steps of a relationship began. For me! Valentine's Day! How perfectly romantic is that? In mere weeks, I was glowing in love. I was planning a forever.

AND...a lifetime dream came true. Saw the ocean for the first time.

And then...the deepest heartbreak I've ever known before or since...when love walked away. The season I didn't think I would survive - and several others weren't sure either. But I did. I made it through with a stronger, deeper faith than I even knew was possible. And accompanying the heartbreak? A built in diet.

 AND...another lifetime dream come true: a published book!

And as I began to slowly put life back together after heartbreak...the biggest surprise of all: a new job, away from the world of math for the first time in my life!

The job brought with it all kinds of fun stuff - and some more chances to prove to myself that I was capable of more than I even knew, starting with the fact that I became a commuter...a pretty big feat for a girl who once refused to drive on an interstate.

I trained for and ran a 10K - pretty amazing for a girl who never ran...ever.

And right in the middle of all that? A first date...and then a second...and then a third...

And then, a surprise proposal:

Two months of whirlwind wedding planning, dress shopping, reservation making and picture taking culminated with a beach wedding:

 And the two years that have passed since have been full of crazy things I never thought I could or would do:

 And now here we are...five years later. Five incredible years later. Heartbreak I couldn't have imagined. Joy I couldn't have imagined. Excitement. Nerves. Elation. Devastation. Dreams fulfilled. Dreams dashed. And God has made it clear that five years is nothing to Him. Five years ago, while hosting those students, I couldn't imagine that things would take even one turn in the foreseeable future. But the truth was, He changed everything. He redeemed everything broken. He made the good things great.

I have as many questions about our next five years as I had on this day five years ago. And if the next five go anything like the last five, I better buckle my seat belt!

I say all these things not to boast...but to encourage you. If you are stuck in a spot today that leaves you wondering if life will ever change, just know that God can make anything happen. Crazier things thank you could ever conceive are completely within the scope of His limitless possibilities. His five year plan = amazing!

Two Years

Two years ago today {by day of the week}, this happened:

The surprise of my life.

The surprise of a lot of people's lives. I had some 'splainin' to do with about 100% of my friends. Many had just learned I was dating...and some hadn't even learned that yet. And the thing about a live on-air proposal is...word tends to get around before you have a chance to prep folks for it!

But you know what I loved about that proposal? {Besides, you know, the fact that I got the perfect-for-me ring and the chance to plan a wedding and end up with a husband?}

Even the method of proposal was part of the redemption.

It was the first time ever in my 34 year old life that a man I dated was willing to stand up and claim me in public. The first time that someone ever said I love this girl and I don't care who knows it or what they think of it. The first time anyone ever took a monumental risk for me.

To be publicly claimed and publicly chosen, for me, wasn't about being seen and heard. It was about being unreservedly picked.

It was something that I don't even think I fully understood was still an open wound in my heart until his words poured out and healed it.

I treasure that about our engagement. I treasure that his love and his anticipation for our future overrode his fear of what people would think about the time frame or the choice at all. I treasure that he was able to discern something about my pain that I hadn't even recognized and he set out to allow God to use him to redeem that.

In the two years that have passed since this day, I've talked to a lot of you - by email, in blog comments, in person. And I have loved hearing how our love story has encouraged you. As I sat to write this, I didn't want to just haphazardly throwback to a Thursday two years ago for fun. I wanted to try to encourage you who are waiting and praying like I did for so many years.

My prayer that I am offering up today over each of you is that when your day comes, it will be entirely redemptive.

Your day will look different from mine. Your love will probably not crawl through a radio station and surprise you with an on-air proposal. And that's okay. The details of yours will fit your story.

But God doesn't leave His hurting children unredeemed. If you look closely {probably later, since in the moment, you will probably be trying not to cry/freak out/pass out}, you'll see the unmistakable fingerprint of God healing a heart wound.

I can't wait for that for you!!

My Piece of the Puzzle

Yesterday I told you about working the Waynestock Festival over the weekend...and I told you that Josh Wilson sang...and I told you that his song Before the Morning has been a pivotal one for me.

It started four years ago, when the song was brand new and played often on the radio. It happened to be the same time I was struggling through the devastating loss of love, and everything seemed dark. And it seemed it would always be dark. And in that season, God began the "Six a.m. Serenade" - and Josh's song was a frequent piece of that serenade.

And then the following year, I went on a vacation to Florida, and in that vacation, God taught me some important lessons - including one in which He encouraged me to walk toward the morning.

And then morning actually came. It came in the form of redemptive love named Ryan Shaffer, who asked me out on a date and then asked me out again and eventually proposed to me on live radio and married me on a beach in Florida. He is my morning. He is God's answer to the dark brokenness that was my life.

And then...Ryan sang that song to me. In church. The song that meant everything to me...became the first song he ever sang to me live in public. It was a full circle redemption.

So Saturday evening, as Josh Wilson took the stage in St. Marys, Ohio, and sang that song...and I stood in front of the WBCL tent and whispered the words alongside him, I thought over all those moments. The darkness and tears, the hope of a future, the realization of the future and the full circle redemption.

And I wanted to rush up onto that stage and say JOSH!!!!! Listen to my story! Listen to how your song ministered to me and became my theme for a season and how God has used it - over and over - to be pivotal in the story He's writing for me.

But even as I thought those words, I realized that above my whispers, dozens...hundreds...of other people were singing the same words. Out loud.

Chances are good many of them had a dark season too. And that Josh's song came to them over the waves of the radio...just like it did to me. And it meant something to them just like it meant something to me.

I wanted to rush up onto the stage again, but this time, I wanted to say JOSH!!!!!!!!! Look at this group! Look at all these people who have committed the words of your song to heart. Look at all of them singing alongside you...and know that each one represents a story of how God worked through your song.

All the details are different. Their stories won't match mine. But each of us are pieces in the puzzle of Before the Morning. Each of us together make a sunrise of God's goodness.

Isn't that awesome?

God is so good!!!  And His ways are beautiful. 

From the Other Side.

May 29, 2007

To My Love -

I wanted to write you today - from this place - to remind myself that you are real. I come here every week to pray for you and about you. The little chapel here on campus. A place I've been coming for five months, every Tuesday, just to beg for you.

At the start of this year, I made 25 covenants and commitments with God, and one of them was to come here to the chapel every Tuesday on my lunch hour to pray about you. I'm learning much from these quiet times with God. Many questions and tears - much journaling and kneeling at the altar.

Sometimes I wonder if He sees me - as Psalm 42:9 says: "I say to my God, my Rock, 'Why have You forgotten me?'" But then again...as verse 11 says, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."

I imagine coming here with you one day, and kneeling at this altar together. I want to share with you the place that has been so sacred to me.

 I've also been praying Scripture over you. 26 of them - one for each letter of the alphabet. I wrote them out on index cards, and as I walk for exercise, I read them and pray over you.

It's hard to wait without understanding why I'm waiting. I'm doing my best to follow the paths I feel God leading toward, but I always wonder if you are hidden in one.

Please come to me. Please find me. Please be the answer to these hours of prayers I've poured out before the Lord.

 I won't give up. I'll keep coming here to meet God and ask for you. I'll keep offering up Scripture as a prayer. And I'll keep looking to find you!

Love,

Bekah

 ** This was one of the letters I wrote to Ryan before we were married...one of them that I presented to him on the morning of our wedding. He read it to me this week and it overwhelmed me with how God was working in that season that seemed so silent. Wanted to share it with you today in case you're praying and waiting on an answer of your own. When it comes and you can look back...so sweet. **

Little Bits of Redemption

I've talked on the blog before about my nephew, who was stillborn 25 years ago - and how much I still miss him all these many years later. Losing a baby, like losing anyone else your heart loves, makes you wonder why...and leaves you feeling a bit incomplete. Processing all of that at ten years of age complicates it even further.

And that's why I loved it so much when last September 18th...on the anniversary of Kirk's birth and death...I found out the sweet little baby Ryan's sister was carrying...was a boy. She and her husband knew about the same kind of loss we experienced in our family - because they experienced it too just a few years ago. This baby, for them, was a bit of God's redemption in their lives. A bit of healing to hearts that still had an open wound of loss.

And for me, the news that the baby would be a boy {though I was so on Team Girl...all their other babies were girls!!!} was a piece of redemption for me. Not that this one replaces Kirk. Not ever. But it was a chance for me to look forward to the snuggles of a baby boy...twenty-five years later.

And so it was that this past Saturday, Ryan and I drove into the parking lot of the same hospital where Kirk was born...up to the same maternity ward...and we met this little bit of redemption, snuggled warm in fleece:

Little Korbin {See? Even down to the first letter of the name...} met his Uncle Ryan:

And his Aunt Bekah...

And he let us know that he may seem sleepy...but he's paying attention:

This little one was so prayed over...so loved...much like his big sister and my nephew...but he gets to stay with us and let us love on him.

And we do.

Little bits of redemption - napping right in my arms:

Thankful

I remember, before the days of Ryan, those cold winter days when I ached to be married. I ached to open my eyes, see the snow falling outside my bedroom window and have someone to share that moment with.

I dreamed about going outside to take pictures of the beauty {because it's one of my favorite things to do} and having someone to stand beside me in the snow.

And people tried to warn me not to expect that. That these sorts of movie-like moments don't happen in real life.

But I held onto my dream.

The dream that one day, on a cold, snowy day, I'd go outside to take pictures, and I wouldn't be by myself.

The dream that some man would stand beside me in the snow for pictures.

And you want to know something?

Ryan didn't just DO it. He suggested it.

He set up the tripod and ran through the snow...

...just to take pictures with me

I love that man. I love how he knows me and embraces what I love. How he proves to be the man I prayed for even when people said such men didn't exist.

And it doesn't hurt that he has a sense of humor too.

Thankful.

And I know, from the emails you send me, that there are many of you out there wondering, waiting, praying for a day like this for yourselves. I want you to know that I pray for you {some of you by name, if I know your name!!} especially extra right now, as I know this particular season can be a tough one when you're longing. To you, my sweet friends, I encourage you to keep asking God for His good and perfect gift for your life. And if part of that gift is a husband, then know the one He brings to you will be a blessing to you like Ryan is to me. You are on my heart today, my friends. I love you and am so glad you spend time here. If you need specific prayers, email me! Happy to listen and to pray.