Because I Said Yes

Sunday, according to the date on the calendar, is a significant mile-marker for Shafferland. But because I'll be busy filling you in on our week come Sunday, I'm writing about it today...the day-of-the-week-on-the-calendar when my life changed for always.

Three years ago, on a Thursday...Thursday, October 4th to be exact...this happened:

Three years ago, in a moment that I completely expected...and completely did NOT expect on that day...Ryan showed up at the station, got down on one knee, and asked me to be his.

And. I. Said. Yes.

I said yes before the question was even completely out of his mouth. I said yes in front of twenty people pressed up against windows, watching. I said yes in front of thousands more, listening over their radios. People who later told me they sat in their car at the grocery store, delaying the trip inside for food, because they wanted to hear the rest. People who sat in their garages, not ready yet to go inside the house, because they might miss something.

I said yes to a man who said he wanted to be with me every single day and every single night, and minus that one whitewater rafting trip I gifted him {and subsequently sobbed all the way through}, he has been. Every single day and every single night.

I said yes to a man who said he didn't know what was ahead and he didn't care - he just wanted to be with me. And in the three years that have followed, he's mopped up a million tears, calmed more than his share of anxious moments, and walked me through the recovery of a couple of surgeries. He's given me new experiences {shout out to ziplining, segway tours, horseback riding, a weeklong cruise and more}, and he's made our house a home, pouring months of sweat and some blood into this property.

I said yes to a man who said he loved my writing and most recently has proven the truth of that by making it possible for me to quit my job so I can pursue it more fully. That's a gift most people don't have, and I know it.

I said yes to a man who didn't say in the proposal that he would love me as Christ loves the church, but he has done that very thing every single day.

In that moment, I was aware life was about to change forever, and I tried with everything in me to pay close attention so I didn't miss a thing.

I missed a few things.

But thankfully it was all heavily documented, and I've watched it over and over to learn what I missed in the awe of the moment.

What I didn't miss was that this very moment captured God's answer to my most long-standing request. To be chosen.

So on this day, I both celebrate the joy of remembering this moment when I said yes, and I commit to praying over each of you who are still waiting for this moment. I've heard from some of you even very recently, and I know your hearts hurt in the way mine did before this day three years ago. You hurt because you just want to be chosen. You hurt because you see no answer anywhere in sight. And I don't know what the answer is for you. I don't know when or where God intends to bring the fulfillment of your request. But today I pray for you because I know the wait is long and hard. And I know you want to be found faithful in the waiting.

You're loved. And for those of you who ache for it, I pray for the day when that love extends to a man on one knee telling you out loud...you're loved in a way you've never known before.

The Saturday Six

One.

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It's been five years since the season that drained me of all life and made me wonder if I would ever be okay and normal again. Though I longed to know then what I know now {it really will be okay}, God granted me that season of deep pain to teach me to draw close to Him in a way I otherwise never would have experienced. Even so, in that time, there were so many around me who loved me and just wanted me to be okay. They were saddened and confused by my tears and pain and wanted to snap their fingers and fix it all in one instant. It doesn't work like that, and as this post by Kristen Welch so beautifully says...sometimes it is okay to not be okay. Truth for you or those around you today!!


Two.

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In our Sunday School class, we've been studying Gary Thomas's book/curriculum The Sacred Marriage. This past week, we talked about how struggling makes you stronger as a person, and how God sometimes uses marriage struggles to grow strength in people for other areas of their lives and vice versa. Fascinating discussion over that. This article, ALSO by Kristen Welch speaks to the very same thing...and even if you're not married, I think this is both a good pre-marriage read and just a life read. Struggles hit single people too, and they can achieve the same results even if not shared with a spouse. {And a special shout-out to Kristen, who I think now holds the title of being the first person to ever be double-featured on the Saturday 6!}

 Three.

If you grew up in church like I did, there's always the danger that some of the basic foundations of what you've been taught start to become so familiar that you forget they actually hold great meaning. Loved Scotty Smith's fresh writing on the Fruit of the Spirit. Winced a couple times as I was reminded of areas where I fall short and need the Spirit to work in me. Great devo for today.  

Four.

If you didn't catch this post by Ann Voskamp this week, please do read it. As she lamented her lack of gardening finesse this year, her husband offered her the biggest gift in reminding her these beautiful words: “You gotta remember that you were doing important things this spring. Something that I’m thinking will harvest far more in heaven than sunflowers or zinnias — or zucchinis.” She says many more stunning things we all need to hear as well, but that one line just got me. The things we do here may LOOK lackluster here, but what an eternal paycheck they can offer!

Five.

Had a fun first this week...I sat on the OTHER side of the podcast mic! My friend Joey Harris has a podcast, and he asked if I could join him to share a bit of my story and talk some about this new season God's led me to explore. I had a great time chatting with him - it's about 30 minutes long, and if you'd like to hear it, you can listen here!

Six.

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A few weeks ago, my friend Christy posted on social media about a new novel called Five Brides by Eva Marie Everson. I commented to her that I thought it sounded like a fabulous read, so she sent a copy my way, and I have been eager for today to roll around so I can tell you about it!

The novel, based on a true story, weaves the lives of five wildly different, very independent women in the 1950's. Joan Hunt, an American who grew up in England, after her parents fled the States during the Depression, comes to America for the first time in search of gainful employment so she can send money to her family. Her pen pal since childhood, Evelyn Alexander, catches Joan's courage and leaves her own tiny southern farming community to join Joan in Chicago for a chance to become something she never could in the South. They meet the well-to-do Betty Estes, who balks at her parents' insistence that she live in luxury in favor of full time work and independence. The three ladies share an apartment with two sisters of Swedish descent, Magda and Inga, who are chasing their own very different dreams, away from the watchful eyes of their conservative parents.

The five young ladies have virtually nothing in common, besides an address and a desire to make their dreams come true. One rare afternoon, they find themselves all home at once and an impulsive shopping trip leads them to try on a wedding dress in a store window. Each of them try on the same dress and decide to pool their money to purchase it...and each will wear it on her wedding day.

The book follows their dreams and stories, their highs and lows, their successes and defeats. And it brings in fascinating details of life in the fifties - in America and abroad - that provides a beautiful history lesson encased in captivating story form.

I was worried I would not be able to keep up with five story lines, but Eva did a masterful job of weaving them together in such a way that moving from one to the next felt natural, not confusing. My heart rooted for each of the ladies, and I saw a bit of myself in each of them, in different ways. Eva showed how the details of life may have been different in that season, but the heart of each girl remained completely relatable.

The book is long - 480 pages - and I'll admit it's been a while since I read a book of that length. I hoped I wouldn't get bored or overwhelmed - and I most certainly did not. It was a captivating read about a time that though fraught with issues of its own, was beautiful in a way I've never known.

I'm thankful Christy recommended the book and sent a copy my way so I could read it. I'd eagerly read anything else by Eva Marie Everson after this introduction to her!

Relinquishing the Pen

Thanks, my dear friends, for reading along with my story-from-yore this week. It's been a busy week in my head and heart, and I've just needed some time to catch up again. Thanks for hanging with me while I share from the past, and I hope that no matter where you are in your story, you're finding something God can use to get through to you about your situation!

This part is to follow up yesterday's story, when God asked me to give Him the pen to write my love story.

***

I knew exactly what God meant.  A few years before, I’d read Ericand Leslie Ludy’s book When God Writes Your Love Story.  In my typical fashion, I’d curled up with the book, a pen, and an old bulletin to make a straight edge under the sentences that needed underlined.  I’d studied the book carefully and felt God’s first tug on my heart to follow Eric and Leslie’s bidding to hand over the pen of my love story to the capable hand of Almighty God. 

In response, I’d looked at the pen, considered the pen, toyed with the idea of handing over the pen, and ultimately kept the pen.  But on this day, as I whispered those words of trust to the Lord – I felt the tugging again.  Give Me the pen.

To show you just how God works all these things together in His time, I’ll sneak ahead to the next day…after my time in the prayer chapel…to show you where this moment and that prompting of the Spirit led me.  After Eric and Leslie wrote When God Writes Your Love Story, a book about how to let God be the author of romance, they also wrote their own love story in a book called When Dreams Come True.  I had owned the book for a couple of years, but I’d never read it.  But this exchange with God drew my interest to that book, and the next night, I picked it up.  And as I read, I wrote:

I read these words in When Dreams Come True tonight.  They gave me hope.  On the heels of last night…of all of yesterday, actually.  In this chapter, Eric talks about the personification of his wedding day:  “I only spent a day with him – though he had been waiting since before I was born to throw me this great fiesta.  God created Mr. Vale for one purpose.  It was his life’s work to decorate the stage for the most tender and precious of romances.  He didn’t just do his job well, he was the best I’ve ever seen.”  God, I want my wedding day to be such a celebration.  I want it to be a day of celebration for You as much as for me.  I want to feel as though You’ve waited all my life to throw me a wedding day.

He goes on:  “God has given you something today that all the money in the world couldn’t buy…Never forget what God has done for you.”  Lord, don’t let me forget this wilderness once I reach my Promised Land.

“We often stop believing in the Heaven at the end of the race, and so strangely dare only to believe in the hell in which we’re struggling through today.”  I know those days.  I do.  Aren’t these pages testimony to that?

“Let this story offer you hope.  Let it lift your chin and put a sparkle of vision back in your eyes and dreams of heaven back in your heart.  Let God remind you how big He really is as – on a day when rice filled my hair and joy filled my heart – He reminded me…True love is worth all the pain that patience and perseverance can inflict.”  Please, God.  Make it so.

And though I didn’t know those words from Eric’s heart were in my near future, similar prayers formed in my mind as I sat on the wooden pew in the tiny chapel.  God wanted the pen to my life and I’d withheld it thus far.  It had worked for Eric and Leslie to release their hold on their own lives.  God had done a good job of bringing them together and opening up a ministry for them.  Why would I not trust Him to do the same for me?  Clearly, nothing I had tried seemed to work. 

The request from God hung in the air:  Give Me the pen. 

Okay, God.  You write the story.

***

And from the other side, I have to say, He wrote a MAGNIFICENT story. One far better than I could have dreamed that day in that pew. So even though on THIS day...I'm not waiting for love, I'm still waiting for God to write other parts of our story, and I'm reminded again to hand HIM the pen and let HIM do the writing. 

Worth Far More Than Rubies

A few weeks ago, I began sharing with you {randomly} about some encounters I had with God in the IWU Prayer Chapel, during a set-apart time of prayer and fasting. This particular section I want to share with you gives me goose bumps to read now - because I'm reading from the other side. If you're one of my single-and-waiting friends...I ache for you to find comfort in these words. If you're one of my married friends...I ache for you to find thankfulness for answered prayers, just as I'm finding today.

***

One of my childhood pastors, Fred Littlefield, once preached about the importance of Scripture memorization.  He said that when we put Scripture into our memory bank, God will pull it out at just the right time.  I’ve learned the truth in that statement – and beyond it, I’ve also learned that in the spirit of Romans 8:28, God will also work to bring together truths we’ve learned from various sources – if we’re willing to take the time to learn them.

As I sat in the prayer chapel for week number three, God reminded me of that lesson as He brought to my mind sections of truths I’d learned here and there over the past weeks – months.  Amazing how something I had read or heard or experienced at so many different stopping points could suddenly all lump together and make sense. 

It began with my ring.  I sat in the chapel waiting on my first lesson of the day, and in my fidgety nature, I began twisting the ruby ring on my left hand’s ring finger.  Not until later that night, after consulting my journal, did I realize that this particular day was my 100^th day of wearing that ring.  God knows how dearly I love anniversaries like that, and I appreciated His tying in a lesson about the ring on such an important day for it.

A few months earlier, I began studying Elizabeth George’s book Beautiful in God’s Eyes.  I mentor a friend from church and together, Olivia and I had been delving into Elizabeth’s findings on the Proverbs 31 Woman.  I wanted Olivia to know how to better grow into such a woman, as she was already doing, and I wanted to make sure I got on track in being that woman, as I wanted to gift my husband with a blessing, not a hindrance of a wife. 

The second chapter of the book focused on Proverbs 31:10, which says, “Her worth is far above rubies.”  Elizabeth said “The rich red ruby is truly a unique gem, and because of their rarity, large rubies even surpass diamonds of equal weight in value!”  I had no idea!  I always credited diamonds with being the gem of choice in value.  That day, as I read that chapter, I vowed to find a ruby ring and wear it on my ring finger until the day my husband proposes to me – as a reminder to me that I have value in God’s eyes – and as a reminder to work hard every day to become a woman of even greater value for my someday husband.

Since I read that chapter in January, one of my friends suggested that I watch for Valentine's Day jewelry sales in the weeks to come, and I might find a ruby ring in my price range (which wasn’t very high).  I thought it was an excellent and easy idea, so I kept my eyes on the newspaper flyers…and came up empty.  Apparently at least in my area of the world, ruby rings never go on sale.  Necklaces, earrings, bracelets – all of that gets the markdown, but not rings. At least not ones that would look good on me. 

And then – two weeks before Valentines Day – one jewelry store near my house ran an advertisement for a ruby ring – small and classy – right at the top of my price range.  There would be an extra charge for sizing if necessary.  I took one look at my chubby ring finger and rolled my eyes.  I wondered what “extra charge” translated to in dollars.  Nevertheless, I made my way to the store with coupon in hand, on the appointed day of the sale and asked to see the ring.  The lady pulled it out of the case and slipped it on my finger.  A perfect fit.  I wrote the check and walked out with my new ring proudly displayed.

Later that day, God pointed out to me that He can ordain even ruby rings.  A perfect fit of the perfectly priced ring.  And then He pointed out that my ring is comprised of three hearts – two on their sides pointing into the large one in the middle.  Just as your marriage will be two hearts in love with God at the center.

One hundred days later, I sat in the chapel, twisting the ring on my finger, remembering a day in February when I made a vow to become worth more than the rarest gem so I could bless my husband. 

There will be a husband. 

What?

There is a husband in your future and I will be the center of your marriage. 

What a comfort God brought in those words.  These dates – where I came to pray and learn and seek and be filled – were serving a purpose.  I couldn’t see what just yet, but I had such a peace that a purpose existed. 

Elizabeth’s book from months before came back to me as I sat there – and how thankful I was that God was molding me into a beautiful woman for….the love of a lifetime that I could only dream about.

***

And now, from the other side, I can tell you that the ring I wrote about that day was actually not the one I had on my finger when Ryan proposed. I discovered while on vacation several months later that the center ruby had fallen out - and I had no idea where it happened. In time, I found a replacement ring - with a story that was as beautiful as finding the first one. 

And Olivia? The one I studied with? I had the privilege of praying over her and her husband the night before their wedding, and I stood beside her the next day as a bridesmaid. I watched with no reservation whatsoever as she joined her heart with God's match for her.

And as for the ring itself...I pulled it off my ring finger on October 4, 2012, when Ryan knelt before me in Studio A, in front of a live mic, with all my co-workers watching and thousands more listening. And God's promise rang true. There was a husband for me after all, and He IS the center of our marriage.

The Saturday Six

One.

First and foremost...the happiest of 20 month anniversaries to the love of my life. Twenty months ago we stood on a beach and said a forever yes. And the last 20 months have been the craziest, loveliest, most exhausting, most exhilarating months of my life. Always grateful for this man's contagious laugh, handsome smile, and unending love.

Two.

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While on vacation with Ryan's family last week, our sister-in-law mentioned that she always cleans the house before she leaves for a trip...so she knows it will be clean when she comes home. I thought of that when I read this post by Carmella.

Three.

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LOVED LOVED LOVED this post about the importance of praying for a marriage over planning for a wedding. While I thoroughly enjoyed the fun of planning a wedding, I am thankful I spent that much MORE time praying for my marriage.

Four.

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The day of my dentist appointment this week...was a day of stroke-level blood pressure, crying, heart palpitations, sweating, and the most increased prayer life one can imagine. In the middle of all that mess, I read this post by Courtney Walsh. So timely. Regardless of what brings you stress...timely.

Five.

I cannot tell you how much I love this song by Kristian Stanfill. One of my current faves.

 


Six.

Found this on my friend Jodi Otto's Instagram account. I LOVE THIS IDEA. A post-it note scavenger hunt to lead to an encouraging word. What fun!!!

Rippling Prayers

I love it when God teaches me something new...granted I prefer it when the lesson comes via words on paper and not hands-on trial, but I really do try to accept the lessons regardless of how they're delivered.

Yesterday I learned something {and maybe this has already crossed your mind, but it hadn't mine!} and loved it so much that I wanted to share it with you.

Ryan let me read a note his friend Shawn wrote to him...and this one particular line leaped from the page and stayed at the very front of my mind the entire day. Shawn was writing about our marriage and the impact it has had on his life, and he wrote these words: No doubt her prayers for you were also helping me through all these years.

Did you see that?

No doubt her prayers for you were also helping me through all these years.

If you've spent much time here at the blog, you know how often and how fervently I prayed for many years for my Mr. Missing. Before I even knew he would be Ryan...I prayed for this man out there somewhere who would be my husband.


Though I didn't know who he was or where he was or what might be happening in his life on any given day, I would pray over it for that day. I prayed for health and protection and his journey with Christ; anything I could think to pray over someone I didn't know...I prayed.

And then I prayed before we started dating...over a relationship that might be...or might not be...and I prayed for his wisdom and direction and leading and decision-making when it came to the two of us.

I confess that in my mind, all those prayers were about two people...and the future.

It never entered my mind that in praying those prayers, I wasn't just praying over Ryan...I was also praying over all the lives he would impact with his life.

Like Shawn.

Have you ever considered it? How the people you labor over in prayer...are impacting others and your prayers ripple out to cover them too, even though you might not know their names.

Shawn's words were a healing answer to prayer as I read them. For all those days I prayed and felt my prayers were going nowhere...God was not only using them to prepare Ryan, but he was using them as Ryan's life in that moment...prepared others.

Only God.

Best Things....

On my last day of singleness, I wrote this blog post about what I'd learned from my single-preparing-for-marriage days. In it, I encouraged other singles to read, read, read...as much as they could. And I listed several of the books that helped shape me.

I forgot one.

I'd loaned it out and it wasn't back on my shelf as I perused the titles for that post. But this little gem is back with me now, and I want to be sure I tell you about it - and share some of its wisdom with you. {That might take more than just today.}

Are you married? Listen up. Good reminders in this book. Are you single? Listen up. That's when I read this one and some of those zingers I underlined really do come back to guide me now and then as I take the first fledgling steps of wife-hood alongside Ryan.

The book is called The Best Thing I Ever Did for My Marriage, and it's compiled by Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby. The chapters are actually written by lots of other people - sharing what they learned from their own marriages. I'm telling you: it's a gold mine.

{Back in the day, when I was single} I actually picked 20 of my favorite nuggets of wisdom - and wrote them on index cards. As I took laps around the indoor track at the gym, I'd pray over those pieces of wisdom, and in 2 miles flat, I'd prayed through 20 things for my someday marriage.

The first one I prayed about came from the intro to the book, written by marriage expert Dennis Rainey.

"The reality is, when two people join hands in marriage, there's a good chance their differences will collide like two gasoline trucks on the interstate."

True. Story.

I'm a passionate girl. And a creative girl. My perfect day starts by sleeping in until 10 a.m., fixing a large coffee, curling up in the chair with the laptop to write and scrapbook...pretty much until bedtime. I can get lost in the world of writing or scrapping for hours without ever knowing even a moment passed {except for meals, which I do not miss}. I cry at pretty much every movie, TV show and commercial. I'm scared to death of mice, spiders, and the thought of losing those I love. The only tools I recognize by sight are screwdrivers and hammers, and it's really better for all concerned if I use neither.

Ryan's a passionate guy. And a motivated guy. His perfect day starts bright and early in the morning, when he fixes a large coffee and before the pot has even finished brewing, he dives into the first of many projects he hopes to finish by day's end. He can get lost in the world of landscaping or house projects for hours without ever knowing a moment passed {including meals, which he can skip}. He's completely level-headed and logical about everything. He has no problems emptying mouse traps, killing spiders, though he's with me on the fear of losing those he loves. He knows how to use every single tool in the entire world - including drills that go into cement.

If we let it drift that way, we could be two gasoline trucks on the interstate.

But those differences can also be blended to be the most amazing team.

We compromise. Turns out there's an 8 a.m. that falls between 6 and 10. He can landscape while I sit on the porch with the laptop. Time spent together - yet time focused on our strengths. I remind him to eat and he makes sure I don't get completely lost in a scrapbook. My standing on a chair at the mere THOUGHT of a mouse makes him laugh, and his ability to check for one calms my heart. We alternate between his funny TV shows and my please-pass-the-Kleenex choices. He uses the tools and I take pictures of the projects.

I love our teamwork. Seven months in, I think we've done a pretty good job of blending our differences to make them strengths. Some of them have taken some work and some have fallen together seamlessly. And I'm sure there's much more of that to come.

Thank you, God, for every single one of those laps when I prayed for our differences to blend rather than collide. Your answer amazes me.

Shopping for My Wedding Dress

AACK!!!

I forgot to show you my wedding dress shopping extravaganza! So in this week of wedding catch-up/wrap-up, I'm going to show you. I shopped for my dress just a few days after becoming engaged...because...you know...we didn't have a lot of time! I was so nervous about looking for the dress because if you could only just know how...annoying...time-consuming...and exhausting it is to shop for an Easter dress every year...you'd know how flat out scared I was about finding something...anything...that looked good and was affordable. Add to that the need to have something that needed minimal alteration{because there was no time for such things} and it just provided quite a task.

I made an appointment with David's Bridal in Fort Wayne and went in with a list of five dresses I'd seen online that I thought I might like. I was completely in love with one of them, but if I'd learned anything in Easter dress shopping, it was that anything that I adored online typically looked terrible on my person...so I went in with as open a mind as I could muster, willing to try on anything. Well. Almost anything. Nothing garish. 

I invited my mom, Ryan's mom, his sister Bre, his aunt Sandy, my bridesmaid Sara, and anyone from work that wanted to come {since they were all going to be missing the actual wedding, I tried to include them in the dress shopping}. We converged on that store in all our loud glory and I disappeared into the dressing room to shop for my dress.

Here was dress #1:

My first time to ever have on a strapless dress in my life. It went better than I thought it might, but it wasn't me. So I tried on dress #2...the dress I'd loved so dearly online.

There are no mirrors inside the dressing rooms, a detail I detested greatly, so these pictures show me walking out, trying to see the dress and gauge the reactions of my entourage simultaneously:

I knew it then. That was my dress. It was also my first time to ever be in a halter top...but it seemed okay. {Did not want to be one of those brides that caused onlookers to say oh....why didn't someone TELL HER not to wear that????}

I asked the crew what they thought...and they dutifully got on the texting chain, sending pictures to siblings and friends out of town:

Quick funny story on my mom...anytime I shop for a dress, her first question is always, "Does it need a dickie?" {Meaning...is it too low cut?} She was unable to find a dickie for our shopping extravaganza, but she did come prepared with some extra modesty for me:

I was a good sport and tried on some other dresses - all very similar to this one, but I knew in my heart, this was my dress. I asked to wear it again...this time with the veil:

 And it was settled in my heart. Hadn't even been in the store 45 minutes yet, and the dress I had on...was mine.

 It had everything I wanted...it was simple and elegant...didn't ooze with trendiness...it had a train...it was beachy...it made me feel pretty...and I could afford it.

And so it was...I said yes to my dress!

 And everyone clapped for me!

 This girl said yes to her dress!!

 Texting Ryan to tell him I found it. DYING inside because I couldn't show him.

So with one last photo...of the entire entourage together:

I packed up my stuff and said goodbye to my first big adventure of being engaged:

I went up to the front to pay for the dress and while there, I heard great clapping and cheering from the back. My entourage had turned their attention to another bride...and they were voting on her dress. Such team players, they were.

All bagged up and belonging to me!!! Time to eat my last non-salad dinner! {HA!}