The Shafferland Shuffle

Last Sunday feels like 100 years ago. This week has been full of not just busy activity, but endless mind activity. Friday night, I just tossed and turned because my brain was spinning and would not quit! So I'll be interested to see what all we actually did this week as I tell you all about it!

* Well, I guess last Sunday wasn't busy. A perfect, low-key Sunday, and now that football is over, it was a perfect, low-key Sunday of HALLMARK MOVIES! {Ryan's thoughts on that below.} We all just hung out, resting, and I made a clean version of Chinese food which wasn't too bad, except I messed up my rice to chicken ratio and had wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much rice.

* Monday was pretty typical. Podcast editing, carpool duty, that kind of thing. But Monday night, Ryan came home with my Valentine roses a little early, which was delightful! And we delivered a new chair to my parents' house, which meant we probably should get Starbucks, since we drove right by it. I accidentally grabbed a drink that wasn't mine and although the rightful owner was gracious, the barista was not. I was dutifully put in my place and sent on my way.

* Tuesday was Valentine's Day, and even though I already told you all about it, the quick recap is that Ryan worked, I delivered brownies to the single girls at his work, we went to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays, had a hot date at Lowe's {hee hee hee} and finished up with frozen yogurt. Our first time to go out to eat on Valentine's Day was a success!

* My Valentine gift was a day late, which was totally fine, but when it arrived, I loved it! A sign that says "surrender" that goes above my new cross! I loved it. I also loved trying to take a picture of the two together and accidentally getting Ryan's noggin! Spent a lot of time in Bible study and prayer on this day. It was the day all the mind-spinning began!

* I had a couple of days this week when I didn't have carpool duty, and Thursday as one of them. So Braeya and I hung out at home and did lots of writing work. At the end of the day, I went to visit Ryan, and he was behind on notes, so I did selfies with Brutus in his office while I waited. And I got free chocolate from one of his co-workers.

* Friday, Ryan took this crazy picture of me when I was asleep. Apparently I slept ON MY FACE and had bangs sticking straight up. Good grief. Busy little day, though, including prepping for a new speaking date and much grocery shopping. {Friday night date included dinner at Sam's Club. We are the coolest people I know.}

* Yesterday, we had Phoebe all the live-long day!!!!!! Ryan actually had to work for most of the day, but I enjoyed having Pheebs home with me. I did some baking, and she just hung out in the kitchen with me. It was gorgeous here, so we went for a long walk after Ryan got home, and then Ryan continued working on taxes. We just elected not to make that a memory. LOL. 

Our 5th Valentine's Day

Happy half-price candy day! It's always the best part of the day after any holiday, right? :)

Hope you had a good day yesterday. It was cold in central Indiana, but GORGEOUS anyway. Love me some sunshine!

Ryan kicked off our Valentine celebration the night before, actually, when he brought home beautiful deep red miniature roses for me. I love roses so much and he's always good to bring me some on Valentine's Day! I have pretty much carried them from room to room with me so I can gaze upon their beauty as I work!

Before we went to bed, I whipped up a breakfast casserole (the healthy version from Dashing Dish) and then I set the alarm for five in the morning so I could get up, transfer it to a slow cooker and "make breakfast" for when the alarm went off for real. Normally we just do fruit/yogurt/granola for breakfast, so this was a treat.

Also a treat? My early morning hair. :)

{Also - I have the worst ever reverse camera on my phone.}

Ryan went to work and I got busy whipping up brownies from scratch so we could deliver them to the single girls at his work. I wanted them to know someone was thinking about them on Valentine's Day! After he came home for lunch, I went back to work with him and helped him deliver them. It was fun!

Even though he didn't slack in finding me a gift, it was still en route to me, so I still have that to look forward to! :) But his had come, and I wrapped it up for him. He opened it at lunch time and liked it! (Whew!) I got him the Seinfeld version of Scene It. I'm not nearly the Seinfeld guru that he is, so I sure don't expect to win, but I think we'll have fun playing!

(We had so much fun playing Sorry! on our "B" date that I thought another game would be a fun new thing for us)

After work, we did our official Valentine photo. And yes, I'm the nerd with a candy heart garland decoration.

 OH!! And I wanted to show you my flowers!

We had a gift card to Ruby Tuesday, so we decided to go there for dinner. First time we've ever gone out to dinner on Valentine's Day! {Thanks, Wayne and Shari, for making our holiday perfect!}

We are such nerds. We filled up on the salad bar and brought our entrees home for leftovers. HA! WE do this all the time. We hadn't been there since they redid the salad bar, and I actually liked it better. I'd read terrible reviews about it, and I know the price is higher now, which is sad indeed, but I thought the choices were amazing!

And then, of course, a trip to Lowe's. Because why not?

Then, Ryan told me he'd gotten a Groupon to Orange Leaf (frozen yogurt) so we went there, planning to share a bowl of yogurt for dessert. But when we arrived, the lady told us they were running a special, and if we were willing to kiss at the cash register, we could buy one yogurt and get one free. Sure! We'll make out for free food! NO PROBLEM!!!!

We hadn't been to Orange Leaf before, but it was delicious and we'll be back, for sure! :)

We came home, got in our jammies and exchanged cards!

Thanks, Ryan, for making the day special, just like you make EVERY day! :)

Perspective

It's Valentine's Day, and whether or not you have a Valentine, this might be a hard day for you. We get that. It seems like there are just as many married people who don't look forward to this day as single people! So if you're irritated already and the day just began...can we try to cheer you up? A non-schmoopy Valentine edition of Spill the Beans awaits you.

Listen right here!

I was curious, after recording the podcast, what my last single Valentine's Day was like. I didn't remember it very clearly, so I went back to my trusty prayer journal to find my thoughts on that day.

Valentine's Day was always hard, of course, because I wanted to have a Valentine, but I never did. But after my Isaac journey, it was even harder, because Valentine's Day was the day I first learned about him and the potential of a relationship.

So that last single Valentine's Day marked two years since I'd first heard Isaac's name and my life as I knew it changed forever. And I wrote in my prayer journal that day, Hold me today - on this day of love and gifts. Shower me with You and help me to not be caught up in the absence of love.

My heart is still hopelessly tender toward those of you in that spot. Today is my fifth married Valentine's Day, and while I treasure what I have, I still feel that tender bruise under it all, of the years of waiting. I haven't forgotten the sting.


That last single Valentine's Day found me in a place where I had just begun to ache for love again, and it seemed like any promising path in that direction only brought hurt instead of healing. And that day, I chose to pray for the latest one by name. He was new to my friendship circle and what I thought was going to be a door thrown widely open by God's mercy turned out to be just the opposite. So I asked God to be with him specifically and I wrote, Though the pain runs deep for me, I know his own pain runs deep in ways I don't know or see, and such cleansing and healing can only come from You. On yet another single Valentine's Day, help me to trust...help me to know the pain isn't pointless.

Wouldn't it be great if God wrote in Sharpie on the wall? If He spelled out the exact reason for delays and pain and confusion? I'll tell you this much, my single friends: I may be married now, but I still wish He wrote in Sharpie. There are still things I wish I could just grasp. That doesn't go away with a wedding ring.


But listen to this. That particular day in 2012, when I had no idea I was less than ten months away from my own wedding day, I thought back over the guys I'd dated in my life (which, to be fair, were not many) and I recognized how they'd managed to hide me from the world at large. Not a single one of them had wanted an overly public relationship. (Some came before the days of social media, but even then, they weren't wild about public recognition of our relationship.) That was really hurtful, and on the Valentine's Day of 2012, I wrote, I want someone to be so excited about me that he shouts it.

And so it was that eight months later, someone named Ryan grabbed hold of a radio microphone and said in just about the most public way he possibly could that he loved me and wanted to spend forever with me. I'd call that a fairly clear answer to prayer.


Abundant healing for deep hurt, wouldn't you say?

But as I look back, I'm grateful now that those previous loves of mine were not so public after all. I'm grateful those were private, even when I wanted them to be more. I'm grateful the beautiful moments were kept sacred from public eye, and I'm grateful the messy moments were spared the public eye. God knew what He was doing. He knew what He would call me to and the protection I needed when I couldn't see it.

He knew that every hurt was necessary to shape and mold me into the woman Ryan needed as his wife. He knew our relationship was the one that would restore all that had been broken, wounded, and lost - for both of us.

I'm glad I spent that last single Valentine's Day with the Lord. I'm glad I was honest about my hurts and open to His healing. I'm glad He had a plan for me that was so much closer than I could even know. I'm glad He allowed brokenness and I'm glad He brought the healing.

Praying for you today, my bloggy friends. Those of you who are hurting and waiting...I'm praying for you. Praying God will bring a miracle to your day of showing you HIS deep love for you and praying He has a miracle ahead to bring you the love He has for you. And in it all, I'm praying you'll have the eyes to see His perspective at the time of His choosing.

Much love from Shafferland to you.

Keeping Marriage Strong

Earlier this week, I read this post on Sarah's blog and liked it so much, I thought I'd borrow it and use it as my inspiration for today! :)

Valentine's Day is coming up, you know. Maybe you knew and wish you didn't. I had those years for sure. Oh how I used to loathe the day of love. I wore head-to-toe black and drowned my sorrows in a Blizzard on the way home from work. So if you're there this year, for whatever reason, I get it. I'm sending hugs and if we were close enough, I'd accompany you for your Blizzard. I know there aren't words to soothe the pain of longing for a love that isn't there {for whatever reason}.

For a fun throwback, here was the first Valentine's picture I ever posted on the blog. My Valentine's Day in 2009.

And one year later, here was Valentine's Day 2010. I invited college students over for lunch.

In 2011, I invited one of my single friends over, and we had a fondue-palooza on Valentine's Day.

And there are no photos of the 2012 Valentine's Day. It was my last as a single girl.

Getting married meant I finally got to look forward to Valentine's Day. February 14, 2013 was my first time ever in my whole life to have a Valentine. It wasn't just my first married Valentine's Day. It was the first time ever I had someone in my life on Valentine's Day. And I did not take that privilege lightly. I still don't.

{A peek at our Valentine's Days together so far.}

{I think all these photos are really just a trip down hairstyle lane, aren't they?}

Anyway. Back to Sarah's original post. She and her husband offered their thoughts on what keep their marriage strong, and I thought it would be fun if we did the same! So I asked myself the same questions she answered, and then Ryan answered them, too! Here are our thoughts. {Fun fact: I wrote all my answers before I asked Ryan the questions, and I didn't read him my answers before he gave me his. You might see some repeats!}

How do we work on our marriage?

Bekah says: We are very intentional about our marriage. We make a point to invest in our forever by going on dates, spending as much time together as we can, building each other up with our words and actions, encouraging each other, communicating openly, and serving each other. We have both hurt in relationships before and are careful to not take each other for granted.

Ryan says: We are intentional about spending time together, which is easier for us, because we don't have kids. Even so, we're busy, but we make sure we carve out the time. I believe we communicate well about everything, we do devotions and pray together daily, and we also make it a priority to kiss/hug/hold hands/cuddle all the time.

What has been the easiest thing about marriage?

Bekah says: Surprisingly, almost everything. Since we were in our mid-thirties before we got married, I worried we would be too set in our ways and the whole thing would be a really hard adjustment. But it hasn't been. Living with Ryan and learning to share life with him came completely naturally. I am pretty sure this was a grace from the Lord, because I know some couples really struggle to find that stride. I don't know why it has seemed to come so naturally for us, but I'm grateful for it!

Ryan says: It's been very easy for us to love each other well, because we have many similar interests {even though we're also very different!} and we're striving to pursue the same things. 

What has been the hardest thing about marriage?

Bekah says: Giving myself grace. I expected a lot of perfection out of myself, and even though marriage has been pretty easy for us, we have both made mistakes along the way, hurt and disappointed each other, and when those times have come, I've given myself no grace. I've sent myself to marital time-out way too many times, and that has been hard. Totally self-inflicted, but that's been the hardest part.

Ryan says: There have been hard parts about marriage, but a lot of those things have changed. Marriage was harder when we both worked full time and commuted and had to maintain two different houses. Being out from under those things has been freeing. In this season of our marriage, I don't feel like anything is hard, and that's scary, because that probably means something's coming! I feel like our marriage has been strengthened during the hard times and that will benefit us in hard times to come. 

What advice would you give to engaged couples about marriage?

Bekah says: Laugh a lot and have adventures at every turn. Life is really hard. It's hard when you're single, and that's not going to change just because you get married. But don't confuse life being hard with marriage being hard. Team up and face the hard parts of life side-by-side, laughing and loving your way through the hard. I've just been reading about our second year of marriage, and it was one painful season for us as individuals. So much confusion, so many tears, such a desert of the soul. But through all that hard stuff, we made sure we had fun, we laughed, and we supported each other. And because of that, we survived a crazy hard year. 

Ryan says: Don't ever stop getting to know one another. Remember how much the little things count. Always strive to put your spouse above yourself.

The Saturday Six

One.

I dearly love Holley Gerth. Such an encourager. {I have a flip calendar by my bed with her writing in it, and I love flipping a new page each morning to read what she has to say!} This post is just beautiful, and if you're struggling with the question of why you're here on this earth, read her thoughts. I particularly love this quote: "Whatever 2017 may bring, there is One who has brought me into this world for Himself. There is no greater calling. There is no more glamorous career. There is no higher glory."

Two.

 This week, I decorated our home for Valentine's Day. I don't have a ton of decorations for this holiday, but I'm always looking for new pieces to add. Maybe you're that way too? I don't have any of these (yet) but Ever Thine Home has some great, timeless, faith-based decorations for Valentine's Day. This is the same company that created the Adorenaments we love so much and had in our home at Christmas. So I can definitely vouch for the company providing quality products, even though I haven't seen these in person!

Three.

Anyone else crazy excited about Beauty and the Beast coming out? I am not AT ALL a big movie buff. I enjoy watching them (at home) but never count down to any or want to see them immediately. It's just not my thing. But this one? Oh yes. Belle is my FAVORITE princess. The trailers are amazing, and I think Ryan fears I'll be singing all the songs at the top of my lungs in the middle of the theater. (It's a legitimate fear.)

Four.

 I know I've posted a similar link to this in years past, but I think it's important to share again! Katie at Dashing Dish has a new lineup of skinny Super Bowl snacks to make. If you're hosting a party this weekend and need some healthy and flavorful options, check these out!

Five.

You know how I love finding new date ideas! Found this one this week..filing it away for later, after we're done with alphabetical dates. But in case you need an idea before then, check it out!! Looks like fun! 


Six.

Source

This week, I read a new-to-me author: Patricia Bradley. Her latest novel, Justice Delayed, interested me because you know I love a good crime/suspense novel!! It had been a little while since I read one, so I thought it was about time to feed that side of my reading love again.


Andi Hollister, a TV crime reporter, is doing her best to work her way up the network ladder, and her family is doing their best to make their final peace with her older sister's murder, which took place eighteen years earlier. The man convicted of killing her - Jimmy -  will be executed in three days, and they can finally relax, knowing justice has been served.

But with just hours until execution, Jimmy receives a handwritten letter from someone who says she knows he didn't kill Stephanie, and she can prove it. But before she does, she winds up dead as well, and everything the Hollister family thought they knew about this case is flooded with doubt and question.

Andi and her cop-brother Brad, and his investigator-friend Will suddenly have a lot of work to do in a short amount of time to make sure Jimmy isn't wrongfully executed, and if he's not the killer, to find out who should be sitting behind bars in his place.

I was really excited to read this book and even told Ryan I bet I would knock it out in a day, staying up until all hours of the night to finish it, with heart racing clear to the last page. And while I didn't dislike the book or the story line, it didn't grip me quite as much as I thought it would. I was fairly near the end before that I-must-keep-reading-even-though-I'm-so-tired feeling hit me.

Part of the problem for me were all the characters in the novel. They were plentiful and at times, it was hard to keep them all straight. Andi, Treece (her best friend and fellow reporter), Brad, and Will were easy to keep straight, but there were a whole crew of other names, several beginning with J or L that I kept getting confused. I had to slow down my reading to keep track of them.

And part of my problem was my confusion of details I was certain would become major parts of the story that didn't, and other details that I didn't think should matter, but they did. I had to keep slowing down to reprioritize as I read.

For me, the story was good, but the suspense wasn't as gripping as I'd hoped. I would absolutely read this author again, but I would probably pick a different series next time.

* I received a copy of this book from Revell at no charge, and all opinions are my own! * 

The Saturday Six

** Quick housekeeping item: KAREN BLINN!! You are the winner of Designed to Pray, the book I featured on the Saturday 6 last week. I'll email you and make arrangements to get your copy to you! Hope you enjoy it! **

One.

I don't think I need to explain to you why I think this photo organization method is so amazing, do I? I happened upon this whole post via Pinterest, and while this girl-after-my-own-heart has a ton of amazing organization ideas, the photo one made my heart sing the most.

Two.

Whether or not you liked the change of presidential power yesterday, I'm pretty sure you can appreciate this article about the nuts and bolts of how they move one President out and a new one in to the White House in one afternoon flat. Given that we took something like a month to move from one house to another, this whole process absolutely fascinated me. I think if we ever move again (which is unlikely), I'd like this staff to be in charge.  

Three.

Maybe Ryan and I are the last people on earth to learn about the RTIC Tumblers, but just in case you're with us, let me fill you in! Ryan's brother and his family gave both of us an RTIC tumbler for Christmas, and we used them this week while home on Ryan's gallternity leave. Mind-blowing and beverage-changing! They're marketed to keep hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold for a ridiculous amount of time and they actually do. Ryan had coffee in his and hours later, he said it was still piping hot. I had iced tea in mine and still had most of the ice in it the next day. We are sold! Love them!! Worth the investment if you're looking for new drinkware!

Four.

I've talked often on here about Katie Farrell and the Dashing Dish website. Love Katie's ministry and her recipes! She recently announced that she's expecting her first child, and on  her blog this week, she posted a wonderful article about things she learned in the waiting. Whether you're waiting on a baby or something else entirely, I think you'll find some helpful words in here! 

Five.

Valentine's Day is less than a month away now, you know. Found this post with a multitude of decor ideas, but my favorite is the one for decorating an old window frame for Valentine's Day. Since we have three old windows decorating our home, I love this idea for sprucing them up! 



Six.

Source

As you know, our January has leaned more toward the heavy side, not because of all the food we ate during December, but because of all the health debacles. I decided life was heavy enough. No need for the book of the week to add to it! So I shopped on my shelves and found one I'd never had time to read, but knew I'd laugh all the way through: The Antelope in the Living Room by Melanie Shankle.

Melanie has published three books, and if I'm not mistaken, I think her fourth one is coming soon, but I had only read two of the three she'd published so far. I started with her first book, Sparkly Green Earrings, which is a hilarious memoir on motherhood, and then shortly before I left WBCL, I read her third book Nobody's Cuter than You, an equally hilarious memoir on friendship. (I also interviewed her about that book back when I was still in radio.)

But the middle book, The Antelope in the Living Room, her memoir on marriage, sat on my shelf, raising its invisible book-hand, begging to be read, but I just hadn't gotten to it! And my goodness, was it ever the perfect book for a heavy month!

If you've read either of Melanie's other two books, I'm happy to report that her conversational, blogger, story-telling tone carries through this one exactly like it did the other two. I am pretty sure I even read it in a southern accent, because she has one, and it's delightful, and I wanted to feel like she was reading the book to me.

This book is a collection of stories from her marriage to Perry, who is her opposite in many ways, and yet her best friend and support. I laughed so hard and made Ryan mute the TV no less than 37 times so I could read him "just one more thing" from the pages, because sometimes Perry and Melanie were so Ryan and Bekah.

I confess perhaps I should not have read the chapter on Perry's surgeries prior to Ryan's gallbladder extraction, because Melanie freaks out about the same sorts of medical mishaps I do, and it reminded me I worry for a reason. But even though it didn't calm my fears, it let me know I wasn't alone in them, and for that, I was grateful.

I appreciate how most of the chapters end with a tie in to a spiritual lesson, but I just dearly love the stories themselves. They are totally worth the read. It's good to laugh. It's good to know you're not alone in your own personal irrational thoughts. It's good to read real life stories. And did I mention it's good to laugh?

This book isn't a new one. It was published in 2014, so I'm clearly behind the times on this one. But it was a lighthearted read sorely needed in this month of heavy thinking. If you're having a heavy January, I recommend this one. (And Melanie? I cried forever too over Princess Diana's death. I can't believe neither of our husbands took it as personally as we did.)

Valentine's Smattering

First of all, it's Tuesday, so we have a new podcast just for you...hope we can keep you company with some stories, and hopefully a few giggles!

Click to Listen

Yesterday I told you about our Valentine's Date to the cooking class at Sur la Table. But that took place the day before Valentine's day, and I wanted to tell you about Valentine's Day itself.

Ryan actually got my roses for me a few days early, and I thoroughly enjoyed them leading up to and through the holiday itself. I adored this color even more than red. So pretty!

Before we went on our date Saturday evening, we attempted to take some nice Valentine's pictures together. Someone was in a festive mood, so after thirty shots we finally had a couple keepers. But they're too good to exclude ALL the outtakes, so here you go:

And finally:

We also exchanged our cards that night - and I gave Ryan his gift, which was a framed print of his picture-of-the-trip he took at Niagara Falls.

Ryan decided to imitate our nephew, Korbin, in his gift opening.

 He liked it! Took it to work to be displayed with Brutus the rhino head.

 Yep, that's a coffee cup Valentine's card!!

Valentine's Day itself was on Sunday, so we had church, of course, and our main goal after church was to do NOTHING.

And we succeeded. I did prepare our wedding mugs for our afternoon coffee. I felt that was an extra effort for a holiday. LOL!!

I couldn't let the day go ENTIRELY unnoticed, so I fixed breakfast for dinner and tried to make hearts out of the turkey bacon. Looked easy on Pinterest but was a Shafferland fail! I did make heart shaped toast. Does that count?

All in all, a great day! And here was our official ON Valentine's Day picture: