Seasons

When I began my job in Financial Aid fifteen years ago {eeek! how!?!?!}, I was hired to be a loan counselor. In those days, each counselor in the office was assigned to a specific task, and she did that task for every student. As you know, math is not my strong suit, and while the job intimidated me, I felt that I could learn the loan process and do that one thing over and over every day.

So a few months later, when my dear friend and head of our office, Lois, sat across from me and explained the new office layout...the one in which each counselor had responsibility over every task for a certain group of students. I stared at her...unable to comprehend what she just said. Me? Learn everything? Learn every part of a math job?

I'm convinced the Lord sent Lois to our office for many reasons, one of which was helping me learn the beginnings of the art of change. To say I resisted change is an understatement. I loathed it, abhorred it, and ran as far from it as I possibly could, in every area of my life. I didn't want change anywhere. Not in my relationships, not in my job, not in any part of life. I gripped tightly to whatever I had, hoping if I could hang onto it, it meant that somehow I was doing something right. That I'd succeeded in some way.

My sister once told me that when you lose the things most dear to you, you learn to let go. She had to let go of her baby...and years later, her home. And she said that in each of those things, she learned control was never hers. Any control she thought she had was never hers.

And in the last five years, my goodness...have I ever learned it for myself. The girl who hated any change has suddenly undergone every change. The hardest, deepest losses. The biggest, most beautiful gifts. The most unexpected. The most mind-blowing.

Today I begin a new season. A season of training and of letting go of a beautiful gift. Of entrusting that gift into the hands of another. Of running the final leg of the race with every ounce of stamina I can muster, so I can end the journey saying I have fought the good fight and given it my very best.

I confess to you that I had a horrible dream about it this weekend. A horrible dream that everything went wrong and the entire passing of the baton became something of a heartbreak Olympic story. So I've been praying extra hard that that dream does not come true.

I pray for an open hand to let go of this dear gift. I pray for mental clarity for both of us as I pour out the knowledge I've accumulated and she opens her mind to receive it. I pray for God to teach us both more about ourselves in this brief time we have together. I pray for her confidence to learn an extraordinary amount of information in an extraordinarily brief time. I pray for my wisdom in compassionately teaching skills that come second nature to me now. I pray for beauty for both of us as we walk toward our respective new futures.

Thanks, Lois, for walking the early, treacherous days of change with me. Thanks for teaching me that it's okay to learn something new. Thanks, Lori, for modeling what it's like to let go in the hardest moments and to open your hands to receive the new that God has.

Small World, Big Impact: The Student

For the last several weeks now, I've been telling you about people who have impacted my life in big ways. They're not people you would know by name. They're not famous. They're ordinary people, living an ordinary life, but along the way, a little thing made a big impact.

I initially wrote these several years ago, but I've never shared them on the blog, so I've been bringing them to this space now and then, just to remind myself - and all of you - that the little things make the biggest difference.

This one is dear to my heart.

I'm ashamed to say I don't even know her name. I should know it. She spoke to me often. I knew her face when I saw her. But even though I don't remember her name, I've never forgotten what she did.

It had been a long day at work, and I was tired. Working in Financial Aid and dealing with thousands of dollars of people's money meant taking the brunt of their frustration and anger. Understandable. Education was expensive, and private Christian education was even more expensive. Back then, the students were paying close to twenty thousand a year to attend school, and my guess is now, it's another fifteen grand per year {or more} on top of that. It's obvious why many needed help, and it was our job to do just that. But as much as our office desired to do so, we never succeeded with making many of them overly happy.

Usually the parents called or came in to the office, all in a frenzy, demanding more help, threatening to pull their kids out of school or asking for special consideration. But now and then, the students themselves showed up with the questions. It was rare, but it happened.

And one particular day, a young lady walked in while I happened to be covering the front desk. She sat down and just unloaded every thought in her mind on me. I don't remember what she was upset about, now. Maybe she didn't have enough money, or there might have been a problem with her loan, or maybe something had been removed from her aid listing. But while I don't remember the problem, I do remember the verbal lashing I took that day. Whatever the problem, it wasn't my fault. She wasn't even my student. But I took the brunt of it, because I was there.

I was used to it, because it happened often, but that didn't mean it didn't sting. I tried to shake it off after she left, so it wouldn't ruin the rest of my day.

A couple of days later, she came back and asked for me. You might imagine why I cringed as I walked from my office to the front to meet her. What now? Did something else go wrong?

I wasn't prepared for what happened when I arrived at the front. It had never happened before, and I'm pretty sure it never happened again - at least from a student.

When I walked into the lobby area, she came up to me and said, "Do you remember me from a couple of days ago?"

I nodded.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know you guys do the best you can, and I know it wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have talked to you the way I did, and I"m sorry."

Stunned.

I knew students knew how to yell and complain. I had no idea they knew how to apologize. Dumbfounded, I thanked her.

I wish I could remember her name, but even though my memory has failed me, that young lady remains forever my Financial Aid poster student.

She came back to apologize. It wasn't easy. She had to swallow her pride and find some serious courage to walk back in that office and face me.

But that day, she became a fine example of how to be adult enough to say I was wrong. I'm sorry.

And that is a rare and beautiful quality.

Small World, Big Impact: Paula

Can I introduce you to another person who had a big impact on my life? Waaaaaaay back in the day, when I first started working as a student worker in the Financial Aid Office at IWU, I had the opportunity to work with some truly wonderful people They all left huge impressions on my heart in different ways, but this one today is so burned in my heart. I can still see this moment in my mind.

***

I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I was in the same room with her, and I had to be there to pull the files I'd been asked to work on that day. I knew she was talking to her daughter on the phone. I heard her say, "Well, I have to work over a little tonight, but you do what you can on your math, and I'll help you with the rest when I get home."

When she hung up, I turned around and said, "Paula, you're such a good mom." I knew she was divorced and had three children, all in or near their teen years. I knew she worked many, many hours each week, and yet I had watched her juggle every day so that each child's needs were met at all times. I had seen her use her lunch hours to pick them up from school. I heard her check on them every day when she knew they should be coming home. She had made sacrifices of both time and money to give them what they needed, and when she could - what they wanted.

"I do the best I can," she told me. "I can't do everything, but if my babies need something and I and I can get it for them or help them with them, I will." I loved her attitude. I knew a lot of parents who wouldn't even help their kids with what they needed. I knew a lot of other parents who were willing to help their kids, but they griped and complained the whole time. Paula never did. She always smiled, and though I knew she was tired from working long hours into the evenings and on the weekends, she accepted the need to do that and completed her tasks without complaining.

How could she not be bitter? I wondered. I knew she had a wish list of things she would like to accomplish for herself. Things she wanted to volunteer for and projects she wanted to complete. But all of those things took a back seat to her children. They were her priority. She found ways to take them on vacation, even if she was low on money. She wanted them to have a fun time during the summer. She encouraged them to get jobs and offered to drive them to and from work in the summer, even if that meant she had to forfeit her lunch hour every day. Many days, she ate popcorn for lunch while she sat at her desk. She had little help with the kids, but she accepted that, too.

Thank you, Paula, for showing...for living...a life that proves you care about your children and you understand they are a responsibility. Thank you for shouldering all the responsibilities, even when you did so all alone. You provided a good example to me of what I need to do if I have children of my own. Thanks for your positive attitude. I've so often complained about petty things, when you did so much with a cheerful attitude. I know sometimes you hurt, and sometimes you were so tired, but you never stopped smiling or going. Thank you.

***

Paula stopped working at the school a few years later, and although I ran into her a couple of times after that just running around town, I've not seen her for years. I have no idea what is happening in her life or her kids' lives now, but I've always been thankful for her example. Even though we don't plan to have children, I know these lessons go far beyond a life with kids of my own. Still grateful. Still hope I can live sacrificially in the day-to-day.

Small World, Big Impact: Celeste

I want to spend the next couple of days sharing with you some things I'm thankful for, so I thought I'd squeeze this tribute in today! Today's post continues something I started a couple of weeks ago...showing you some people I wrote about several years ago who made a marked impact on my life, although chances are good, you've never heard their names. They might not be famous, but they were pivotal in my journey by making a big impact on the world around them...regardless of how small that world might have been.

Today I wanted to introduce you to Celeste.

I was petrified the first time I ever had to call Celeste. I was new in my job, and I was aware that my job-related dilemma was probably a no-brainer. I was afraid I would appear stupid when I called her about it. Celeste worked at a lending institution that handled our student loans, and the person who trained me for my job had told me repeatedly to call Celeste if I had any questions, and she would be very helpful.

I dialed her number and stuttered through an introduction of who I was. In her Celeste-way, she immediately put me at ease and spent several minutes chatting with me and getting to know me before she ever approached my work question. I liked her right away, and after that, I always looked forward to calling her.

One day I called her about a loan, and in our friendly conversation, she found out I had recently been in the emergency room with some stomach issues. She told me she was so sorry I'd been sick, and she hoped I felt better soon. I dismissed the whole conversation after we hung up, but a couple of days later, our secretary delivered a card to my office.

Not sure who would be sending me a card {believe me, they weren't plentiful in that line of work!!}, I opened it, and much to my surprise, I discovered it was a get well card from Celeste. I was amazed. She was such a busy person. Our school alone kept her busy with research and trouble-shooting, and we weren't her only school. I had been more than satisfied with her willingness to go beyond her work duties to ask about me as a person. But to have her remember that I had been ill and even take the time to send me a card was highly impressive.

Celeste was promoted shortly after that, and I rarely get to speak with her anymore. I miss her cheerful voice, her joyful laugh, and her kind words of encouragement. Never before had a colleague in the kind of relationship we shared offered to pray for me or kept such careful tabs on my life. It made me feel special. It inspired me to look beyond the business side of my job and care about people as people.

Celeste, thank you for the interest you showed in me as a person, not just in me as a colleague. I miss talking with you, but I know you have moved on to be a blessing to a whole new group of people. I'll never forget your kindness to me...the kindness you showed through a simple get well card...one you probably don't even remember you sent. But I remember, and you have touched my life and inspired me to reach out and bring joy to others just as you did to me. Thank you.

***

I have absolutely no idea where Celeste is today. After I left the school and the world of student loans, I never had the chance to interact with her again. I tried to find her on Facebook, but my search came up empty. But I'm confident that she is still the same kind-hearted, classy, life-loving Celeste who took pity on a fresh-out-of-college grad and tried to make her job a little easier. And I still strive to look outside the required job to see the heart of people - because of Celeste.

The Careers I'll Never Have...But They Fascinate Me Anyway.

If you'd told 18-year-old Bekah that she would one day work in Financial Aid, she'd have said, "I'm sorry....WHAT!?!?!!" And if you'd said to that same girl that she'd also work in radio, she'd have cracked up laughing on the spot.

Funny how God's paths lead, isn't it?

Financial Aid was a refining time and radio is a sweet joy I never expected to know.

And no...I'm not looking for a new career, but as I did my nails last night {at home, on the floor, in my jammies} I thought what I always think when I do my nails....this would be a fun job.

So I thought it might be fun to tell you the jobs I've always secretly thought would be fun to do...even though I'm sure they come with their own unique set of frustrations. And unless God has some really well-hidden plan in my future, I sincerely doubt I'll ever do any of these things. But it's fun to chat about anyway.

1. Nail Tech. I figured I'd start there since, you know, that's what got me started on this path. I haven't been one to go get a manicure every week in my adult life, but for two short seasons, I did treat myself to a little salon time on a regular basis, and both times I became dear, dear friends with my nail tech. Dee and Debbie made that hour something I not only looked forward to because it made me feel pretty, but because I just loved them. I loved swapping stories and sharing friendship with them. They touched my life in unique ways through our chats, and I've always thought that would be the neatest part of that kind of job.

I'm sure the long hours, the sometimes-canceled appointments, the picky clients, and the sometimes {gulp} less-than-hygenic crowd could make this a challenging occupation, but I still think it would be a fun one. {Who can't love playing with nail polish for a living?}

2. Massage Therapist. Oh wait. Just kidding. I don't want to BE one. I just want to GET a massage every week! HA!! Again...not something I've indulged in very often in my life, but every rare, rare, rare, now and then, I go for a massage, and oh my goodness. I'm sort of melting into the couch right now just thinking about it! My reasons for loving this are similar to the nail tech route...being your own boss and having the chance to help people relax and feel better are great things. Plus...being in a good-smelling room with soft lighting and sweet music all day can't hurt your blood pressure, right?

Again, the long hours, the hard physical work of delivering the perfect pressure, and being on your feet all day would be tough, but I would imagine that the occasional massage-swapping with someone else would make for that at least in part, right?

3. Working at a B&B. Not owning it. That's a lot of pressure. Just working there. I love beds and I love breakfast, so put the two together, and that's good, right? I've been to a handful in my day and always thought it would be fun to interact with the guests, cook the breakfast {gotta find one that serves breakfast around noon! HA!} and have a cute little innkeeper apartment to "commute" home to each evening. Talk about seeing only the good in the job, right?

I've actually read up quite a lot on this line of work and know it's awfully taxing. Guests can be hard to get along with, the work can be really physical and tiring, and the hours are long. And weekends? They're probably not happening. But still. It intrigues me.

4. Barista. You had to know coffee would make it on this list. You had to. I've never worked in a coffee shop and to be painfully honest, I'm not sure I'm smart enough to learn all the little techniques. But I hold fast to my position that any job spent literally immersed in coffee cannot be a bad one. And the story-lover in me has always felt it would be wonderful to get to know all the regulars and learn their drinks and serve them.

Again, pretty sure learning the craft might be beyond me...and I'm sure the inconsistency in hours would be hard to get accustomed to, but I still think it would be fun to try. Actually, of all the things on this list, THIS is the one that seems most likely to actually happen to me in a future season.

The common denominator here seems to be the joy of interacting with others. Jobs of service: sure, they can be hard, but man can they ever be rewarding.

Any secret job dreams for you? Tell me! I might want to dream about them too!!

Faith and Such

My heart and mind have been so very heavy lately.

Life is so good. It really is. The stuff I post on here isn't a lie. I love Ryan; he loves me. We are happy...we have fun...and this life is always an adventure. {One we really love sharing with you.} But it is life. And it's the same for us as it is for you. It has its hard spots. And I don't think it would be fair to only tell you the fun parts without also telling you the hard parts. Because we're all in this life together, right?

What I'm about to say is one of those things that has two parts to it...so I hope you'll hear me on both of them.

We've encountered a situation lately that breaks our hearts. Our hearts are broken by the details, but the details aren't important. What matters to us more than the details is that we trusted someone as a fellow believer in Christ and now we sit feeling that we weren't treated in Christlike ways. That hurts far more than the specific details.

When I worked in the Financial Aid Office, I noticed a disturbing and heartbreaking trend: people who worked in ministry were usually the most difficult. It's not a complete generalization, of course. I worked with some dear, dear ministers who treated me very well. But many were difficult. They could be demanding and came to me with a sense of entitlement - as though serving the Lord for a vocation put them in a special category. And I won't lie - on more than one occasion, I'd hang up the phone after a call and say "If I ever move to that town, I could never attend that church. Not if that's the way the pastor treats people outside of the pulpit."

Broke my heart. Broke my heart because I wanted to pick up the phone again, call back and say, "Do you know that you don't ever get a vacation from being a witness? And if I weren't already a believer, I sure wouldn't want to try now because if you're the only example I have, I'm just not interested."

And that's kind of how we feel right now. Ryan made the remark to me the other day that he is so thankful we are strong in our faith because if we weren't we might flat out walk away from any type of faith over this.

So I say this for two reasons:

* First...if you are reading this and you don't have a relationship with the Lord because you've seen how some Christians behave...let me just tell you {straight from Scripture}: God is not human, that he should lie, not like a human being that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19)

God is not like us. God tells Christians to be more like Him, but sadly, we are not always good ambassadors for him. It breaks my heart to think of the times that I have failed him - times I'm sure I don't even know about - when someone was watching, and my words or my behavior didn't draw someone closer to God...or closer to wanting to know God.

I am sorry for the times I've failed, and I am sorry for the times you've perhaps seen someone acting in a way that doesn't accurately represent God. But if you're searching for the Lord, know that while people disappoint, HE doesn't.

*Secondly...if you are reading this and you DO have a relationship with the Lord, don't get so comfortable in it that you forget...you're representing Him. Whether or not you serve the Lord for a vocation, if you serve Him with your life, someone is always watching you. Someone knows that you profess a love for Him and they're watching to see how you live. And chances are good they're watching your weekday life more than your Sunday life. They don't care how high you raise your hands in church if you're living differently when you run into them in the everyday world.

What if we lived in such a way that we made people WANT to know Jesus...not wary of Him?

Through the disappointment we've faced lately, our hearts have been freshly convicted that it's in THIS everyday living that we need to be good ambassadors. And I'm actually thankful for that reminder!

Sorry for such a heavy topic on a Thursday - but my heart is burdened. Thanks for listening to my {perhaps somewhat jumbled} thoughts. Hope they give you a nugget to chew on today.

The Biggest Little Apology

Kristen Strong, over at Chasing Blue Skies, has a link-up every Thursday, where people can share surprising ways God worked in their lives. This story below goes along with her theme for today, and I'm so grateful to revisit this part of my life today. It reminds me to think as I interact with others!!

 I realize many of y'all who have come across the land of Bekah's Bits have done so since I started working at WBCL. You missed the decade {plus five more years if you include my student worker years, which I do} when I worked in the Financial Aid Office.

Ohhhhhhhhhh the stories I could tell you. The book I could write of life in finaid. Unfortunately most of those stories can't be told...but I can say this {along with probably anyone else who works in customer service}. People can be so rude. So heartless. So flat out thoughtless.

Money is a big deal. I get that. Paying for college requires a lot of money...a lot more than most families have. The burden to creatively pay for college without being in debt to the fourth generation is a heavy one. All these things stir up worry, high blood pressure, and in some - the lack of a filter. The lack of awareness that the person across the desk is a real person with real feelings and perhaps...just perhaps...a genuine interest in seeing families succeed in finding ways to fund college.

At least it was like that in good old 240F. {That was where I sat.}

In my time there, I was called all manner of names - many of which cannot be repeated on this blog or on the airwaves I now share with Lynne. I was yelled at - and by that, I mean literal, certified screaming. I was threatened with the good ole "I'm calling my lawyer." Many times I got the "If you're not going to do anything, then give me to your supervisor." And one time - near the very end of my time there, a student told me she didn't even think I was a Christian.

That one crossed the line.

I went to my supervisor and told her I was happy to take most forms of abuse at the hand of non-filtered parents and students, but I was not...I repeat not...willing to have someone make a judgment on my faith and commitment to Christ over a disagreement about a loan.

Most of it wasn't personal, and I knew that, though it made the tirades, angry letters, threats, and foul language no more pleasant to experience. But what bothered me most was that in nearly all circumstances, the people involved seemed oblivious to what they did. I worked at a Christian college, and while I'm sure not all families were Christians...most made a profession of faith. It blew me away that those same people had no issue calling up a stranger and running her into the ground over money - and never once did they have a twinge of conscience about it.

At least any twinges that led to action.

Except...her. Somewhere out there in this world is a woman...a mother of one of my students. I called her right before five o'clock one evening. Right before my work day ended and my evening of fun was scheduled to begin. I thought I was calling to answer a simple question...and hung up with my professionalism and self-esteemed clawed right out of my body.

Ten minutes after five, I hung up the phone, stared at the wad of tissues on my desk and gave up trying to see her point of view. I did try. But she was impossible. I didn't even care about my evening anymore. I just wanted a frappe and a nap to try to push away the crying-hangover headache that settled between my eyes.

A few days later, I found mail from this mother. Information I requested.

And a note of apology. Just a few lines...but an effort.

I knew in my heart that she might never respect me as a counselor...and she might never know how much I genuinely desired to help her...but I deeply appreciated her brief apology.

Perhaps the biggest little apology I ever had in that line of work. 

Random

Every now and then, my brain gets packed with random {mostly useless} bits of information that need to escape to {hopefully} make room for useFUL bits of trivia. So today I share a brain dump with you because frankly...I need room for more helpful intelligence in the ole noggeldy-noggin.

* I am occasionally mocked for my fear {initiated by YEARS of watching Criminal Minds, SVU, and CSI...} of randomly being shot. This fear was especially prevalent at my old job in Financial Aid. People get really cranky about their money. And by cranky, I mean absolutely irrational. I always had a small worrylet floating in my brain that one day, some parent would go nuts on me and shoot me. Only once did that fear feel really really real. I ticked off a mom within driving distance of the school and I looked around really carefully as I left work that day. Anyway. Turns out my fears might not be so unfounded after all. Heard this week that a Financial Aid Administrator in St. Louis was shot by a disgruntled student. I'd like to say...it's just money, people. Just money. Not shooting worthy.

* Our church is doing a study based on Kyle Idleman's book Not a Fan. Really great study...but I was reminded as I was filling out the accompanying participant journal that I have an inability to leave any lines blank in a journal. Thank you, OCD. Yesterday a question deserved only one line for an answer but gave about five, so I followed up my one word answer with a reason why I said it...so I could fill up the rest of the lines. Moved on to the next question {with four lines below it}...explain your answer, it said. Sigh.

* The difficulty difference between Level 1 and Level 2 of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred is significantly more pronounced than I remembered from my last adventure with this video. I declared to Ryan that from this point forward, I need him to be home when I do the workout so he can push me forward in it. You know I'm secure in his love if I'm inviting him to view my workout.

* This week on the morning show, the guys said they read a report of things restaurant servers hate. Among them...couples who sit on the same side of the booth. This is one of Ryan's biggest pet peeves. He HATES it. So...all you servers out there...thanks for loving us more! :)

* I heart....HEART...my new Kitchen Aid mixer that we received as a wedding gift. My baking life has been completely revolutionized. I've wanted a mixer for years, and it turns out that was a wish totally worth the wait. We named her Miss Mixy and I just love her.

* I'm 3 years late to the party, but as of this week, I am completely enamored with Downton Abbey. I watched the first episodes and wished for a way to just cancel life for a few hours so I could keep watching. Having said that, I'm eternally grateful that I do NOT live in an age sans air conditioners and with corsets. Oh those poor people.

* I bought a new Essie polish this week and was also given a second bottle as a gift. Since I know you've been eagerly awaiting the update of my Essie collection, I thought I'd let you meet the two newest members.

* I am addicted to Honeycrisp apples. This is all Sheryl's fault. She fed them to me at lunch and now...addicted. Of course. I would become an apple snob to the only apple that costs three dollars and stinking fifty cents a pound. (And I think every apple is right about a pound. NOT kidding.) But oh my goodness. So good. Almost as good as a frappe. GASP. What has become of me??

 Thanks for reading along! My mind feels clear enough now to focus on more important things...like ummmmmmmm......

Our wedding pictures came!!!!
I suppose you want a preview.

Okay fine. Since you INSISTED...

(photo by Stephen Rudd Photography)

What a Difference a Year Makes

Okay, so I wasn't going to write about this because I feel kind of star-struck-annoying when I talk about some of the opportunities I get because of my job. But then...I remembered part of what I want to preserve on my blog is a running memory of what happened in my life, so I changed my mind and decided to write about it.

Yesterday, Lynne and I interviewed Angie Smith.

Shut. The. Front. Door.

There are a handful of women whose writing I so deeply admire - and were you to line them up and examine their writing styles, you'd give me a very puzzled look and say "They sound nothing alike. How can these all be your favorites?" Well, because. :)

What I love about Angie is that she is hilarious - and yet deeply profound. I alternate between giggling and underlining when I read her books. Another thing I love about Angie is that she's so Bekah. When she wrote about meeting Beth Moore....well....this is virtually the same reaction I had to speaking with her on the air.

Angie's first book, I Will Carry You told the story of her grief and joy as she prepared to give birth to the daughter she knew would die, and though my circumstances were different, the lessons and insights she shared in those pages carried me through my desert.

Her new book is called What Women Fear, but let me tell you: even if you're not a woman, you can benefit from this book. Powerful biblical principles in that book!

I sat at the board and stared at my notes in front of me, listening to her share about her debilitating life-long battle with fear and how the Lord was transforming and redeeming that struggle to bring glory to Him, and I closed my eyes to soak in the moment.

One year ago (per my blog post last year at this time) I'd spent the week fearing for my safety at work because of some angry words a parent of one of my students spewed at me over the phone. It was the first time I'd seriously wondered if the parent would get in the car, drive to campus and go on a shooting spree. I never would have dreamed that one year later I'd be sitting at an engineer board giggling with Angie Smith about junior high French braids and finding an Anne of Green Gables-esque buddy.

Who knew??

It proves my year's verse right: His ways are far beyond what I could imagine!

A Year's Worth of Thanks

This week I've been doing a mental review of my year, and I have to say...God has been so good. He was good last year when my life was falling apart and I thought there was absolutely no hope for a future for me. And He has been good this year when He began to restore and redeem what Satan meant to destroy.

On this day of thanks...I'd like to show you some of the blessings of my year.

...Starting the new year with friends who have long loved and accepted me for who I am...
...My buddies the Crandalls, who have walked the darkest roads with me and now celebrate the good roads with me too. (There's a Mr. Crandall for this picture but he wasn't there that night. I'm thankful for him too, though.)...

...Beyond thankful for the opportunity to spend an entire week in Florida for the first time in my life. Loved my beach!!...

...Thankful for and dearly missing my little guy. Ten years of life with Mr. Kaegan...

...The chance to once again see and hear the Marion Easter Pageant...though I still miss getting to be part of it!...

...The chance to spend my birthday with my good friend Cara...touring downtown Indianapolis on a GORGEOUS day...and eating cupcakes!!...

...Road tripping to Jenna's house for her golden birthday...and spending time with her husband and cutie pie daughter, Miss Adelaide...

...a GLORIOUS week of a writing retreat at the cabin in Brown County with Rachel...and while I'm at it...thankful for Rachel and her friendship...

...Eleven years of work in Financial aid...and co-workers who love me enough to give me a wonderful send-off when God opened a new door for me. Miss these people!...

...The chance to be baptized on a GORGEOUS night surrounded by so many of my friends and family...and Brian Holland's heart for my vision for the night and for doing such a great job with it...

...A true dream job as the Mid-Morning producer at WBCL and the treasure of EIGHTEEN DAYS to be trained by Jamie, who made this entire journey wonderful for me...

...The opportunity to stand up with Tom and Olivia at their wedding...a true gift to me...

...my sister Lori making a trip to my house all the way from Kansas...to organize and run a yard sale for me because I had no time to do it myself...

...God's protection over my house when a storm took down the neighbor's tree into my yard. Could have been MUCH worse...

...The LAKE! Even though I didn't get there more than once this year...loved the chance to be on the water again... ...A day at the Cherished Moments Craft Hideaway. Always a treat...

...The chance to work with the lovely Lynne Ford EVERY DAY. She is a rare treasure of a friend and I love her...

Like I said...MUCH to be thankful for. Praise the Lord!!

Change

During my interview with Jamie on the air last week, I mentioned I'm not a huge fan of change. Lynne joined the conversation at that point to say how much it surprised her to hear that. Apparently my ability to embrace all the new things thrown at me in this last month made her think I love change.

I guess that's what a year in a desert will do to you. (Okay so I wasn't in the desert for a whole year, but the journey has been a year in the making.)

When I hired into Financial Aid, I was hired to be a loan counselor. That was my assignment. Learn loans inside and out, and process all loans for all students all the time. I hadn't been on the job very long when they changed the office structure. I was issued a caseload of students and my job was to do all aspects of the aid process for that group of students. And as dear, sweet Lois will tell you, I did not like that idea. She spent many hours in my office trying to convince me to embrace that change.

Or any change.

When I met Isaac and fell in love, I realized life was about to change. If we got married, I'd have to quit my job...move to another town where I didn't know anyone...give up my cats (he was allergic)...embrace a new church...make new friends...find a new job. And for the first time in my life, that didn't scare me. I loved him so much that those things seemed minimal sacrifices to make in exchange for the opportunity to share life with him.

And then our world fell apart. Everything changed, but nothing changed in the way I thought it would. All the details of my life stayed the same, but everything that mattered was ripped from my heart. And through that gut-wrenching time, I learned to, as the hymn says, "take as from a Father's hand...one by one, the days, the moments fleeting, til I reach the Promised Land." I decided the details didn't matter nearly as much as I thought they did.

Then this year came. I didn't marry Isaac, but I quit my job...and I'm preparing to move to another town where I don't know anyone...God just asked me to give up one of my cats...and I'm going to have to embrace a new church...I'm already making new friends...and I have a new job.

It's not what I planned. The details are nothing as I expected them to be. But the change is happening despite the brokenness of the original plan.

Sunday night, my friend Becca left me a comment on Facebook, under the picture of Kaegan that I posted in his memory. She said something like "Can you handle any more changes?" And the answer is...yes. Do I want to? Maybe not this week. But I'm learning I'm nowhere near in charge of my life. And if He sends changes, I'll take them. Whether it's one blessing at a time or one blow at a time...I'll take them.

Saying Goodbye to Financial Aid

Last Friday was my last day in Financial Aid. Ever.

I admit to a tiny round of tears when I awakened Friday morning. Just strange to go in and know that's the last time I'd walk in to that office!

Speaking of my office...I always referred to my office by its number: 240-F. So I had to get a picture with that before I left.
Said goodbye to Sandee. She works in the Business Office and has been there all the years I've been in Financial Aid. She's kind of a second mom to me - which works out pretty well since her daughter Kari (of blog fame) is kind of like another sister to me!

Another good friend of mine - Cindy. She also works in the Business Office and I just love her.

Friday afternoon was my last party of the week. (I know. The mind reels that there could be any end to the festivities.) I asked if the basket was an offering plate. HA!

My flowers from Lois - and amazing cupcakes made by my friend Angi Spangler. They were SO GOOD. Chocolate with cream cheese filling, lemon filled, and raspberry filled. YUMMY. (I did have one of each - though not all at the party.)

My table!! They also had cookies and the most amazing punch on the planet. Robyn had it at another farewell party a few days ago and decided we HAD to have this. I wore pink so I could match the punch. Yep, I'm a dork that way!

Our former student worker, Jodi Otto, happened to be in town from FLORIDA, and she came to my party. I told her she wins the prize for coming the greatest distance!

Seriously. GOOD PUNCH. (I was excited because Robyn told me she had to get permission to get this punch because it cost more. I figured if I scored the pricey punch, I must be at least a little loved!)

Dear Ronda Smith came over for the party. I am really really going to miss dialing her extension (every day) to say hi. Guess she'll have to learn to love texting even more!

Mark and Katy - these two are hilarious! Mark works with the phones and probably many other forms of technology that I'm not sure about. He has had to fix my phone before. Bet he's glad I'm going elsewhere! :) And of course, Miss Katy has been on the blog before. She's a sweet friend of mine! Adela Hufford is a good friend of mine - who also loves to cook, craft, and take pictures. (She's also my neighbor until my house sells!)

More BEAUTIFUL flowers - compliments of my family. I am so excited to have another arrangement of pretty flowers to look at!

My boss, Gaytha. I have learned SO much from her and she has been such a kind and loving friend to me. I'll tell you what - if you ever need to learn to handle a difficult conversation with grace and dignity - she's the best teacher in the world.

Robyn, our secretary. She was in charge of my party and I loved it. Thank you, Robyn, for all your hard work! Love you!

Greg...who has become like a big brother to me. I think he might miss me just a little bit. Just a little bit. :)

And my parents even came to the party. (I knew my Dad would wear a tie. In fact, when they hadn't arrived yet, I said "I bet he's still putting on his tie.")

My last order of business in Financial Aid - eating a chocolate cupcake. :) How fitting.

The Office Farewell Lunch

Today I begin my brand new job at WBCL Radio in Fort Wayne! But in blogland...it's my farewell lunch at IWU.

Last Thursday, my office was kind enough to carry in lunch so we could have one last hurrah together before I left. (I really appreciated it because I know some of them don't love to cook all the time!)

Before lunch...I received a flower delivery. Words cannot express my joy at this. I adore flowers - and aren't they BEAUTIFUL? They were from Lois, who was in charge of our office in the early days of my 11 year run as a financial aid counselor. She was much more than a boss. She was (and is!) my dear friend and counselor and idea-sharer. Love her. She works in financial aid out in California now but we talk pretty regularly online, so she's been in the loop of all the job changing. How very very thoughtful of her to share with me in this way!
Then it was on to lunch! Sloppy joes...macaroni and cheese...potato salad...broccoli salad...fruit...TONS of dessert - mostly chocolate. I loved it. Doesn't it look yummy!?

I was concerned about eating sloppy joe in a yellow dress. Gaytha's solution...a giant bib. :)

Robyn gave me a gift - it's kind of hard to see here, but it's a little metal sign that says "Good Luck." She signed it, and I can take it to my new office so I don't forget her. (As if I could.)

And then it was time to open the gift from the whole office. Sorry for the dorky look here - they were making me laugh about something.

I l.o.v.e.d. this gift. It's a picture, and they all signed the back. I almost cried when I started reading their notes to me. That meant SO much to me.

See? Notes to me!

Angel thought I should wear the bow that had been on the gift. (I look like an Eastern Comet with the green and gold.)

And then she just shoved it into my dress. Ohhhhh the people I worked with!

Here is the picture from the front. It has a line from the Footprints poem on it - which so very well shows God's care of me in the desert.

Thank you so much, suite 240, for my great lunch. Everything was YUMMY and I adore my present. It will sit in my new office and I'll think of you every time I see it!