My heart and mind have been so very heavy lately.
Life is so good. It really is. The stuff I post on here isn't a lie. I love Ryan; he loves me. We are happy...we have fun...and this life is always an adventure. {One we really love sharing with you.} But it is life. And it's the same for us as it is for you. It has its hard spots. And I don't think it would be fair to only tell you the fun parts without also telling you the hard parts. Because we're all in this life together, right?
What I'm about to say is one of those things that has two parts to it...so I hope you'll hear me on both of them.
We've encountered a situation lately that breaks our hearts. Our hearts are broken by the details, but the details aren't important. What matters to us more than the details is that we trusted someone as a fellow believer in Christ and now we sit feeling that we weren't treated in Christlike ways. That hurts far more than the specific details.
When I worked in the Financial Aid Office, I noticed a disturbing and heartbreaking trend: people who worked in ministry were usually the most difficult. It's not a complete generalization, of course. I worked with some dear, dear ministers who treated me very well. But many were difficult. They could be demanding and came to me with a sense of entitlement - as though serving the Lord for a vocation put them in a special category. And I won't lie - on more than one occasion, I'd hang up the phone after a call and say "If I ever move to that town, I could never attend that church. Not if that's the way the pastor treats people outside of the pulpit."
Broke my heart. Broke my heart because I wanted to pick up the phone again, call back and say, "Do you know that you don't ever get a vacation from being a witness? And if I weren't already a believer, I sure wouldn't want to try now because if you're the only example I have, I'm just not interested."
And that's kind of how we feel right now. Ryan made the remark to me the other day that he is so thankful we are strong in our faith because if we weren't we might flat out walk away from any type of faith over this.
So I say this for two reasons:
* First...if you are reading this and you don't have a relationship with the Lord because you've seen how some Christians behave...let me just tell you {straight from Scripture}: God is not human, that he should lie, not like a human being that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19)
God is not like us. God tells Christians to be more like Him, but sadly, we are not always good ambassadors for him. It breaks my heart to think of the times that I have failed him - times I'm sure I don't even know about - when someone was watching, and my words or my behavior didn't draw someone closer to God...or closer to wanting to know God.
I am sorry for the times I've failed, and I am sorry for the times you've perhaps seen someone acting in a way that doesn't accurately represent God. But if you're searching for the Lord, know that while people disappoint, HE doesn't.
*Secondly...if you are reading this and you DO have a relationship with the Lord, don't get so comfortable in it that you forget...you're representing Him. Whether or not you serve the Lord for a vocation, if you serve Him with your life, someone is always watching you. Someone knows that you profess a love for Him and they're watching to see how you live. And chances are good they're watching your weekday life more than your Sunday life. They don't care how high you raise your hands in church if you're living differently when you run into them in the everyday world.
What if we lived in such a way that we made people WANT to know Jesus...not wary of Him?
Through the disappointment we've faced lately, our hearts have been freshly convicted that it's in THIS everyday living that we need to be good ambassadors. And I'm actually thankful for that reminder!
Sorry for such a heavy topic on a Thursday - but my heart is burdened. Thanks for listening to my {perhaps somewhat jumbled} thoughts. Hope they give you a nugget to chew on today.
38 minutes ago
8 comments:
Working full-time at a Church, I can tell you that I am sometimes too aware of all this. Yet, I'm not aware enough of when I'm guilty.
I heard a quote once that said something along the lines of "How disappointed will people be when they come to you, hoping to see Jesus, but only see you?" Something I need to keep in mind more often.
My Sweet sweet Bekah... I know this had to be a tough post to write. But I want you to fully know and understand how much you have helped me in my walk with Jesus. I stumbled across your blog from WBCL about 2 years ago. I was hooked! I started reading and reading and grew to care about this young woman named Bekah. NONE of us are perfect. It is soo easy to feel that others in a higher calling are to act better than us. But all of us fall on our faces everyday. The difference is when we do , we need to realize our wrong actions and words, and go to Jesus for forgiveness. Some don't stop long enough to examine their days, interactions with others, and just plug along. I am sorry that you and Ryan have come across a bad witness for Christ. I have too. I felt horribly disappointed in my church and pastor after Jeff died suddenly. I feel abandoned by all of them. We never really know what goes on in others minds, and I try to show grace for these people. It is very hard, but it is what Christ asks us to do. Show them grace. What I wont do is search them out for advice in my walk. I just want you to know Bekah, how very very special you are to me. You have made me laugh, cry and THINK!!! You make me stop and reexamine my thought and words and actions. You are HUGE blessing in my life dear Bekah! YOU are an excellent witness for Jesus!
MJ
My Sweet sweet Bekah... I know this had to be a tough post to write. But I want you to fully know and understand how much you have helped me in my walk with Jesus. I stumbled across your blog from WBCL about 2 years ago. I was hooked! I started reading and reading and grew to care about this young woman named Bekah. NONE of us are perfect. It is soo easy to feel that others in a higher calling are to act better than us. But all of us fall on our faces everyday. The difference is when we do , we need to realize our wrong actions and words, and go to Jesus for forgiveness. Some don't stop long enough to examine their days, interactions with others, and just plug along. I am sorry that you and Ryan have come across a bad witness for Christ. I have too. I felt horribly disappointed in my church and pastor after Jeff died suddenly. I feel abandoned by all of them. We never really know what goes on in others minds, and I try to show grace for these people. It is very hard, but it is what Christ asks us to do. Show them grace. What I wont do is search them out for advice in my walk. I just want you to know Bekah, how very very special you are to me. You have made me laugh, cry and THINK!!! You make me stop and reexamine my thought and words and actions. You are HUGE blessing in my life dear Bekah! YOU are an excellent witness for Jesus!
MJ
It's a good reminder to us all. I know I mess up all the time, but I hope that when people look at me, knowing that I am a Christian, that they see a lot more of Christ and a lot less of me.
Sorry to hear that you and Ryan have been hurt. I know that is hard.
Thank you all for your words; I confess I was scared to open the blog back up for fear of being yelled at for what I said!! I hate posting things that could be controversial, but I felt strongly enough about this one that I wanted to say something!!
Hoping you all (thanks MJ!!!) see the light of Christ here!!!
What is it that verse says? He must become greater; I must become less.
great thoughts...
Ditto to ALL that mj wrote from me too!! VERY well put, MJ!! Love you, Bekah, and my prayers are with you and Ryan.
Thank you for the reminder that we never get a break from being a witness of Christ's love. I know I often fall short, and I'm so sorry you have been on the receiving end of someone else's shortcomings.
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