And Just Like That...

...I'm a bride of four years.

Four years. Can you even believe that? How is it possible that I can remember our wedding with such clarity that I feel like it just happened, and yet I also kind of feel like this life of Shafferland has always been? One of life's great mysteries, I suppose.

I asked Ryan what his favorite moment was from that day, and he said the morning, when the two of us sneaked down to the beach to watch the sunrise, read Scripture, pray, exchange gifts, and wash each other's feet.

It really was a beautiful morning. {You can read the whole thing here.} I never had a desire to follow the tradition to not see my groom on the wedding day. I knew I needed to see him to stay calm. So we met up at the beach and spent a couple of hours down there alone, setting the tone for the day with peace and joy.

My favorite moment was all the first looks.

My own first look, in my hotel room, with my two bridesmaids and my niece looking on:

The moment when I finally felt like a bride.

And then I walked through the courtyard and into a gazebo and saw Ryan for the first time as a groom.

These two moments are so meaningful to me in ways I'm not sure I can even express.

The whole day was filled with beauty. The weather was stunning, our guests seemed to really enjoy themselves, the entire day was low-key and easy to enjoy, and the only hiccup was the failure of our sound equipment, which meant several of the songs we'd planned to have in the ceremony wouldn't play.

The day looked nothing like I always thought my wedding day would, and yet it was better than I ever could have dreamed.

We made promises that day - promises we couldn't really understand, because the future was a mystery. But we knew it was a future we wanted to take on together, and take it on, we have, for the past four years.

I loved that day. I loved every part of it. I loved it that I could enjoy and remember the moments. I loved the 4 million pictures. I loved the unknown guests on the beach who pulled up lawn chairs and became part of the day. I loved the beautiful little reception under the stars. I loved becoming a Shaffer. And I have loved the last four years of being one.

Ryan Shaffer, I love you. Thank you for choosing me, for loving me, and for making every day a beautiful adventure. Let's have the best season yet!

The Decade Before

Depending on what time of day you're reading this, you can close your eyes {which makes it hard it read, I know} and imagine your two favorite Shaffers cooped up in a car trekking to Florida for a WEDDING. Because four years ago right now, we were in the middle of doing just that.

 We played games and drank extraordinarily large amounts of coffee and pulled over at a rest stop for a quick 3 hour nap before resuming our trek.

And if you're reading this in the late morning or around noon, you can imagine us stuck in traffic for three hours, with no access to a bathroom or lunch. You can imagine a bride-to-be crying because she thinks all her cakes are going to melt in the backseat when she is literally less than five miles from her destination.

If you're reading this in the afternoon, you can imagine us taking our first peek at the beach where, in one day, we would exchange vows, or you can imagine me curled up on a bed trying to sleep off the sick yuck that came over me after 24 hours in a car with little sleep.

{You can also read all those fun stories here if you'd like.}

If you're reading this in the evening, you can imagine us at our "rehearsal dinner," which was a gathering of the family and friends who had come to town, all packed into the little condo where my parents were staying, eating delicious snacks prepared by a handful of my friends back at home.

It was a busy December 1, four years ago now.

But you know what else? There was a busy decade leading up to that.

This week, I organized my collection of journals, which date back to 1993 in all their embarrassing glory. As I put them all in date order, I opened one at random and read Ryan an entry from the summer of 1994, when I finally got my driver's license.

I say "finally," because I was the one teenage weirdo who actually did not CARE to get a license. Driving petrified me. I got my license because my mother {wisely} dragged me to the branch to take the test before my test waiver ran out. {I don't know if they even still do those anymore, but back then, if you had a high enough score in driver's ed, you could skip the driving portion of the test and just take the written portion. But the waiver only lasted so long, and mine was about to expire.}

I read Ryan the journal entry about how I'd been so nervous, I was shaking, but I got my license and it would not need renewed until 1999. And by that time, I wrote, I was sure I'd be married anyway and have a new last name for the license.

1999...2012...you know. Similar.

So I journaled about the happenings of my life until 2002, and actually I kept right on "regular" journaling even then, but I added a prayer journal to the mix in 2002.

And for the next ten years, God heard more than a few prayers. This many, actually:

{Overlook the hair. I hadn't prepped for a photo opp that day.}

These books hold my prayers, my wrestling, my questions, my faith, my offerings, my failures - all as I prayed for a husband I had yet to meet.

In these pages, God began to mold me in earnest to become the woman I needed to be. He had to do a lot of bending and breaking of my stubborn will, say many no's to my begging requests, and teach me much about Who He is and who He made me to be.

These ten years, in all fairness, weren't my favorite. And I'm sure some of the words attest to that. But these years were so necessary. Such foundations were laid in this time. And the girl who took the longest.car.ride.ever.to.Florida could only do that with such confidence because of the ten years represented in these fifteen books.

December 1, 2012 was a whirlwind of a dream come true. {Not the traffic jam or the feeling sick part. But the "carriage ride" to my wedding and the beauty of being surrounded by a representation of those who loved me.} But dreams come true because of the years leading up to them when God molds His children.

Don't resist the molding. {And I remind myself of this as I say it to you.} He has His holy reasons. You can trust them to lead to beauty.

Three Years

What were you doing three years ago today?

We were here:

Our reception took place three months {and a few days} after our wedding, and we spent the day shivering in the post-heavy-snow outdoors. A far cry from the actual wedding day temps:

And though the reception proved to be FAR more work than the wedding itself, we had a wonderful day celebrating with our family and friends.

We transformed the reception hall into the beach - as much as we could.

And we were blessed by the friends and family who gave up a Saturday to celebrate our wedding with us.

We showed pictures from our wedding day and played the recording that our amazing videographer worked so hard to put together for us:

Our wedding party traveled and sacrificed to be with us again, and we watched together, remembering the day three months before.

We prayed together and laid another stone in the altar of the Shaffer family.

We cut cake and toasted with coffee and set everyone free to enjoy ice cream sundaes.

We spent the afternoon, making the rounds and greeting everyone:

{It's always a mystery what I might be saying.}

It was a truly wonderful day that ended with a large pizza and coke {reward for three months of salads to get me back IN that dress} and the opening of generous gifts that we still appreciate and use every day!

We had no idea, that day, what would be ahead for us. The job changes, the house changes, the surgeries, the fun, the excitement, the dreams, the challenges. No idea.

It was a day of joy, and we still look back on it with much fondness. No parties today, no fifteen gallons of ice cream in the freezer, and no sitting in the salon chair being remade into a bride. But I still feel as loved and cherished and chosen by this man as I did on that day, and I celebrate that today.

Thankfulness, Part 2

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!! I know for some of you, this day is going to be a lot of fun with food, family, and friends, and for others of you, today is a day that brings up memories you'd rather forget and pain you'd rather not feel. Regardless of which camp you fall into, I pray God will meet you in a special way today and that your heart finds a way to be thankful!!!

Today I'm continuing the list I began yesterday - the top 20 things I'm thankful for this year!

11. YOU...my dear blogaroo readers.

I really need a big picture of all of you right here, so just imagine it! :) This year I had the opportunity to mail out a few copies of my book to some of you who have become friends through this space. Some of you I've met in real life and some I have not, but I'm really grateful for all of you who leave comments and take time to get to know me and allow me to get to know you as well. Writing is my love, and this blog is, in part, a chronicle for me, but it's a JOY to me that so many of you have hopped on board and read along and care about us and pray for us, and that's just a massive bonus. Thanks for blessing me every day of the year. I am thankful for you!

12. Warm home that IS home.

 I've had the blessing of always...all my life...having a bed of my own, clothes to wear, more than enough {!!!} food to eat, reliable{ish} cars to drive, and no worries of where any of those things are going to come from. I know that is not the case for everyone. I'm so grateful, in these chilly first days of winter, that I can come home at night and sit by a fire and cuddle under a blanket and sleep in a bed with a heated mattress pad. And not only do I have a house...I have a home. A place that feels not only comfortable, but comforting. So, so grateful.

13. Safety on commutes.

 When I took my job at WBCL 3 1/2 years ago, I put my house on the market immediately and fully anticipated...expected, really...that I would be a Fort Wayne-r by winter. I had no idea I would still be commuting and hour each way 3 1/2 years later. {Blissful ignorance. Probably wouldn't have been brave enough to say yes to the job if I'd known.} The girl who hates to drive became a professional {ha!!} driver, and in the time I've been on the road, I've watched cars lose control, I've seen slide-offs, I've seen collisions, I've seen rollovers and more. I'm so grateful that God has protected me from impaired and distracted drivers, from deer, and probably for a host of things I do not even know.  And in the 2 years we've been married, Ryan's had safe commutes as well - and for this, I am intensely grateful.

14. Health.

Sounds crazy cliche, but this year, I've discovered some of my friends - my same age friends - have serious, life changing health problems. Some are permanent. Some don't know if they'll deal with this stuff permanently or not. But it breaks my heart.  And I have other friends whose kids are dealing with life altering and sometimes life-ending issues. Sometimes I cannot even wrap my mind around it. I have no idea why I have my health when others do not, but I am grateful for what I have at this time in my life.

15. Fun.

I am so thankful for the amount of fun Ryan and I get to have together. I think more than anything else, we hear from others that we seem to have fun together, and I can assure you, it's not just a "seem" thing...it's true! We have a blast! We laugh hard, we play often, and we try to make any and every activity - clear down to grocery shopping - as much fun as we can. I don't take it for granted that this much joy has entered my life along with Ryan!

16. Our Wedding.

How was this our wedding??? Seriously?? I look back on this day - almost two years ago now - and am stunned that I had the opportunity to have such a dream day. Not only that we were able to make the trip to Florida, but that so many of our family members were able to come too, and that the day was all I ever could have hoped for. I look at our pictures and I sit in awe. God redeemed in a big way on this day by giving me a once-in-a-lifetime dream.

17. My Job.

 If you had told me, five years ago, that I would get married on a beach, I wouldn't have believed you - but I also wouldn't have believed you if you'd told me I would work at WBCL! I love what I do, and I'm grateful for the chance to do life with the same people I grew up listening to. Thankful for the investment they have made in my life and thankful for a chance to do a job that's not just a job. It's ministry!

18. Our church. 

When Ryan and I felt the tug to find a new church home after we got married, we dreaded it. We picked a church that was big, hoping we could get lost in it for a while - and one day we would find our forever home. But this church has unexpectedly opened its arms and welcomed us in and made us family. It's been a beautiful year of finding our place, and I'm thankful for the unexpected blessing.

19. BLT.

 When Lynne came up with this idea just over two years ago, we had no idea what a treasure it was going to become to the two of us and to those who like to hang out with us. This is one of my favorite things of each week. Thankful for Lynne and the chance to share the airwaves with her every Thursday!

20. Tears.

We actually had our BLT show a day early this week, and we heard all kinds of thankfulness from our listeners. One of you said you're thankful for tears, because without emotion, you would be cold and unfeeling inside, and you don't want to be that. YES. OH YES!!! It's no secret I love me some clean tear ducts, but I agree. To cry means I haven't lost all feeling in my heart, and I'm glad for that.

So that's a sampling of what I'm grateful for this year. Also grateful for FOOD...and I'll be enjoying that today - hope you will be, too!!

Great is His Faithfulness

Yesterday was an exceptional day at church. One of those days when God just overwhelmed me with His presence...and I sat back a few times, soaking it in.

There was one part in particular that wrapped my soul in comfort, and I wanted to share it with you today in case you need to hear it too. At the end of the service, the worship team sang Great is Thy Faithfulness, and I stopped singing, just so I could listen. Just so I could bathe my heart in the significance of that song.

I began planning my wedding in my twenties...and I tried to find the delicate balance between being a girl unafraid to dream and being a future wife able to leave enough room for her someday husband to have an opinion.

One song I so ached to use and so hoped Mr. Missing would understand was Great is Thy Faithfulness. I'd seen it used in a wedding once...in the wedding of a friend who had waited many years to find a husband. It struck me so profoundly, because I watched her stand at the front of a very full sanctuary and the pews behind her were filled with people who had filled her life in those years of waiting. Friends, mentors, co-workers, family members...all these people were examples of tangible ways God had been faithful in the waiting.

And so I wanted that in my wedding as well. And the older I got, and the longer I waited, the more I wanted that song.

It wasn't just a piece of music, it was a testimony.

I was thrilled when Ryan captured my vision for that song, and on that day in December in Siesta Key, Florida, I hid in some beach weeds and heard the strains of the music playing down by the water's edge.

 His faithfulness...present in the lives of those who had invested in me since the day I was born. Present in those who taught me in words and example how to live for Him.

His faithfulness...present in the lives of those I didn't even know for most of my life...but who were doing something to invest in my future by investing in the one I would live with in that future.

 His faithfulness...present in the prayers of those who sustained the one God allowed me to love...who walked the darkest of roads with him and could smile with him on this day.

His faithfulness...found in the lives of those whose presence shaped my faith...both those here with me and those gone to Heaven.

His faithfulness...found in those who walked with Ryan before I even arrived. Those who prayed him through difficult days and celebrated with him on the good ones. And these two who stood beside him represent many more who weren't able to make the trip that day.

His faithfulness...found in those who spent years dreaming with and praying alongside me. And these who stood beside me represent a host of others who did the same throughout the years.

His faithfulness...shown in the answers to prayers I was almost afraid to pray...but oh how I celebrated them when God gifted me with a blessing!

His faithfulness...shown in the representation of these who gathered to witness our day...and the grains of sand under our feet represent the hundreds and thousands more who, in many ways across the years, were the embodiment of Christ's faithfulness in our lives.

That God who was faithful for 34 years of waiting for this girl...Whose faithfulness was shown on this day in these ways..is still faithful today. As we wait for answers to so many more prayers...He is still faithful. On days {like today} when I struggle to see proof as tangibly as I did on our wedding day, I choose to call to mind His faithfulness and therefore I will have hope...

...that all we need, His Hand will provide...that His pardon for sin and His peace remain...that strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow still abound...and that when the day is done, there are blessings all mine with ten thousand beside.

Great is HIS faithfulness.

Our First Anniversary

To be able to even type that post title is as much a miracle to me as any other part of our love story. Not because I had any doubt we'd make it to the one year mark...but because there were so many days when I wondered if I'd ever even have a love story. To be one year on the other side of that beautiful day is such an answer to years of prayers.  Ryan and I have enjoyed this weekend, celebrating together, and it sure has been a far cry from the scenery of a year ago!

Today I want to honor our first anniversary by sharing with you some of my favorite memories and photos of that day. And I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you who have walked beside us in this first year. We've loved having you as part of our life - whether our in-person life or our blog life! Thanks for joining us!

One year ago today at 7:00 a.m., this was our view as we sat in the same sand where we'd later stand to pledge our lives for each other. GORGEOUS sunrise. Coffee, prayer, Scripture reading, foot-washing, gift-exchanging...a perfect start to our wedding day.

Seeing myself for the first time, completely made up as a bride. I felt beautiful, prepared, and worthy. This moment right here, I will never ever forget.

Our first look - in a gazebo just outside the resort where we stayed. People were circling all around us taking pictures {which we wanted!!} but I never saw them. I only saw Ryan. I loved the look in his eyes so much - as he saw me as his bride and I saw him as my groom.

Dad seeing me for the first time in my bridal gown. He cried. I cried. And dozens of YOU cried when you saw this picture. It is indeed one of my most favorite pictures of the entire day.

Telling Ryan my Dad was going to walk me down the aisle. One of the most sacred moments of the day. That tear was the final one in many tear-soaked prayers over that request.

That silly iced tea was the "Where's Waldo" of our wedding pictures. It showed up in many candid ones. I also find my parents in the background watching this exchange MOST hilarious.

I love this moment. Walking on Dad's arm toward Ryan was the answer to more years of prayers than you even know. PS - walking into the sun and offering a genuine smile is REALLY hard.

Listening to Ryan's recorded song for me was my biggest surprise for the day - and a BEAUTIFUL way to start our ceremony.

Reading my vows to Ryan...a moment I ALMOST got through without crying....

Feeling that ring slip onto my finger....I cannot describe that moment.

Our first kiss as husband and wife. Best kiss ever!!

The first time I ever walked barefoot on the beach at sunset with my husband. So happy, I couldn't even stand it.

My wedding day dance. A dance for two on a deserted beach - with the faint sound of Jeremy Camp singing "My Desire" - we played it on Ryan's phone. It was perfect.

Ryan leading in prayer at our reception. One of my favorite moments.

Enough said. :)

Thank you - to ALL of you who made the trek to Florida to join us this day. Thank you to ALL of you who joined us in prayer from afar on this day. And thank you to ALL of you who have been part of our lives - in whatever capacity - as we navigated our first year of marriage.

God.  Is.  Good.

Ryan...thank you for making this past year so full of fun...so full of love...and so full of memories. I have loved every day we spent together, and I've loved being important to you. You've changed my life in the most beautiful of ways. Thank you for patience and grace on the days when I just flat out fail as a wife. Thank you for encouraging me, calling me beautiful, and working hard to provide for us. Thank you for being a picture of God's love for me. Thanks for sacrificing, for taking me on dates, for encouraging me to pursue my passions, for dreaming with me, and making my dreams come true. Thanks for pushing me to be more than I think I can be...for talking through hard situations with me...and for leading us in a Godly way. Thank you for making me laugh and holding me when I cry. I love you so much.

365 days down, forever to go.

You're the only one I want to spend it with.


Rebekah + Ryan from Visual Effects by Seth on Vimeo.