Thirty Years with the Lord

Today is a sweet day in my heart and life.

Today marks 30 years since I began a growing relationship with the Lord. I wrote about it a few weeks ago, but I want to pay a special tribute to this milestone today.

When I made that decision 30 years ago, I did so out of a place of deep need. New seasons of my life (the onset of junior high and becoming an aunt) showed me that I couldn't keep trying to figure out life and decisions on my own. I needed the sort of wisdom and guidance that only come from the Lord, so I knelt by a bathtub and asked for help.

Let me tell you some things about these three decades.

There have been moments when I have been so absolutely at the end of myself - brokenhearted - and all I could do was curl up in a ball and cry from the deepest places of my soul. I couldn't even say words. God heard those cries and saw those tears. 

There have been moments when I made selfish, stupid, sinful choices that hurt me and hurt people I loved. I haven't been perfect. I haven't done everything right. God was there to forgive me when I confessed and repented.

There have been moments when I lived through seasons of hurt and grief - sometimes from the natural order of life and sometimes from decisions others made. God was there to carry me when I didn't have the strength to walk on by myself.

There have been moments when joy so filled me that my heart felt like a helium balloon sailing off into the sky. God was there to celebrate with me in those amazing moments, even if no one else around me understood my giddy heart.

There have been moments when I lacked wisdom and had to make decisions that affected my future (and sometimes others' futures as well). God gave wisdom when I asked and helped me know the way I should take.

There have been moments when I lacked the courage I needed to do difficult things or take unpopular stands. God stood beside me and gave me the courage I needed in the exact moments of my need.

These last thirty years have been all about growing, learning, maturing, and finding out (one step at a time) where He's leading next. I'm so very grateful for the Lord's patience, kindness, discipline, generosity, and gentle leading.

Today I celebrate thirty years and if I have the privilege of living thirty more, I want them to be filled with as much growing, learning, maturing, and discipline as I've had in the first thirty.

I'm grateful. I'm grateful God saw a straggly haired tweenage girl and wanted to use her. I never had a clue back on that day in 1989 that in thirty years, He'd call me to a unique mix of ministries, but it is my privilege to answer that call. And for as long as He keeps calling, I'll keep answering.

(These words say everything - and if you can handle a throwback to 90s hair, this is my favorite recording of this song. To hear it sung by someone who has walked the highs and the lows makes it even better, I think.)