Small Group Sentiments

Ahhh, the push and pull of social media. You feel it too...I'm sure you do. You remind yourself over and over that what people post is just a snippet of life as a whole. (And the most polished snippet, at that.) Cozy moments and the warmest memories.

In some ways, I don't hate it when people post the best of their lives. I've been known to snooze a few folks on Facebook for being my daily dose of Negative Nellie. I do find encouragement and joy in the pretty posts.

But there is always the potential for jealousy to creep in, too. For me, it has often come when people post about their close friend-groups. I have a healthy handful of friends who have these amazing do-everything-in-life-together groups. They get together for meals all the time. They go do fun things together. Some of them even vacation together. I think it's pretty wonderful, but I have also never had "that group."

Don't get me wrong: I have wonderful friends. Many of them! Even before I married Ryan, I had wonderful friends (who are still my friends) who got together with me for meals or coffee, who welcomed me to family gatherings, who even went on trips with me so I didn't have to travel alone. It's true that since getting married, I've chosen to focus more of my time on Ryan (because my marriage is my calling and I am accountable before the Lord for my investment in it), but we still have great friends who get together with us for meals and fun stuff. So please don't misinterpret my thoughts in this post. I love my friends!

But we've never had that group of people who just do everything together. I used to think that meant something about us was profoundly broken because that was missing from our lives. Everyone else seemed to have a group. Where was ours?

God has so graciously taught me that at least for this season, that is not His calling over us. The type of ministry He has called us to have requires a more broad availability than we would have if we had this consistent friend group consuming all our time and attention. We couldn't have the marriage we have, serve in the ministries where we serve, or pursue the things we pursue if we had what feels like the normal social group I seem to see so often in social media.

Having said all of that, though, over the course of the last two years, God has given us a wonderful small group through our church. And as our fall semester study wrapped up a couple of weeks ago, He showed me how He has given me a beautiful answer in different wrapping.

When our church began its small group ministry two years ago, our group was cobbled together based on day of the week. The church held a big sign up day, and people could choose what group they wanted to be part of. I'm pretty sure most of the people in our group chose us because we met on Tuesdays. We were still fairly new to the church, so I'm confident no one chose us because they liked us. No one knew us!

It so happened that our group was made up of couples in the beginning, though that wasn't a requirement at all. We had a great mix of ages, and we launched into learning together, even though in the beginning it was a bit awkward. We held the study in our home and most of us didn't know anything about each other. Slowly we learned about one another - while we learned about the Lord. People came right before the start time and dashed out the front door the moment group ended. It was sweet, and we loved everyone in our group, but it lacked that maturity and comfort that comes with time alone.

In the course of the last two years, one couple moved away (we miss them!!) and three more couples joined. Our house is bursting at the seams, and whoever doesn't show up early has to park down the street, because our driveway is only so big. We bought a bigger couch to try to help with seating, but we still bring out folding chairs to make enough room for everyone.

As the last night of study wrapped up this fall, we realized that somewhere along the way, this group became unified. They come in and hug each other. They choose their coffee cup for the night and grab some snacks from the kitchen. (And it's not unusual for someone to bring a snack to share, even though we don't ask it of them.) They all have "their seats" in the living room, and the ones who want blankets or pillows for extra comfort just help themselves now. They know where to find them. Even Braeya skips her usual hiding and makes the rounds, looking for attention. Best of all, when the official study is over, most of them stay another hour, getting another cup of coffee, having a second round of treats, and telling all the stories while they hang out.

They're not afraid to share their hearts as we study. They ask questions. They share prayer requests. They pray for each other.

And they even ask to get together "off the clock" of study. Last week we wrapped gifts for the Rescue Mission. This week everyone received an invitation to join one of our newer couples for dinner to celebrate a milestone birthday for the husband.

This is our group, and we love them. We may never be the group that spends all of every part of life together, and we may never vacation together or have standing dinner plans on the third Friday of the month, but these are our people. We come together to share life in the way that fits us, even if it doesn't match the social media prescription.

I celebrate that!

(Here we are after our last study wrapped up. We were missing two on this evening, but these are the rest of our people. We sent this picture to Erica Wiggenhorn, who wrote the book we studied.)

Gift wrapping!!