A Peek Back...

Today, Ryan and I cement another milestone in our relationship journey: we celebrate a year and a half of marriage!

A year and a half of adventure and fun...of hard work and frustration...of prayers and tears...but always, always, always, of teamwork and love.

The journey to get to this place has been hard-fought. Oh how I ached to get married. ACHED. And I know that many of you who read here every day are in the middle of that same ache right now. Others of you are aching just as hard for something else.

This past week, Ryan and I made our way to the prayer chapel at IWU and spent some time at the altar, praying over the things that weigh most heavily on our hearts...and as my eyes scanned the room and my hand grasped his, I remembered a time eight years ago - almost exactly - when I spent a series of weeks in this place...praying.

Praying for Ryan. Before I knew he would even be the answer.

Years ago, I wrote about those weeks and haven't shared that story in full...but wondered if it might be okay to do so here over the next little while. Don't worry - I won't give up writing about life in Shafferland, but I'd love to let you peek into the life of a girl desperate to be married...and how God moved for those few weeks. Hope that's okay!

The adventure began 8 1/2 years ago, when I was teaching a Ladies Bible Study group through my church. We met every Monday night here in my home, and that particular season, we were studying prayer. For eleven weeks, I found a facet of prayer to cover while carefully skirting the issue of fasting. Finally, on week twelve, it was time to don the skirt.

Why did I avoid it so long?  Simply put:  I like to eat.  I shared quite openly that I grew up thinking – from what I observed and heard discussed at church – that fasting was all about skipping a meal or a series of meals to pray.  And being the food addict that I am, the idea never really appealed to me.  I admired people that could do it.  I just wasn't one of them. 

A couple of years before I taught the series on prayer, I'd attended a wedding where I sat alone in a row near the back, watching guests arrive.  A very tall, thin young man wandered into my row and greeted me with much enthusiasm.  “Hey!!  Anyone sitting here?”  I stared at him for just a moment before I realized I knew him.  Only...he'd been about forty pounds heavier when I knew him.  I don’t hide shock well most of the time, so he quickly explained that he’d lost some weight as a result of participating in a forty-day fast for some people at his church who were battling cancer. 

There I was, counting down the minutes until the reception so I could get in line for snacks, and he had given up everything for over a month for the sake of people in his church and their health.   I was amazed he even had the strength to sit up straight at the wedding.  And then he added that he worked a full time construction job. I had no idea how he managed it. 

So this was the sort of image I had of fasting.  The Jesus-type fast.  Forty days…the heat…the desert…the lack of chocolate.  That wasn’t me, I decided.  But I also decided that I should at least attempt to teach on the topic before I closed the study on prayer.  Having never participated in a fast, I decided to consult the experts.  I parked next to my bookshelves and pulled out every book on prayer I could find.  I scoured the table of contents in every book for chapters on fasting.  Nothing. 

Finally, near the end of my resources, I found one lone book with a chapter on the subject of my quest.  Wesley Duewel’s book Touch the World Through Prayer had a chapter called “You Can Deepen Your Prayer by Fasting.”  I curled up on the couch, determined to absorb a crash course.   

These words captured me: “Biblical fasting is a form of self-denial for the sake of Jesus and His kingdom.  It is a deliberate abstinence from some or all food for a spiritual purpose.  It demonstrates a deep level of commitment and sacrifice…Fasting in the biblical sense is choosing not to partake of food because your spiritual hunger is so deep, your determination in intercession so intense, or your spiritual warfare so demanding that you have temporarily set aside even fleshly needs to give yourself to prayer and meditation.” 

Fasting is not for the faint of heart.  And it’s not a new diet.  It is not about skipping breakfast once a week so that your stomach pangs remind you to pray for a concern.  It is about real commitment.  Not a commitment to skip a meal so much as a commitment to give up something important to you – to set aside your desire for that thing – and instead turn full, devoted attention to deep, faith-filled, intercessory prayer.

And so I showed up at Bible study that Monday night in late November, armed with quotes from Mr. Duewel’s book, alongside my own grand conclusions.  I ended the evening with these words, spoken while looking each of the ladies straight in the eye:

“God delights in our decision to follow Him and to do anything that gives us the opportunity to draw closer to Him.  What you fast and how often you do it is between you and God.  But I want to challenge you (and I’m taking the challenge alongside you) to seek God and find out what He wants of you in this area.  And then do it.  Because if He gives you directions and you don’t follow them, then it’s definitely sin.  So go…seek God’s heart.  Listen for His prompting.  And then follow and wait for His blessings to pour over you as you obey!”

If only I had known it wouldn't be that simple at all.