Still No Formulas

When Ryan and I were engaged, I wrote this blog post - about formulas, because we had some pretty strong questions asked/opinions shared about the speed of our relationship. I still stand by everything I said in that post - and it's just TRUE. Life doesn't go by formulas.

Ironically...after being scolded for getting married too quickly, we now find ourselves the recipients of the question. You already know it, don't you? "When are you going to start having babies?" It makes me giggle. We got married TOO fast and aren't having babies fast ENOUGH.

I wasn't even going to address this whole thing on the blog, but last week, I read this fabulous post by Tayler Beede. It was comforting to know we're not the only ones in this boat.

Just like there isn't a formula for how long people should know each other before they date...or date before they become engaged...or remain engaged before they get married...there isn't a formula for how long people should be married before they have babies...or any shame in NOT having babies at all.

Some thoughts:

* Bottom line: it's nobody's business - when or where or why or how. Lynne and I talk occasionally about how the onslaught of social media seems to have given "permission" to people to ask any question or say any comment to absolutely anyone out there. I say "permission" because...it's not real permission. Just because you can't see the person over the Twitter feed or Facebook page or blog post - doesn't mean you have the freedom to badger them with questions or opinions. And I admit to being one who has been tempted {SO MANY TIMES} to make a snarky comment to someone on a blog because I know I can comment anonymously. I'll vent and feel better - they'll be hurt by my comment , which is what I secretly want anyway - and no one is the wiser. Except God. And my conscience, which would proceed to eat me alive. So just because you CAN ask or comment doesn't mean you SHOULD. {And I say that largely to myself.}

* Don't assume that because a couple isn't pregnant...they aren't trying. Also do not assume that they are. My mother would crawl under the table in mortification if she knew how many times my friends and I have had conversations about trying and succeeding and cycles and charts and temps and such. Back in the day, people didn't talk about that kind of stuff. Today, I can offer you that information about women I don't even know in real life, but I've read all about it on their blogs! People talk about it all the time now and many of my friends are no exception. But for those who don't talk about it - there's a reason. What is the reason? Refer to the previous paragraph.  Maybe they're trying and it's not working and if you ask, they feel worse. Maybe they're not trying and it IS working and if you ask, they feel judged.

* When you say things like "You guys would have the cutest babies!!" or "You look awfully good holding that baby..." we know what you're getting at. I went to visit my friend Jeri and her new baby last week and I was ACHING to hold that sweet little thing. In fact, when I'd been there an hour and still hadn't had a chance to hold the baby, I kind of started to panic that I wouldn't get a chance! But just because I wanted to hold her and smell her cute newborn smell {the clean diaper kind} - and just because we looked sort of adorable together...me in my yellow dress and Ellie in her zebra stripe dress...didn't mean I wanted to have my own. It just meant I wanted to hold a baby. And then I wanted to give her back to her mom and go home and cook dinner for my husband.

* God has His timing. While I'm not going to specifically address the future of Shafferland at this time, I will say this. I waited 34 years to find a husband. I ached and prayed and cried and hurt and wondered if I'd ever get the chance to love and be loved in return. And for the last year, I've enjoyed the company of Ryan. For the last 10 months, I've known for certain that he was the one I would marry. And for the last 8 months, I've had the privilege to be his wife.

I love this life.

I love waking up with arms around me. I love packing lunches for two. I love snuggling up next to him for morning devos and prayer. I love hearing my phone ring as I commute and knowing he wants to talk to me even though he just saw me. I love texts coming to my phone throughout the day that say things like "I love you" and "I miss you today." I love coming home to cook dinner for him. I love planning menus for us. I love grocery shopping together. I love folding twice the amount of laundry I used to. I love using the phrase "my husband..." I love feeling my wedding ring press against my finger. I love planning dates for him. I love being surprised by dates BY him. I love naps in the hammock. I love scrapbooking our memories. I love getting all cute for a weekly date night. I love dreaming about trips with him.

I've waited my entire life for THIS. This is what I prayed to experience. This is what I longed to received. I'm so content with this life. THIS is what God has called me to and my world is not in any way incomplete. I don't feel cheated or left out of the deepest possible kind of love because I'm not a mom.

If you'd asked me what I wanted out of life ten years ago, I would have given you a very formulaic answer that included 2.5 children and possibly a dog. But this is my now, after God has ripped away every formula. My story doesn't look like I thought it would and that's okay. It's better than okay, actually. My story doesn't look like yours and that's okay too. My timeline isn't yours. My dreams are not yours. His plan for me is not His plan for you.

And I say to that - isn't life grand that way? The way God works it all out?

He answers to no one about it.