Two Years

Two years ago this week, my desert began. I know some of you are new to my blog and have absolutely no idea what that means, but for those of you who have been here a while...you remember.

I was in love with the man I planned to marry and he told me he couldn't marry me. He walked away into a soul-wilderness, and he never came back to me. And what ensued was a very long, excruciatingly painful journey that I thought for a little bit might just kill me, but it didn't.

Now and then, people ask questions about it, so I wanted to take a minute to acknowledge life, two years later.

* Isaac is now married. I've had people ask me how I feel about that. Well, it wasn't the happiest day of my life when I learned that news. (Read: cried for hours.) But God asked me once if I would be willing to give him up if it meant his complete healing and I said yes. Don't know if he healed or not, but once you've told God you're willing to let go, you can't really be too mad when He asks you to do that. I've prayed for them (more than once) - that their marriage will be blessed and successful.

* I've survived this; I can survive anything. Losing Isaac was, without question, the most painful loss and journey I've ever known. Anything that comes at me now is compared to that and found survivable. Whenever I'm tempted to feel I'm not going to make it through something, I say to myself, "You survived that; you can do this." And then I do it.

* Just because it's over doesn't mean the hurt disappeared. Though our paths don't really cross, there are times I see pictures of him (through his family) and that brings incredible fresh sears of pain. Satan jumps all over those moments to say "Look what you didn't get." I like to call them "opportunities for faith." At those moments I revert to "You survived that; you can do this." And then I do.

* Morning has broken. Every day as I drive to work and watch the sunrise, I remember my theme song from the desert - which was Before the Morning. And I remind myself that my morning has come. Life, though not at all what I envisioned two years ago, is beautiful and laden with gifts. It's minus Isaac and I miss him, but God has new plans for this girl and as He sees fit, He'll unfold them.

And finally...this song. Oh my goodness. Another one that could be my theme. If you've got a hurt going on...take a listen.