I don't understand.
We came here because my sister is having a baby. That's a happy reason, right? So why is everybody just sitting and staring?...
...A man is walking in now. He doesn't look happy. Maybe he's tired....
..."Lori's fine, but we lost the baby...."
...Who is this man? What does he mean, "Lost the baby?" How can you lose a baby?...
...No! I understand now!
No! They lost the baby! The baby died.
NO, NO, NO!
The man is leaving. Where is he going? He can't just come in here, tell us our baby died, and leave. Come back here!...
21 years doesn't make it hurt any less. I miss him. I so often wonder what it would have been like to have known him. To be calling him on his birthday instead of ordering something to leave at his grave.
And yet, through every tear, I know those words are true: This is what it means to be held.
4 comments:
Oh Bekah,
What a painful memory. But how precious that you have the memory of holding him.
Blessings and peace to you today! And hope you have fun at your writer's conference too. I'm just taking a quick breather at my conference and doing something I love--checking my favorite blogs!
I'll just simply say, "I'm sorry."
Wish I could give you a real-life hug today.
The loss never goes away, does it? I, too, have a child missing from my life. He or She would have been 30 years old last March.
There is guilt one deals with as well. It's along the lines of "I'm sorry, I didn't know_______". Or, "I should not have eaten ________; drank ______; done ________", or just about anything because you second guess everything no matter what.
For me, the comfort comes in that I know G-d does not undo or "un-create" a life He's started. There will be a day when I see my child, yet.
Jody - Hope you are having a WONDERFUL time at your conference. I'm admittedly jealous! :) Thanks for taking time to visit here today and to think of me!
Christina - I'd take one of those hugs, too. Love you!
Tsofah - I had no idea! I am so sorry for your loss as well...The questions definitely never end. Kirk's death was a complete shock to us. Some people know ahead of time that something could be wrong, and while I know that doesn't make it any easier, it does give a minute of preparation. But regardless of how it happens - it all hurts! Hugs to you...
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