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Last week, I wrestled through a few days when it came to things of
the heart. I have some long-standing prayer requests that I’ve committed to the
Lord, but I find it hard sometimes to leave those things in the hands to which I
committed them. I’m sure I’m not alone in that.
A handful of
them surfaced all in one day last week, and I struggled to even make sense of
how it all made me feel. This word girl had a hard time putting words around
the feelings, and that’s so frustrating.
Somewhere along
the way that day – probably on a social media post – I saw the words of Romans
12:12, reminding me to be faithful in prayer.
Faithful. In.
Prayer.
The truth is,
the things that overwhelm my heart are beyond my ability to change, control, or
manipulate in any way. In some cases, I’m praying over decisions that are not
mine to make. I’ll be affected by their outcomes, but I’m not the one in charge
of the decisions. In some cases, I’m praying for provision that is beyond my ability
to provide. In some cases, I’m asking for answers to questions that utterly
baffle me.
I can’t do
anything to make anything happen. I can “only” pray. But as the verse reminded
me, my job is to be faithful in prayer. My job is to trust the One who
can guide decisions, offer provisions, and provide answers. He can do all of
it.
Why the wait
for any of it? I don’t know. Perhaps the wait, in part, has to do with the
growth of my own faith and character. Perhaps it has nothing to do with me and
everything to do with someone else’s story, and I’m just part of the bigger
story.
I wrote the words
“faithful in prayer” in my desk space so I can remind myself repeatedly that
this is what I can do. I can be faithful to pray over the things that
weigh on my heart. I’m responsible to pray over these things.
My goal for the
days ahead is to remain faithful in prayer. If you feel compelled to do the
same, I’d love to have you along for the journey!
5 comments:
Hi, Bekah!
I can relate to what you are feeling. One of my goals for at least 12 years, has been for God to show us (and give us the means to buy) a new house.
The one we are living in is too big for us, it has some mold issues that won't go away no matter what we try, brings us not very good memories of some situations we went through and it's near a park and coffee shops, so we have lots of noise both day and night.
And in the Summer, we can't have our windows open many times, due to the loud music, parties and concerts...
But alas, we are still in the same place and sometimes I despair. It's like "what else do I need to do or change, so that God can answer our prayers?"
And when I read your posts and many more of people that change house and find the house of their dreams, apparently so easily, my heart cries out to Him.
Or when I see some of our family and neighbours that don't even believe in God, sell their houses?
I'm always glad for those that were blessed, but I have to admit that I also think: why haven't we been blessed, too?
What do they have or do that we don't?
The same about Nuno's kidney transplant.
But as you say, I can’t do anything to make anything happen. I can “only” pray, so that's what I do.
I will pray for you and if you can pray with me, I appreciate it!
:)
Hi Paula! I appreciate your honesty and transparency in your comment! I absolutely will pray with you on this. Though circumstances may differ, I also nodded right along with your heart-thoughts, because I do understand them! I remember all those years of singleness, watching person after person getting married and wondering why that was so easy for them! (And now I'm aware that I fall into that category of someone who received an answer of a longing prayer while others continue to wait...and I ache with and for them!) Ryan gave me such a good reminder last week in one of our conversations. He reminded me that every resource we have is ultimately His and every story told is (or should be) for His glory, so the timing and use of it all is ultimately up to Him. It may not make sense to us from our limited perspectives. It may not feel good to us in the moment of our longing. But it's all about HIM. I've been studying Exodus and have wondered how the Israelites felt waiting for God's deliverance, and then when it finally came, it was NOTHING like what I'm sure they expected. But the Bible flat out says that God's whole objective was to be glorified and to show His might and power. And that principle hasn't changed. It's what He wants to show through my life and through yours! So as you wait and pray and desire, I am praying with you that God gets the glory! Your thoughts make sense and I know you are not alone - even though I'm sure at times it feels that way. It has for me in seasons of my story.
Thank you, Bekah!
Thank your for your words and for your prayers.
Sometimes it's so hard for us to wait, as you know and I remember reading your blog in those years of singleness and prayiong for you. And being SO happy to read that you and Ryan were dating!
Sometimes we pray and hope and wait and I know that God's timming, may not be my timmimg and I have to respect that and know that everything He does is because He loves me.
But, like I read one day, God invented time, but man invented the clock, so most of the time we are moved by our timming and not His.
Thank you for reminding me that "every resource we have is ultimately His and every story told is (or should be) for His glory, so the timing and use of it all is ultimately up to Him."
Rest asure that as soon as we can move to our dream home, you and Ryan will be among the first to know!
:)
I used to wrestle with this a lot!
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