Label Makers

First of all - a very happy birthday to my Dad! Today is his very own holiday, and he's celebrating with some of his favorite things, so I have no doubt he'll have a good day - despite the solid rainfall and frigid temps we're expecting. :)

Secondly, this post is NOT about a little machine that slaps stickers on everything you own. (Though I do own one of those, and I love it.) Today's post is about something I learned this week, and I wanted to share it with you.

For the last few weeks, I've been part of a Bible study at our church. I've really enjoyed the book we've studied, but I have also enjoyed getting to know some women I didn't know before! We were a small group this week, but we talked at length about the common human struggle of believing the labels the people around us slap on us rather than believing what the Bible says is true of us.

I am sure we're not the only ones to struggle with that. You can read a dozen verses in the Bible that speak of your worth to the Lord, and one person (that you may not even know very well) can say one unkind word, and suddenly that's all you hear about yourself. That's all you believe.

I've written before about the time in my awkward junior high years when a visitor to our Sunday School class made some incredibly rude comments about me. I had never met him before that Sunday. His parents were divorced and his dad attended our church. He was staying with his dad for the weekend and landed in our class that morning. Our youth pastors had us go around the table and introduce ourselves. When it was my turn, I smiled nicely and said my name, and he said out loud his thoughts about me. I guess he didn't have a filter.

Our youth pastors were horrified, and they did everything they could to move the class along. Later that week, I received a card in the mail from them, reiterating the truth of my worth and making sure I understood the young man had ben wrong and incredibly out of line in his outburst.

I still have that card. I will never get rid of it, but I don't need to see it tangibly to see it in my mind. I remember the exact wording and even the flow of Jody's handwriting.

That moment popped into my mind this week as we talked in our women's Bible study. It occurred to me that out of all the mean things that were ever said to me in my pre-college years (and kids can be cruel, so you know there were several moments to choose from) that one bothers me least of all. I still remember that kid. I can see his face. I had to think about it pretty intently, but I also finally remembered what he said.

But I don't care.

That moment has never scarred, marked, or defined me.

And this week, I figured out why.

It was because of Jody. She reached out immediately and spoke truth over me. She didn't have to do that, and I knew it. She wasn't my mom. She wasn't my older sister. She didn't "have" to believe good things about me. But she chose to believe good things, and furthermore, she chose to tell me her beliefs.

Powerful.

I came home from Bible study and shared my epiphany with Ryan. I told him it occurred to me that there are some things that we desperately need to know from the people closest to us. And when they don't affirm us in those ways, it wounds us.

I need to know Ryan thinks I'm beautiful. I need to know that he thinks I'm smart and funny and gifted. I need him to be my biggest supporter, and I need him to be vocal in his encouragement. I have blossomed as a human being because for the last seven years, he has spoken truth over me that no other man ever did, and it has changed me.

But at the same time, Ryan is my husband. Sometimes I tell him he "has to" believe those things. He tells me he doesn't, and I say, "oh yes you do!" Ha!

So yes, we need those closest to us to believe in us - out loud. But I also came to realize the value of believing in people when we wouldn't have to do so.

I absolutely still melt into a pile of goo when Ryan tells me I'm beautiful. But last week, one of the girls in my Bible study stopped and said to me, "You are just beautiful. You know that?" Well. No. I didn't. Not in that moment when I felt a little fluffy and frumpy. But it meant something special and different coming from her, because she didn't have to tell me that.

I certainly blush to the roots of my hair when Ryan compliments my writing. It makes me so happy to hear his affirmation. But when the children's pastor at our church called this week to tell me he really liked a proposal I'd written for a church program, that made my heart so happy, too! He wouldn't have had to say a thing about it!

What I'm trying to say is that there is great value in affirming the people we love. They need it and we should take time to offer it. But there is at least an equal, if not greater value in affirming people who would never expect such a word from us. People who are at a bit of a distance from us. People who may be wrestling with doubts and fears. They need their spouses and parents to cheer for them, but they need you, too. They need to know you see and you care. In fact, your words may end up being the ones that settle over them most deeply.

What if we chose to be label makers? Not the kind of label makers that slap mean words over people just so we can feel smugly better about ourselves. No. I mean the kind of label makers that take the sting out of a tough moment so it doesn't become a defining moment for the rest of time.

Wouldn't that be a great job to have?

Let's do that.