Bits for Sunday, September 14, 2008

I almost didn't post this one this week because I truly don't want it to offend anyone. Normally I don't even remotely joke about things like this, but hopefully you'll take it in the spirit in which I wrote it...

I’m not sure what things are like where you work, but in my office, we hear a lot about appeals. Exceptions to the normal boundaries of our rules. I will admit to you that this exposure to appeals has greatly affected the way I interact with businesses when I might be inclined to appeal one of their rules.

I remember the first time I was ever late with a credit card payment. You must understand that I am ridiculously organized about things like paying bills, because my parents raised me well to pay in full and pay on time. Period. End of discussion. This unfortunate late payment occurred during the worst Thanksgiving of my life (I’m sure I wrote about it back in the day) and it was literally the last straw of that weekend. In shuffling the papers on my desk, I found that unpaid bill staring at me…and I cried all the way to the store, where I paid it…and I cried some more the next month when I received the new bill with the late fee attached. I thought about calling the company to appeal…it was the first (and as far as I was concerned, also the last) time I’d ever been late and surely there would be some grace for just such a thing. But I didn’t call. Because the truth was…I didn’t pay my bill on time. Perhaps a hefty late fee would be just the consequence I needed to not let it happen again.

This morning in church, my Dad preached about the Ten Commandments – which, he pointed out – are not the Ten Suggestions. Makes me wonder about the appeal-happy people of the world. I wonder if, on Judgment Day, they’ll arrive at the Pearly Gates with a neatly typed (single-spaced) appeal letter outlining the reasons they didn’t precisely follow the Ten Commandments as stated. For example:

Dear God:

I understand I am about to be held accountable for my actions over the past…lifetime…and I wanted write this letter to ask for some exceptions to be made based on extenuating circumstances.

1. I do understand I was not to have any other god besides You, and really, if You look at it technically, I followed this one. I know that it looks like work came first because I stayed there for twelve hours a day (fourteen in busy season…just so I’m not lying), but You know…I was working as unto You! If I’m not mistaken, that is Scriptural. I also believe the Bible says that we’re to submit to authority, and my boss is the authority! He’s the one that asked for all the extra hours. I know I got a little emotionally attached to it, but I just wanted to make this explanation, so it didn’t look to You like I was really doing that on purpose with the intent to put You second in my life.


2. About the Sabbath. Scripture says to “remember” it – and I sure did. Many weeks I remembered it from the office, but I did remember it, and that was part of the command. And even though I was at work and not at church, I was resting. I could have been up on the roof repairing those shingles like my neighbor did sometimes (just thought I’d mention that in case You didn’t see it) but I was very much resting in the chair behind the desk, typing very slowly so as not to aggravate my carpal tunnel.


3. I never stole anything that created an alarm to sound when exiting a store’s premises, so I should be covered there. The long distance phone calls I made from work were really on an emergency basis, because they normally had to do with babysitting arrangements or dinner reservations, both of which, had I not done, would have led my spouse to kill me – which would be breaking commandment number six. I was really just trying to avoid that.


4. I definitely haven’t given any false testimony against my neighbor. Every blessed word I ever said about that cheating snake was absolutely true. I just wanted to warn others so that they weren’t dragged down by her conniving ways. Really, if You think about it, I was doing a public service.


5. And lastly, I would also like to point out that any thoughts that could be considered covetous were strictly the result of undue temptation sent my way by Satan – which really makes me kind of like Job. So those things were really not my fault and I think I should be given some leeway in those areas, especially since most of the time I kept them to thoughts only and never actually acted on any of them.

Thank You very much for Your consideration of these issues and I look forward to Your speedy (and in total agreement with me) reply.

Love,

Me

Okay so maybe it’s a bit exaggerated. But think about it. God does have grace and compassion, yes. But the buck does stop. And no amount of appealing is going to help when that happens.