Bits for Sunday, July 27, 2008

Today I bring to you some thoughts on weddings. Not on marriage. I have a billion thoughts on marriage – many of which, I have been told by my married friends – will fly straight out the window once I am married. We’ll see, I suppose.

Anyway, yesterday I was a judge at a competition…and it was my second year to be in this role. One of the other judges recently got engaged, so we sat there in between performances, talking about rings and dresses and all the planning she’s trying to cram into a very short amount of time. I enjoyed it, because I love wedding talk. What is it that Mary Fiore says in The Wedding Planner? “Those who can’t wed…plan?”

I also scrapped some this weekend and ran across this picture:

It is my first captured-on-film wedding planning. I was three, and while everyone else was planning for Christmas, I was planning for a wedding. You’ll notice that the attire leaves a bit to be desired. I believe that is someone’s nightgown over my yellow footed pajamas, and I have no idea what I have on my head – a sweater, maybe? Pretty sure I stole the red flowers from my sister’s room. I have no idea what possessed me to be a bride that day. Maybe we had just gone to a wedding…maybe I heard someone talking about getting married…I’m not sure. I didn’t think my first crush rolled around until I was four. Maybe I was unaware that wedding planning worked best with a groom as part of the plan.

While Faith and I scrapped on Friday, we saw a commercial for WE’s program “Platinum Weddings.” Ever seen that? RIDICULOUS amounts of money go into these weddings. I watch the show, not on a regular basis, but whenever I need a good jaw-dropper. It is not unusual for the brides to have at least two wedding dresses (one for the ceremony, one for the reception), and to spend more on their shoes than I will someday spend on the whole ceremony, reception AND honeymoon. Flowers alone can cost anywhere from $50,000 to $100,000 and are often imported from places I never even learned about in Geography class. The wedding planners spend the better part of a working day individually hanging crystals from tree branches and another day installing multi-colored lighting fixtures and covering the ceiling and walls in (more imported) silk.

My thought…why spend your entire life’s income on one day? I don’t mind splurging on a thing here or there…but I think I’ll draw the line at crystals on tree branches. I probably won’t even be able to see them in the pictures. Pictures, incidentally, would be one area where I’d be willing to spend. At least I could look at the pictures every day and get my money’s worth.

I also think…why spend a year’s salary on shoes? Ever heard of flip-flops? (I’m sure some of them have…but only if encrusted in diamonds.) I just might wear flip-flops when I get married. OR tennis shoes. (You must admit, the Runaway Bride was probably the most comfortable bride you’ve ever seen…all four times.) Those who wear slippers or go barefoot entirely…definitely subscribe to a cost-effective plan, not to mention comfy.

Really, I see no need for two dresses. I think I’ll be fortunate to find one I like. I’ve looked at dresses often during my years as a professional bridesmaid…and I’ve found that few are made for challenging body shapes. And I don’t want to be one of those women that makes the Sunday paper readers shower the wedding section with coffee when the page turns to the wedding announcements. (You know zactly what I’m talking about. You’ve raised an eyebrow at some bride along the way…a bride who tried to make a dress work that just didn’t.)

Another popular budget-buster from the show is the guest gift basket. Some people spend $100 or more on every guest’s gift basket. I’m confused. I thought guests brought gifts to the couple…not the other way around. When did guests stop being content with taking home a napkin and a program and maybe a flower petal stolen from the aisle runner? (The runner, incidentally, is another item you will not see at my wedding. I’ve tripped on too many of them, and I’m not spending my wedding day face down in the center aisle with my dress straight up in the air, giving the photographer some new material!)

You know the more I think about it, maybe I did have it right when I was three. Wear your footed pajamas, throw a sweater over your head (save the money you would have paid someone to do your hair), and carry some flowers from a vase in the bedroom. Just don’t forget to have your mom show up with the Polaroid camera to take some pictures.