Bits for Sunday, January 13, 2008

This week I’ve been thinking quite a bit about discipline.

Not because I particularly enjoy it, you understand, but it just seems to be popping up everywhere. Conversations. Devotions. Books. When something doesn’t go away, I usually figure God’s trying to get something through my head. So…I’ve been giving it some thought.

It started when I went to my friend Jaye’s birthday party and she and I talked about last year and all the commitments I made. She asked if I’d given in and had a taste of the coveted pop yet…which I haven’t. That led to an entire discussion about the discipline of doing the things I committed to do and which ones I kept and which ones I let go…and so it began in my mind.

One of my commitments for this year is to read Proverbs through every month. There are 31 chapters in Proverbs and also that many days in nearly each month…so if I read a chapter a day, I can read all of Proverbs in a month. At the end of the year, I’ll have read Proverbs through twelve times. Right now I’m in the chapters that are the Proverbs attributed to King Solomon, and each is a little couplet – not necessarily relating to the topic of the one before it or the one after it. I’m learning that there are definite themes in his wise sayings, though, and one of them is discipline. I keep making notes in my journal about what he says regarding discipline…and another month I’ll have to do a study just on that topic.

And then came the book. Another of my commitments this year is to read one book each month…on the topic of some sort of relationship. The one that I’m reading this month is a tough one – because it forces me to take a hard look at how I operate. I’m learning I’ve got a little more work to do than I thought. And many evenings I just sit with the book and shake my head wondering how I can be so incredibly disciplined in some areas (like flossing) and in other areas I can be so disorderly!

One evening this week, as I walked on the track, I thought about what Jaye said…I thought about what Proverbs said…and I thought about what I didn’t want to learn about myself while reading that book. I thought about being carbonated-beverage-free and exercising and flossing and all the other successes of last year and wondered how in the world I could tie all of this together and turn it into something beneficial.

Then I thought about something I told my friend Kari last week, when I reported in about my new list of commitments. I told her I felt frazzled and unsure of how to make this new schedule work…but then again I remembered feeling that way last year when I started my big list. And yet in time, I began to remember the things I needed to do on a daily basis without consulting the master list. I began to instinctively fine tune my schedule to allow for the commitments and not scramble every Saturday night to finish the things that I hadn’t done yet.

And now, a year later, I see that those things are just part of who I am. I disciplined myself right into desiring those things to be part of my life. Do I love them? Not all of them. I don’t skip to the gym with joy. Many days I still force myself to change into the grubbies and go. But I know the lifestyle change is something I desire enough that I choose to continue the discipline.

And so it will be with some of these new things. So I haven’t always done a great job in the past in some areas. That doesn’t mean I’m a complete failure for it. It just means now is the time to create new disciplines that will help me improve. And while right now that hurts and makes me tired…eventually it will become a desire in my heart.

So that’s what I’ve learned about discipline this week. I need to exercise it. I’m not perfect at it. And most people probably think I’m crazy for it. But if I ever want to desire the better things, I’ve got to start (or continue) training myself in that direction.

And so, Jaye, to better complete the conversation we started at your party…I guess that’s the basics of how and why I do what I do. I don’t like it. But after a while I definitely want it. And when the desire kicks in, it’s a whole lot easier.