Sunday, May 13, 2007

I’ve done so much writing this week to keep everyone up to date on life after a tornado…that I wasn’t sure what was left to say for today’s “official writing.” I wanted to say something non-tornado related, something fun, something different.

This is something I’ve wanted to do for a while now, since one of my blogging buddies did something similar on her blog, and I decided this was the perfect week to make such a list of my own. I call it “Bekah by the Numbers.”

73. Number of cents I spend on my daily Polar Tea. Okay, they’re really called Polar Pops, but I gave up pop for the year, so my 32 ounce cup contains tea. And by the way, not that I’m bitter, but inside of a week ago, that number was only 63. Did I mention it went to 73 with NO warning?

41. Number of years my mother had been alive when I showed up. Say it with me: woops!

29. Number of years I have lived on this earth – effective tomorrow.

27. Number of articles I have sold in my lifetime. I probably shouldn’t admit it is that low…if I’d worked harder, I could have sold a lot more. But still, that’s pretty good!

20. Number of dollars I spent on a $100 mirror I found at Hobby Lobby. It had a chip out of the top of the frame, so it was marked down. Once I hung it up, you couldn’t even see the chip. I love Hobby Lobby sales! (Oh, and by the phrase “I hung it up,” I actually mean “Dad hung it up.”)

16. Number of completed scrapbooks I own. I also have 2 in progress and several more that I’ve given away after I made them. Roll your eyes if you like, but there are worse addictions. I promise you.

11. Number of years I took piano lessons. Also the number of years I didn’t apply myself, so you can’t really tell I took lessons for that long. I can pick out a tune, but I’m not proficient by any means.

10. Number of dollars off a $10 or more purchase at Fashion Bug…my favorite coupon to receive in the mail. Also one of my greatest challenges. I will scour that store from top to bottom and try to walk out with the most things in the bag after spending the least amount of money. I’ve found some great deals!

9. Number of years I had been alive when I dealt with my first babysitting emergency. I was watching a baby in the church nursery right before church began, and he had a seizure. I remained calm until help had been summoned. Then, in true Bekah fashion, I fell apart completely.

8. Number of hours a day I’m on the clock. Sometimes it ends up being more than that – during busy season – but lately we’ve been lucky enough to not be so overwhelmed.

7. Number of days between my birth and my oldest sister’s graduation from high school. Needless to say, it was a rather busy week for my Mom. Leave it to me to create chaos from the start. Drama, drama, drama.

6. Number of weddings in which I have been an attendant. Each one contained such treasure filled stories…I’ve written about them before. In wedding number seven, I’d like to be at the front of the line wearing white, please.

5. Number of rooms I lived in during my college years. My freshman year, I moved from one room to another at the semester break, but then I lived in the second room until the end of my sophomore year. Then I lived in a room in an apartment for my junior year, moved to another apartment for the summer between my junior and senior year, back to the first apartment room for my senior year…and then ended up in a room by myself for the last semester of my senior year.

4. Number of rooms in my home that I have painted thus far. I’m taking a break from painting this year to spend my money on more “fun” things…like new tires, an electrician, and the sewer guy. But never fear. Painter Bekah SHALL return.

3. Number of childbirths I have attended in my lifetime. By far, three of the most amazing experiences of my entire life as well.

2. Number of cats who live in my house. In case you’ve forgotten the particulars, Kaegan is six, and Braeya just turned one.

1. Number of rough draft, book-length manuscripts I’ve completed. My goal is to pursue publication on it this year. Scares me to death, but kind of exciting at the same time!

0. Number of times I’ve seen the ocean. This is a definite “must do” for me at some point in my lifetime! Can’t wait!

I’m sure there are many things I should have put on the list but they didn’t occur to me. Maybe “Bekah by the Numbers” will return sometimes with more trivia!

Birthdays!

While I wait on tornado pictures, here are some recent pics from life at my house.

My first birthday gift this year was from Angela - who used to be my roommate. I loved this gift, not only because I love the gift, but because of the reason she gave it to me. I sent my stuffed bunny, Hippity, out to Kansas to comfort Cassie. Hippity was the bunny that got me through college...got our whole suite through college. Now he has moved on to other missions. Angela knew I sent him and went to Build A Bear to build me a new bunny. He's GREAT!

The night of the tornado (also Lori's birthday) was Braeya's first birthday - here are some pictures from her big evening. A box of kitty treats from my parents. (She's part pig, so she was extremely interested in this.)

A distraction for hours on end...the gift I gave her. She wrestled this thing all evening!

Finally worn out after too much birthday!

Meanwhile...

...I love it that God can multi-task. I hesitate to write this, because I'm sure in light of all that has happened in "the real world" this week, this really doesn't matter. But it matters to me, and it's my blog, so I guess that gives me the right to write!

I paid a visit to my actually semi-friendly BMV today. I laughed out loud when they handed me a receipt declaring that my transaction time had taken 2 minutes and 14 seconds. Because clearly...I spent my entire lunch hour in that place. And then some. I had to call in to work to report that I hadn't fled the county (as I am known to threaten to do on my way out the door for lunch). But anyway, a rather significant holiday takes place this coming Monday...a holiday which leads to the expiration of my license and the need for a new one.

You must understand that I was rather attached to the picture on my old license. It was a great hair day, I was sort of tan...loved it! I had prepared myself to be unable to top what I'd accomplished that day four years ago. I was NOT prepared for what I saw when they handed me the little card. It wasn't a bad picture. I was smiling, my eyes were open, the lady had zoomed out purposefully to include my chunky necklace (a gesture I found very kind)...but I looked ten years older than I am.

Not that the age looming ten years in my future is old. I just don't want to look that age yet. I don't even want to look my real age.

That little bump in the day, of course, magnified the aforementioned tornado situation, and I was a wreck by mid-afternoon. Our secretary came back to tell me someone had come to the office and asked for me...and she didn't know a name. All the way from my office to the front desk, I prayed, "PLEASE, Jesus. I had a bad license picture. I cannot take a mad parent. Please just let them be kind."

I walked out front to find the mother of two fantastic young ladies I've been privileged to serve as part of my caseload for the past five years. This Mom has been a joy. She has been patient and loving and polite, even when stressed. And her daughters are following in her footsteps. What a joyful, loving family.

And that sweet Mom stood out in our lobby with a vase full of flowers...for me. I cried. (Shocker.) It's a treat to get a verbal thank you...this was my first round of flowers, ever. I love flowers, so this was the most perfect gift. And then she stood there and started pulling things out of a sack...a book...a candle...a card. All for me. Just because.

I told her this could not have come at a more perfect time and hugged her so tightly she probably lost all her air. The secretary had already told her I was having a bad day, and this Mom looked me straight in the eye and said, "I don't know what you think you've done wrong today, but for my family, you've done five years of right."

If I could have framed her words, I would have. What a gift! That whole visit was directly from God, and I know that. Even in the middle of helping a town clean up a tornado, He had time to zoom in on my little office and my bad picture...and He sent me an angel.

Moving Forward

I am anxious to see the pictures my Mom brings back from Kansas. Incidentally, Mom's typical track record with film is to start a camera (she uses one time use cameras) at Christmas and sometimes by the fourth of July, she might be ready to develop it. So for her to purchase, use, and develop one camera in one week is....amazing. ( :D Love you, Mom!)

Anyway, she's been telling me about the "mall" in Haviland. Let me just explain to you the size of Haviland. There's no stoplight in the town...never mind that there's a college there. Kansas towns are so confusing. You would think they would be big based on what they contain. But they're not. Anyway, I'm not even sure there's a convenience store in this place, but now there is a "mall." I guess it has just all kinds of different things for people to take for free. Now that is my kind of mall! She said she took pictures of it, so I am curious to see exactly what this setup looks like.

I talked to Lori last night and found out the following updates. Some of you had asked about these sorts of things, so here's the scoop.

* They will have a vehicle very shortly. The denomination owns a vehicle that is currently not in use, so they will bring it for them to use for the short term future. Perhaps by that time, they'll be able to purchase a new one. Had this unused vehicle not been available, the denomination was going to rent something for them...so they would have still been covered. I'm appreciating the work of the Mennonites more and more! They take care of their own!

* They do have a place to live temporarily. Some people they know have offered them a spot in the upstairs of their home. This will give them privacy and a place to stay until they know what the next step will be. I'm not sure when they move into this place, but it will be soon. A praise here is that the people have cats, so they are welcoming Midnight (Cassie's cat) into their home. I'm told that Midnight will likely not reciprocate that welcome to the host kitties...but she'll survive. (Hopefully the other cats do too!)

* Lori told me they were able to go spend the first part of their voucher last night. They chose to take their voucher in two halves, because once they get it, they have to spend it and whatever they don't spend, they lose. They are learning that there are lots of things you can get for free (probably from "the mall") so they're trying to become educated about what they can get and what they can't...so they don't waste the voucher on stuff that's free elsewhere. They'll go back next week to spend the second half.

* She feels so blessed by all the donations that have rolled in for their family personally. Over and over she said to me, "We have so much more than so many people...we're going to be fine." Friends and family have been sending care packages and gift cards and money, so they're able to get through for this time. This is a huge blessing because they cannot get an insurance settlement on the contents of their house until "the list" is made. (See posts below for info on "the list.") She explained to me that the homeowners in town have already received their settlements - because they were just written off as total losses - and she saw many of them in Wal Mart last night buying microwaves and "bigger stuff." But because they lived in a parsonage, they didn't own their home. So they have to go through the making of the list in order to receive a settlement. So.....the donations are an extra blessing.

It seems like she told me more that I was going to pass along, but I don't remember now what it was. So anyway, for now, thank you to all of you who are helping to get them through this time. They continue to appreciate your prayers!

Little Miracles

Well the "finding stuff" prayers must be working. They have been working furiously today to clear out the basement of anything that might have caved in during the storm. So far, I know of the recovery of the following items:

* A photo album containing pictures of my nephew. HUGE, HUGE praise, since this was the baby that died and I was so hoping they would recover his few belongings.

* A couple of heirlooms that they had figured were gone gone.

* A "sisters forever" scrapbook I made for Lori as Christmas gift a couple of years ago.

* A few Christmas items.

I'm so excited for them at these discoveries. I believe this day concludes the pilfering extravaganza. By tonight the bulldozer will have cleared the property and the basement will be an empty hole.

New Life

Last night I had the chance to talk to Jeff for the first time...and then finally a "real" conversation with Lori, uninterrupted by other phone calls. I hung up from both conversations feeling more encouraged by them than they probably felt by me.

Jeff has reached a place of peace in his heart over what has happened. That decision makes the situation no less devastating, of course, but he is ready to move forward and stop digging for the past. I told him twice that he was a better person than I...that I would not be able to get over the very personal losses. He told me that before this happened, he would have classified himself the same way, but now he is okay with it, he doesn't want to look anymore, he doesn't want to find anymore...he just wants to start over.

The church site was bulldozed last night, and now he awaits the decision of the congregation and denomination regarding the future of the church. I know he will be in on that decision making process, but he is not the only one, so please pray for the right choices to be made by everyone involved.

Lori thanked me for the rather eclectic collection of "stuff" I sent out with Mom and Dad. Yesterday was a very hard day for me in terms of feeling like I wasn't doing enough, after I started hearing and seeing what everyone else was doing. So to hear that she was excited about what I'd been able to send was good. She told me some very touching stories about what the students of other (rival) school districts are doing to uphold the students of Greensburg. So many are donating money and replacement items (personal sorts of items, like uniforms) to the high school students. One school paid for a tent and chairs for graduation, originally scheduled for this weekend and now postponed for just a bit. Though I wasn't involved in sports in high school, I grasp the concept of high school rivalry...and to hear that students want to put that aside to replace what has been lost is very sweet.

Lori told me that she thinks the remains of the house will be dozed today. Though so much has not been found...there's really not much left to look through. Apparently most things really did blow away and will likely never be recovered. All in all they found a little over a dozen totes of salvageable items, which is a praise.

Please continue to pray for Cassie who is still struggling with sunburn-related illness.

Pray also that as they begin to make the list for the insurance company, that their minds will be clear enough to remember everything they owned. At the time of my conversation with Lori last night, she had a grand total of four items on her list. :)

Good Choice, America

I was very happy with the outcome of last night's Idol show. While I love Lakisha and hope she has a long and successful career in the world of music...she was my least favorite of that particular four. I still hold to a preferred finale of Jordin and Melinda...but then I really want Blake to do well, too. Sigh. So many decisions.

What a Day!

While I know that this is a small bright spot in light of the devastation, a couple of exciting things happened for my family today.

First of all, Miss Cassie was interviewed by an ESPN reporter doing an article on Greensburg athletes. I found it here - and I thought it was nicely written. I think it's a pretty big deal to be on the ESPN site when you're in high school!

Secondly, you probably saw that President Bush visited the town today. Initially I think most people planned to keep right on working through his visit (as nice as it is to have the President come to town, unearthing more of your possessions certainly takes priority), but it rained, so work was delayed. My brother in law actually met the President and shook his hand! Again - a pretty big deal!

I don't know any more details about the meeting/hand shaking than that because I only found out through a voicemail my sister left me, and I have YET to talk to my brother in law since this entire thing happened.

I know they would readily exchange a mention on ESPN and a chance to meet the President just to have their belongings back - and their lives back.

Please continue to pray for them. I haven't had a chance to find out more requests from them, but I'm going to guess at these:

* Weather cooperation. Please pray that more rain and storms don't keep coming so they can continue to search.

* Strength. I can tell that shock is wearing off and reality is arriving. It is hard to realize that work is no longer chasing kids down the hall of a school or preparing a sermon for Sunday or studying for a test...but covering the same ground you covered yesterday. Hoping to find something new and hoping to wake up and find this all a bad, bad dream.

* Health. Cassie has really taken a sunburn hit. She told me just now that she visited a medic tent in town and was able to get some medicated ointment (or something medicated, anyway) to help with the burn. She's sore and hot and hurting.

* Wisdom. So many decisions have yet to be made - not only for the future but how to spend the money they get, little by little.

* Extended family. Please pray for those of us who are trying to support them from afar, have no idea what to say (that would be me), and desperately just want to fix it...yet can't.

News from Greensburg

My parents arrived in Greensburg yesterday for a short visit and to help with cleanup efforts. I think my Mom was pretty taken aback by the extent of the damage. My aunt reminded me that Mom and Dad don't have the internet or cable/satellite, so all the hours of images the rest of us have seen online and on TV have told us much more than she knew. She did watch TV at some friends' house Saturday and had some idea of the damage, but not as much as the rest of us. Even so, I'm sure that in person, it's much worse.

They uncovered a few more treasures yesterday. I didn't get as much information as I had the day before, but I think they found a few more pictures and Cassie found some of her sports medals. Cassie was also able to get into her locker at school and found a hoodie and some other personal things. She left the textbooks. ;) That's my girl.

They did plan to return to the property today to do some more searching, but I think they were also going to try to go to town to buy some things. Thank you to all Mom and Dad's friends who stopped by with donations before they left for Kansas. I know that money will be a big blessing as they try to buy basic necessities.

Continue to pray for their safety as they work in and around the rubble. Mom mentioned yesterday that as time goes by, the smell goes up. Hadn't thought about food that had been in freezers now thawing and stinking...and hiding. Please also pray for relief from the sun. Cassie said she was really, really burned yesterday, and very sore too. Don't pray for so much sun relief that you pray in more rain or anything...just some cloud shade.

Some of you had asked and to Cassie's knowledge, none of the fatalities were members of their church or close friends of theirs. That in no way lessens the impact of those deaths, of course, but just answers that question.

American Idol...A Break from CNN

I've been forcing myself to step away from my TV and my computer tornado research to try to participate in normal life now and then. So since tonight was American Idol night, I thought that would serve as a good distraction.

I have to say I was more than a little disappointed in tonight's show. For being so excited about this top four, I was not thrilled with their delivery.

Here are my opinions:

Melinda. Still as classy as ever, I thought her first song did come up a bit short of her true potential. I agreed with Simon that she seemed to fall back into her "backup singer" mode. She did not seem to star in that song like she could. But when she stepped out for round two...Melinda was back. She has so much soul! I understand what Paula was saying when she told Melinda to break out a little bit. She does need to cut that final tie of reservation and just go crazy with a song. But she came back to being passionate and persuasive in that second song. Another thing I really appreciate about her is how genuinely she seems to welcome criticism of any sort. She is not out looking for compliments. She wants to know the truth and I believe she does a good job of applying what they offer.

Blake. It was a rough night for Blake. Maybe that was because he was SO good last week with his one risky song. I'm not sure. I didn't really like either song that much, and the dancing in the one was bordering on scary. I think Randy needs to leave him alone about beatboxing. He did very little of it in each song tonight and I think if that's his thing and he wants to work it in now and then, let him. It's what preserves his individuality. Besides, for several weeks, he left it out entirely! I would ordinarily agree with Simon that Blake is vulnerable this week, but I think his status as the only male in the competition will buy him enough girl votes to make up for what he lost in performance tonight.

Lakisha. I couldn't even look during the first song. The outfit scared me so much. I thought she looked SO classy in the second song...that green dress was beautiful on her. But please, I beg of you, leave spandex leggings for someone Haley's size. (See, Phats? I can say something nice about Haley.) Her rendition of Stayin' Alive (officially the only song I knew tonight) was less than wonderful, in my opinion, and the second song lost me when she lost her voice. I know Paula told her not to worry about it, and I know it's the only time she's ever done that, and I know it happens, but she could not afford any error this week. Though I love her and wish her well in general, I think she should go home.

Jordin. Ahhh...the sweet breath of fresh air. Miss Jordin. I totally agreed that her first song was the best of that round. She did a beautiful job. And I was really moved by the second song. I know the judges didn't like it that well, but this untrained ear really loved it. I didn't think it was too pageant-y. That was Haley. (See, Phats? I'm back.) Jordin is beautiful, she's fun, I love her spirit, and I hope to see her in the finals.

Having said all of that, I truly hope Lakisha goes home next week, and I'd love to see a final two of Melinda and Jordin. And once we get down to those two, I want a tie because I simply cannot choose.

Wreckage Part 2

These are a few more pictures I found here - at the Mennonite Disaster Service website. This group has been such a blessing and help to Lori and Jeff. They have arrived to help with personal searches and church business as well. Lori told me last night that she found one of the earrings I gave her for Christmas. Well, a volunteer from MDS helped her find it. It was in the yard and the lady picked it up. Lori told her to keep an eye out for the other one - and the matching bracelet and necklace. (Love her sense of humor.)

I know the red in this picture is the carpet of the church. I don't know (because I can't quite get my perspective in this picture) if this is the foyer or the sanctuary. Either way, you can clearly see how completely the walls were wiped out. My brother-in-law is the one on the right and the other two men are from MDS (their names are on the website).

I don't know where he is standing in this picture. I think it might be the back side of the church in the parking lot - perhaps looking over to his property. I'm not sure.

I believe here they are looking onto the church area, but I'm not sure. Those two vehicles appear to have broken windows, so they may have been in the lot during the tornado. The car is unrecognizable to me - the van may have been Lori and Jeff's. I know it was totaled, but I don't know what kind of specific damage it sustained.

Thank you, MDS, for taking and posting these pictures so our family could see people and places we know. This helps tide us over until we can see the pictures taken by family. And thank you for helping our family and the people they love when we are so many miles away right now.

Wreckage

I got this picture here - the website for the Mennonite Disaster Service. The man on the left (in turquoise, if you're directionally challenged) is my brother in law. I'm not sure if this is their house or their church...I'm venturing a guess that it is the house. There are other pictures on the MDS website if you want to look.

Search and Salvage

I just hung up from talking to Lori and Cassie about their pilfering day today. I have a number of praises and prayer requests to pass along to you.

PRAISE! They were able to work a full day today of searching through the town. At one point, rumor circulated that there was an ammonia leak from the car of a train (probably wreckage) and they might be asked to leave. But they were able to work through the whole day without being kicked out. The disaster relief team that showed up (church related) helped them sift through their property and my sister seemed very thankful for the additional pairs of hands.

PRAY that little "blips" like the ammonia leak or more inclement weather do not come up often so that all the residents can spend their days focusing on the recovery of whatever they can find.

PRAISE! HUGE, huge praise...my sister found her purse. She was the only one in the family who did not pack a bag to go to the basement for the storm...kind of a curse of living through so many tornado warnings. They never hit...and then this one did. She was so relieved to have her wallet back, most of all. Other praises in the wreckage (please note that some are not necessities, but you can understand the joy of having back some of the "fun" stuff of life too): Cassie found some of her DVDs including both seasons of Gilmore Girls that she owned. She was also excited that she found some of her school/sports clothing. Those sorts of things hold irreplaceable memories. Other clothing was salvageable too. Very muddy and some mending needed, but at least it's fixable. Lori found her wedding album which is such a blessing. They found other pictures as well. The scrapper in me is especially grateful for this.

PRAY that they will continue to find other memories. The biggest, most urgent request in my mind for them is the box that contains the memories of their son, who was stillborn almost 19 years ago. Those things can never ever be replaced, and they have already lost him, so to lose what little they had to remember him by is extra devastating. I am begging God for them to find this particular item.

Other items that could use your prayer:

*Protection from the sun. One of those little things you don't think about...there aren't any trees anymore, so there's NO shade. They all wore sunscreen today, yet were burned. To wear long sleeves or pants would be too hot...so T-shirts and shorts are necessary. Please pray that they don't get so burned that they're too sick to work.

*Time to pilfer. A rumor circulated today that the time they have to search before equipment comes in to bulldoze may not be long. Please pray that they have the comfort of ample time to comb through every inch of ground they can possibly cover. And pray that enough helpers come to their aid to make that process speed right along.

* Emotional comfort. Not only is this hard physical labor...it's just tough on the old heart. Please pray for their spirits (which are amazingly good now) to continue to be lifted as they find things ruined...and as they remember things they can't find at all.

* Clarity of mind. Lori was trying to explain to me the very daunting task they face together as a family of filling out the insurance forms...trying to remember every item they owned and pulling serial numbers off of whatever appliances and things they can find. This is a crazy task for anyone to tackle on a good day...but to do it when physically and emotionally spent is NUTS.

* Extra strength for my brother-in-law. He's been wearing the family hat and the clergy hat and I know as they begin to deal with the losses of the fatalities in addition to just reality setting in and their own personal loss - his burden is great. He and I have had some great conversations on email lately and I would ask especially that if you feel led to pray for him, you would pray that he's able to find his time to commune with God. This is something he and I are both working on growing in our spiritual lives, so I understand why it is so important to him. I know that the loss of his sanctuary where he met with God is going to make that task harder. And yet it's what he needs now more than ever.

* Wisdom for decisions. The task of search and salvage is the most immediate, but close on its heels are decisions for the future...where to live, what to buy with the money they have, what is in store for the town and the church...those sorts of things. Pray for the community and church leaders as they work together to make these decisions.

* God's greatness to be shown. It continues to be the deepest prayer of my heart that my family would represent God well and that all over town, God would be seen in the aftermath of tragedy.

My heart is so grateful for the sparing of their lives and for the MULTIPLE blessings that have poured out to them and to our whole family. Thank you to each of you who have given me hugs and sent me emails/blog comments and called me. I know this hasn't hit me, but it's hit my heart, and your support is carrying me through this and making it possible for me to pray for my sister, my brother in law, and my niece.

Prayer Suggestions

Good morning! I thought I would post for a minute with some suggestions of ways to pray for those of you who might want to know how best to direct your requests.

1. Cassie told me last night that they've been told they can get in this morning and throughout the day to sift through their property. Obviously this will be a very emotional task. Please pray for strength and calmness of spirit as they look for anything salvageable.

2. Please pray for their safety. None of the structures (or former structures) can be very safe, I'm sure, so pray that there are not serious injuries among the community members as they stir up the sites.

3. Though this may seem a selfish request in some ways, please pray that they would find things to keep. To lose everything at once is devastating. Pray that they would find keepsakes and necessities that they can use as they rebuild their lives.

4. Pray for my brother-in-law, the pastor, as he works together with the elders of the church and with the denominational relief organization that has come in to assist him and the church. Much cleanup is ahead not only in homes, but at the church site as well...and many decisions need to be made.

As I hear more things, I'll post those as well so you can pray in those directions. For those of you who have asked me how you might be able to help - probably gift cards are the best idea. And more specifically, Wal-Mart cards. That's about all they have out there. At this time, to send things would be difficult because they don't really have a mailing address at this exact moment. And even if they did, no home to store stuff in.

Thanks so much for those of you who have reached out...you are a blessing!

Sunday, May 6, 2007

In the last two days, I’ve tried to get chicken nuggets out of the ice cube trays, fished for a drinking glass in the coffee filter drawer, and stopped at a green light. This is in addition to multiply losing my train of thought, going through more Puffs Plus with Aloe than in a normal cold and flu season, and being unable to stop my brain long enough to sleep – even when it’s two in the morning.

No, it’s not early onset Alzheimer’s. It’s…shock? As mentioned in the two posts below, my sister Lori and her family lost their home, their church, and their entire town Friday night when the now-famous tornado ripped through Greensburg, Kansas. Greensburg. A Mayberry-esque town that my sister always credited with being the place no one knew. She was more than a little shocked when I told her yesterday that it was on Fox…CNN…MSNBC…all the channels.

When my Dad called Friday night to tell me that there had been a tornado, everyone in her household was okay, but the house and church were gone, I was true to my Bekah-fashion and completely freaked out. Full fledged freaking – complete with hyperventilating, crying, and pacing. That news was bad enough, but to “wake up” Saturday morning…did I ever go to bed Friday night?...and see the daylight footage of the storm’s aftermath put devastation in a whole new category. Recovering from home and church loss is one thing. Recovering from town loss is quite another.

I forced myself to occasionally get up from the couch yesterday…to mow the yard…to do laundry…to clean the house…to have coffee with Marie…to watch a movie…things that needed to be done more than CNN needed to be watched. And yet while I mowed or cleaned or did laundry, I felt just a bit guilty that I had a yard to mow…a house to clean…and clothes to wash…when more miles away than I can get to, my own family is without all of it. And not just my own family, but family after family.

And this morning, about 12:30, I was cleaning and exercising and making the bed, knowing how ridiculous it is to be doing all those things at midnight when church is just hours away, but the thought of going to bed was nauseating. Who can sleep? So I was on the phone trying to sort out my feelings once more, and finding myself as confused when I hung up as I had been at the start of the conversation.

And this is just me. This is just a fraction of what my sister, my brother-in-law, my niece, all of Greensburg must be feeling. Fortunately for Lori, (and for those around her) she is a much stronger person than I am. I cry at Burger King commercials. She holds it together in a tornado. How again are we related?

This morning I was working my way through the purse-sized Kleenex collection during the morning worship service, wondering why I’d settled on my traditional second row seat. That’s all people needed…a mascara-losing Bekah in the second row, hiccupping through songs.

But we sang the worship chorus How great is our God…How great is our God…And all will see how great, how great is our God. It’s hard to know what to hope for in a situation like this. You hope that the death toll doesn’t even climb even by one more. You hope that the storms that are thinking about forming in the sky above Greensburg just stop thinking and go away. You hope that your family can just hurry up and get back to what’s left of their home and find a picture or an heirloom or even just a pillow. You hope that aid pours in to help replace and rebuild. Those have been my hopes for the last couple of days. But singing that song this morning put in me a very deep hope that the greatness of God will be seen in the aftermath of this storm.

I hope that as people watch my family dig through their basement for whatever they can find, they’ll see a Perfect Peace hovering over that property. I hope that as my family reaches out to help their friends and neighbors – because that’s just the kind of people they are – that those friends and neighbors will see a Great God at work. And I hope as that entire community sifts through the leftovers of nature’s mighty work, they’ll see God’s mighty work in progress woven through it all.

Just a couple of days ago, I was praying Psalm 46:10 over someone. That verse says “Be still, and know that I am God.” There’s a very powerful comma in that sentence. Be still…and know that I am God. Before you can ,know or do anything, you first have to be still. Quit fighting. Quit shaking. Quit flailing. Just be still. And once you’re still, you can know that He is God. He will be exalted among the nations and in the earth, the verse goes on to say. Be still…He is God.

As I stood in church this morning and sang (okay, mouthed) about God’s greatness and thought about Psalm 46:10, I experienced that stillness. I stopped crying for a minute, stopped feeling sick, and just allowed myself to be still. And it was then that I comprehended the words to the song and began to pray that message over my sister, my brother-in-law, my niece, and the whole community around them.

The beginning of Psalm 46 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” Well there might not be mountains and a sea in Greensburg, Kansas, but the earth has given way, trouble has come, and there has certainly been quaking and surging. But God is there within the tragedy, and He will be their help, refuge, and strength. And He can teach them how to be still…and know that He is God.

And for those of us hundreds of miles back this way who can only pace and watch the news, He can do the same.

Update

My niece called earlier this afternoon. She had been unable to use her cell phone because of the lack of signal in the area where they were staying.

I continue to be amazed at how strong those three are...when I know what I see on TV - on nearly every channel...and I begin to see more of just how huge and terrible this was...and the three of them are just so strong.

My niece told me that her cat was so good during the whole thing. Not the most personable cat in the world, I was sure she would have bolted at some point. But she was so scared that she stayed still enough for Cassie to hold her throughout the tornado and then for about four hours after...until they were able to be in shelter. The cat lover in me is grateful for that.

My sister, whose birthday was yesterday (some present, huh?) thanked me for the angel I sent her. It was a wooden angel I bought up in Amish country on my mini-vacation. She told me it looked great on the front door...if only she knew where to find the front door. We had given Lori a rough time over the lack of a birthday wish list for this year. She told me this afternoon that if she could just find a piece of paper, she had lots of things she could ask for now.

I don't know a whole lot more than that right now and want to be sensitive to them about what I do write...since this isn't my own life I'm spilling here. Please do continue to pray for them though. As that death toll rises, I just think of the people that didn't make it...people they probably know. And there's just the whole uncertainty of what is ahead...where to go...what to do. Very difficult.

As I find out more information that is okay to share, I'll post again.

Please Pray!

Please pray for my sister, Lori, and her family. Lori is the one mentioned in my birthday post yesterday. My Dad called me at 11:30 last night (never a good sign) and told me that Lori's family lost their home, and now it turns out, their entire town, in that monster tornado that hit Kansas last night.

The first news Dad gave me was just that there was a tornado and the house was gone and so was the church (Lori's husband is a pastor). After watching more hours of the weather channel in one night than I have watched in the rest of my life combined, I see that it wasn't just the house and the church...it was the whole town. If you read/watch the news, I'm sure you've seen Greensburg mentioned. Such a little town and now it's in the national news.

My sister, unlike me, is the pillar of strength...and actually, so is her husband, and so is my niece. They are all okay, for which we are very thankful. But I can't even imagine the enormity of the damage and loss they are facing.

In a time like this, I feel very sick over the sorts of losses that can't be replaced and very helpless because I can't do anything. I can't go, I can't help, I can't fix it. And I'm a fix-it sort of girl. I was up much of the night trying to convince myself NOT to throw up.

I haven't talked to Lori yet...but Mom and Dad have been keeping me posted. Please just pray for them as they pick up whatever they can, which doesn't sound like is much, and make decisions for the future. Please pray for my brother-in-law, since, as I mentioned, he is a minister, and I'm sure will be offering help and comfort on the question-asking, emotional level to so many people. Greensburg, I jokingly call Mayberry, and I don't mean that in a rude way...it's just that it is SUCH a small place that everyone truly is family, and everyone knows everyone. In addition, the fact that it is such a small place makes recovery harder because there's no place to GO. The injured are being transported anywhere from 30 to 50 miles away because those are the next closest places with a hospital.

Please also pray for my niece. I would fall apart at my age to lose everything I own...but she's younger than I am, and I am sure once this truly sets in, it will be so devastating for her. And please pray for my sister, the rock, who will be the glue that holds everyone together, I'm just sure of it.

Thanks so much!

Happy Happy Birthday!

Since I know she sometimes stops by to check out life on Bekah's Bits, I'll wish my sister, Lori, a very happy birthday. I'll leave her age out - so she will continue to visit my blog. Lori and I get to share a birthday month, and though I never really learned to share very well (curse of being raised as an only child), it is kind of fun to share a birthday month with her.

Lori, you should eat lots of ice cream today. If I were there, we could go out for ice cream. That's zactly what I plan to do on my own birthday. :)

In other birthday news, most exciting to all you cat lovers out there.....

Today is also Miss Braeya's birthday. She turns the big zero one today. I actually remember this day last year when I got a message from my friend Kari...telling me there were little kitties being born at her house! That was the day I made the executive decision that Kaegan needed a brother or sister. I put in a request for pick of the litter. And I got her!

Never mind that she was mad at me this morning (Braeya, not Kari) because I would not let her get in the shower. She has this huge love of bathtubs and plays in the main bathroom all the time. Today she finally realized that the little bathroom has a shower...and that the shower is a lot like a tub. I would not let her in and she just sat outside the door and howled. I let her howl. As we head toward the terrible twos, I feel the need to establish who's the boss...

Okay, I'll Admit It

I cried. Twice.

That was a hard goodbye for me - twice - on Idol! As I said before, I don't know when I've liked a top six this much. Usually there's at least one in there that gets on my nerves. Not this year.

Phats, I know you're thrilled that Phil is gone - and I'll be happy for you like you pretended to be happy for me (ha!) when Haley left. I will miss Phil. What a big and genuine heart he has (started to say had, but he's not dead!). I will miss seeing his sweet wife's smiling face in the audience every week, and I'll miss Phil's upbeat attitude. You can tell the rest of the contestants liked him a lot and he loved them too. I hope he does well - gets signed with someone. I thought he went out with incredible class.

As for Chris - I knew it was his time, but I'll still miss him. You can tell everyone thought the world of him too. I'm glad he made it as far as he did and I hope he shows up again sometime because he deserves that chance. Good job, Chris.

Having said that, this is the first time ever that the top four was who I wanted it to be from so early on. Even though my support for Lakisha has waned in the past couple of weeks, I'm glad she made it to the final four. And the other three deserve to be there, hands down. I love it that they all not only know how to sing, but they have such great personalities. It bugs me when Idol finalists aren't the sorts of people that make good role models. These four have what it takes all the way around, I think.

Angela - I have to say that you picked a good one with Bon Jovi. I could probably get used to listening to him. :) That other guy that sang though...whoa. Um...scary.

Shocked Me Again

I said on country night that I was worried how the Idol contestants would do...since I wasn't aware that any of them sang country. Tonight I was just as worried, because the only decent rocker we had...we voted off way before her time. Poor Gina.

As soon as I heard it was Bon Jovi night, I knew my friend Angela was going to be so happy...because she LOVES Bon Jovi. In fact, my introduction to Bon Jovi occurred when she and I were roommates. For a while, the dashing Jon himself was a guest star on Ally McBeal and we had to watch it every week so she could get her fix. A fair request. Had David Phelps been the guest star, she would have been forced to sit and watch with me.

So here are my thoughts on this evening's performance:

* Phil. I was worried for poor Phil. Once he was labeled a country boy at heart, I figured rock music would be his undoing. Add to that his resemblance to Chris Daughtry...I thought it would be over for sure. And Phil surprised me. I actually thought he did a great job. He's no Daughtry - but then who is? (Moment of silence for another contestant sent home way before it was time...) I thought it was a great start to the show...and I thought he did way better than "just decent" with this genre.

* Jordin. Oh boy. Jordin's first really bad week. I didn't know that song, but I thought it sounded (and kind of looked) like bad 80's. Her hair was just everywhere (nice little Gina twist with the red mixed in) and the song wasn't good. BUT. I love Jordin's spirit. I like it that, unlike other former contestants who shall remain nameless, she knew she didn't do a good job, was open about that, and welcomed the criticism. That takes a lot of guts and maturity. I know it's a singing competition, but that has to count for something...the way she handled it.

* Blake. I loved the new look. LOVED the new look. Here's where I have an unfair advantage - or disadvantage - depending on how you look at it. I knew the song he sang, but I didn't KNOW the song he sang. I loved his own twists and turns that he put in it...I loved it that beatboxing was back...I loved the attitude. Angela, who was watching with me, hated it. I totally respect that a song that is as well known as that one apparently is (please bear in mind I grew up on hymns, so all this is new to me) should be left untouched in the opinions of those who love the song. I appreciate that. Anytime someone tries to sing David Phelps and doesn't sing it like David Phelps would sing it...well, I'm done listening. Shoot, when David sings a song and doesn't do it like David should do it, I'm done listening. But from the untrained ear of a novice listener, I loved it. Blake was BACK.

* Lakisha. LAKISHA KISSED SIMON!!!! Lakisha kissed Simon! Did you know that Lakisha kissed Simon? Did she sing? Was there a song? Were there notes? Was there music? Did you see Lakisha kiss Simon? Clearly I am unable to remember anything about her musical talent tonight. Good, bad, I don't know. But that little lucky girl got to kiss Simon! I have no words. I have nothing to say. I think my friend Sarah said it was good. I think I got a text message to that effect. I'll get back to you when I remember something besides Lakisha kissing Simon!

* Chris. Chris, like Phil, did better than I thought he would. I was worried for Mr. Chris. He's kind of in a precarious position right now and I wasn't sure he could sing rock. But he did a pretty good job. I didn't like it as well as some of his other weeks, but he was good. And cute. That Chris is quite a cutie.

* Melinda. YOU GO, Melinda Doolittle! I was so proud of her. I cracked up at her "rock on" attempt when whichever judge asked her what she thought of being a rocker. So very typical of cute, humble Melinda. I was most nervous for her...because I so desperately want to see her in the finale and rock is NOT her thing. But with that first note, I knew she was going to be okay. I agreed with the judges - she WAS very Tina Turner. But that's a good thing. I was very proud of her.

As for a bottom 3 - boy. I don't know. Based on tonight alone, and based on music, it should be Jordin and Chris...and I don't know who else. But I think Jordin has too big a fan base to be in the bottom 3...and I have to remember that this week is combined with last week. I do think Chris is in trouble...and I think Blake might be too. I say that only because he didn't do a super job last week - and depending on the outcome of his gamble tonight...he's either loved or hated. I'm nervous. It'll be a doubly rough night because I really do like everyone in this top six and now I have to lose TWO in one night!

And did anyone see Lakisha kiss Simon?

Sunday, April 29, 2007

At the beginning of the year, I told you about my list of 25 covenants and commitments I made with God. The ladies of my Bible study have been hearing more about that list – and doing their best to hide smiles at some of the sillier ones…like my commitment to floss every day or my commitment to clean my house once a week. But this past week, I was able to cross off the list one rather big accomplishment.

I went on a personal retreat.

Let me explain how that one was born. Last year I was in a short term small group that studied the book Every Woman’s Battle. At the end of the book, the author, Shannon Etheridge, challenged her readers to take at least one personal retreat every year. Shannon’s view is that every woman, regardless of age, income, marital status, or number of children, should take at least a day every year to go away from her home and experience a time of retreat and refreshment.

So I decided to try it. Back in January, I called a hotel up in Amish country and booked a room. And for the last four months, I’ve been praying about what I should do while gone. What did God want to say to me? What did I need to learn? What should be my focus? I needed a theme. (I know…I know…OCD even about a retreat.)

I kept coming back to the book of Song of Solomon. Great. That’s all I needed. Hidden away in a hotel room reading the most controversial book of the Bible. But I felt very strongly that God wanted to teach me more about the love He has for me…a love I though I knew about…but maybe I didn’t know as much as I thought.

A few weeks ago, while listening to the radio, I heard an author interviewed…a woman whose works I’d not read. Her name is Lisa Harper, and she recently wrote a Bible study book on Song of Solomon. I decided to purchase the book and read it while I was gone. And I’m so glad I did. This woman is like a long lost sister. (I have two wonderful not-lost sisters…but if I had a lost one…this would be her.) Reading her book was like reading my own journal. I completely connected with her approach to Bible study, life, and love.

The book “Song of Solomon” – as I learned it in my King James upbringing – is called “Song of Songs” in the NIV and some other versions of the Bible. The footnote in my study Bible said that it’s called “Song of Songs” because it represents the best of the best. The best song Solomon wrote…or perhaps the best love song of all time. And I went away this weekend with the desire to make my relationship with God a “song of songs.”

Last year I taught a whole Bible study based on Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli’s book Falling in Love with Jesus. Last fall, I spoke at a women’s retreat and used that same theme again. You would think I had a bit of a handle on this whole “loving Jesus” thing. But this weekend, I learned in a new way that I really didn’t have a clue about how much He actually loved me.

All the parts of who I am (inside and out) that I find quirky…even annoying…He loves. And He’s been sitting around waiting for me to decide to love that part of me too.

I had imagined that the weekend would contain at least one blaze of light moment where angels would sing and a giant organ chord would sound somewhere. That didn’t happen. I wasn’t disappointed…just surprised. (I love moments of brilliance.) But I found that moments of quiet affirmation and understanding actually infiltrate the soul and last much longer than a major moment…which eventually fades and is forgotten.

So I have returned…seemingly ready to reenter the world and its wacky normalcy. I suppose reporting for duty in the morning will confirm or deny how much of this retreat actually embedded itself in my heart.

I’m glad I took Shannon’s advice and tried the retreat. I think God takes much delight in anyone’s effort to get closer to Him and hear His voice. I think He blesses those sorts of attempts.

If you’ve never done anything like that, I highly recommend that you try it at least once. It could be just the rejuvenation your heart needs!

Random Pictures

It's been a while since I've had pictures I can post. Most of the pictures I take have my friends' kids in them, and I don't think they're crazy about having them posted, so I don't.

ANYWAY.

Here's a sampling of recent days in Bekahland...

This is my friend, Angela (whose link is over on the side). Angela and I were roommates for three years - while she did her graduate work. She's much smarter than I am now...but I have a built in counselor! :) It is a good trade-off. Angela came over this week for the big "Idol Gives Back" show.

This is Jessica. We've watched Idol together for - three? - years now. At least two anyway. She was the student worker in my office until this week when she GRADUATED! Who let her do that? :( Jessica was a lot of fun to work with and we're fellow Clay Aiken fans, so she keeps me in the loop of what is happening in ClayNation or whatever it is that they call it now. Jessica LOVED Kaegan and Braeya and they were unusually friendly when she was there. My cats are kind of snobs. Well, Braeya is a snob. Kaegan's just a chicken. But both of them loved to hang out with Jessica! I'll miss watching Idol with her. :(

And this is just way too much Bekah in a very small space. :)

Welcome Home...to Me

I took a much needed mini-vacation this week. Okay, the end of this week. Two days. That was all I could afford. I'm planning to write about it in the official Sunday post, so I'll leave out some parts for now.

I headed up to Amish country and stayed in a hotel up there. Last night was my "relax and retreat" night and today was my "shop like crazy" day. Both days, despite less than ideal weather, were amazing.

Not being a well-seasoned traveler, this was an adventure of sorts for me. I borrowed my parents' coverless atlas, just in case I needed to find a new path. Right about 15 miles from my destination, I had to take a detour. Of course, driving down a highway is not the time to pull out an atlas and start reading, so I called Mom (sorry, Chris...talking on the cell phone while driving...I'm still waiting for that post!). She got out HER map at home and talked me through a new route. Apparently that should have been my plan from the start. Call Mom and have her read the atlas.

The hotel was great and my worst fear did not come true. I have the worst luck with key cards. I figured I would get there and my key would not work and I would have to go ask for help and be the idiot traveler who can't get into her room. But never fear...it worked beautifully!

As evening approached last night, I heard thunder. Great. I hate storms. Even though TV was supposed to be forbidden until bedtime (I was there to spend time with God, not watch TV), I turned it on to see if there were any "CRAWL UNDER FURNITURE NOW" warnings. I found a tornado watch, but the outline of counties meant nothing to me. I didn't know where I was located at that moment. Even if they'd posted county names...I didn't know that either. You know, hotels really should list that sort of thing. I just decided to hope they'd pound on my door if I was in life-threatening danger and proceeded to attempt to remain calm about the weather.

I had a completely relaxing weekend...and even stayed down in the common eating area for the continental breakfast. (Major phobia of eating alone in public.) I just pulled out a newspaper to read. I'm so turning into my father.

Had a great time shopping...even found some new coffee stuff for my kitchen. I decided to decorate with a coffee theme and then discovered it's nearly impossible to find coffee stuff to use in decoration. I found enough stuff to hang on the wall...now I am looking for things to perch above my cabinets. SUCCESS today!

When I ran out of money, I started for home - by a different route. Kind of like the wise men.

So now that I've seen quite a bit of Indiana...I'm home. The cats welcomed me. More of a "Where's our treat supply?" welcome than a "Missed you!" welcome. I'm quite sure I don't even want to know what they did while I was gone.

Don't Scare Me Like That!

I got pretty nervous there at the end of Idol tonight. What a mean trick to pull on us! I do think it was very nice of them to NOT send anybody home on charity night...and I think it will be interesting to wonder how this week's performances impact next week's double elimination.

The Gives Back show was a good one, I thought. Learned I'm not a fan of Earth, Wind and Fire - or whatever that group was called. Or maybe that was just a song I didn't like and since it's all I've ever heard them sing, I just THINK I don't like them.

The Elvis thing was a little creepy. I had two people watching the show at my house and the three of us spent the entire song trying to figure out if it was some weird video trick of Elvis actually singing or if it was an impersonator. Parts of it looked very video-y (new word) and parts of it looked very live.

I loved Josh Grobin's song with the African Children's Choir. I could have just stopped with I love Josh Grobin...(ditto for the men of Il Divo)...but the song was good. Those kids are so cute!!! The cheeser in the front row was my favorite.

The lady that sang Bridge Over Troubled Waters (or is it Water?)...no thank you. She dressed like Haley and did not do half the justice to that song that Clay did when he sang it in the Season 2 finale. I don't like people messing with a song once Clay has sung it.

It's way late...and I need a nap...so I'm going to bed!

Whew.

I don't remember ever before having a semester's end to match this one. And it's just fine with me if I don't see one ever again. It's been madness from open to close every day...and I'm not sure why it seems more pressure-filled this year. It's been great to keep me from snacking. Not so great for my blood pressure. Or so I assume. I don't actually check my blood pressure. But I can imagine that it probably shoots up during work hours.

For this reason, I was extremely glad to catch Idol tonight. It was the first time I've been able to sit down in....two weeks. It was beautiful. And I have to say, this has been my favorite night so far this season. Ryan was right....there was a definite energy in the house (the Idol house...no energy in Bekah's house) tonight.

I told Jessica (who was watching with me) that this is the first time I've liked a top six this much - especially after being so unimpressed by a top twelve. Here are my thoughts for this evening.

* Chris. Once again - can I mention how cute he is? I told Jessica that anyone who can pull off a suit jacket and cargo pants simultaneously is a talented individual. I agreed with the judges that this was his personal best. He connected tonight. Still not the best singer in the competition...but I enjoyed the song tonight.

* Melinda. HATED the dress. Hated the color, hated the style, hated the whole thing. But loved the song. Loved Melinda. She can sing...she can work that stage with a quiet presence. Well, a loud presence from her lungs, but you know what I mean. She doesn't have to Haley all over to be noticed. She is just Melinda. And for that, I applaud her. Job well done.

* Blake. I wish he'd get back to moving around. This is the second or third time he's stayed quiet and still - and I love his moving around groove. But I am a Blake fan...and his voice just absolutely melts me. A couple of his vocal tricks tonight were really nice. I want him to stay another week.

* Lakisha. What is it with singing all the old Idols? I am NOT a Fantasia fan, so she lost me before she even opened her mouth, once I heard that was the singer she chose. Not being a Fantasia fan, I consequently did not know the song, so I can't say how much she nailed it or killed it compared to Fantasia, but I really didn't like it. At all. And the dress looked like a towel.

* Phil. I LOVE PHIL. And furthermore, I love Phil's wife. She is the kindest looking girl sitting out there each week. She's the Melinda of the contestants' significant others. What a nice, nice couple. I thought he wasn't quite as good as last week, but I thought he was great anyway, and I really want him to stay another week. And more than that, I want him to do well. I think he's got a super heart.

* Jordin. I cried. I love it when she is so moved by her own song that she cries when she sings. That is powerful. She looked the best tonight I think she's ever looked, she was very passionate in her song, and it was my pick for song of the night. What a beautiful girl and a spirit to match. I'd love to see her and Melinda in the final two. But then who would I pick?

I can't pick a bottom 3 tonight because I loved everyone so much...except Lakisha. I hate to say it because the first couple of weeks I wanted to just skip to her and Melinda in the finals and be done. But the last couple of weeks...just not impressed. She gets my vote for out this week. And Jordin wins best of this week.

I'm excited about tomorrow night's show too. I think it will be a great one! I wasn't too sure about this charity drive mixed in with the show at first, but now I think it's a great thing they're doing. Good job, Idol!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

I was snuggled up on the couch a few minutes ago, trying to collect my thoughts for Ladies’ Bible Study tomorrow night. We have only three weeks left in this “season,” and these last few meetings also happen to be my last as leader of the group. I’ve been teaching it for five years, and I know in my heart that God is calling me to move away from it. I hesitate to say “move on” from it – because I don’t know that He is going to move me on into something similar but on a different level. Maybe He is changing the course of my life altogether.

In fact, I know He is doing something. I just don’t what. Does that frustrate you as much as it frustrates me? This morning in church, I was parked in my chair on the second row, trying to figure out how to breathe with just one functioning nostril – and that one, slightly impaired. I learned during a rather emotional prayer time that mixing a pre-cold with prayer tears does not make for easy breathing. Especially when for the next hour after that, you can’t stand up and move around to clear your head! Anyway, so I was sitting there trying to breathe when our pastor asked if we wished God would just write down what He wants us to do.

Yes.

I’ve written about that before – wishing God would “unretire” the writing on walls method. I still wish He would consider it. And just as I was nodding my affirmation to the pastor’s question, I looked down at one of the verses in the Scripture reading. John 16:5: “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.”

That leaves me unsure whether to be thankful that I don’t know more or to wish that I were stronger so I could bear more knowledge. Know what I mean?

So after I came home (with a cleared head) and ate my leftover salsa chicken for lunch, I curled up on the couch with my notes for Bible study. I ran into my key verse for the night – Luke 12:48b: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”

This morning before I even got dressed and did my hair, I wrote in my prayer journal that I needed God to do something today. To say something. The last two weeks have been so busy that I haven’t had the time to sit back and chat with God like I normally do. I’ve hated that and can tell in my attitude that the conversation has been lacking. So I asked for today to be the starting point of reconnection.

I think we officially reconnected. I had something a little different in mind…like warm fuzzies and oozes of joy. Apparently what God had in mind was saying a little piece of the “much more” to me…by telling me that the more I get, the more responsibility I’ll have. And right now, I know there are some areas that require more out of me than I’m giving. And until I remedy that, I shouldn’t expect to be entrusted with any more.

A few minutes ago, I was emailing one of my friends and telling her about all the changes going on in the lives of many of my friends…this one getting married…that one having a baby. Another one starting a new job…still another moving away. Life around me is swirling. And I feel a bit caught in the middle, unsure of where my “swirl” will take me – or when it will even start. Change is hard for me, but I’d never thought much about how everyone else’s changes around me trickle down to change my life even when I’m standing still.

But it happens. And so for now, maybe it’s best that my own life be change-free so that I can work on focusing on the changes around me and supporting my friends as they enjoy their new territories.

As I’ve said before, I don’t think God is going to reinstitute writing on walls. But He does continue in His method of revealing little pieces of information right on time. Not early – but right on time. And my job in the meantime is to give what is demanded of me with what God has entrusted to my care. And if more is not entrusted, I have to rest in knowing that there’s a good reason for that.

Happy Look Alike Day

I look like my Mom.

Who looks like her Mom.

Who looked like her Mom.

From here to 100, I know what to expect.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Anyway - don't believe me about looking like my Mom? Check it out.

This is me - last year right around this time. Sorry about the eucalyptis growing out of my head.

This is my Mom - a little over fifty years ago, when she was a senior in high school.

Yep - I'm my mother's child. I'm sure someone will compare those two pictures and not see it, but if that's you, trust me. We're duplicates. Except I'm taller. By a long shot - and I take pride in that.

Anyway, I'm the image of Mom, Grandma, and Gran, but I'd like to wish a Happy Lookalike Day (today's holiday of choice) to some of my other favorite lookalikes.

There's Sarah, a friend from work, who came over with some of the work girls for a Christmas party last December. (I find that the most logical time to host Christmas parties.) One of the girls took our picture and Sarah had her copy sitting on her desk at work. She was moved to another office, so the picture went with her. One of the guys in that office asked if we were sisters. Sarah has a whole truckload of sisters, but I'm not one of them. Still, after she and I analyzed the picture a bit, we could see how we might be mistaken for sisters. We both had curly hair that day, and our hair color is very similar too. We're both pale as can be. Yeah, we can be sisters.

My second lookalike is Faith. Faith and I met in college, where we ended up being suite-mates. After college, we both ended up living in the same town and have stayed good friends. We go to the same church and we are both addicted to scrapbooking. (We're teaching her daughter to follow suit.) Since we're together at church so much, people often think we're sisters, even though neither of us think we look anything alike. But our favorite was when someone in Sunday School referred to her when he meant to use my name. Someone corrected him and he said, "Oh, Faith - Bekah, Bekah - Faith. They're one and the same." So we're not just lookalikes. We're the same person!

Next is Kristina. I think that's how you spell it. I can't remember. She and I used to work in the same building and I guess if you didn't know us very well, you could get us mixed up. We had similar hairstyles and builds. She was taller and thinner (and prettier, in my opinion) but there were similarities. Kristina was married, and toward the end of the time that she worked in my building, she was expecting her first baby. One day, during the summer, when I walked into work, the cleaning lady was washing the window and stopped to say hi. We chatted for a second and as I walked away, I heard her say something about how I was really blossoming. I was very confused for a minute and then realized she thought I was Kristina, and she was commenting on my PREGNANCY! I had worn a blue jumper that day - and I never wore it again to work. I am happy to be Kristina's lookalike, but I'd prefer not to be mistaken for a pregnant person!

And finally...this will only be meaningful to Phats, Nutz, and Brandon...remember Katina? Oh yeah. Second grade. A teacher tapped me on my shoulder at my locker and called me Katina.

Trying Not to Smile

I know it's vindictive to smile that Sanjaya got the boot - but I'm relieved out of that particular bottom 3 that he was the one out.

Some things I found interesting about the results:

1. HOW did Blake end up in the bottom 3 over Chris?

2. I learned I wouldn't have been heartbroken had it been Lakisha going home. That surprised me. I like her. Maybe not as much as I thought.

3. Everyone seemed more upset to lose him than they had seemed last week when they lost Haley. For all his lack of singing talent (in comparison to the rest) - I bet he really was a fun guy for them to hang out with.

I am relieved he is gone - now it can be a real competition again. BUT, having said that, I am very impressed with the way he handled all the criticism on and off stage. Always with a smile, always with a genuinely sweet spirit. Good for you, Sanjaya.

Not QUITE the USA Today, but Close

Remember the part of Runaway Bride when Maggie (Julia Roberts) ran out onto the lawn in that oversized button down shirt and work boots? The newspaper boy had just tossed the USA Today on the lawn and she wanted to see if there was a response to her letter to the editor. She ripped open the paper and plopped down in the yard to read. Remember that?

Well I did my own version of that today. I am clearly not Julia Roberts, and I haven't run from even one husband, let alone three. But today when the Sojourn (campus newspaper) was delivered to the office, I ripped a copy straight out of the rubber-banded bundle and ran back to my office to scour it. About a week ago, someone from the Sojourn office had called up here to find out how to spell my name. I've been panicking ever since. Was it someone complaining about my overuse of exclamation points? Had I offended someone? (Why am I such a pessimist?)

It took two run-throughs of the paper, but I found it. Right there on the Opinion page. Nick Rambo, managing editor (and fiance of our office's former student worker...which is probably how I ended up in his editorial at all) said the following:

"This past Wednesday, my fiance and I made a date out of an exit meeting. We thought it would be a creative way to spend time together amidst the chaos of her final days of student teaching and my completion of the mandatory senior project. At some point in the course of the 20-minute routine, I fumbled through my pockets looking for a razor blade.

"For those of you unfamiliar, an exit meeting is where someone from IWU's Financial Aid department, in my case, the lovely Rebecca Freelan, tells you how much you owe the people who lent you money for college and how they'll hunt you down and sell your arms to science if you don't pay them back. My total hovered around the $20 thousand dollar mark. Stephanie, my fiance, owed a mere $17 thousand - as soon as we left I went out and bought a $1 lotto ticket hoping to hit it big. No luck.

"The exit meeting was depressing for two reasons. 1) It hammered home the idea that for the next 5-10 years, I will be a financial P.O.W. 2) It brought into focus the realization that my time here is all but over."

As were my 15 minutes of fame. The rest of his article was about the IWU World Changer Mentality.

But back to my correlation to Runaway Bride. While there were not as many"gross misrepresentations" and "factual errors," I would like to point out that I tried my hardest to keep those exit meetings as chipper as I possibly could. I don't like people fumbling for razor blades on my watch. And I am PRETTY sure I never said anyone would make them sell their arms to science - though I do remember saying lenders could collect on student loans even if the borrower was 150 years old and in a nursing home. And I tried not to make it depressing. In fact, the session he came to was one of the livelier ones.

My name...almost spelled right.

But the "lovely" I'll take. :) Thanks, Nick, for giving me a spot in the Sojourn. I'll give the article a place of honor in the scrapbook. I may never again be in an editorial. And truly - that may be the best way to keep things.

Lil Country Surprise

I have to admit, I was scared about country week. This is the first year I can remember when there wasn't a definitive country singer in the whole bunch. Part of me worried the week would just be start to finish BAD, and part of me was curious to see if it sifted the singers a bit - to show who truly had talent and who just rode along on luck. I was pleasantly surprised at how well they did, but I saw some sifting happening.

* Phil. I was scared for Phil coming into this week. I am a Phil fan but know many aren't, including Phats, and since the bottom 3 seems to include Phil every week, I figured this week was his unlucky week. WHO KNEW he was a country boy? I felt a connection to his singing for the first time ever (why am I his fan if I never connect with his song? I don't know.) and loved watching him move around and have a good time. In my opinion, he tied for the best song of the night. Way to go, Phil!

* Jordin. I felt like she was a little bit rigid this week - but that was probably because she was told to stand still and tell the story vocally. I wish she would have relaxed a little more, but her voice was super and WOW can she sing. Good job, Jordin. I would love to see her in the final four.

* Sanjaya. He's back. The Sanjaya we all know is back. I had a hard time getting past the little scarf and the MOUNTAIN of hair. But Randy was right - BAD karaoke. And Simon was right - it was like audition week all over again. PLEASE go home, Sanjaya. Simon was right again - the cuteness wore off.

* Lakisha. It pains me to say this, but I hated it. I truly, truly hated it. I think she took a big risk singing Carrie Underwood on the very show Carrie won. I didn't think she gave the song enough of her own twist to make me forget Carrie and she certainly can't sing like Carrie. I'm worried for Lakisha. I hope she didn't kick herself off the show with that one song. She deserves final four, but that was really bad. She's sifting gone bad. She can't sing country and it showed.

* Chris. I love Chris because he's cute and charming. BUT I was really bored with his song. I kind of thought he sounded like Bucky Covington, and I wasn't a big Bucky fan, so that wasn't a comparison I wanted happening in my head. I am going to guess bottom 3 for him this week. :(

* Melinda. I am principally opposed to lengthening hair, but I thought the longer hair did SO MUCH for her. Loved it. She won the other half of my tie for first. She's just GOOD. I was glad to see that she was back this week - from the roughness that was last week. I want to see her in the finale. She's just amazing and I love her spirit. (I know I say that every week, but it's true.)

* Blake. Blake is a good example of sifting that worked out. Clearly country is not his thing, but he is good enough as an all around performer that he knew where his limits were and he stopped before he got to them. I like him better with his spunky beatboxing thing, but he stood his ground well this week. Good for you, Blake.

If I were in charge of bottom 3, it would be Sanjaya, Chris, and Lakisha with Sanjaya going home.