The Baby Book is a Month Old

It has been a celebratory kind of week, hasn't it? Monthiversaries, engagementversaries, Bicentennial torch relays {more on that another day}, and now, one more! In all of the versaries, my little Be Still book turned a month old!

He's still just an infant out there in the great, wide world, but he's already started to make an impact. And that makes this Book Mama's heart very happy.

Some of you may have missed his book-birth last month, so if that's the case, let me catch you up! This is my second book, and I released it this fall to coincide with some retreats I'm speaking at, which happen to have this same theme.

But the book doesn't have to coincide with the retreat. It stands on its own and it's coming to mean different things to different people. The journey of the book centers around my single days a decade ago, when I wrestled and longed and prayed and wondered just what God was doing. So if you're single, you'll probably find some of your own feelings spelled out on a page.

It's not just for single people, though. Every single one of us wrestles with something (perhaps more than one thing that keeps our hearts from being still. We flail in our souls and try to help God run the world (at least our corner of it) and have some generally miserable days because we won't just sit still before Him.

Ten years ago, God and I took a journey together, and in that time, He taught me many little lessons that have stuck with me and continue to speak to me when I start to get stirred up in spirit today. I wanted to share them with you, and that's how this book was born.

The chapters are very short, so you can use it as a daily devotional if you want to. There are even Scripture passages and journaling lines at the end of every chapter if you want to make notes. But if you just want to read the whole thing through as a story, you can do that, too. It's up to you.

I'd love for you to check it out if you're looking for some fall reading or Christmas gifts or small group study ideas.

But in my happy-book-Mama state, I'd also love to share with you some of what I've heard from those who have read these pages and found something unique inside just for them:



* Got your book yesterday and read it straight through! I wanted to fill in the lines, but I wanted to get to the end. I got to the end, and now and I can go back and fill in the lines!

* I actually had to stop myself a few times from reading too quickly. I loved it so much that I just wanted to keep going with the story, yet it seemed oddly inappropriate to rush through a book on stillness. A compelling story, told with your usual "voice" that I love to read, chock full of wisdom and insight at every turn. I found myself in tears more than once, and I've been trying to apply the lessons learned to my own life. Thank you for being obedient to write the book so many years ago, and to breathe new life into it in this season.

* I started it Friday night, finally closed it around 2:30 in the morning, and finished it on Saturday! Very well written and great for a group Bible study!

* Thank you for sharing your story, which also tells HIS story of how much He loves us! Your book from beginning to end did not in any way disappoint.

* Definitely a must-read for my daughter someday. Of course your approach already has and could apply to any aspect of life, not just love. I am so thankful you listened to Him and wrote this down.



Happy one-month, little book! Continue to carry the message. You are a delight to my year.

4th Engagementversary

I was still struggling to wake up yesterday morning when Ryan whispered in my ear, "Happy Engagementversary."

All the points, right there. He remembered even before I was coherent!

Four years ago yesterday, Ryan proposed to me in one of the most well-coordinated surprises of my life. I love reliving the moments of that day. I was blissfully on the air, unaware that literally ten feet away, Ryan was crawling underneath a window to get into place without me seeing him.

Now that is love, right there.

And at the appointed time {or rather, several minutes past it, because apparently I talked too much}, he burst through the studio door and got down on one knee to ask me to be his:

He brought with him the exact kind of ring I had told him less than a week earlier I'd love to have. I didn't know his own design of that ring was purchased and sitting in his room at his house, waiting to be given to me.

He said a whole treasure trove of beautiful things to me and then he asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes!

So that was four years ago. I had bad roots, questionable nail polish, and a smile that wouldn't quit. My office threw us a party, complete with a cake I was too excited to eat, and Lynne shooed us out the front door for lunch at an Italian restaurant in downtown Fort Wayne.

Yesterday I was battling a cold, complete with sniffing, sneezing, and coughing, and when Ryan came home for lunch, I served him healthy Hot Pocket leftovers. He spent the day at work and I spent the day in my home office, writing and cleaning up before company came for dinner. It wasn't the same dazzling sort of day, but it was still a beautiful day.

On the day of our engagement, we just wanted to be married. We wanted to savor the joys that come with being engaged, but mostly we just wanted to get through that phase so we could be together every single day. Wake up together, do life together, and come home together without parting to separate towns before it was time to sleep.

And now we have that. I love the comfort level that comes with it, but I don't ever want to lose sight of the days when we longed for that more than anything. I may have been Sneezy, Coughy, and Sniffly all rolled into one, and I may have been in ratty workout clothes when he came home for lunch, but we were right there together doing life. And sometimes life is colds and leftovers and questionable hair.

I watched {more than once, I confess} our proposal video and paused to be thankful all over again that Ryan saw something good and worthy in me and that he chose me to be his. I'm grateful he took a risk. I'm grateful for this life we share. It's by no means perfect, but it's filled with gratitude and much laughter. Yesterday, in all its lack of purposeful celebratory splendor, was still a day of much celebration because it represented another milestone in the story of us.

And the story of us took a giggly turn yesterday. Wanna hear?

While we ate lunch, I pulled out the proposal video and had Ryan watch it. I was listening to his words while he watched, and I heard him get to the part about how he thought I was so beautiful and amazing, and right about then, he piped up with, "Who's THAT girl?"

My head shot up so fast, and I said, "WHAT!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

He looked genuinely confused, pointed at the video and said, "You don't look anything like this anymore."

I laughed SO HARD. I said, "Well did you hear what you were saying when you said that?" He paused for a minute, realized the timing and cracked up.

Later that afternoon, he texted me, Thanks for being the woman I proposed to at half the size. 

Oh, he makes me laugh. 

46th Monthiversary

Well, I have on my blogging list to tell you about our 46th monthiversary, which happened a couple of days ago, but TODAY is actually our 4th engagementversary! I know. There are too many versaries. But yes! Four years ago TODAY, Ryan proposed, and I said yes. So we talk about that fun today on today's Spill the Beans, and we also tell the tale of the hummus. You won't want to miss that one. :)

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Sunday, we celebrated 46 months of marriage. There's something odd about this four year mark, of engagement today and of marriage here in a couple of months, that makes me feel a new level of settled. Don't get me wrong: I still feel very much like a newlywed. But being able to say we're at the four year mark makes me feel like we're starting to get the hang of this matrimony thing.

Of course we started our day with church, trying a new church in our quest for a church home. The place we went was kind and welcoming, and we enjoyed our morning there!

We're extremely protective of our Sundays every week, declaring them to be a day true day of rest, but we tried to squeeze in a little fun before the naps began.

Of course there was the official monthly photo shoot.

Ryan got tired partway through.

And then we made a pizza together! We had one pizza kit left in the freezer from a youth group fundraiser, so I added a bunch of chopped veggies and we had fun putting it together...together!

Naps, of course, were the order of the afternoon, and those aren't very exciting, so I didn't take pictures. Well, plus I was asleep.

For our monthiversary treat, we went to the Hydration Station in Greentown to get frosted caramel apple drinks. We had already tried the frosted apple cider, but we're determined to get all the way through the apple drinks before they retire for the season!

It was a delightful little day of celebration, full of the low-key and the laid-back. Happy 46 months AND happy engagementversary!!

Cuddle Cots

If you've read this blog very long, you know it is absolutely no secret that I have a tender heart for moms who have lost babies. Infant loss touched our family when I was ten and my nephew was stillborn. It came close to home again back in 2001, when my "niece," Carol, died on her 6-month birthday. And before we were married, Ryan lost a niece to stillbirth, too.

I've had many friends who have said goodbye to little ones through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death, and it never gets any easier to hear and absorb that news. Because of how often it has touched those I love, I always want to share news about anything that might be helpful to someone who walks the road no one ever wants to take.

Back in 2013, I wrote about the organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, which connects photographers with families who have just lost a child so that they can have photos together with their baby before they say their final goodbyes.

In 2014, I wrote about a local organization, Hudson's Bands of Hope, which provides bracelets to moms who have walked out of hospitals without a baby in their arms. The ministry began after its founder, Misty, found herself unable to part with her hospital bracelet, because it was the only tangible sign that proved she had been to the hospital to have a baby.

Last month, when I spoke at the retreat in Ohio, I met a brave new friend named Kaila, who is still grieving the loss of her son, Beau.

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A year ago in August, Kaila was 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. She had gone to the doctor and gotten to see little Beau on an ultrasound, and everything was perfect. He even stuck his tongue out at her that day!

Because her husband was in Basic Training, Kaila was staying at her dad's house, and when she went to bed that night, she noticed she had some minor cramping, but she tried to rest. Around one in the morning, she knew something was wrong. It wasn't just minor cramping: these were real contractions. Kaila had given birth to a son before, but her labor had been induced and when she didn't progress, he was taken by c-section, so she hadn't experienced natural labor before. She wasn't sure what to expect, but she didn't think whatever was happening right then was normal.

Kaila's dad called 911, and she was rushed to the hospital.. Nurses were trying to check the baby's heart rate, but struggled to find it. Another nurse tried, and she couldn't find it either. Kaila was rushed into surgery, and when she awakened, she learned that her son, Beau Allen Ray Flory had been stillborn and that her uterus had ruptured at her c-section scar. Kaila almost died that night, too.

Though Kaila has struggled with all the stages of anger and grief that any mother would, she's also determined to make sure Beau's name lives on and other families in this same situation have an advantage she didn't have: a CuddleCot.

I hadn't heard of these before, so I asked Kaila to tell me about them. They're small cooling devices that can be hidden in a Moses basket {wicker bassinet} that keeps the deceased infant cool, so the family can spend more time with them without having to sit in the sterile environment of the morgue.

Because the hospital where Beau was born did not have a CuddleCot, Kaila and her husband {who was able to come home from Basic Training the next day} had to wait for Beau to be transferred back and forth from the morgue to spend time with him.

Less than a month later, Kaila's community came together to raise enough money for a CuddleCot to be in the hospital for anyone else in that situation to be able to spend time in the comfort of the room with their baby. {Here is an article about the presentation of that CuddleCot.}

I wanted to tell you about the CuddleCot for a few reasons.

First, if you've not gone through this before, you don't really grasp how little time you get with your baby before you can't ever see or hold him or her on this earth ever again. If there is anything that can prolong and preserve that time, I'm adamant that people know about it, because you can't get a second chance on that time later. This I know.

Secondly, Kaila is in the process of raising money for a fourth CuddleCot, and I wanted to share her Facebook page so you can see how to pitch in if you're led to do so. {She didn't ask me to share it or blog about it at all; I just wanted to help raise awareness and she gave me permission to do so.} If this is something you feel passionate about or it's something that has touched your family like it has ours, this is a way you can help another family down the road.

And thirdly, if your community doesn't have a CuddleCot either, I wanted to let you know that they exist, in case you want to begin an initiative where you live to make this available for anyone who might need it.

It's hard, of course, to think about things like this that are there in the worst of moments. But like I said earlier, when that moment comes, there's no time to wait, so these hard thoughts and conversations have to take place ahead of time.

Kaila, I appreciate the time you took during the retreat to tell me about Beau's life, and I love the way you are honoring him by coming alongside other families in their grief.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

Praying for and crying with the families who have lost their babies is one way to comfort others with the comfort we received when it was our turn, but I believe reaching out tangibly and providing things like photos and bracelets and CuddleCots are other ways to comfort others with the comfort we received. And I believe Kaila is doing that as she honors Beau's life and memory!

The Shafferland Shuffle

A very happy 46th monthiversary to my handsome husband. 46 months is a whisper away from an official FOUR YEARS!!! Yay!!!

* Last Sunday morning, we stopped by my parents' house on the way to church...got there right when the sun came up, and it was so pretty! Last Sunday was also our last day at the church we have attended for most of our marriage. Bittersweet to say goodbye to this church that has come to mean so much to us in the last 3.5 years!

* Monday, Ryan played in the cornhole tournament at work. We won't really talk about the outcome of that round, and INSTEAD, we will move on to this very cute pumpkin art I found {FOR FREE} on Pinterest! It livened up our guest room! And while Sunday may have had a a gorgeous sunrise, Monday won the prize for gorgeous sunset.

* Tuesday was pretty much the perfect fall day. Sunshine, great weather for taking a walk, not too hot, and not too cold. It was even perfect for curling up in the light of the sun to read. And it's possible that by "reading," I also mean "taking a nap."

 * Wednesday, the weather started getting yucky on us, just in time for our date-night game. You remember the charity game heard round the world when our team lost and I had to Lamaze my way through it? Oh yes. That game. Despite the cold and rain {and the fact that I am now FIGHTING a cold from said night out}, it was fun to have a night out on the town with Ryan!

 * Thursday was national coffee day, so I partook all day long at home! Ryan mowed his aunt and uncle's yard that night, so I went along and had him drop me off at Hobby Lobby so I could do some shopping for things I needed, and on the way home, we stopped at Starbucks for our OFFICIAL observance of National Coffee Day. I was brave and tried the Chile Mocha they just brought out. Yeah that was a bad idea. Burned my throat with every drink and I hated the flavor. And that is how National Coffee Day crashed and burned on me.

* Friday night, we went to my parents' house, so Ryan could do some projects for them, and they took us out for dinner in exchange. It was delicious! On our way home, we stopped at this new little place called the Hydration Station for drinks. We had frosted apple ciders, and they were delicious. Unfortunately they also make frosted caramel apple, frosted apple pie, and a bunch of other frosted apple drinks, so we are going to have to figure out how to go OFTEN!!!

 * Yesterday, Ryan worked, and I had Phoebe all day! It was a rainy day, so we mostly hung out at home and took naps! And then last night, I went to a birthday party for my friend, Amber. It was a craft party, and I made a coffee cup Advent calendar! I loved the way it turned out!

The Saturday Six

One.

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I realize that going on ONE cruise does not make me an expert, but I happened upon this article the other day and thought it had a lot of great advice! I was glad Ryan was a well-seasoned cruiser, because he knew all this stuff and made sure we did it on our trip, and it's true: things really did go smoothly because we followed these tips! So if you're thinking of cruising in the future, and you've never gone before, read this!

Two.

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This post is really a review of a journaling Bible {and a well-done review, at that}, but I'm sharing it because I adore her concept of creating a spiritual heritage Bible. If your kids are too young to journal on their own {or if their journals, like mine were at a young age, mostly contain the details of their latest crush's dreamy eyes}, this is a great way to help them keep a record of what they learned about the Lord, how their faith grew and was tested, and conversations you had together. Love this idea! 

Three.

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Every now and then I am invited to be part of a writing group along with other women, and that is always a joy for me. I'm pretty disciplined in my own writing, but there's something good for the soul about the accountability of writing for an audience outside my own and alongside a team of writers that push me to become better at what I do. Recently, I was invited to write an article on singleness for the Annesley blog, and it was published on their website this week. The ladies who write for this site are extremely talented, and I'm sort of a sweaty mess to be included alongside them. Here's the link to my article, but singleness was the topic of the month for September, so poke around and read very thought-provoking and wise articles by other single/formerly single ladies!

Four.

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I am sharing this article, because I'm guessing one or two of you out there might wrestle with this same conundrum. How do you work with/for people you consider to be friends, and find a way to be fair to everyone? How to you offer your talents and ask for compensation without looking mean? It's hard! I'm learning this as I do more work on my own, because my time does matter, and I want to be fair to myself and to Ryan to get paid for what I do, but at the same time, I feel like a big ogre charging my friends. If that's you {for any service!!} check this out.

Five.

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You guys know about glamping? I've read about it, but I think this takes the glamping cake. Have you seen THIS??!!?!? 
 

Six.

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Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you guys. I might as well just come right out and say it. I didn't like the book I asked to review this week.


{Insert all the gasping, crying emoji faces here.}

I was so excited about this book because it's a marriage book, and I love marriage books. I love learning from other perspectives and finding new ideas to implement to make the marriage I have {and love} even better. So when I signed up to read Your Marriage Masterpiece by Al Janssen, I hoped I would be chosen to get a copy. And I was. I sat down with pen and ruler in hand, ready to underline and learn.

And I didn't like it. I feel horrible about not liking it, but it remains the truth. I'm baffled, because the book was first released in 2001, was updated and re-released in 2008 and again this year. While it doesn't have many reviews online, all but one from all three releases are glowing. And the one guy who didn't like it isn't a Christian and was bothered by all the God-talk. So I have no idea why I could not bring myself to connect with and learn from this book, which has found its way to its third release, but I couldn't and I didn't.

The book bounces back and forth between telling biblical accounts with a bit of a fictional license and telling real-life stories intertwined with marital advice. I am not opposed to fictionalized Bible stories. I've even written a few. But these were a bit too fictionalized for me. His angle for these stories is that they are told from the perspective of a couple of angels watching from Heaven. It was just a bit too much for me, but if that angle doesn't bother you, his storytelling is good, so you might enjoy it.

There were a couple of fictionalized parts that were more of a modern-day retelling of Scriptural accounts, like Gomer and Hosea, and I don't mind that method of teaching either, but I was confused as to why the fictionalized parts weren't all consistent one way or the other. 

In the sections of real life stories, I just found myself lost most of the time. I don't know the people he's writing about, and that's okay, but sometimes I would be reading along, eager to see what happened next, and the story just ended. Sometimes he stopped a story for a while and then picked it up later, but by that point, I'd forgotten who the people were, and I had to go back to find it. Sometimes the stories didn't end well, which is fine, because when you're sharing real life, sometimes that's the outcome. But I didn't always find the application spelled out after the story. It felt like abrupt transition that led to new stories I hadn't expected.

I'm so sad. I wanted to love the book. I really did. I did make myself read the entire thing, and I do think there are good bits of advice peppered throughout. Unfortunately I was so frustrated by the chaos that I couldn't focus on them to draw from them.

As a writer, I'm so sad to leave this review, because I know if it were my book, I would want it to be loved more than this, but I also have to be honest, and for me, it just wasn't a win.

* Bethany House provided a copy of this book to me in exchange for an honest review. *