The Best Marriage Habits We've Formed So Far

This week I read Jessica Chance's post, which included reflections from her and her husband about their three years of marriage. (Happy anniversary, Jessica!)

I loved reading their reflection questions and thinking about how we would answer them, because I'm in full reflection mode (already) leading up to our fifth anniversary. And yes. I know it's not for a while yet. I like to fully prepare.

The question "What's the best marriage habit you've formed so far?" stuck out to me, because I'm excited about so many of the habits we've created over our 56 months together. Can I even pick just one? You know I'm not good at picking a true favorite. (Favorite, to me, equals top ten.)

So here are my (ten) best marriage habits we've formed so far. Maybe they wouldn't work for everyone, but they work for us!

1. Getting up and going to bed at the same(ish) time.

This was a decision we made when we first got married, and we have kept it pretty well. We decided it's probably easier to fall into temptation (for whatever you want to fill in that blank with) if you're up alone while your spouse is sleeping, so we try not to do that. This is an interesting conundrum since Ryan's an early bird and I'm a night owl. He does usually get up just a few minutes before me to have time for devotions and prayer (and to make the coffee that gets me out of bed) and sometimes I'll read in bed or watch TV after he falls asleep, but we do our best to make sure our days officially start and end at the same time.

2. Having a time of devotions and prayer together every morning.

We didn't do this for the first part of our marriage, largely because our commute got in the way. (When you are not a morning person and have to be on the road by 6:45 in the morning, you keep your activities to a minimum.) But once I left my job, we started being very intentional about daily devotions and prayer. We really look forward to this every day! (We also have our own personal time alone with the Lord, but we are committed to praying and studying together, too.)

3. Spending quality time together daily.

Sometimes (especially when we're exhausted from crazy days) our "quality time" together involves watching old episodes of Shark Tank for a few hours, but we count it, because we're together doing something we enjoy! Whether we're talking, cooking, watching TV, going for a walk, grocery shopping, or working on house projects (!!!!) we find that we grow closer when we actually spend time together. (What a concept, right?)

4. Choosing to date intentionally and regularly.

I probably don't need to say much about this, because you see all our dates recapped right here on the blog. From county tours to alphabetical dates to random, impromptu nights out, we love our dates. I didn't date much before Ryan (even in the couple of relationships I had, we didn't actually go on many dates) so it's a privilege for me to actually go out and enjoy that special, exclusive time. (Bonus for all you guys reading: plan dates for your loves. It makes them feel special!)

5. Observing monthiversaries.

This absolutely may not be everyone's cup of tea, but we do love it. For us, these observations remind us of the blessing of one more month together. I know some couples, due to illness or tragedy, never made it as far as we have, and I do not take it for granted that we have been blessed to enjoy fifty-six beautiful months together.

6. Supporting our dreams, jobs, and interests. 

Oh my goodness. What a blessing Ryan has given me in supporting my writing and speaking, allowing me to work from home and hone my skills and talents. I am so grateful for his sacrifices so I can chase my dreams. But we both try so hard to support each other in work, interests, and dreams. I hope Ryan always knows I'm his biggest champion, and even though he may love pursuing things that terrify me, I want to be there front and center, taking pictures! :)

 7. Showing affection through words and actions.

And I don't even care if it's nauseating. We love to show affection, and we do it often. From simple gestures like holding hands or quick kisses to being consistent to say I love you often, we make sure we stay connected through affection! (Ryan will tell you that I am the most random "I love you" giver ever. We can be in the middle of a conversation and I'll pop up with "I LOVE YOU!!")

8. Trying not to be apart overnight.

For us, this has been really important. We've only been apart four times in almost five years, and those four times were four times too many. It's not that we're co-dependent or controlling. It's that we genuinely enjoy being a team and we don't fare so well when separated. (AKA I cry uncontrollably.) But we decided early on that we want to be together, not living separate lives with the same last name. So we do our best to limit the number of times we are apart. It keeps us accountable, and it keeps us focused on similar interests.

9. Documenting everything.

Again, I know for some it's probably overkill, but when I look at our shelf of scrapbooks, I'm just so happy! I love knowing those books are filled with the chronicles of our adventures. Preserved forever. If either of us ever get lost in dementia, we'll certainly have many stories to read about days when we lived the fullest out of every day - TOGETHER.

10. Leaving and cleaving.

True, we live close to both our families, and we are able to be part of things that happen in their lives. But we are both very aware of Scripture's admonition for husbands and wives to leave their families and cleave to each other. We have tried our best to do this well and to make sure we always hold each other in the highest priority. We are a family, and we are accountable before God for the way we handle our commitment to each other.

There you have it! Our top ten best marriage habits. These have worked for us, and like I said, even if they wouldn't work for your life, we hope you find something in them that inspires you to look for what will work and do that!