If I Could Go Back...

...for one more ice cream cone.

{My apologies if you were expecting something a bit deeper than that.}

I don't know how many of you who read this are from my original stomping grounds, but if you are, then you remember the Comet Cone. If you aren't...then I'm so sorry you never got to experience the Comet Cone.

It was this unassuming little ice cream and sandwich shop on the edge of Greentown - named for the school mascot....the Comets. It had less than a dozen booths and a long table in the middle that normally had a congregation of retired men gathered for coffee. The menu for the drive through was hand painted on a giant board that hung on the side of the building.

{Photo from the listing...cause it's for sale. Sigh...}

People loved that little place. I loved that little place. Chocolate Diet Cokes {back in the era when I drank Diet Coke} with puddles of chocolate syrup buried underneath the most perfect pellets of crushed ice. Twist soft-serve cones held under the little wheel that dropped the crunch coating over it - sprinkles and nuts and sugared goodness that made twist cones that much better. Hamburgers with pickles and a side of fries...my mouth is watering just thinking about the treats that made my childhood.

But it's not just the food. I love the memories of that place. Mom always stopped there on her way home from school when I had strep {which was every winter of my childhood} to get a chocolate shake that felt so good on my throat. She took me there on my way to my very first ever babysitting job {I was twelve and my niece was my tiny charge} to get my favorite chocolate Diet Coke as a pre-first-job-calming agent.

And who can forget the night Mom, Dad, and I sat in there  eating dinner, when we got the news that a tornado was headed our way. The faithful ladies in the green aprons behind the counter were planning their quick exit into the freezer to wait out the storm and hope for the best, and I was trying to convince my parents to go home. They contemplated dessert. I begged them to leave. To go home. {And anytime this girl turned down dessert, that really was something to consider with seriousness.} To hide in the basement so I wouldn't have to die in the freezer with the tiny pieces of ice and the future twist ice cream.

{We did make it home. And the tornado did come. But it spared both the Comet Cone and our house.}

I don't remember when it closed. It was after I moved out of town. But I will tell you what - every time I drive by there, I remember how much I loved that place, and how much I wish it was still open. If I were independently wealthy and had any sort of business brain about me, I'd start it right back up. Complete with the chocolate Cokes {forget the diet now, thankyouverymuch} and the crunch cones. Create a new menu of memories for a new generation.

A couple of weeks ago, Ryan and I drove past, and I made a comment about how much I missed it, so he drove right in and pulled up under the drive-thru awning. I stared through the dusty windows at the empty dining room - and I remembered that whole piece of my childhood that for reasons I don't fully understand - I miss. Seriously. How do crushed ice and sprinkles on cones fit in so unmistakably to the formative years?

I hope you had a Comet-Cone-esque place in your own childhood. The place where you knew you could count on the middle table of retired men drinking coffee...the chocolate shakes for strep throat...and the best crushed ice in the county. And you know what? I hope you have that place now, too. A menu of new memories.

Shafferland Shuffle

* Last Sunday we had a wonderful church service...I thoroughly enjoyed learning from the Lord that day! We'd set aside that weekend as a firm "no plans" weekend - our first one in months, and our souls needed it! We rested, we washed the car, we went for a run, we roasted hot dogs in the fire pit, we made s'mores...it was just a lovely day. So thankful for rest. We didn't realize how much we'd missed it.

* Monday I went back to the dentist to have my appointment with the dentist who will actually do my procedure. He was very nice and I got through the session with no issues. {Although they didn't come near me with anything either, so that helped!} That night, Ryan and I had a great workout and enjoyed some homemade tacos and a night of rest at home. Again. Isn't that like 2 in a row? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE????

* Tuesday morning, I snapped this picture of Braeya while she "helped" me at my desk before work. When I write, she likes to sprawl out and supervise. :) I had lunch with my new friend Elisa - and I would have taken a picture of us, but it was our first time to hang out in real life and I didn't want to look like the weirdo who asked for a photo!! Really enjoyed spending time with her, though! That evening I was busy in the kitchen - making dinner for us and brownies for the nice guys at the car shop...still hadn't properly thanked them for rescuing me from the side of I69 with my flat tire!

* Wednesday we had some CRAZY fog for our morning commute. I so appreciate being on an interstate in fog. No intersections to worry about! That evening, we stayed home and Ryan worked hard on the paperwork end of my upcoming dental palooza. I appreciated all he did to make this go smoothly from a business end! And me? I did laundry. Be jealous. Be soooooo jealous.

* Thursday morning I got up early and put everything in the crock pot for our dinner. I always feel very domesticated when I get up early to cook. After work, we went for a run, and I had my best one in a long while. I was THRILLED! My treat that night was Ryan's peanut butter pie, which he made for me...why does dessert always taste even more delectable when someone ELSE is cooking?

 * We've noticed that fall seems to be starting AWFULLY early around here. We have a tree on our street already dropping leaves, the mums are on sale at the stores, and Ryan is back to wearing Colts shirts to work on Fridays. PLEASE STAY A LITTLE LONGER, SUMMER!!!! In happier news...I got my first free Starbucks drink in the Gold Card program...free tastes GOOD!!! And at the end of date night, we settled in at home to watch TV, and Ryan gave me a foot massage...and someone did not like that. She's so greedy.

* Last night, we were able to have some of our friends over for a cookout - and it was nearly a perfect night for it! We set up a table in the yard, in the shade of the big tree, and enjoyed corn on the cob, hot dogs, grilled chicken, grapes, chips and fresh salsa, and mac & cheese. It was so yummy! Our friends have two kids, so Ryan and I took turns playing soccer and hide & seek with them in the yard. Not gonna lie - it was pretty fun! And I guess they liked it too, since before they left, one of them said they wished we lived next door!

The Saturday Six

One.

So we went to buy cilantro for guacamole this week and Meijer was sold out. AGAIN. They're almost always sold out of cilantro. So we did what we had to do: bought the whole plant. They did have one of those left. So now we own a cilantro plant! I feel so very grown up. And kind of trendy. And I hope I don't kill it.

Two.

Several years ago I bought these chalkboard stickers for my canisters. I wrote with regular chalk, and it looked...rough. My chalk with thick and bulky - too much so for these guys. And we were constantly rubbing off letters; we've been drinking "offee" forever. So I got one of those chalk pens and redid my signs. LOVE the pen. I will say that for me, it needs to be used in a permanent setting because it doesn't come off well, but that's okay for these labels!!

Three.

Source

A post that kicked me {appropriately} in the gut this week - about seeing others through a lens I too often forget to use.

Four.

Source

Loved this beautiful poem written by Max Lucado for his daughter's wedding a few days ago. And I loved it that he shared it for others to pray over their own marriages. :)

Five.

Source

I think I might need this spice drawer insert. Once I have a house that has a bunch of drawers, that is. CRAFT PROJECT, RYAN!!!!!

Six.
And speaking of Ryan, this is his contribution to the Saturday six. How to pick up a girl at the gym. Please note he did not actually USE this method.   

Pray for You?

This week has been beautiful in many ways. We've enjoyed more time at home than I can remember in a long time. {It hasn't rained, so the grass hasn't grown, so that bought us two nights together since Ryan didn't have to mow. YAY!}

That's the good news. The bad news is that so much time at home has given my mind plenty of time to just run...run...run...and that's never good. When I start thinking too much, I start worrying, and then I just want to eat. Cookies. Lots of cookies.

Or this delight that Ryan made for me this week. Be still my beating heart.

But I digress.

Wanted to update you on a couple of the situations that keep our prayer life hopping...because some of you have asked! If you are so inclined to join us in prayer on these, we would welcome that ever so much.

1. The house(s). I told you a couple of weeks ago that we received an offer on the house Ryan owned coming into our marriage. It passed inspection {yay!} but we're still waiting to hear that the buyers' financing has gone through. We've been prepped that it could take a few more weeks yet, so we're enjoying {cough cough} a season of waiting. Our prayer is obviously that it will work out - and even more quickly than we have been told. We are ready to be done with this VERY long season and be able to look ahead. But our prayer is also for the people trying to buy the home. We know they really want this house, and as a person who has known what it feels like to want something so badly...I am praying that they'll get to experience the joy of something good coming their way. And let me just assure you...when that house does finally sell, we are going to have a blogaroo party like you've never seen. Thank you to those of you who have prayed with us on this for...well...ever.

2. The mouth. You might remember that last week I told you I have to have a major dental procedure later this month. I've since had my consultation with the dentist who will be performing said procedure, and I feel very comfortable with him {which is nothing short of an act of God in and of itself}. I do not currently have nagging anxiety about this visit, but then again, I have a couple of weeks before it hits. My biggest concern is my ability to fall asleep. I thought, prior to my consultation, that I would be receiving IV sedation, like I did with my wisdom teeth a few years back. I was told it will actually be an oral sedation and most people fall asleep but some just get loopy. I need need need to be one of the most and not one of the some. And though they don't fully comprehend this, the staff at the dental office needs that too. HA!! So I'm praying hard to conk right out for the whole thing. In addition, I know exactly what my subsequent jaw pain will feel like and I'm prepared to tolerate it, but what I don't know is how long it will last. Could be several days or even weeks. I just want to be able to get through that part without being too whiny. {Essentially = pray for Ryan.}

So that's my plea for prayer if you'd like to join me. But I also love praying for YOU. Are there things weighing on your heart right now that you want to share so I can join you in prayer? {If you don't feel like spilling your guts in the comments, you're welcome to email me at readingrebekah at yahoo dot com.}

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord...The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

~ James 5:13-14, 16 ~

Twenty Months...CHECK!!!

We celebrated twenty months of marriage this past Saturday. We marched right on into the next group of tens!! I love it when our month anniversary falls on a weekend...and when it turns out to be a weekend neither of us has to work...well, YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

And so it was this past weekend!

Our anniversary was on Saturday, and we got to sleep in...Ryan's version of it. {His version is 7 a.m. My version is noon.} We made scrambled eggs for breakfast and then set about doing our errands and chores for the day. Ryan was most excited to clean out the garage and the gutters.

No, seriously. He was really excited to do that!

I was excited he was okay with me scrapbooking while he did all that.

I gave him a card while he was cleaning the garage...which is almost romantic. :)

 But I love to give him cards, so if I have to deliver it in the garage, I will! :)

I'm pretty sure his anniversary gift to me was selling this bad boy:

Yep! That was the day we said farewell to the Old Asphyxiator.

 That afternoon, we headed down toward Indianapolis to eat dinner at Red Robin. It's one of our favorite places to go...and it's also where we ate dinner on our first date. Double bonus! AND we had a gift card. TRIPLE BONUS!!!

 

Two facts you may not know about Red Robin: you can order a petite version of any burger. {Essentially the Whopper Jr. size vs. the Whopper size.} I love that!!! Also, I learned by reading the ketchup bottle that they have a reward program where you can get a free burger after you buy so many. {DO not start with me for reading a ketchup bottle on my date. I have so many issues. I am so lucky he loves me like he does.}

The Red Robin where we ate is part of an outdoor shopping mall, so after dinner, we walked around just enjoying the stores {not actual SHOPPING, you understand...just looking} and then we capped off the evening with dessert at Cold Stone. {Another gift card.} Ryan had never been to Cold Stone. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? {I have failed.}

I got salted caramel yogurt. It was SO TASTY - probably the best representation of a real salted caramel taste I've found. And it was yogurt, so at least I saved a couple fat grams.

We really enjoyed our day together with no agenda...it was so lovely.

Thankful for these last 20 months - though they have been very eventful, they have been such a joy!!! Hard to believe that by the time we get to 21 months, I'll have been through my dental event and Ryan will have had the opportunity to see the "or worse" part of those vows. :)

Wednesdays in the Word: Verse Z

We made it! All the way from A-Z with Bible verses. I want to start by thanking all of you for hanging in here with me for this project. You've left kind comments and emailed me your thoughts - and I am glad to know that along the way, different verses have meant something to you at your place in this life journey. Thanks for sharing this learning time with me!

I was, as you might imagine, a bit limited in verses containing "Z" words - but I think this verse is a PERFECT way to wrap up these memory verses.

Ever feel like giving up? 

When I was in college, I began each semester enthusiastically. Fresh syllabi...new books...the determination to do my best EVER work. And then...sometime around midterms {or the first day of class, at times}...I didn't just hit the wall...I slammed into it with such force, I should have sailed through the other side. I couldn't study one more hour. Write one more paper. Retain information for one more test. I wanted to QUIT. And if not quit entirely...at least quit trying SO hard.

My final semester, I was hired as an employee of the school WHILE completing my degree. While all my classmates were job hunting, I already had an office of my very own, business cards, and a real paycheck. Going to work was SO FUN. Going to class was SO NOT. I begged to quit school. I promised to be the best employee they had ever seen...if they would just PLEASE let me enter the real world right then. Naturally they denied that gracious offer. I was half a semester away from a four year degree. I could NOT quit. {And I I did not quit.}

When I walked the desert road, people told me to quit. Walk away. Be done. He's never coming back, they said. Just cut your losses and go on. But I knew God was calling me to to stay the course, despite the pain and despite the potential lack of a future. And as you all know, he did NOT come back. The relationship was over. But I was so thankful that for the first time ever - I lived out the words of this verse. I kept my spiritual fervor. I served the Lord in a hard spot and stayed faithful and obedient to what He asked of me.

And now Ryan and I wait again. We wait for houses to sell and direction on where to go next. The waiting is tiring. It's taxing. It's out of our control. And it's hard. But we've learned from our previous seasons. From the days when we wanted to quit something entirely. From the days when we wanted to at least quit trying as hard. We want, so much, for people who might be watching, to see that we are hanging onto our fervent trust in the Lord. That we are serving while we wait. That we are striving to learn the lessons He has for us in the waiting.

So as we say goodbye to this particular study, I invite you to serve with zeal. Maybe you're waiting like we are. Maybe you're fighting. Maybe you're being still. Maybe you're delighting. Maybe you're grieving. Maybe you're doing a handful of those things at once. Whatever you're doing, do it with zeal. Keep your fervor. Serve the Lord in it. Let those watching you see Jesus.

Press on, my sweet friend. Press on and press into Him.

Homemade Taco Seasoning

I told my friend Amy that I aspire to adopt a healthier diet...and she asked about my plan. I don't think she was expecting me to say something about veggies...not about making my own brownie mix and taco seasoning!

I'm not the clean eating type who sits and studies everything about pre-packaged foods and all the hidden preservatives and how those things will kill you. Frankly, I can't think about it without working myself into a tizzy. No one has time for a Bekah tizzy.

So why did I have this desire to make my own homemade taco seasoning? Mostly because it felt all homemakerish. I love feeling homemakerish. It's the thing I grasp for in my crazy commuting life. I found the recipe idea here...and I've made a couple of tweaks to it to suit my tastes. {AKA take out a bit of the fire.}

WE. LOVE. IT. We really do. I've made it several times and have finally landed upon the perfect combo for us, and we love the flavor of it so much. And I do feel better that I've done something {minute though it may be} to make our eating a bit less processed. 

Homemade Taco Seasoning

* 1 Tablespoon chili powder
* 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
* 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
* smallest possible pinch of red pepper powder
* 1/4 teaspoon oregano
* 1/2 teaspoon paprika
* 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
* 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
* 1 teaspoon black pepper

Mix everything together in a bowl. Use 2 Tablespoons and add 1/3 cup of water per one pound of ground meat for tacos. Store additional seasoning in an airtight container. This makes about enough for 2 pounds of meat.

A Few Tips:

* I realize it's much easier to rip open an envelope and dump in the contents, but you would be surprised at how LITTLE time it takes to whip up this concoction. And if you make it in bulk, you can have a bunch on hand whenever you need it!

* If you do want to make a huge batch of it, I found the big batch recipe here - and I've tweaked it to allow for my adjustments...so for us, a big batch would be * 1/2 cup plus 2 Tablespoons chili powder * 2 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder * 2 1/2 teaspoons onion powder * still the tiniest smidge of red pepper powder * 2 1/2 teaspoons oregano * 5 teaspoons paprika * 1/4 cup plus 1 Tablespoon ground cumin * 1 1/2 Tablespoons sea salt * 3 Tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon black pepper

* We use ground chicken or ground turkey {depending on what is available and/or on sale} instead of ground beef - just to try to help with the health factor. I truly cannot taste the difference with all this seasoning on it.

* I added about 1/4 of a chopped onion to the meat as it browned just to add to the flavor. 

* We eat our "tacos" as nachos. We get low fat tortilla chips and put the meat on top, along with cheese, green onions, salsa, guacamole if we have it, and fat free Greek yogurt in place of sour cream.

* This is one of our faves - hope you like it too!

Great is His Faithfulness

Yesterday was an exceptional day at church. One of those days when God just overwhelmed me with His presence...and I sat back a few times, soaking it in.

There was one part in particular that wrapped my soul in comfort, and I wanted to share it with you today in case you need to hear it too. At the end of the service, the worship team sang Great is Thy Faithfulness, and I stopped singing, just so I could listen. Just so I could bathe my heart in the significance of that song.

I began planning my wedding in my twenties...and I tried to find the delicate balance between being a girl unafraid to dream and being a future wife able to leave enough room for her someday husband to have an opinion.

One song I so ached to use and so hoped Mr. Missing would understand was Great is Thy Faithfulness. I'd seen it used in a wedding once...in the wedding of a friend who had waited many years to find a husband. It struck me so profoundly, because I watched her stand at the front of a very full sanctuary and the pews behind her were filled with people who had filled her life in those years of waiting. Friends, mentors, co-workers, family members...all these people were examples of tangible ways God had been faithful in the waiting.

And so I wanted that in my wedding as well. And the older I got, and the longer I waited, the more I wanted that song.

It wasn't just a piece of music, it was a testimony.

I was thrilled when Ryan captured my vision for that song, and on that day in December in Siesta Key, Florida, I hid in some beach weeds and heard the strains of the music playing down by the water's edge.

 His faithfulness...present in the lives of those who had invested in me since the day I was born. Present in those who taught me in words and example how to live for Him.

His faithfulness...present in the lives of those I didn't even know for most of my life...but who were doing something to invest in my future by investing in the one I would live with in that future.

 His faithfulness...present in the prayers of those who sustained the one God allowed me to love...who walked the darkest of roads with him and could smile with him on this day.

His faithfulness...found in the lives of those whose presence shaped my faith...both those here with me and those gone to Heaven.

His faithfulness...found in those who walked with Ryan before I even arrived. Those who prayed him through difficult days and celebrated with him on the good ones. And these two who stood beside him represent many more who weren't able to make the trip that day.

His faithfulness...found in those who spent years dreaming with and praying alongside me. And these who stood beside me represent a host of others who did the same throughout the years.

His faithfulness...shown in the answers to prayers I was almost afraid to pray...but oh how I celebrated them when God gifted me with a blessing!

His faithfulness...shown in the representation of these who gathered to witness our day...and the grains of sand under our feet represent the hundreds and thousands more who, in many ways across the years, were the embodiment of Christ's faithfulness in our lives.

That God who was faithful for 34 years of waiting for this girl...Whose faithfulness was shown on this day in these ways..is still faithful today. As we wait for answers to so many more prayers...He is still faithful. On days {like today} when I struggle to see proof as tangibly as I did on our wedding day, I choose to call to mind His faithfulness and therefore I will have hope...

...that all we need, His Hand will provide...that His pardon for sin and His peace remain...that strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow still abound...and that when the day is done, there are blessings all mine with ten thousand beside.

Great is HIS faithfulness.

The Shafferland Shuffle

* Last Sunday we had the joy of waking up AT THE LAKE!!!! Even though the day had its struggles weather-wise, we enjoyed some time out on the boat...and watching the hummingbirds that were outside the cottage! Loved spending time with Ryan's family - from sharing donuts for breakfast to hanging out together while a huge storm cell passed through to eating dinner together at Hacienda that night - it was a wonderful, relaxing day!

* Monday morning we woke up to a gorgeous view of the lake...and the promise of a vacation day. Can't beat that for a way to start a week! We enjoyed the day - and helped pack up the cottage to leave - but not before sneaking in one last boat ride for prayer time and Bible study. When we got back, Ryan and Allen had to get the boat out of the water. I just took pictures. It's safer that way. :) On our way home, we stopped in a nearby town to visit our friends Amy and Andy. They got married 6 months ago during the Polar Vortex, and we had to miss the wedding...but still had the gift! We enjoyed ice cream and coffee with them and then came home to mowing lawns, grocery shopping, laundry and real life.

* Tuesday morning, we heard that awful ALARM again...so sad after the lovely weekend at the lake. Against our will, we resumed the real world. That night was our very last Beth Moore Children of the Day study...what a blessing that has been to me! I'm thankful for the things I've learned in it! One of the last exercises was to write in Sharpie on our hands that the Lord is faithful. Lavender Sharpie doesn't show up very well, but thankful for that firm reminder of His faithfulness!

 * Wednesday was a hard day for me. I had a dentist appointment that afternoon and the mere waiting for it nearly proved to be my undoing. Nearly. I did a lot of crying and praying at work - and before I went for the appointment, Lynne gave me a Fear Not bracelet...which really helped me keep my focus. The folks at the dental office were DELIGHTFUL - truly the best experience I've ever had - despite the fact that they diagnosed me with periodontal disease, and I'll have to have some work done next month that will be rather unpleasant.

* Thursday morning I drove to work in this delightful blend of mild fog and sun...it was so pretty! The work day was good, and that night, Ryan and I showed our Marion house to a couple...so it was all nice and sparkly. I love a sparkly house. What I did NOT love was reaching to pull a weed out of a planter prior to the showing...to discover it was a stinging nettle. Never heard of this plant before, but it immediately burned, stung, and my fingers developed welts. Ryan came to my rescue and ended up in the same boat. Stupid nettles.

* Friday morning we woke up to a power outage...happened right when the alarm went off. My first thought?? MY HAIR!! Ryan's first thought?? COFFEE!!! We stumbled around in the dark for a while and then the power came back on - but a bit too late. Ryan saved the day with a trip to Starbucks! That night - we had a good old fashioned pizza/Coke/movies stay-at-home date. It was SO WONDERFUL. We have seriously craved being home for weeks...months...and finally had a chance to do it. Best night ever.

 * Yesterday was our 20 month anniversary! Ryan said his final goodbye to his beloved Old Trusty {aka the Asphyxiator}, and we enjoyed a great date together down by Indianapolis! We recreated the end of our first date by having dinner at Red Robin, and then we walked around some shops for a while and finished off the evening with dessert at Coldstone Creamery! Perfect date.

The Saturday Six

One.

First and foremost...the happiest of 20 month anniversaries to the love of my life. Twenty months ago we stood on a beach and said a forever yes. And the last 20 months have been the craziest, loveliest, most exhausting, most exhilarating months of my life. Always grateful for this man's contagious laugh, handsome smile, and unending love.

Two.

Source

While on vacation with Ryan's family last week, our sister-in-law mentioned that she always cleans the house before she leaves for a trip...so she knows it will be clean when she comes home. I thought of that when I read this post by Carmella.

Three.

Source

LOVED LOVED LOVED this post about the importance of praying for a marriage over planning for a wedding. While I thoroughly enjoyed the fun of planning a wedding, I am thankful I spent that much MORE time praying for my marriage.

Four.

Source

The day of my dentist appointment this week...was a day of stroke-level blood pressure, crying, heart palpitations, sweating, and the most increased prayer life one can imagine. In the middle of all that mess, I read this post by Courtney Walsh. So timely. Regardless of what brings you stress...timely.

Five.

I cannot tell you how much I love this song by Kristian Stanfill. One of my current faves.

 


Six.

Found this on my friend Jodi Otto's Instagram account. I LOVE THIS IDEA. A post-it note scavenger hunt to lead to an encouraging word. What fun!!!

Fear and Such

I told you a bit about this yesterday, but thought I'd elaborate a bit today.

I don't suppose that most people ever really enjoy going to the dentist. I know - a few of you out there dig that squeaky clean teeth feeling, but most people dread the old DDS visit.

My rather irrational fear of dentists began back in college when I switched dentists for the third time in my life. In the span of my first visit to the new dentist, I was told that all four wisdom teeth had to come out - and I had cavities. Lots of cavities.

In the span of six months, I had all four wisdom teeth removed, all my mercury fillings replaced with porcelain fillings, and the new cavities filled.

That translated to a lot of time in the dentist chair and a lot...I mean lot of time with my mouth wide open. I was just a few weeks into my senior year of college when I nestled in my bunk with a Twinkie in hand...and I could not open my mouth wide enough to eat the Twinkie.

Don't tell this girl she can't have her Twinkie.

Back to the dentist I went...and a diagnosis of TMJ was handed to me. Too much dental work in a short amount of time, they said. {And no one could have figured that out BEFORE???} They gave me a mouth guard {and by gave, I mean we mortgaged the house for one} and off I went.

In reality, the TMJ doesn't bother me on a daily basis. I can talk and eat and really experience no problem. Chewing gum kills me. But that's okay because I hate gum. And the other thing that kills me? Going to the dentist. Even a cleaning is torture when it's over. Pain for a long time.

And so it was that the combo of some hereditary blessings and some lack of attention to the old moutharoo landed me in a position of worrying that something was wrong and I needed to go to a dentist.

No way was I going back to the old one - too much trauma and drama. I set out for a new dentist and found one whose website promised deep compassion to the fear-filled like me.

I was far too scared to call for an appointment, so I emailed, instead. My hands shook and tears rolled down my face while I typed about my fears. I explained that they should recall the worst 2 year old they'd ever met, multiply that by four and then we would be getting CLOSE to me.

They emailed back and asked me to call for an appointment. It took me four days to gather the courage, but I did. I cried on the phone while I made the appointment.

And then came the day of the appointment. I'm sure you all heard my heartbeat pounding through my chest and into the atmosphere. I sweat profusely. I was hot. I was cold. I clenched that poor, sore jaw tightly. I cried. I did Lamaze.

And when the time came to go...I got in the car and forced myself to the office. I forced myself in the front door and into a chair. And then I schemed for ways to slip out without being noticed. But I stayed.

The office ladies were sweet and talked to me about my job while I waited. The hygienist called for me and sat patiently to listen {aka watch me cry} as I shared my story of days of yore. She handed me Kleenex and looked at me compassionatley and didn't judge.

She took x rays and scans and gently poked in my mouth...and came back with the bad news. Periodontal disease. And not a minor case of it either. I'd have to come back in, she said, and be sedated while they got under the gum line and cleaned me out well. And they'd do some fillings while they were there.

And then she handed me another Kleenex.

No one likes to hear the word disease.

The kind dentist came in, shook my hand, and reiterated what she said. I asked how long such a procedure would take and he said to plan on 4-5 hours.

HOURS.

I just went ahead and grabbed the next Kleenex.

So that's that, my friends. I go in Monday to get all the final details, but it looks like about 3 weeks from now, I'll be having this sedated procedure that will be the first step in a long process of working my way back to health.

Thankful for this gift Lynne gave me right before I left.

The hygienist told me the bravest thing I did was pick up the phone to call in the first place, and I agree. That was the worst. She said I was brave because I came inside and sat until my name was called. She said some people walk to the door and then bolt, and they have to chase them down the sidewalk to retrieve them.

I'll wear the bracelet again next time. And if you are so inclined to pray for me {or perhaps more so...for the people stuck working on me} I'll take it. I'm not afraid of being sedated. I'm only afraid of the extreme jaw pain I know I will have when it's over. Being open multiple HOURS at one time is going to really tax my jaw limits.

The good news? Ryan will get a break from my talking and I should get a bit of a diet out of it, since I'll hurt too much to eat.

So that's my dentist saga. Proud of myself for being brave. On round one. We'll see about round two.