Marriage Retreat - Not the Movie

This past weekend, Ryan and I went on a marriage retreat. Not the movie. :)

I know, I know. We've not even been married 3 months yet. Why could we possibly need a marriage retreat? Well, we thought it might be a good tradition to start, and some of our friends were going, so we went too! It was in Fort Wayne, so Ryan caught a ride with some of our friends, and I drove over after work to meet him at the hotel.

I made him meet me outside because the parking was in a parking garage and those things and I do not have a great history. I figured it wouldn't do well to start the weekend by having a head on collision in the garage because of my inability to read arrows. {Stop rolling your eyes. It can happen.}

The retreat is sponsored by the Wabash Friends Church/Counseling Center, and they'd come through all our rooms before we arrived to leave some sparkling grape juice and chocolates...and to sprinkle a few rose petals....

We were on our own for dinner, so while I was still at work, I got some ideas of where to go. Given that Ryan and I are a couple of classy hot dog fans, we checked out the famous Coney Island hot dog stop. {Or if you're texting it - it comes out Comet Island. FYI.}

We went with our friends, Brad and Lori, and the valuable tip we learned while visiting was that the mustard in the little bottle is NOT thick. Brad shook it and ended up wearing mustard...on his shirt...in his beard...in his EAR. I was sorry I missed THAT photo opp before he got it cleaned up. We really enjoyed dinner, though. One good hot dog!

I'm getting worse at self photography. My neck looks like Gaston's from Beauty and the Beast!! And just so you know - YES I'm aware that I'm in a really, REALLY unfortunate hair phase right now. I'm trying so hard to not touch it until after the reception {except for coloring} but I need bangs in the worst way. I'm sorry for the view until that day comes.

Anyway. Friday evening we spent time at the retreat...they had some time of worship...door prizes...funny videos...and our speaker was Dr. Gary Oliver. He had a great sense of humor and was one of those guys that was obviously incredibly knowledgeable in his field...but yet not incapable of relating to the common folk. :) We really enjoyed him!!

They passed out some "couples games" at the end of the night and we received one because we were {almost} the most newly married duo there. It was a dice sort of game....and we were required to report back on that the next day, so off to do our homework!!

The Shafferland Shuffle

* Last Sunday morning, we were sitting in Sunday School when the door opened and some of the kiddos walked in pushing a cart full of slices of coffee cake! What a fun surprise! They served us all just as a little Valentine's Day gift...loved it!

Enjoyed a day of rest at home and then Ryan and I went over to his mom's house that evening so I could attend a jewelry party his sister was having! A great day all around!

* Monday evening, Ryan did laundry and asked me HOW it was possible that between the two of us, we have SO MANY PAIRS of black socks? I'm sure I don't know! Maybe because black is our power color??

I'm sorry to say the rest of our night was consumed with our addiction of Love It or List It. Pathetic, really, how much we love that show.

* Tuesday I had a fun first {for me}...sent in an RSVP for the first time ever....for two. I realize it seems like a silly thing but it seriously was so significant to me that I had to take a picture!!

I spent the rest of the night glued to my 2012 scrapbook, which arrived in the mail that day. 150 pages of great memories from last year!

* Wednesday was the start of Lent, so I began reading through the negativity fast study that I'm doing this year. I have to say when Lent begins in February, I have trouble jumping in. It just seems too early!!

* Thursday was, of course, Valentine's Day, and you already saw the recap of that...but I so so SO loved getting flowers delivered to work. Made my entire YEAR!!!

Loved having the chance to spoil and be spoiled this year!

* Friday night Ryan and I went to the first night of our first ever marriage retreat. I had been SO looking forward to it all week! More to come on that later, but check out what we found in our hotel room when we checked in!

*And Saturday we spent the whole day at the marriage retreat...including some great time out with friends of ours. We went to dinner and then out for a coffee date at Starbucks!

 After the coffee date, we came back to the retreat to enjoy Jim Barron's illusion show. {Jim is on the morning team at WBCL....always fun to see his shows!}

Our First Valentine's Day

My friend Joel put out a plea on Facebook on Valentine's Day...for couples to hold back on excessive "public schmoopiness" - out of respect for the singles in the world.

I so get that. I was a public schmoopiness hater for many years. Scenes of someone else who got flowers when I got...nothing except maybe a wet nose rub from my cat...was just too much to take. Especially in such high doses.

So for those of you who avoided schmoopiness this week...if you can't read this post because it's too much, I totally get it. But I'm kind of hoping you'll stick around and get some hope that schmoopiness could yet come your way.

I was SO looking forward to this day this year because it was my first ever Valentine's Day to have a Valentine love! And he made it a beautiful day!

When I got out of the shower that morning, I discovered a new note on our message board in our bedroom - wishing me a happy day, and draped around it was this amazingly beautiful scarf he'd picked out for me! {No, he didn't knit it himself. That he admitted anyway.}

I didn't know he was lurking in the doorway behind me when I first saw it and he got to hear my EEEEEEEEE!!! squeal. I loved that.

I pack his lunch several times a week and his lunch bag is just TOO SMALL. At least for the big ole leftover dishes we like to use. Many days he had to carry a grocery store plastic sack on the side just to get everything transported. I hated that so I got him a new lunch bag! {Not totally romantic but he loved it.} Honeybadger is his nickname - NOT from me, but from some YouTube video of days gone by. He has a honeybadger travel mug and everything. So it only seemed appropriate to get that put on the lunch bag. And I made him a card on Shutterfly, which he also loved.

I went to work and waited to see if maybe...just maybe...some flowers would come my way. I'd never gotten flowers at work from a boy before!! :) And he did NOT disappoint!!!! As I was covering Diane's break in the afternoon...look what showed up just for me!

One dozen beautiful roses that this girl {with unfortunate hair, it seems} DEARLY loved. Made my whole day! Seriously. If he'd done nothing else the entire day, this made my holiday whole and perfect!

I was all Glowy McGlowerson after that. Joel would have found it very schmoopy.

After work, I came home to find THIS waiting by the coffee pot...a card "to my wife" - which still causes me a double take to realize it belongs to ME...and some sea salt turtles. He knows how I adore sea salt and chocolate together. HEAVEN.

Schmoopy alert!! We decided to stay home and avoid the crowds...and cook our own dinner! So I hauled the flowers home for our table and we added some candles and he picked up some sparkling grape juice for our little dinner for two. Oh this was so perfect. I adored it, y'all. ADORED it.

We were so stinkin' hungry that we barely paused long enough for this picture. Unfortunately my hair got worse instead of better. And we have no gross lovey pictures...but we have this one. {Wore my new scarf!!!}

Ryan cooked the whole dinner...grilled steak, cheesy bacon potatoes, and bacon wrapped shrimp on skewers. Sigh of joy.

I was in charge of dessert. Buckeye brownies. OH MY WORD.

I had another little gift for him - "Shafferland Chutes and Ladders." Found it on Pinterest...you basically just get a Chutes and Ladders game and add some extra "fun" to the blank squares - stirs things up a bit! :)

And then just because I could...took some rose petals I had leftover from a speaking gig I did a few years ago...and left him a little message on our bed!

I loved every single thing about my first Valentine's Day with Ryan!!! Let's do a million more of these, baby!

SSMT Verse 4

Lent is underway...and as usual, the beginning of it was upon me and I didn't know {still} what to give up.

Please don't judge me for saying I really didn't want to do dessert this year since the day after Lent was Valentine's Day and later in the 40 day adventure, we have our wedding reception. I realize those are shallow reasons to cling to sugar, but I still did it.

And then Jamie forwarded me an email about her own 40 day adventure...a negativity fast. Several years ago when I met a new boss who had come to work for us, he sat down with me for his "get to know Bekah" meeting and the only thing I remember from that half hour session was that he scribbled notes, much as a therapist would, and after I was done presenting myself in my best bubbly manner, he said to me, "Boy you're an awfully negative person, aren't you?"

You know those random phrases that stick and scar for life? That was one of them.

So the invitation to take another step toward putting away that piece of myself was so appealing.

But you know how it goes whenever you give up something....commit to separating yourself from it.

Hello, Satan.

Why does he always take those things as a personally scripted invitation to show up and meddle?

So as I've tried to put away the negative thoughts about...myself...my body...my abilities as a wife...as a human being...I've found a major need:

Help from my Beloved.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need. 

~ Hebrews 4:16 ~

Help.

Help me to draw near. Help me to be confident in knowing that You disperse grace and mercy much more liberally than my mind wants me to think You do. Help me to recognize my need.

Help me to trust you completely as we take active steps to sell Ryan's home. Help me to trust you for the presence of a job for him...one that will fit him perfectly. Help me to extend grace to myself as I continue to adjust to a brand new life. Help me to understand that You'll give me mercy to overcome this mark of negativity that settles over me.

Help.

Just 100 Yards Away

I was the girl who sent myself a Valentine in the Penny Post Office when I was in 5th grade. The Student Council {or whatever it was called} fundraiser made possibly an entire NICKEL off of me because I think I flew right past sending myself a leftover store bought Valentine from the stash of years gone by and sent myself an actual GIFT, which, logically, cost more.

And so it was that while I sat in Mr. Moloch's science class {a class I passed, I'm positive, on pity alone} the student council officer cracked open the door and delivered the treasures of the Penny Post Office that day. I peered from my seat in the back row, waiting for my name to be called.

I'm not sure who I signed the gift from...nor who I thought I'd explain to my friends {who knew every student in the upper class region of that school} sent this gift to me, but in typical fashion, no one even noticed I received mail...let alone a coveted package...so I was left to stare at whatever I'd concocted to myself...and feel incredibly stupid.

And hopeless.

Hopeless that the Penny Post, the US Post or any other Post would bring me a token of love on Valentine's Day...ever.

{Funny that probably 100 yards away in a portable classroom sat a 4th grader with killer dimples and a contagious smile who would one day...}

So I went to high school and watched the main office littered with balloons and flowers and stuffed animals every year.

And one year one of them came to me. From one of my girlfriends who sent it as a joke from a guy and I spent the rest of the year being terrified he would find out she'd done it.

And then college...where the school post office {though slightly more pricey than a penny} filled up with gifts galore and skinny students paraded around campus gripping onto the arms of their loves so tightly...I'm sure circulation ceased.

And then I began working and every now and then the door to the office would open and a dazed looking delivery person would spin slowly around gripping a gorgeous bouquet, and I'd wonder.... Did I maybe somewhere have some secret admirer and those could be for...

"Do you know where the Business Office is?"

I'd swallow hard and point next door and watch the flowers disappear...

...And every year I'd cling to the things that made the day bearable. Gifts for my girlfriends or the kiddos that call me aunt or a little get together with some other single pals or sometimes even just a heart-shaped pizza and a movie while sitting home alone. And yet that ache settled deep to just...belong. To belong without sending myself a gift. Without being the subject of a funny joke's-on-you prank. Without being a direction-giver.

Ryan Shaffer, I don't care a single thing about what I get or don't get today. Today I belong. And that is the greatest possible gift you could give me.

To wake up and see your eyes looking into mine even in the Keurig-lit blue darkness of our room is a gift. To hear you ask, as you always do, for me to please drive carefully because I'm carrying precious cargo, is a gift. To know that at some point during the day, I'll get a text that says "Sure miss you today," is a gift. To know that I get to come home to a bright smile and a hand that holds mine while we pray over dinner, is a gift.

You are the Valentine I never knew existed in real life. You are the sparkle in my day. You bring me so much joy.

And to think...the whole time...you were 100 yards away.

A Little Valentine's Day Countdown

Would you believe it if I told you I've NEVER had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day? It's true. And Ryan has told me...it's still true. I skipped straight to having a husband - and no complaints there!

I've been so looking forward to this first Valentine's Day together....so I did a whole countdown for him - starting back on February 1. Some of these ideas came from Pinterest {gasp} and others I just came up with on my own. But I thought I'd show you what I did for him!!

{If I had this to do over, I'd have purchased ALL the gifts ahead of time and spent time making nice cutesy little printed signs for them. Alas, SHARE was right before this and then I was sick - and I was just proud of myself for having something FOR each day ON each day!}

1. You are my cutie. Not the most manly message in the world, but it was a good start! And um...have you SEEN HIM?? So handsome!!! How could I not give him some love for that???

 2. I love you to "pieces." Reese's pieces, that is!!

 3. We are a great "combo." At this point, he asked if I was trying to fatten him up!

 4. You're just "write" for me. Because he is! In a million different ways.

 5. Baby, I'm NUTS about you. Because it's true! I am!

 6. I heart you....I know, a little sickening...but so true.

 7. I like the way you roll. Especially when he ended up sharing this one with me!

 8. I love you more than chocolate. I was going to just write that on the note with a plain chocolate bar, and then I found this one that had it printed right on the wrapper! SWEET CORN!

 9. I love your kisses! Oh yes I do!

 10. You blow me away with all the wonderful things...because he does. Every single day.

 11. There are a billion "riesens" why I love you. I wanted to list them all, but...

12. You are my Kit. This one won't work for y'all, but we loved it. One day I texted him to tell him he was my joy, and my autocorrect changed it to "you are my kit." We had a good laugh about that one

 13. I "chews" you for always. Pinterest suggested gum for this one but I loathe gum, so I was happy to find this alternative!!!

He LOVED getting these every day and I loved spoiling him with just a little tiny thing for all these many days! Can't wait for tomorrow and our celebration!!

The Comedy We Called Dinner

I mentioned in my Shafferland Shuffle on Sunday that we did a l'il bit of entertaining on Saturday night. We are two relatively smart and organized people. We thought this would be an easy adventure.

We. Thought. Wrong.

Take a look.

* We planned a menu of grilled chicken and pork chops, a cheesy hash brown casserole, and broccoli salad, with dirt pudding for dessert. Friday night, we looked up all the recipes, wrote down the ingredients we'd need and headed to the store.

* Saturday morning, Ryan worked, so I got up to cook and clean {at least get said activities started} while he worked.

* I started by frying the bacon for the broccoli salad. Smoked up the entire house with the first three strips. Opened the kitchen windows to let out the smoke while running around with wet hair. BRILLIANT while recovering from the crud.

* Put the cream cheese on the counter to soften. Discovered the chicken in the freezer {that we intended to take out the night before} - put it on the counter to thaw. Looked for the hash browns so I could get those out to thaw as well.

* No hash browns. Pawed through the entire freezer AND fridge. No luck. Looked in cabinets. {Hey, we were tired when we put groceries away. It could have happened.} Texted Ryan. "Any idea where the hash browns are?" His only suggestion was to check the car, which I did. Not there.

* Texted Ryan again. "Remember the Miracle Whip you said we had? It expired 2 years ago. Maybe we should get more of that when we go back to the store for hash browns."

* Tried to straighten my hair. It sat atop my head at twice its normal size.

* Cried. {The big hair, the coughing, and the missing hash browns got the best of me.}

* Decided to try to chop the broccoli in the food processor. Have never actually USED the thing, since Ryan is our resident chopper. It. Would. Not. Work. Called Ryan {still in tears} to ask HOW this stupid Choppy McChopperson worked. He tried to guess over the phone what was going wrong. Turns out I didn't have it locked in place. Got it locked. FINALLY got something underway.

* Ryan got home, found the receipt from the night before so he could go back to the store to claim our apparently forgotten hash browns. Said purchase NOT on the receipt. {He remembers scanning them and I remember bagging them, so we have no idea how this happened.} He went to the store for the hash browns and current day Miracle Whip. And Kleenex. I'd polished off the end of 2 boxes in the four hours he'd worked.}

* I finished assembling the broccoli salad, except the sunflower seeds and bacon, which you add at the last minute.

* Ryan got ready to prepare the dirt pudding, using the finely ground Oreo crumbs I'd produced with the help of my new BFF, Choppy McChopperson. I asked if he needed ANYTHING else before I headed out for vases to give the mamas with their flowers. He said, "Nope. Just going to put the Cool Whip in with the cream cheese and finish off this dessert." I paused, pivoted and said, "Cool Whip? That wasn't on the list."

* Went to the store for some Cool Whip. Dropped it back off before resuming the vase shopping.

* We scurried to clean and straighten and set the table and yell at Braeya for even thinking...thinking, mind you... of jumping on the table.

* Her thinking proceeded to the next level the very moment our backs were turned.

* 28 minutes to dinner - I discovered I did not have sunflower seeds. The ENTIRE BAG I had must now be playing with the missing hash browns. Called my mom, who had been dying to bring SOMETHING to dinner. Dad answered. I said, "Does mom have sunflower seeds?" His response: "Do you want those for eating or planting?"

* Yes. Because I plant a lot of flowers on February 9th.

* I forgot to remind Ryan to pray specifically that no one would die from the cooking {something I ALWAYS do when I have company} - but amazingly dinner was done on time - and no one died.

* Including Braeya. She came the closest.

At.Ti.Tude.

So, the other night, Ryan and I were watching Alf.

Yes. Alf.

What, you don't watch the lovable alien from the 80's in all YOUR spare time?

Well, we do. :)

There was a scene in that particular episode where one of the extras was sporting some MAJORLY large glasses. They were about the same size as his head. Gotta love the 80's!!

That reminded me of a story I had to tell Ryan, so I figured it was only fair to share it with you, too.  The truth of the thing is that I've never worn glasses. Ever.

But when I was in 5th grade, my sister came home with a pair of attitude glasses. Do you remember attitude glasses? They were these MASSIVE frames with non-prescription lenses that people wore in the 80's as an accessory. And before I knew it...she'd bought a pair for me, too, and I felt like I'd arrived.

No longer would I be the 5th grade wallflower.

Check it out.

{I wasn't really a cheerleader. Halloween costume.}

I wore my glasses often and one day, in the 6th grade, the lady that came in to listen to our reading group told me they would ruin my eyes and I should take them off.

Because I was a compliant child, I did, but I marched straight home and told Mom and Dad that she had no right to boss me around that way. That if they let me wear the glasses, then that should be good enough. I hoped they would call the school and play the parent card and I would once again be allowed to wear my glasses.

They did not. And that was the end of my attitude glasses {though not the end of my attitude toward that woman}.

Until.

I graduated from college, got my job in Financial Aid, and found that every time I sat down with a family to explain to them their financial options, fathers would look rather disapprovingly over their own glasses and say to me, "How old are you?"

{Hint: if you are the parent of a near-college-age student, DO NOT ask this question to anyone who works at the prospective universities they visit. It will not be received with amusement.}

After weeks of being given the once-over and being grilled about my lack of satisfactory age....I did what any self-respecting girl does:

Oh yeah. The next century's version of attitude glasses.

Wanna know something? They stopped asking my age. Double vengeance. I suddenly looked mature and studious AND that woman wasn't there to tell me to take them off.

PS. No one asks my age now. Thank you, gray hair.

The Shafferland Shuffle

* Last Sunday we went to church, but I was still feeling a little rough-ish. When we came home, I pretty much hit the couch/bed/floor for the rest of the day. We had been invited to a Super Bowl party but I just felt way too icky to leave home, so we made our own buffalo chicken and buffalo chicken mac n cheese...and watched at home. By the end of the game I was under a blanket in Ryan's lap, feeling really sick!! Nevertheless, I persevered to the end of the game. Wanted to be a good football wife!

* Monday I got up, got ready, and made it all the way to the other side of town before declaring I was too sick to last all day. I turned around, came home, and went back to the couch, where I proceeded to spend the day alternately sleeping, scrapbooking, and catching up on my DVR'd shows. And downing echinacea.

* Tuesday I got up, packed Ryan's lunch, and determined that activity to be as exhausting as level 2 of the 30 Day Shred - so I turned my little self right around and went back to bed. As the day went along, I started to feel better, so I got up and worked on some scrapbooking...and some details for our wedding reception. Much to do in a short amount of time!

* Wednesday I returned to the land of the living...and was so excited to add a new picture to my desk.  I realized the only photo of Ryan that existed on my desk was a profile of us kissing. And while his ear is 30 kinds of handsome...I thought perhaps it was time to add a photo in which you could see HIS FACE.

* Thursday I went to work solely because I wanted to do the BLT show with Lynne. After all, I had a present for her! My friend Faith found this Christmas ornament on clearance and got it for us. LOVE IT!!

As the day went on, I felt progressively worse, so I was quite glad to come home and rest the WHOLE night long.

* Friday I woke up feeling like a new woman (WOO HOOOOOOO!!!) and went to work where I shared the show with Lynne again - and we talked to the Dating Divas! Have you ever checked out their site? It's so cool! Tons of dating ideas...love it!! It inspires most of what I do for Ryan!

* Saturday evening, Ryan and I hosted a little dinner for my parents and his dad and step-mom. {We were sad his mom and step-dad weren't able to join us too!} We had dinner and showed them our wedding video...and it was so much fun! We really enjoyed having them over!

Pink Fleece Ball Gowns

We were running late yesterday morning...caused by the syndrome of too many encounters with the snooze button. We scurried through the house packing lunches...warming up vehicles...choosing clothes for the day...and consuming the ever-necessary morning coffee.

I turned on the radio to hear the road conditions for Fort Wayne so I could know what to expect on my commute, and Khristian Stanfill was in the middle of singing Your love never fails...never gives up...never runs out on me...

One of our favorite songs.

I cast a smile Ryan's direction and started to pass by him in our room, wearing my super-attractive hot pink fleece robe with giant pockets and a trailing belt. My bedhead poked unattractively from leftover bobby pins, and I clutched my coffee mug tightly in my hand.

As I passed by him, he slipped his arm around me and lured the coffee cup out of my hand. {Only someone I really really love can even touch the coffee at that hour and get away with it.}

And then he started to dance. Right there in the middle of a cramped morning, with a wife sporting yesterday's smeared eyeliner and semi-ratty hair, he invited me to dance.

The song was already half over but we moved slowly around the rug at the end of the bed while he whispered in my ear that he loved me.

Those moments - the ones when pink fleece robes become ball gowns - are the moments when I am so grateful this man chose me. That he saw past all those things that made me so invisible and saw someone to love.

I don't take it for granted.