Please don't judge me for saying I really didn't want to do dessert this year since the day after Lent was Valentine's Day and later in the 40 day adventure, we have our wedding reception. I realize those are shallow reasons to cling to sugar, but I still did it.
And then Jamie forwarded me an email about her own 40 day adventure...a negativity fast. Several years ago when I met a new boss who had come to work for us, he sat down with me for his "get to know Bekah" meeting and the only thing I remember from that half hour session was that he scribbled notes, much as a therapist would, and after I was done presenting myself in my best bubbly manner, he said to me, "Boy you're an awfully negative person, aren't you?"
You know those random phrases that stick and scar for life? That was one of them.
So the invitation to take another step toward putting away that piece of myself was so appealing.
But you know how it goes whenever you give up something....commit to separating yourself from it.
Hello, Satan.
Why does he always take those things as a personally scripted invitation to show up and meddle?
So as I've tried to put away the negative thoughts about...myself...my body...my abilities as a wife...as a human being...I've found a major need:
Help from my Beloved.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need.
~ Hebrews 4:16 ~
Help.
Help me to draw near. Help me to be confident in knowing that You disperse grace and mercy much more liberally than my mind wants me to think You do. Help me to recognize my need.
Help me to trust you completely as we take active steps to sell Ryan's home. Help me to trust you for the presence of a job for him...one that will fit him perfectly. Help me to extend grace to myself as I continue to adjust to a brand new life. Help me to understand that You'll give me mercy to overcome this mark of negativity that settles over me.
Help.
1 comment:
WOW.
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