The Comedy We Called Dinner

I mentioned in my Shafferland Shuffle on Sunday that we did a l'il bit of entertaining on Saturday night. We are two relatively smart and organized people. We thought this would be an easy adventure.

We. Thought. Wrong.

Take a look.

* We planned a menu of grilled chicken and pork chops, a cheesy hash brown casserole, and broccoli salad, with dirt pudding for dessert. Friday night, we looked up all the recipes, wrote down the ingredients we'd need and headed to the store.

* Saturday morning, Ryan worked, so I got up to cook and clean {at least get said activities started} while he worked.

* I started by frying the bacon for the broccoli salad. Smoked up the entire house with the first three strips. Opened the kitchen windows to let out the smoke while running around with wet hair. BRILLIANT while recovering from the crud.

* Put the cream cheese on the counter to soften. Discovered the chicken in the freezer {that we intended to take out the night before} - put it on the counter to thaw. Looked for the hash browns so I could get those out to thaw as well.

* No hash browns. Pawed through the entire freezer AND fridge. No luck. Looked in cabinets. {Hey, we were tired when we put groceries away. It could have happened.} Texted Ryan. "Any idea where the hash browns are?" His only suggestion was to check the car, which I did. Not there.

* Texted Ryan again. "Remember the Miracle Whip you said we had? It expired 2 years ago. Maybe we should get more of that when we go back to the store for hash browns."

* Tried to straighten my hair. It sat atop my head at twice its normal size.

* Cried. {The big hair, the coughing, and the missing hash browns got the best of me.}

* Decided to try to chop the broccoli in the food processor. Have never actually USED the thing, since Ryan is our resident chopper. It. Would. Not. Work. Called Ryan {still in tears} to ask HOW this stupid Choppy McChopperson worked. He tried to guess over the phone what was going wrong. Turns out I didn't have it locked in place. Got it locked. FINALLY got something underway.

* Ryan got home, found the receipt from the night before so he could go back to the store to claim our apparently forgotten hash browns. Said purchase NOT on the receipt. {He remembers scanning them and I remember bagging them, so we have no idea how this happened.} He went to the store for the hash browns and current day Miracle Whip. And Kleenex. I'd polished off the end of 2 boxes in the four hours he'd worked.}

* I finished assembling the broccoli salad, except the sunflower seeds and bacon, which you add at the last minute.

* Ryan got ready to prepare the dirt pudding, using the finely ground Oreo crumbs I'd produced with the help of my new BFF, Choppy McChopperson. I asked if he needed ANYTHING else before I headed out for vases to give the mamas with their flowers. He said, "Nope. Just going to put the Cool Whip in with the cream cheese and finish off this dessert." I paused, pivoted and said, "Cool Whip? That wasn't on the list."

* Went to the store for some Cool Whip. Dropped it back off before resuming the vase shopping.

* We scurried to clean and straighten and set the table and yell at Braeya for even thinking...thinking, mind you... of jumping on the table.

* Her thinking proceeded to the next level the very moment our backs were turned.

* 28 minutes to dinner - I discovered I did not have sunflower seeds. The ENTIRE BAG I had must now be playing with the missing hash browns. Called my mom, who had been dying to bring SOMETHING to dinner. Dad answered. I said, "Does mom have sunflower seeds?" His response: "Do you want those for eating or planting?"

* Yes. Because I plant a lot of flowers on February 9th.

* I forgot to remind Ryan to pray specifically that no one would die from the cooking {something I ALWAYS do when I have company} - but amazingly dinner was done on time - and no one died.

* Including Braeya. She came the closest.