It's the Weekly Recap!!

* Last Sunday afternoon, I made my pilgrimage to Middlebury, up in Amish Country to begin a planning session with Lynne!

We had this on the books long before Ryan and I were engaged, but we kept our plans and had such a great time! We stayed at the Essenhaus - which was just homey and heavenly. Any time spent with Lynne is just FUN time. No two ways about it.

* Monday the planning continued. We got so much work done to plan shows for the rest of the year, which was really exciting. I love being able to be creative with her...and you know, it doesn't hurt when you can be creative BEFORE makeup, thankyouverymuch.

* Tuesday I made a trip to (sigh of contentment) Hobby Lobby - to purchase props for our engagement photo session! WHAT!?! Engagement pictures already? Well you better believe THAT! :) We wanted to have fall foliage in our pictures and around here, some trees are already half-naked, so we had to hurry to get them in before it's all gone!

* Wednesday night...engagement photos, session number one!! Want a sneak peek of the pictures? Ryan's mom took them and she did an amazing job. Oh my goodness. We picked out all our poses ourselves, but she did a great job capturing the fun and love we share!

* Thursday evening, Ryan and I went to Kokomo to meet up with some of his friends for a coffee/dessert date. On the way - this gorgeous sunset!

And after that, he took me to meet more of his family. They were so sweet...made me feel incredibly welcomed and loved!

* Friday evening (sorry about this, Kristin), we went to Mi Pueblo and then over to McConn with our friends Adam and Sara. Sara read my raving reviews of Apple Pie Chai from McConn, so she wanted to try some...and she LOVED IT!!!! It was our first official double date and it was much fun!

* Yesterday I worked the Health and Wellness day fair for the station. I was assigned to work in the ticket booth with Jeri and Sheryl...Sheryl and I were twins!!!

Pinterest Inspiration: I didn't really have time to make a Pinterest board for engagement pictures - since we had them taken so quickly. But we did find something similar to this as we searched through Pinterest for ideas. The whole "pinky promise swear" phrase is a joke between us, so when we saw something like this, we knew we wanted to do it. This one is ours, though:

What I Love

If you watched the proposal video, you got about 2 minutes of really wonderful things Ryan said about me. It was so comforting and affirming and such a blessing to hear him say to me all the things he loved most about who I am. I knew them...but who doesn't love to hear those things out loud?

So you might be wondering...what is it that drew me to Ryan? What do I love about him? How could I know so quickly that he is the kind of man I can entrust my entire life to? What made me certain he's the one I want to spend every day with for the rest of my life?

Read on.

And these are in no particular order.

* I do have to start with his heart for the Lord. I've gone to church with Ryan for the last four years, and in that time I've seen the way he serves in the church. He's on the praise team, he taught our Sunday School class for a big chunk of that time, and he was involved in a lot of other things at church too. I'll be the first to say that church involvement is good (great, even!) but doesn't always tell the true state of the heart. Anyone can serve in church and then go home and be someone else. But as I've gotten to know him, I've been able to see that the man who serves in public is the same man who goes home and prays...and studies Scripture...and does everything he can to live a life that follows Micah 6:8 - to live justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with his God.

* He is an amazing spiritual leader. I've never dated anyone who willingly took on the role of spiritual leader in our relationship. Ryan does. He leads us in prayer together, he leads us in devotions together, and takes on that role with confidence and with much grace. I love it.

* He is SO FUNNY. We have a great time laughing together. It took us no time at all to develop a long list of jokes that we love - and we just laugh all the time. He has such a sense of humor. We try to enjoy the hooey out of life and so far, we do a pretty good job.

* He pushes me out of my comfort zone, all the while making sure I'm safe and loved. I'm a big fat chicken, y'all, and he sees in me the potential I can't always see in myself. He pushes me with such love and affection that he's helping me to become more than I knew I could be - and yet I never feel unsafe.

* He loves coffee. He loves pictures. He loves scrapbooks. He loves shopping. He loves cooking. And he loves to share all those things with me. We drink coffee together every single day that we see each other. We took 118 pictures on our first date. He helped me pick out an outfit for our engagement pictures. He looks at my scrapbooks and encourages me to make more to preserve our memories. He will pilfer through stores with me, hunting for treasures. He loves to not just be in the kitchen with me but help me make every meal and we love sharing all those things.

* He brings me gifts. Flowers, journals, coffee, clothes, cards, notes, surprise lawn mowing, surprise gas-tank-filling - he does a million little tangible things all the time that make me feel so loved. So cared for. That's brand new for me.

* He's a planner. He plans dates, he's taken on the lion's share of wedding planning, and he has a plan in place for our future in every aspect. I love to plan too - so it's such a blessing to have a husband-to-be who not only understands it - but he does it too.

* He is so affectionate. He loves to hold my hand and snuggle and kiss me (sorry for all the pictures of that) - and I love it. That is a HUGE love language for me, so it means so much to me that he's excited to do those things.

* He's vocal about his love. I get dozens of texts every day telling me how loved I am - and morning phone calls and evening Skype dates and a thousand other ways in between he out-loud tells me that he loves me.

* He sees me. This girl who felt invisible for so many years finally feels SEEN. He sees everything about me and loves me. He loves the heart of me - the heart that was afraid to show up again for fear of being rejected again. He loves that heart.

* Not gonna lie - because you all have eyes. He's one handsome man!!

* In 1999, I wrote a list of 25 things I must have in a husband. It's a detailed list. I pulled it out and looked at it - and he meets EVERY SINGLE THING on my list. Every one.

God has blessed me - and I can't think of anyone better suited for me than Ryan. We are an example of a couple of broken roads that led straight to the other. We love our love story - despite the pain we had in the past. I love the man he is and I love the hope of a bright future together - honoring God for what He has done!

We Have So Much Fun!!

I feel like this whole story has gotten all out of chronological order. Oh wait. That's because it has. I had to skip our dating season to tell you about the proposal I loved so much. So it seems sort of anticlimactic now to go back and tell you dating stories.

BUT.

I really want you to see how much fun we have together - because we do. We just completely enjoy spending time together. That's one reason we got engaged so quickly and are planning to get married so quickly. We just love being together. We love LIFE together. Whether we're grocery shopping or heading somewhere in the car or fixing dinner or watching football on TV - we just thoroughly enjoy being together.

So here's a peek at the kind of fun we have had since we began dating!

We went to visit the prayer chapel at IWU - where I spent many, many Tuesdays sitting in this very pew praying for the man who would one day be my husband. Loved being able to take him there and show him where I prayed for him before I even knew it was him!

 We shop. Kind of a lot. Don't buy a lot because that would involve spending and we prefer not to overdo that! But it's fun to look. Here...indulging our inner HGTV.

 We love traveling in the car together! We do a lot of talking and dreaming there. And drinking coffee and iced tea. :)

 Random photo shoots. Yep. He is fine with the Bekahrazzi. We had this photo shoot one day and lucked out with a great dancing picture. This one captured courtesy of a tripod and a self-timer. I was pleased.

 Did I mention we drink a LOT of coffee?

 Sunset at the lake. (In case you can't tell - it had done set by this time.) His parents go to the lake now and then and invited us to visit!

 Our first concert together! This was the night of the Selah concert...my first time ever to go on a date to a concert!

 And we LOVE to cook together. We cook a bunch of meals - and sometimes he's a sweetheart (well - he's ALWAYS a sweetheart, but you know what I mean) and cooks a meal for me! This one was omelets. One of the things I can't make. But he makes really good ones!

Life is definitely much sweeter and a whole lot more fun with him in it. And now I feel satisfied that you've at least gotten to peek into what got us from a day in Indianapolis to a proposal! :)

The Ring

You girls are mad at me, aren't you? You're mad because I haven't shown you this amazing ring. Well...here's the story of the ring...

Let me back up first to talk about my ruby ring. Several years ago, Olivia and I studied Elizabeth George's book Beautiful in God's Eyes, which is her study of Proverbs 31. A well written study, if you ask me.

On January 6, 2006, I read a chapter called A Sparkling Jewel, which talks about Proverbs 31:10 - "Her price is much higher than jewels." In some Bible translations, that verse says her price is higher than rubies. That always confused me, because I thought diamonds were the most valuable jewel. But Elizabeth said this:

The rich red ruby is truly a unique gem, and because of their rarity, large rubies even surpass diamonds of equal wight in value!

Then she said this:

Each of these sparkling jewels is quite rare and valuable. Each is hard to harvest and few are found. And that's the imagery our young prince's mother uses to impress upon him how extraordinary a woman who is beautiful - in God's eyes - would be. Once found, she would be of inestimable value!

And next to that, in my book, I wrote, "Become a ruby!"

To remind myself of what I wanted to become for Mr. Missing (now Mr. Found!), I bought myself a ruby ring and wore it on my ring finger on my left hand...every...single...day. And I told myself I would leave it there until the man who chose to marry me replaced it with another ring...the ring that he felt represented our love and relationship.

And so it was that this ring...

...was replaced by this ring.

Isn't it lovely?

We'd gone ring shopping and in that adventure, I learned this: I wanted a white gold solitaire ring with a thick band and a princess cut stone. And for a wedding band...a plain white gold band. I wanted something with a little character - but very simple.

I tried on several rings but none of them made me tingle in my toes.

We went ring shopping a second time and that time, I spied a ring in the case that caught my eye. I asked if I could try it on. The ring had far too many diamonds on it to suit me, but I declared if it were just a solitaire, I might like it.

You know what I liked about it? The diamond was set in a "kite" setting (meaning the diamond looked like a kite rather than a square box in the setting) and it had edges all the way around the diamond instead of prongs. I'd never seen either thing in a ring and I loved it. I also loved the way the band curved ever so delicately.

And I had no idea that Ryan had already purchased a ring. A ring he had designed himself. A ring that looked suspiciously like what I was in the middle of declaring I loved.

I love everything about this ring. I love how thick it is. I love the two pieces that come over the ring and hold the diamond in place. Reminds me of how we are two people with a foundation on the Lord. I love the character of the ring. I love it that no one else in the whole world has one just like it.

I kept my ruby ring. I want to remember my calling from God to become a rare jewel in Ryan's life. After we were engaged, I slipped the ruby ring inside the ring box that once held my engagement ring. I might wear it on my right hand now and then.

But now, I am SO in love with this ring. It is what I would have designed if I'd known to design a ring. I love it that Ryan knew my heart well enough to know this is what I'd want.

God's beautiful Proverbs 31 woman was the sparkling jewel in her husband's life! She brought the love, the color, the joy, the life, and the energy to the home. - Elizabeth George.

Beside those words in my book, I wrote "My dream!" Abba, may my dream come true just as he has made mine come true.

The Proposal, Part 3

And now...would you like to know exactly HOW he managed to pull this off? (AKA the series of lies told to me that resulted in me becoming engaged?)

Well you haven't seen this part yet, because I had to skip the dating stories for the time being in order to deliver the proposal story, but a while back, you might remember that I went to a Selah concert. Ryan was actually my date to that concert. We sat with my co-worker Amy and her son, Seth, that night, and Ryan got to meet and talk to both of them.

He knew he wanted to propose to me on the air, so one morning, he called the station while my show was on the air, knowing I'd be busy, and asked for Amy. He told her his plan and she gave him Lynne's phone number so the two of them could figure out all the details.

After ring shopping with me the first time, he knew the ring I wanted did not exist in a case, so he had one designed for me.

When we went to Lynne's house after the 10K, I had no idea that although she was truly just meeting him for the first time, they'd been texting, emailing, and talking on the phone planning this entire proposal. She said she nearly gave it away as we left, because she almost said to him, "See you Thursday!!!!"

When I talked to him on the phone Thursday morning remember how I said I wondered why I hadn't heard the phone switch over to the hands free set? That's because he wasn't in his car going to work. When I said "Are you on the road yet?" he said yes...because he was STANDING in the street outside his house.

So technical.

Sheryl knew about the proposal because he clued her in when he met her at the race. That's why she looked horrified when she saw my lack of makeup that day. She knew there would be a million pictures and if I had no face....

Lynne thought I'd figured it out when I was polishing my nails at my desk. Not true. Just didn't want to have naked nails!

Sheryl had to pick up the frappes because I wasn't allowed to leave the building - because they thought I might run into Ryan in the parking lot!

He hid his car behind the station vans in the parking lot...and they brought him in through a back door I didn't even know existed in the building. They hid him in a back office until I was safely on the air, and then he did an army crawl through the hallway, because the studio where I sit has a large picture window on every wall, so I can see most everything that goes on around me. He hid in the morning guys' office while I prattled on and on (and on and on and on and on) about National Frappe Day.

And those phone issues we were having??? WERE ENTIRELY FAKE. Craig came in to work early and crawled around in two studios PRETENDING to fix phones to keep it authentic for me.

The segment about memorable moments was contrived just to set up the proposal.

And that's how it happened that he PROPOSED TO ME!!! LIVE! ON THE AIR!!

After the proposal, we pulled up a chair for him and Lynne interviewed us both about what we loved about each other....and about our love story.

Then Ron graciously offered to take over my engineering job, so Ryan and I could go down to Lynne's regular studio with her to finish out the show. We did...and I told about the race and that whole process with Ryan...and then we got some sweet phone calls on the air. My best friend, Lynnette, called in, and so did my sister Julie. The last phone call of the day was my Mom...and what a beautiful way to end our show!

The Proposal, Part 2

It was so strange to open the show with Lynne sitting there across from me, but that's exactly what we did. We spent the first little bit talking about the weirdness of the day (being in the same studio and all) and then moved on to important things like how to find our blogs, how to read our Twitter feed, our Fiction Fix contest for the month...all that jazz. (You can hear the show here if you'd like to hear the jazz and the good stuff that followed. A worthy hour, I assure you.)

As we opened the show, Craig, our station engineer, was busily working in the rooms next door, trying to fix the phone issue. I waved at him and he (in typical Craig fashion) tipped his hat to me.

After that, Lynne and I dished about National Frappe Day, and then we moved into Lynne's chosen segment of a memorable moment you'd like to relive. I talked about the childbirths I've gotten to attend, and specifically this one sweet moment with baby James, where I got to spend some time alone with him just minutes after his birth:

After I finished that story, I said, "What about you, Lynne?" And she said something to the tune of "I think after today you're going to have a more memorable moment than that."

HUH?

That's what I was thinking, but I realized I should probably not bust out a HUH??? on the air, so I politely responded with "Okay...what's that?"

And right then the door opened and Ryan breezed in with a huge smile on his face, looking all handsome with those amazing dimples. He was wearing a blue shirt...oh man, he looks good in blue.

The very moment I saw him I thought, This is it! He's going to propose to me right now. Don't miss a thing, girl. You've waited a lifetime for this.

He didn't stop, but walked around the counter to stand right beside me. He said later (I don't remember this) that I mouthed to him "Is this for real?" And he mouthed back "This is for real."

Behind him came a stream of every single employee at the station. They came bearing video cameras and regular cameras and fists full of tissue, fully expecting a beautiful moment.

Lynne took over explaining to everyone in radio-land what was happening in the studio, and I took over staring at Sheryl and Craig in the next studio as if to say "WHAT!?!?!?!!"

Before I could even take another breath, he was on one knee in front of me reaching for my hand. (Please note that I managed to keep my wits about me enough to adjust the mic for him so everyone could hear what he was about to say.)

And then I settled in and hung onto every single word. Every. Single. Word.

I remember thinking I cannot believe this man has seen me for who I am. I cannot believe these words pouring out of his mouth...words I've longed to hear, and not just because I wanted to hear them, but because I have ached for someone to believe them about me. And he believes them about me.

He looked me straight in the eye the entire time, never once looking to the side. I could feel the pressure of his hand and I knew this. was. real.

And at the very end, he asked me if I would marry him...and he pulled out the ring. The answer to the question was no question at all...of COURSE! A thousand times yes! God settled that one in my heart weeks ago.

But I was curious what ring he'd picked out. We had gone ring shopping a couple of times, and he knew what I liked, but even I hadn't seen a ring that moved me fully to my core. He pulled the box out and...well...what do you think this face says about how I felt?

(More about the ring in another post...)

I said yes and he pulled me out of my chair to hug me and kiss me. (I would spare you the kissing picture, but um....nah. I'll post it.)

I'll leave you with this for today - but come back tomorrow for behind the scenes scoop!

The Proposal, Part 1

Okay, people. I have waited 34 years to have a proposal story, and I LOVE THIS STORY. I have met you halfway by skipping ahead TO this story before I even tell you more about our dating season, so you have to meet ME halfway and let me take a few days to tell it, okay? Trust me. It's worth the wait for the detail. Deal?

Okay. So for those of you who don't know or remember, last month, Lynne and I started a new show that we call BLT. Stands for Bekah...Lynne...Thursdays. It was born out of an idea Lynne had to offer one day a week when the two of us just banter on air together and chat with listeners. We'd gotten so much good feedback about those segments of our shows that we decided to just go for it once a week - for a whole hour. And so far, people seem to be loving it and it's truly one of our favorite things to do.

So this past Thursday we had this plan for the show. (All plans for BLT are created but flexible. If we decide we want to change something halfway through, we can. It's our BLT.) Our plan was to start with general chatter, followed by each of us sharing a moment we would relive if we could (that was Lynne's idea) followed by a segment about a funny thing one of our morning guys did (that was my idea) followed by a sharing of most embarrassing moments - and we'd open the phone lines for that, so listeners could share theirs too.

The day before the show, I got a text from one of my friends who said, "Hey did you know tomorrow is National Frappe Day?" Um, NO! I did NOT!!! So I told Lynne we had to work that into the show, and in fact, to make it authentic, we needed frappes FOR the show. She said okay.

Thursday morning I got up and had my usual morning dilemma: straighten the hair (25 minutes) or go with crunchy hair (5 minutes)? I only had time for crunchy but I was scheduled to give devotions at a church meeting that night and I knew I'd love myself more later if I spent time on my hair. So I straightened it. While straightening, I said to myself: GIRL. Your roots are out of control. Buy hair color.

I put on a kinda cute outfit because I knew I'd see Ryan at the church meeting and I always like to look cute for him if possible. So I put on a brown shirt that I like (one of the few that actually makes me feel extra good about the way I look) and a little denim skirt and my knee-high brown boots.

No time to apply my face after all the hair straightening, so I shoved the makeup in the work bag and headed out the door.

Ryan and I talk on the phone for most of my commute every morning (I know - BARF!!!) so I just sang some duets with the Gaithers until my phone rang. My ringtone for Ryan is JJ Heller's song "Who Will Love Me for Me" and when it rang that morning, I let it play just a little extra so I could hear those words...Who will love me for me...not for what I have done or what I will become...and then I answered.

We chatted for a while and I looked at the clock and realized it was after 7:30 and I was still on the regular phone with him. Usually by then he's in his car and has me on the hands-free set and he sounds like he's in a tin can. So I said, "Hey honey are you on the road yet?"

He said yes.

I said "Oh. Well I can hear you so much better today. Thank you for leaving it on the regular phone." (sigh.)

I got to work and told him how much I loved him (barf) and how much I'd miss him (double barf) and how much I couldn't wait to see him that night. Then I said, "I tried to look extra cute today." He (probably a little too quickly) asked why, and I said, "Because I'm going to see you tonight and I like to be cute for you!" I think he thought I was on to something....

So I went inside and started to get busy on the pre-show stuff. Lynne came in and said, "Where are the frappes? Didn't you get them?" I looked at her as though she'd lost her mind and said, "Um it's way too early. They'll be a melty mess by show time. I'll go out at 9:30 and get them."

She said okay and then disappeared. A minute later she came back and said very brightly, "Sheryl is going to get the frappes." I just stared at her. Why would Sheryl do my job? I mean not that I care, but it was just weird. She rushed on. "She has to run an office errand this morning and I told her we were getting frappes, so she said she'd get some for all of us."

I shrugged and said, "Okay. Works for me. Gives me more time to get stuff done. I have a LOT to do today since I won't be in the office tomorrow or Monday."

Before Sheryl left for the errand run, she stopped by to say hi. When I wheeled around in my chair, she got a look of utter HORROR on her face. I quickly said, "Oh don't worry. My face is in my work bag. I will put it on here in just a minute. Sorry it's so scary!!!" She looked relieved and left.

While she was gone, I put on my face and did one other quick little chore - slapped some light purple polish on my nails. I don't normally do my nails at work but I'd noticed that morning that the Colts blue polish I'd been sporting for a week was chipping. I HATE chipped nails. And worse than that - I hate naked nails. My general rules are: if your polish chips, redo it, and if you have holes in your ears, wear earrings. So I'd hastily removed my polish that morning and threw the light polish in my bag to repair at work so it would look good for Ryan that night.

A few minutes later, Sheryl came back and I did a photo shoot with all the frappes and their owners, so I could have blog material. Been dreadfully short of that here lately, you know. So here I am with my frappe:

 And Lynne with hers. HER FIRST EVER frappe. (She hated it.) (I was brokenhearted.)

 Ron Schneeman with his frappe. We got him one because we planned to play a song during the show - something we don't normally do - and I needed help bringing it up on the system. So he agreed to hang out in the studio with me and help me. I figured he needed a reward for babysitting the freaked out producer.

 And the lovely Sheryl Glancy with hers!

One more detail and you'll have to wait til tomorrow for more! :)

So about 15 minutes before we went on the air, Lynne breezed in to our office and said, "We're having Telos issues." (Telos is our phone system that puts our callers on the air.) I just stared at her. My first thought was Really? Because aren't the morning guys using it right this very minute?? Yes, yes indeed. I hear a caller on the air right now!!

But then I remembered they take calls in the studio I sit in for the show. Lynne sits in another room and sometimes her computer gives her fits. So maybe it was just her Telos system that wasn't working - and that wouldn't affect the morning guys.

She said, "So I'm going to sit in your studio with you while Craig fixes it." I thought Why would she do that?? Then I thought, Oh - well if Craig is messing around with the actual computer, he can't do that with a live mic running. Makes sense.

And so it was that at 10:00 a.m., I sat in my engineering seat, with a frappe beside me, my face on, my hair straight, my outfit cute, and Lynne Ford and Ron Schneeman sitting across from me.

It's the (BEST) Weekly Recap!

Man. I don't even think a recap does this week JUSTICE!!! But I'll try. :)

* Last Sunday was the day our church found out Ryan and I were dating. We put a lot of prayer into that day - more on that saga later. (I feel like I say that all the time now.) But anyway. It went better than we could have hoped, and people seemed genuinely excited for us. We appreciated that so much! After church, we had lunch with his family and people, I have to tell you. I have waited 34 years to have an in-law family, and never EVER could I have scripted such a warm welcome as that crew gave me. Unreal.

* Monday we celebrated a birthday at work and you've GOT to see these darling Pinterest inspired cookies that my friend Sheryl Glancy made. They are SO SO cute:

* Tuesday evening I went to Portland, Indiana, to hear Philip Gulley share some of his writing. He's a Quaker pastor who also writes fiction, and his writing is so entertaining. Jon and Julie (you all know my friends Jon and Julie) invited me to go with them to hear him. We had such a great time! This will crack you up. I met them at Pizza Hut for dinner first and Julie told me later that she'd told the workers there was one more person in their party coming. They asked what I looked like and she said, "Well, I think her hair is brown and...it might be straight...or curly..." LOL!!! My ADD for hair gets me in trouble!

* Wednesday evening Ryan came over and we went for a run. I had my best mile ever followed by my two worst miles ever. Take the good with the bad, right? :) Thankfully race day wasn't like that!

* Thursday, as you might have heard...um...I GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!!!! OH my word. I still cannot believe I am writing those words! Here's a sneak peek of the event for those of you who are not already tired of it from Facebook:

* Friday, Ryan and I took the day off work and went to Brown County. We planned that even before I knew I was getting engaged but I was so glad we did. No way could I have focused to work that day! WE had a great time and someday - you know in 3 weeks or so when I have you caught up on everything else...I'll tell you about this date!

* Saturday was so busy. (Wait. What day ISN'T busy??) Anyway. In the morning, I went to a 31 Party and then in the afternoon we went to a Tim Hawkins Comedy event and then to a pumpkin patch and corn maze. We're worried we might run out of pictures for the scrapbook so we keep scheduling things. HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pinterest Inspiration: As you might have gathered, I did not have time, but I am so proud of my man that I just have to share this. He assembled this for me as part of my engagement gift - and he said he loved it so much, he thinks it is Pinterest worthy. I totally agree. So I'm putting it here and you Pinterest addicts be a dear and pin this thing to your boards so he can have his dream come true of creating something Pinterest worthy? (I am so in love with a man who utters the phrase "I think this is Pinterest worthy.") And for the record, it's a real rose dipped in gold - and then he put it in the jar full of coffee beans because coffee is our THING.

My Mysterious Photographer

It has been observed that the day I went to Mounds State Park, I had a lot of pictures...but who took them?

Ryan.

:)

And now I can tell you that! We had such a fun day together that day. We started out at Gaither Family Resources for lunch and the best frappes on EARTH. (He'd never been there.) (Any man who will go to GFR is a good man.) (The frappes were UHmazing.)

So after our bellies were full of philly cheese steak hamburgers (not the real name but you get the idea) and those massive frappes, we hit the trails.

As I mentioned before, Ryan's adventuresome. Case in point: he was having a lot of fun on this limb out over the water. I was a bit nervous because he was wearing the backpack and it had my journal in it. I'm sure Ryan can swim. I'm sure my journal cannot.

 And yes. I took my journal with me. Don't judge me.

A bit of self-photography.

 The whole idea of the trails being well-marked was...um...a bit untrue. Yeah. We got lost. But no biggie. We read the map and found our way back to our trusty trail. And by we, I mean he.

 I failed to bring the tripod, so we had to use benches and railings for a tripod. Didn't slow us down much on the picture taking!!!

 After that, we went shopping (yep! He likes to shop!) and THEN - I introduced him to the wonder that is Skyline Chili.

 I'm SO unladylike on a date. Bring me the cheese-loaded spaghetti!!!

 Driving home. So happy for a fun day together!

 Until we hit construction. SERIOUSLY!?!?!??

So there you have it. The rest of the story - complete with my mysterious photographer.

Sigh of happiness.

First Date

Well...I've been SO looking forward to telling you about our first date, and then as many of you know, yesterday I had a new little (okay, stinking HUGE) surprise. RYAN PROPOSED TO ME!!

Shut the front door.

It's true, and now I'm so excited about THAT...that it's all I want to talk about. HOWEVER. I promised you yesterday a first date and to be true to the story, you need to read this stuff in order. So I PROMISE to give you two more days of back-story and then on Monday I'll skip ahead and dish the proposal. Promise. Trust me. You'll like this part. :)

So...I'm excited to tell you about our first date! It was a few weeks ago, and we had so much fun! Let me interrupt myself right off the bat to say bless Ryan's heart..he puts up with the Bekahrazzi. And he does more than put up with the photos. He actually enjoys it. I love it. I knew he was good when he didn't care that the tripod made an appearance to take the pre-date photo. (Just kidding...I knew he was good before that, but it definitely helped.)

One little detail you should know for fun is this: In my life, I've not been purposefully asked out too many times. Most of the time any date of mine has been the result of a discussion that ended in some mutual decision to hang out. And doggone it, I wanted the joy of being ASKED OUT!

Giggle.

So he did. He called me up on the phone and asked me if I'd go on a date with him. And I had complete giddy butterflies in my stomach when I said yes. People, this is how dating should begin. I loved it. Wouldn't have it any other way.

We work in opposite towns, so our first date was on a Saturday.

So....the pre-date photo. At this point, I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing. I love surprises!

 And no. We didn't mean to match. That was an accident. A happy little accident though!!

During our drive, we did a little car karaoke. A duet of the song 500 Miles. :)

 Destination: Indianapolis!!!!

 He had packed a lunch for us (and I didn't even know it) and we had a picnic! Picnic was on my livin' list for the summer, so that was an exciting surprise!!

 And then - we went on a paddleboat ride in the Canal downtown. I'd never done that before, so it was very exciting. It was also very WINDY.

 And that would be because it was about to storm. Oh my goodness. Nothing like the girl petrified of storms getting caught IN a storm IN a canal ON a boat ON a first date. LOL!!!!!! Good thing we were already such good friends.

 I was pretty visibly nervous, so he asked if I wanted him to pray for us. I started to say no because I was thinking get a grip, Bekah! It's just a storm! But then I realized it was probably in poor taste to say "no thanks" to a prayer offer, so I agreed and he prayed the nicest prayer over us right there in the canal.

For the record, when the storm hit, we were able to take shelter under a bridge, and we got out of the boat when the lightning started striking so we were as safe as we could be. In the end, it made a great story!

Throwing coins in a pond and making wishes....

 I threw a dime, baby. I'm not wasting pennies!! DIME SIZED WISHES!!!!!

 After a great day together, we headed home, stopping at Red Robin on the way so we could have dinner. Oh how I love that place.

 And I chowed down my burger, too!!! So ladylike.

So there you have it! A Bekah's Bits first - never before have I shared a first date with you guys! I'm so excited you got to see our day! :)

The Words I Never Thought I Could Say

I'm so anxious to share with you about our first date and to catch you up on that fun side of things, but I cannot move on to that without first saying this.

For those of you who knew me and most of all for those of you who walked beside me during the desert days, I need you to hear these words.

I would not trade that heartbreak for anything, and I can absolutely see why I needed to be so devastated...and I am so grateful for that season of my life and the purpose it now serves.

Wow. Never thought I would be able to say that and mean it.

When I wrestled through those dark months of rejection and hurt and anger and sadness (and you could insert about 10,000 more feelings right here), I knew there was no possible way this would ever be a good thing in my life. I knew it would always be the season that just went horribly wrong. The time when Satan got a foothold and God had to scramble to find something to do with me because Isaac had chosen to mess up the plan God intended.

And. I. Was. So. Wrong.

That season probably had many more purposes than I'll ever know on this earth. In my life at the time, it changed me into a new person. I learned that if I could survive that, I could survive anything. Nothing had ever physically, emotionally, and spiritually rocked me like that time. And at the end of it, I was 4 dress sizes smaller, a whole lot braver, and deeply in love with my Abba. That alone made the devastation worthwhile.

But now, on the other side of things, I see how necessary that darkness was. It has helped me understand Ryan's own hurt in a way I never could have if I'd not walked through it. It helped me know what things to say and what things not to say.

Genesis 50:20 says "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

I heard a pastor once say that the word intended in the original language means to weave.

You wove to harm me but God rewove it for good to accomplish what is now being done...

And that is how I view that season of my life now. While I still don't think Isaac is malicious and set out to break my heart, he did break my heart. And that weaving did devastate me. Deeply. But God rewove it and turned it into a beautiful platform for me to stand on...to accomplish what is now being done in my life.

And. I. Am. Grateful.

Thanks for reading along this week for the abbreviated version of how I came to be asked out on a date...which I'll tell you more about tomorrow!

Set Apart in Prayer

If you missed yesterday's post, you should scroll down or this isn't going to make any sense.

When Ryan came to me and said he had feelings for me, I had no idea what to say. There is a (large) handful of people on the planet I never expected to look my direction, and he was certainly among them. Since I'm sure you would stop me to say WHY????? if we were chatting together over coffee, I'll pause to answer that...

...Honestly? I considered him out of my league. (He HATES it when I say that, but it's seriously how I felt at the beginning.) He's extremely funny, he's an extrovert, he's adventuresome (like he went skydiving this summer...THAT kind of adventuresome), he loves sports and working out, and I just did not feel that this kind of nerdy writer who is scared of thunderstorms and the dark would ever stand a chance of his attention.

So it was quite a self-esteem booster to hear the words "I've started having feelings for you" out of his mouth - but at the same time, I wondered if I'd lost my ability to comprehend English entirely. Seriously? He liked me? This sort of stuff just does not happen in my universe.

We talked for a long time that evening and decided we needed to take some time apart and spend it in prayer to make sure that pursuing anything was smack in the center of God's desire for our lives. We had both been hurt too badly and were too good of friends to sail headlong into a relationship blindly.

You girls will understand this (and probably most of you guys too, though I won't ask you to admit it)...the next morning when I woke up, I wondered if I had hallucinated the whole conversation - and worse - I wondered if he'd changed his mind overnight.

I started keeping a journal just for that season of my life - where I wrote all my prayers, all my fears, all my secret wishes - ALL of it. And as the season drew to a close several weeks later, I went back and read through the journal. It's far too private to share the words on this screen, but let me just tell you what a wildly wonderful thing it is to have a front-row seat to watching your own heart walls collapse in a heap on the ground.

I read through the first guarded pages, laced with apprehension and disbelief and then as the pages progressed, I noticed more bits of vulnerability creeping in...more heart cries for wisdom and a genuine desire for God's blessing. I read the days when I wrestled so hard with ghosts of relationships past and struggled to believe that God would rewrite those hurts into something beautiful.

By the end of the journal, and by the end of the set-apart season, I was convinced beyond any doubt that this was exactly where God wanted me to be. It still surprised me that this was the path He'd chosen for me. It still surprised me that this out-of-my-league guy would even glance my way. It still surprised me that my heart was so open to trying again after all the devastation I'd been through before.

But I was so excited for a new start.

When You Stop Bossing God Around...

If you've been on the blog for a couple of years, you will remember my desert journey. If you're new...you'll have no idea what I'm talking about. So let me recap ever so briefly.

2 1/2 years ago, I was set up with a guy I'd never met before. We started talking, first online, then on the phone, and then in person. (Note...I did not MEET him online...we were set up through mutual friends. We just started talking that way.) We fell for each other pretty quickly and he told me early on that he wanted to marry me. Though we were never engaged, my mind was already convinced that this was my forever-relationship, and that's why I was utterly devastated when he told me God was calling him away into a wilderness to deal with some issues from his past - and he had to go alone.

For months, I waited, because I believed he would come back to me and we would move forward with our relationship. Furthermore, I felt God was calling me to wait...to be faithful even when everyone else was telling me to dump him and move on.

In the end, Isaac called me and told me he was not coming back and I should move on with my life. About a month later, I found out he was dating someone else, and they got married last year.

After he left, I told God in no uncertain terms that I was not interested in love ever again. I was positive Isaac was His best for me and if I couldn't have His best for me, I didn't want any settled-for second best.

People. It is not smart to boss around the Creator of the Universe. Let me just tell you that. Okay?

As my heart began to heal and especially as life began tumbling into the "Season of Suddenly" I talked about last week...with my new job...I began to ever-so-cautiously entertain the idea of new love. I went out on a few dates here and there, and every time I just knew it wasn't right. Either I had zero chemistry with the guy or I just knew it wasn't the right thing...or I got my heart broken again. The last heartbreak was so rough that it landed me in bed for an entire weekend, completely unable to get up to even eat. After that, I said it would have to be a clear sign from God if I was going to pursue a relationship again. Because otherwise it was just flat out TOO PAINFUL.

So...several weeks ago, I got a text from a friend of mine named Ryan. He and I actually went to high school together, and while we knew of each other back in those days, we weren't friends. (Not that we were enemies...we just didn't know each other well enough to be friends.) I got to know him better when I started attending the church I go to now...because he goes there as well. In the months that have passed since I went through my desert journey, Ryan went through a really tough relationship loss of his own, and it was after that...I received a text.

He said he needed to talk to me, and in my heart, I knew. I knew that although he had told me he had the same mentality toward finding a new relationship that I did (way too hard, so no thank you!!), he was a great guy and somewhere along the way, some girl was going to capture his heart and he'd rethink that decision. I knew it.

So I knew what the text was about. He'd found someone and he needed to curb his friendship with me so it wouldn't get in the way of whatever relationship he was about to begin. I told him he could come over and talk to me, and when he arrived, I was curled up in a ball on the floor of my living room, under a fleece blanket, shivering and trying not to cry.

He sat down on the floor beside me and began a detailed story (he's quite a good story-teller and includes ALL the details). I interrupted after about a sentence and with my eyes half-closed in pain, I said, "I know what you're here to say, so just say it."

He looked at me with surprise and said, "You do?" I nodded miserably and said, "Just SAY it. Just get it over with."

He took a deep breath and said, "Okay...I've started to have feelings for you."

(Insert stunned silence here, followed by a squeaked "huh?")

I'm telling you...when you stop bossing God around....