Throwback Wedding Day

Last week I packed up all my journals. All the pages with various colors of ink bleeding over them, lined up in a row, holding the memories of the angst years. Just for fun, as I packed, I peeked back to see what I was doing on my wedding day from the time I started journaling through to my wedding day.

I actually started a daily journaling practice on Christmas Day 1993, so my first recorded December 2nd was in 1994, EIGHTEEN YEARS before I got married. Oh my word. It was such a blessing I didn't know that little detail at that time in my life. I might have just given up.

Here are some highlights of this day through the years. {Summarized except where quoted.}

1994: Spent the evening babysitting four kids. Received my first paycheck for writing: twenty-five dollars. It was also the one year anniversary of the first time I started praying in earnest for someone. Not surprisingly, it was a guy. Surprisingly, it had nothing to do with love, and every time I see him {he still lives in the area} I smile inside, knowing he was my first prayer assignment.

1995: Was busy praying for another guy, also surprisingly not about love, but certainly taking my task seriously. Spent the day going to homes on a Christmas home show tour. The precursor to my HGTV addictions. :)

1996: I was a freshman in college and opened my entry with "I AM SO STRESSED!" I spent the day going to classes, doing homework, and suffering with car problems. Car wouldn't go over 15 MPH. Not sure why I worried; I rarely drove over that speed anyway. Had a crush on a guy who worked at the college. "He looked awesome." {giggling at my 1996 self.}

1997: I was a sophomore in college, and apparently I should have appreciated the stress of the previous year. I opened with, "I'm dying. Slowly, but surely, I'm dying." I'd caught my roommate's cold and was suffering through chills and fevers.

1998: Now a junior in college, I should have appreciated the cold of the sophomore year. I was tired and stressed {welcome to college, Bekah!} and had just been to the dentist with the precursor to my TMJ diagnosis, so I was in chronic pain. And I had just been asked out on my first real date. {I had NO interest in the guy but was trying to force myself to find some interest in case he was the only one who ever asked.}

1999: I was a senior in college, struggling through roommate drama, and reeling from the breakup of my first real boyfriend. {Who was not, by the way, the guy asking me out the year before.} I spent the evening talking with said first real ex-boyfriend, trying to work through my emotions of what happened to us. {A conversation that occurred approximately 23492938472983749327423 times.} And then he took me to practice driving on the interstate. Because, yes, as a senior in college, I still could not drive on the interstate.

2000: My first December out on my own, and I spent the day stressing over paying bills and managing money. And then I spent the evening on the phone with a guy I'd been semi-dating. It was the beginning of the end. Or maybe the middle of the end. Either way, I should have just figured it out, cut my losses, and called it done.

2001: An article I'd written was published on this day, and I spent the rest of the day writing Christmas cards. I'm proud of my former self for pushing to send cards every year, even though I was a family of one.

2002: I was already "so over" my math job, and I hate to tell my former self I had several more years to work there. I spent the evening decorating the house with Angela, my roommate, which was a challenge since we had completely opposite decorating styles. Also on this day, a friend from church told me "there were a bunch of hot guys" where she worked. Noteworthy, apparently.  {Hey Bekah! Hang on 10 more years, and it will be your wedding day!!}

2003: I was at the tail end of my gig as a direct sales consultant and had one of my last parties that evening. My crush from years gone by was in town and stopped in my office to see me, so really, that was all that mattered to make my year, I thought.

2004: I was so bored at work that I spent the day cleaning my office. That is some serious boredom. And I'd developed a new crush on a guy at work. He would be the one. I just knew it. {Except he wasn't. By a long shot.}

2005: Had a gallbladder attack. Hey Bekah! Only ten more years until they figure out what's wrong with you and you can get that thing out! As for the love life? Well, we won't talk about it. {Because there's nothing to say.}

2006: It was a Saturday and I slept until 11:15 and then spent the day having fun. I guess it's quite a step up from the year before, huh? But  not as great as the day six years in the future would be!

2007: My roommate Angela had moved into her own place by this time, and she invited me over to help her decorate for Christmas. It wasn't quite as stressful when it wasn't the meshing of our styles in one house. I still remember that night as one of my fondest memories with her. {For those of you who may be new to the blog, Angela died of cancer one year and one day before our wedding. We honored her as a bridesmaid in our wedding, because she had never been one and it was on her bucket list. We wanted to check that off for her.}

2008: Wrote a Dear John letter to a guy who was pursuing me. How I hated Dear John letters. And being pursued by men who didn't turn out to be the one. {Although Ryan still gets heavy giggles out of this section of my pre-Shaffer love life.} Only four years to go, Bekah! You're on the home stretch!!

2009: Spent the entire day putting out fires started by angry students and their parents, and then I came home to write a complaint letter to a store who did not handle business well. It wasn't my favorite day. But never fear. Three years in the future, all angry students and parents would be a distant memory and sand would be under my bare bridal feet!

2010: My first December after having my heart broken by Isaac. I was still reeling but wondered in print if maybe, just maybe, I wasn't a loser after all.

2011: The first December 2nd that I didn't journal. At all. Anywhere. My heart was hurting, and I wasn't sure how I'd ever reach the Promised Land. One year, dear Bekah. One year. You can do it!

Whew! What a ride!! I realize this post has little eternal significance, but it was fun to look back through. Thanks for reading along!! :)