Permitting Change

I'm writing this to you more as a form of processing out loud, rather than speaking as an expert on the subject...which I most assuredly am not. Well. Unless you want to consider me an expert in how to struggle with this...and then I qualify.

I'm going to keep the identifying details on this story as vague as I can, for the preservation of my own dignity as well as to protect any sort of identification of the other person in the story. She doesn't even know of this situation, and there's certainly no need for her feelings to be hurt in any way because I have issues.

Several years ago...{s.e.v.e.r.a.l.}...I was at an event with a young woman who appeared, at first, perfectly normal, perfectly nice, and perfectly level headed. She was beautiful, and from my little chair in the distance, I envied her for being the perfect, put-together person she appeared to be.

And then she opened her mouth.

As did I...slack-jawed by the offensive junior-high-ish behavior that emitted from her. The beauty faded for me entirely, and I tried to tune out the words...but alas, her lungs were healthy and I couldn't avoid hearing. Eventually I had to leave, and I was an unhealthy combination of sad and bitter that she'd driven me out of something I'd looked forward to attending.

We don't travel in the same circles, so I don't see her regularly, but now and then I'll see her from a distance, and every time I do, I bristle. I don't mean to. It just happens. But I've done nothing to stop it. I let the bristles bristle and before long, my blood runs bubbly in my veins as I remember the transgressions from so long ago.

When I saw her recently, though, I noticed something. {In the 30 seconds between spotting her and the beginning of the bristles.} Her face looked different. Not like old and wrinkly different, but softer, and more matured and settled somehow. I didn't dwell on it, but I noticed it.

And then last Sunday, during the sermon, our pastor preached about how people change...in a good way. About how God grabs hold of people's hearts and transforms them into the people HE created them to be, and they change for the better.

And that's when the conviction plopped over me so fully I'm surprised you can even still see me peeking out from underneath it.

She changed. But I didn't let her.

I could tell from the countenance on her face, that she's not the same girl who offended me with her mouth years ago. She's grown up. She's changed and softened and become molded into the woman God intended. That's what's been happening in real time. But in Bekah-time, a one-evening scenario has been playing on a loop for far too long, and I haven't let her real-time changes infiltrate my mind. I haven't been able to see her as the masterpiece God is making, because I only see the mess from long ago.


And shame. on. me. for it.

I'm 100% confident I'm not the same girl I was that night either. And if she would have looked my way then, I'd want her to kindly dismiss that girl and see instead the girl I am now. Because God's been working on and in me too.

I've been holding her accountable for the person she used to be instead of seeing her with eyes of love for the woman God has transformed her into today.

People change. They do. And I need to let them.

{Disclaimer: sometimes people don't change. They don't let God transform them, heart and soul. They don't grow in love and favor with the Lord. And sometimes it's good to put a protective hedge up if their lack of transformation is harmful toward us. That much is true.}

Later that same day, after Pastor Steve's convicting sermon, I read these words by Dr. Tony Evans: "God will never define you by your past, but the enemy will try to confine you by it."

Gulp.

The enemy had been tricking me into confining that girl in front of me to the girl she used to be. The problem is, God's not using that to define her anymore.

So that's what I'm working on this week. Working on learning to see people with fresh vision each time I see them. Working on learning to let them change and not confining them to the people they used to be.

Daddy Daughter Date Night

Last Saturday was WBCL's fifth annual Daddy Daughter Date Night, and it was also my last big event to work for the station. {Read: I cried most of the way through it. If your husband was at this event and mentioned the weird sappy girl in the corner, that was me!!}

I was sad partly because it was my last event and partly because Ryan couldn't go with me, and that just seemed wrong somehow...like we never got "event closure" on the job. But I dressed up in my Easter dress, packed my camera, and went to the sold-out night with a concert by Mark Schultz.

My job was to be a photographer at the photo booth, and I also took other random pictures throughout the evening. Thought I'd give you a little peek into our night.

The room was huge and packed to the very ends. Mark said it was like singing to an airplane, because the room wasn't very deep, but it sure was wide, like the wings of a plane. Such pretty decorations...with a balloon theme this year!

And the tables were so pretty too. Not that I was fixated on the cupcakes and cookies or anything. Nope. Not me.

The evening was so lovely. Dads of all ages with daughters of all ages filed through the doors and enjoyed their dinners {and the cupcakes and cookies I'm not fixated on} and they also visited our photo booths {we had three identical booths} to have their pictures taken together...with props this year!

It was fun to watch the dads try to figure out how this whole prop thing worked. So cute.

I tried to sneak in some pics with at least a few of my co-workers, since this was the last event. I didn't get them all, but here's a few:

This is Phil from the morning team. He is one of my big brothers...and I will dearly miss him {picking on me}. We took this picture to send to Ryan to tell him we missed him! 

 My dear friend, Cindy. She has heard my laments and let me cry tears on her shoulder so many times. Most of the hard work that went into this event was done with her own hands, and she does an incredible job. This event is her heart and soul and I love watching her shine with it each year.

 Sweet Dana...who answers our phones for Mid-Morning. {She has more jobs than just that...but that's our common bond.} Her husband's name is Ryan too, and the two of us have fun confusing people with our Ryan stories. Dana is always upbeat, always smiling, always encouraging, and always interested in the lives and stories of all of us who work with her. Love this girl!

 And my friend, fellow photo-lover, and fellow scrapbooker, Jeri. She is always there with a hug when I need one, an encouraging word for everyone around her, and will pitch in to help with absolutely ANYTHING. And this particular night, she cleaned up a couple of my sad-to-be-leaving meltdowns.

 The second half of the evening was a concert by Mark Schultz, and I learned in short order that there is not a single song in his set that won't reduce me to tears. SERIOUSLY!!! I'm such a sap.

So, in summary, after crying my eyes out all night, in the best possible ways, I helped clean up, and then we had a staff picture taken with Mark:

It was a lovely evening, and I hope all the dads had a great time with their daughters...because it sure was a lovely way to end my event-working...watching all of them sharing the joy of a special night together.

Celebrating the Birthday Boy!

Wanna see some more of Ryan's birthday fun? Here are some snippets from last Friday.

I started the party at 5 a.m. with breakfast in bed. I knew he would be eating a lot that day, and I was pretty sure no one would want cake after a huge dinner at Tucano's, so I opted to serve cake for breakfast! Cake, smoky links, and coffee. And some appearances from Braeya, who was excited to give Ryan her card and to steal his balloon.

After I sent him off to work with a party in a bag {for his co-workers}, they continued the celebration and did probably an even better job than I did! Way to go, ladies and gentlemen!!

After work, we did a quick party at home for the two of us...where Ryan dug into his gift from me. And the official birthday photo.

Then we headed toward Indianapolis to eat dinner at Tucano's. That was Ryan's one birthday wish. A meat festival. I know I talked a bit about it yesterday, but if you've not been there before, it's a restaurant where servers bring around skewers of meat all night long. You can have as much as you want of any of it. For meatatarians like us, it's pretty great! We decided the garlic parmesan beef was our favorite, but we liked almost everything they brought! {Chicken hearts excluded. I wouldn't even try them, but Ryan did.}

 {THIS would be the chicken heart....}

And with that, we conceded. Meat overload.

But a happy birthday boy!!!!!

Coffee Curses

Housekeeping item: Just wanted to tell you that Natasha's name was drawn from the hat last night, so Susie Larson's book is headed her way, and I emailed her to let her know. She actually just participated in a 24 hour readathon, so I hope her eyes are rested by the time the book arrives!

I have so many things to tell you about our weekend, but I thought I'd start with this story, because I want to write about it before I forget it! {And I also want to say on the front end of this post that I realize everything you're about to read is a thousand percent trivial in light of all the truly serious things happening all around us...so I hope you can read it in good lighthearted fun and know that I'm fully aware that none of this really matters.}

I don't know if you remember this or not {I'm going to go with not, because seriously, why would you remember the mundane details of a two-year-old Shafferland???} but two years ago, when we celebrated Ryan's birthday, we went out to eat and then headed to Starbucks so Ryan could cash in on his free birthday drink. When we got there, the freebie wasn't showing up correctly {we had just registered our cards a couple of days before and didn't know that wasn't enough time to actually GET the free drink ON your birthday}. The manager on duty was NOT sympathetic at all and it ended up being one of the worst coffee experiences of our lives.

So.

This past Friday was Ryan's birthday again, as you know, and the one request he had was to have dinner at Tucano's. More on this later, but if you're not familiar with it, it's a festival of meats. {Literally. That's what they call it.} You get a plate, a fork, a knife, and a pair of tongs, and you can sit and eat as much meat as you want. Eat meat 'til you go into a meat coma, which I did. I mean I didn't think I ate that much, but I am such a lightweight and was asleep before we even got home.

After dinner, I needed coffee. Because that's what happens to me after dinner. I need coffee. We wandered around the complex of the outdoor mall where Tucano's is housed, asking Siri over and over for a coffee shop. She pointed us to one, and her little blue location ball blinked rapidly while we stood outside a vacated store that apparently used to sell coffee.

Refusing to admit defeat, we climbed in the car and drove to a Starbucks just over the interstate. Ryan, who had consumed a bit more of the meat festival than I had, decided he was too full for coffee, but my slightly throbbing head was ready for the tiniest little nonfat white chocolate mocha with two pumps of raspberry. And whip.

We pulled up at the drive-thru, and heard these words: Sooooooooooooooooo....we're closing because our computers are down and we can't sell anything. Sorry.

Crickets.


Ryan and I just stared at each other. Surely this was some sort of weird, cruel joke.

The voice again, crackling over the loudspeaker, Oh and that's nationwide, by the way.

Apparently she'd read my mind, which had already pointed our car toward the OTHER Starbucks in town.


Now ready to admit defeat, we drove away, and as we did, we passed a gaggle of people in front of the store, clutching coffee. I did not even care that Ryan's window was still down and my voice dripped with a bitterness I couldn't control. I singled out one blonde woman and said out loud, "HOW COME SHE HAS COFFEE???"

I know she heard me, because she tightened her grip on that cup and gave me the stink eye. I couldn't blame her. I would have done the same thing if the roles had been reversed. But I was still mad about it.

Unsure of what other course of action to take, I turned to Twitter to see if the woman over the loudspeaker had been telling the truth. In short order, I discovered it was true: Starbucks had a nationwide system crash and couldn't accept payment.

Also in short order, I discovered that most Starbucks locations nationwide were giving away free coffee, not closing early.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

So let me get this straight: two times in three years, we'd been denied coffee at Starbucks on Ryan's birthday??

More importantly, knowing I could not have coffee only  made me want it more. I completely shut down, leaving Ryan to shake my limp hand in my lap and say "Are you okay?"

Do you think I'm okay? This girl was just denied her after-dinner coffee. In what universe is that okay???

A little over halfway home, we stopped at a McDonald's to get coffee. Ryan ordered fresh brew, but I really don't like McDonald's fresh brew, so I had him order me a caramel latte.

When we pulled up to the window, the girl leaned out, firmly gripping a caramel frappe.

If you don't know this, let me pause to tell you how much I love frappes. The frozen blending, the whipped cream, the dripping caramel drizzle...I'm drooling just typing this. I adore frappes. And in that moment, my eye fixated on that thing and wouldn't be peeled away.

The girl was speaking, "...but we're brewing fresh coffee so if you'll just pull forward..." She reached out to hand him the frappe.

Ryan said, "No, we ordered a latte."

I patted his arm with urgency, "It's okay! I'll take the frappe!!"

Right about then, the manager came up behind the girl, took the frappe from her and said, "You have to LISTEN!!"

Obviously offended, she said, "But I WAS listening."

I didn't care who listened and who didn't. There was a perfectly good frappe sitting on a counter on the other side of the glass, and I wanted it! I couldn't bear to see it thrown away.

I grabbed Ryan's arm and looked fiercely into his eyes. "I will drink the frappe. Tell them I will drink it. When they open that window again, get it back."

The girl opened the window and said, "I still need you to pull forward."

With my index finger mercilessly poking Ryan's arm, he said, "Uh, she'll just take that frappe."

The girl, with her manager appendage still lurking close behind, said, "No it's okay, we are making a latte."

I leaned across Ryan, "CAN I JUST HAVE THE FRAPPE????"

Seriously, people! How hard is it to get some coffee in this world!!

The girl handed the frappe {reluctantly} out the window, and I yanked it from Ryan's hands.

We pulled forward, and by the time his fresh brew arrived, I had nearly sucked the frappe dry.

It wasn't my Starbucks. But it got me home. Where....I promptly fell into bed in a full meat-coma. I think I'm incapable of the festival of meats. AND I might have a slight coffee addiction.

The Shafferland Shuffle

* Last Sunday, we were completely spent with exhaustion, so we declared a day of true rest and stayed home in our jam jams the entire day. We made waffles for breakfast, spent time praying together, and rarely left the couch, which was fine, since the day was filled with rain. Restful, gentle rain, not angry stormy rain. Perfect day to stay home and rejuvenate.

* Monday I went to work to begin the next phase of countdowns for the change ahead. I've started taking pictures of my office and pieces of my job - so expect a lot of that in the next few weeks. Monday it was my trusty message board above my desk, which holds a little bit of work and a little bit of play, and i love them both. LOVED walking by the gorgeous blooming tree outside the front door of the station. Spring is gorgeous!! And that night? Apple pie, coffee, and the DVR with my handsome husband.

* Tuesday I started editing the last round {that I'll do} of encore shows to cover any days off between now and the time I leave. I remember when I first started my job, learning how to edit was one of the things I wasn't sure I'd ever master, so this is a bittersweet end for me. Finally learned it - and who knows? Maybe I'll need that skill again. Ryan attended a conference for work that evening, which meant we had to eat dinner apart. That is SO WEIRD for us. And now we know why he needs me - he forgot to take the paper off his sub before he ate it! {Kidding.} I was supposed to have a massage, but we had some scheduling miscommunications, so I ended up reading all evening - no complaints there!

 * Wednesday I had a new experience: a chocolate Cadbury egg!! I had no idea such things even EXISTED!!!! Did you? It was yummy! Thanks, Amy, for introducing me!! Ryan had an exhausting day at work {probably partly because he'd had such a long day the day before} - so we declared it a night on Mo. No one was more excited about that than Braeya, who was first to show up for it. HA!!! I did get up late that evening to make a round of quesadillas for the next day. Delicious.

* Thursday...was BLT day!! I only have a few of those left, so I'm trying to enjoy each one to the fullest. :) It was such a beautiful day on Thursday that Ryan came home from work to mow the yard for the first time this season. The grass is so green and pretty!! {I can say that because I'm not the one who has to take care of it!} And while he did that, I got busy on birthday prep for Mr. Birthday Boy: wrapping his present and making the treats!

* Friday was a FULL DAY!! First and foremost, it was Ryan's birthday, which made the entire day full of celebration. I threw a little breakfast party for him in the wee hours of the morning before we went to work. His co-workers carried on faithfully while he spent the day with them, and then that evening, the two of us went for dinner at Tucano's, and we came home absolutely STUFFED. And as if that wasn't enough for one day, I also spent the day at the Landmark Event Center in Fort Wayne, with most of my work girls, helping to set up for Daddy Daughter Date Night, which took place yesterday. We worked hard to transform the place into a date night paradise!

* Ryan took yesterday off work, since it was his birthday weekend and all. We slept in late, the after-effects of our Tucano's meat coma.When we got up, it was time for me to get ready to go work my last event with WBCL: Daddy Daughter Date Night. It was a really bittersweet night, since Ryan couldn't go with me, and it's always hard to go to events without him. But I had a good time and got to play photographer, which makes me happy!! And Mark Schultz put on a great concert for the girls and their dads!!

The Saturday Six

One.

I'm changing the opening to the Saturday Six, partly because I'm tired of cleaning. HA!!!! I wanted to tell you that I've decided one thing I'm going to miss in my post-WBCL life is the immersion in the world of books, so I've decided to pick it up again in a different sort of way. As often as I can read a book, I wanted to share with you some of my finds, and I thought this post was a good place for that kind of sharing to land. So now and then {maybe weekly - who knows how much time I'll have to read??} I will include my review of a book...and I'll try to make them not-your-mama's book reviews!

This week I've got one for you....at the very end. And BONUS! I'm giving away my copy to one of you!

Two.

Source

Oh my heart HATED hearing this news, which all you Anne fans have probably already heard and mourned over already. I adore Anne of Green Gables {the books AND the movies} and when I read that Jonathan Crombie, who adorably played Gilbert Blythe in the movies died on April 15th, I was so very sad. I may have had a crush on him - in my pre-Ryan days, of course.  PS - if you've never read the books or watched the movies, you're missing out. Brilliant works, both of them.

Three.

Ryan and I just started listening to this guy not long ago: Jon Guerra. I cannot get this song out of my head - in the best possible way. Hope you like it!!


Four.

Source

Given that we just redecorated our master bedroom to have a beach feel, this girl is READY to go to the beach. Aren't you? {HELLO! We had snow here this week. In April. No thank you. Sand and sun please.} So I loved this tour of a beachy house from Between Naps on the Porch.

Five.

This week I bought my first pair of yoga pants. HOW have I not known about these??? I mean I've known about them, but how have I not OWNED any? Ryan is concerned that I will never wear any other type of clothing again. Ever. I won't lie. It's a fair concern. I will say this: Tim Hawkins' song now makes all kinds of sense.

Six.

Last week, the lovely Leslie sent me a book she'd received in exchange for a review. It's by Susie Larson, who is right up there in my top favorite women in how she pursues the Lord and teaches other women to do the same. Lynne has interviewed her a handful of times since I've been at WBCL, and each time, I listen with my journal in hand, because I know she's going to say something worth writing down.

I read the book in one morning flat and found myself making about four pages worth of notes in my journal. Susie shares a morning blessing and an evening blessing on her Facebook page almost every day, and I can't tell you how many times her words feel like they were written just for me. She's gifted and anointed that way. {If you've ever read Sarah Young's Jesus Calling and felt like the words were meant for you that very day, that's the same sort of feeling you're likely to have from Susie's morning and evening blessings.}


So this book, Blessings for the Morning, is I believe a compilation of some of those treasures she's shared on Facebook. It's a gift book with a ribbon and gorgeous full color photos on every single page, and a Scripture added to each of Susie's thoughts.

Here are a couple of examples of her words that made it into my journal: As the winds of change start to blow in your life, may you lean in and listen for the voice of the Lord. Here's another: May you see the blessing in your battles. And one more: May He help you blow the dust off your dreams and lift them up as a possibility once again.

I know I was supposed to read them slowly, a day at a time, but the book arrived on a day my soul was hungry, and I had to drink in the entire book at one time.


So if you aren't catching Susie's blessings on Facebook, you should check them out, because they're a great supplement to each day, in my opinion. And if you want a whole dose of them at once, this book offers about 100 of them in one spot. I've decided to gift my copy to one of you so you can enjoy it!! I've never done a giveaway on this blog before, but Leslie was kind enough to share her blessing with me, and I want to pass it on to you!

If you want to enter to win the book, just leave a comment letting me know you'd like to be in the drawing, and I'll do a good old fashioned hat drawing Sunday night (4/26). If you comment anonymously, be sure to also include your name. I'll put the winner's name up Monday monring.

Happy Birthday, Dear Husband of Mine!

Today is a day of MUCH celebration! My handsome man has a birthday today.

Ryan's approach to birthdays before he met me was it's just another day. No day is just another day. Not even a normal day. All days are meant to be celebrated. Or at least that's the way I see it. So he's been a fabulous sport and has learned to embrace the party.

There will be much celebrating to report on next week, but for now, I honor Ryan in one of my favorite ways: with words.

10 of My Favorite Things About Ryan:

1. He's unbelievably kind. All the time. I learn so much about kindness from him. Whether it's making genuine conversation with cashiers in checkout, stopping to see if a driver on the side of the road needs help, or being the first to sign up to help any human being with any need...he's kind. Always. And he never makes the person he helps feel like any sort of inconvenience. He's just genuine that way.


2. He's consistently responsible. This week on the morning show, the guys talked about things kids destroy. I said, "Well, Ryan was pretty destructive as a kid, but he seems to have gotten it all out of his system, and now he's the most responsible person I know." I don't think I'd really considered it until then. He really is responsible. With everything. With possessions, with money, with time, with people, with his job, with his dreams...he's responsible. I can't tell you how much rest this gives to my soul, and I'm grateful.

3. He's attentive. As busy as he is...as busy as we both are...he always finds and makes time to pay attention to me. I'm learning that this isn't normal, and that breaks my heart for the women who don't get to enjoy it from their husbands or boyfriends. I appreciate the way he makes this a priority and doesn't make it seem like a chore. It's a gift he gives to me every day, and I'm grateful.

4. He's articulate. He's not the writer of the family, or so he claims. I think he claims it because he really doesn't like to write. But for being the one who doesn't like it, he's still so good with words. His proposal was proof of that, as were his vows, every note he writes me, and the stunning blog he wrote the day of my surgery. And it's not just the written word. He can tell stories out loud that are laugh-until-your-sides-ache funny. I love how much he talks and how great he is with words!

5. He's joyful. You can't be around him for any length of time at all without catching his infectious smile and feeling more light-hearted than when you walked in the room. He's full of smiles, encouraging words, the aforementioned funny stories, and just genuine joy. If I'm having a bad day or I'm worrying about something {not that I would ever worry...}, his joy can turn that around in no time!

6. He's devoted to the Lord. I love the relationship Ryan has with God. I love finding him reading his Bible. I love calling him when I'm worried about something and knowing he will pray with me over the phone. I love the way he leads us in prayer about big and little decisions. I love the way he drinks in sermons and wants to be involved in things at church because he loves to serve. Ryan is definitely the leader I always prayed to receive.

7. He's hilarious. Different from joyful...he's just funny. The faces he makes, the spot-on impersonations he can do, and even just the way he says things sometimes are so hilarious. {And then there's the practice of doing a cartwheel into the ball barrel at his job, but I digress.} I have laughed more in the last almost three years than in the rest of my life put together; I'm sure of it.

8. He's compassionate. This is good, since every physical therapist should have this trait, I think. He has such a tender heart toward anyone who is hurting, whether that hurt is physical or emotional. I love it when he's compassionate toward me, of course, because what person doesn't want to receive that? But I love to watch his compassion to others, too. Makes me love him even more.

9. He's generous. I may not have entirely loved this quality about him when the stranger approached us in Union Station in Chicago and asked us for money. Ryan gave him the only five bucks we had on us. I didn't care about the five bucks as much as I cared about getting mugged. BUT...this is Ryan. Generous. He genuinely wanted to help the guy. This is something I need to learn from him. Grateful he has this quality.

10. He's loyal. If he's your friend, you've got him for life if you'll have him. He loves his friends to the core and he'll do anything for them. After the number of times I've been hurt in my life, knowing that I have someone who is loyal is something that brings me much comfort and freedom.

Ryan, thank you for being a man of so many wonderful qualities. I'm excited to celebrate your life today, not because I love a party, but because the man you have become is worthy of celebrating. Happy birthday!! I love you more than I ever knew I could. You make every day bright, even when life is hard. I'm pretty sure I'm the one getting the gift today: you.

- AS

Cake Mix Cookies

Confession: sometimes I'm a lazy dessert-maker. Perhaps you can understand my dilemma. I'm sure you've experienced it at some point: you need dessert right now and you don't have time to labor over a culinary delight before the need gives way to hangry tirades.

{Seriously - please tell me you've been there. This week.}

When I'm a good plan-ahead wife, I make a big dessert on Sunday, and we munch on it throughout the week. When I'm the worst plan-ahead wife, we buy a carton of ice cream, and we munch on it throughout the week. When I desire to appear that I've planned ahead more than I really have, we have cake mix cookies.

They're brilliant, really. If you have a cake mix on hand, and a some eggs and oil to spare, you can have hot, fresh cookies in about 15 minutes flat with the most minimal mess to clean up. A baking dream.

They're soft. They're chewy. And they're any flavor of the cake mix world you like. So essentially, regardless of your craving, you can probably satisfy it.

Ryan and I have recently fallen in love with multiple batches of lemon cookies. They feel a bit on the classy side...as though we should be going to a tea somewhere. But if you're not a lover of lemon, that's okay. Pick your favorite flavor and go!

Cake Mix Cookies

* 1 box cake mix - any brand, any flavor
* 1/3 cup vegetable oil
* 2 eggs
* chocolate chips/nuts/other add-ins/frosting optional

Combine cake mix, oil, eggs, and any add-ins of your choice in a bowl and stir until well-mixed. Drop by teaspoonful onto greased cookie sheets and bake for 10 minutes at 350. Makes roughly 2 dozen cookies, depending on the size of the cookies.

A Few Tips:

* You really can make these cookies as fancy or plain as you want based on what you add in. The chocolate cake mix variety tastes good with white or milk chocolate chips. You can add nuts, too, if you want.

* These work well with frosting, too, and if you're in a hurry, you can grab a tub of whatever flavor of frosting you like.

* I've tried making these using my baking stone, and find that they take longer to make because they don't bake as quickly and I have to leave them on the stone longer to keep them from falling apart when I remove them. Clearly I've moved back to a metal pan for this recipe because I'm in too much of a hurry to wait!

* Once upon a time, I tried making this with a homemade cake mix. It did not go well. It was dreadfully dry and crumbly. I haven't messed around with it enough to figure out what went wrong, but just in case you have homemade cake mix...beware that it might need some tweaking!

* These stay pretty soft on their own. When I make regular cookie recipes, I store them with a piece of bread in the container to keep them soft, but these don't require that.

* If you have extras and need help eating them, invite us over. We're equal to the task.

Friends

Ryan went to a conference last evening {interrupting here: "last evening" sounds so positively snooty to me, but to say "last night" gives the impression I had to survive a whole overnight away from him, and that's not true, so "last evening" it is...please read with a Kitty Montgomery accent.} - so I had time at home to read.

Ahhhh reading, how I have missed you! I've already read four books this year, and I think that's equal to the amount I had time to read in the last four years, so clearly I'm pretty happy. Right now I'm working on Melanie Shankle's third book, Nobody's Cuter Than You. I'm excited about this book because I dearly adore Melanie's writing, but also because she's my final hour-long interview at the station before I leave. {Bittersweet sigh.}

Her first book was about motherhood. Her second book was about marriage. And this one is a memoir about the beauty of friendship. Parts of the book are funny to me because I'm just a few years younger than Melanie, and she's conjuring up so many memories about life in the 80's as she recounts her stories...so funny!

But parts of the book make me just grab my pen and ruler {hello, OCD} to underline as I nod voraciously at words she penned that I could have written just as sincerely. There is that thing about the friendships of women...that transcend age and geography.

I think my heart is hyper-sensitive to it because my friendships are the thing I'm most looking forward to rekindling in the great change of life seasons coming up here.

Yesterday I got an email from my friend Jenny, who met me when I was eighteen and hadn't yet discovered a flat iron...or a clothing iron for that matter. {Sorry, Mom.} She survived the stories of a million crushes, the angst of a college student who wanted to drop out a month before graduation, and the fear of a young single adult foraging her way on her own. For years, we ate lunch together once a week. We were on a first name basis with the managers of most fast food establishments in our fine town.

And then I changed jobs. We tried really hard to switch to dinners...but it just didn't work as well. And then I got married, and life was {beautifully} full, and I'm not sure the last time we even saw each other in real life. We talk through email. She reads the blog {Hi, Jenny!!!} - and so our friendship has limped along. She was away and missed the big news of last week, so when she casually asked "What's up with you?" in her email, I shot back, "Oh, you know. Quit my job."

3...2...1...and there it was! WHAT!?!?!?!?!!?!

And her first question after the shock? "Does this mean we can have lunch again?"

I cannot tell you the joy that melted over my heart with these words. She's been so patient these last four years, probably thinking I'd gotten too big for my britches and forgotten all about her. But it's not true. I haven't.

And I'm looking forward to those lunches again. I'm looking forward to Skype dates with Olivia. We used to chat ever week, but then she got married, and then I got married and then she had a baby {not following suit here, sorry} - and our schedules haven't meshed. But maybe now they can.

My heart sags a bit, knowing some of my friendships have drifted possibly beyond repair. That part never gets easier, does it? I know they all have seasons, and some do come to a close, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

I know there will be much to do in the post-producer life, and I can't just become a professional socialite. I will have responsibilities and other tasks that demand {and deserve!!} my time, but the joy of anticipating a return of the friendship-investment is something I so look forward to relishing.

Melanie said in her book, "there are a few people in your life who become so much a part of you that it feels like you're missing a limb when they're gone."

Truth.

I know in the change to come, I'm going to lose a few more limbs, and that makes my heart sad. But I am excited for the ones I get to find again! 

The First Stirring

I'm curled up on the couch, enjoying the aroma of apple pie baking just a room away. I'd love for you to think I'm that good of a wife...that after an 8 hour work day and a 2 hour commute, I just popped into the kitchen and whipped up a pie, but alas, you  might remember the full day event debacle that was the creation of the coconut cream pie while I was on gallternity leave, so I know I'm not fooling you.

The truth is, I found a homemade {we bought it, someone else made it} crumb top apple pie in our freezer that I thought we'd already eaten. What a lovely surprise! We let that sit for about a day before popping it in the oven.

We're nothing if not patient.

But who knows? Perhaps I will become a pie baker after all...in the new season I'm about to embrace.

I'm working on a writing project; I started it a few months ago and pull it out every time I have some spare time. While Ryan worked this past weekend, I spent some time in front of the screen, adding words to the story. It's the story of us. The story of our first year of marriage with all its joy and fun, its difficulties and faith testers, its seriousness and hilarity. And as I wrote, with journal beside me, open to the bare places of my heart, I found words I don't remember writing:

I love my job at the station. I feel used greatly in the lives of women, and I love it so much. I also feel a deep desire to write again. To minister while focusing on my marriage. I have no idea how You'll reconcile that for me. None at all.

Know when I wrote that?

June 4, 2013. 

WHAT?

Like I said, I don't remember writing it at all. But that was when it began. The seed of a stirring in my soul. When God began to move and to resurrect writing dreams and passions that had settled until they were nearly dormant. When He allowed those dreams to collide with my new world as a wife.

And now, sitting on the edge of that change in my life...in our lives...I see more of how He reconciled that for me. How He gave me two more years in a job that I dearly loved. Two more years to grow in confidence and skill. Two more years to meet people and hear stories and learn lessons from guests. Two more years to discover more of who I was made to be.

And in that two years, He aligned our life...our married life...to be ready for this change. Remember the house that would not sell? He sold it and made it possible for us to be freed from that burden so we could be ready for this new season.

As it all unfolded, all took shape right under my nose, I didn't even recognize it for what it was. Not in the beginning, anyway. As time passed, I began to wonder if God was somehow orchestrating everything for a change.

But the beauty in all of this is the reality that God does work, even when we can't see it. He's always writing away, and unlike my writing project, which I understand only as I look back over my past, His projects are seen {by Him} in full future mode. He knows, and He moves as needed, long before we recognize each move.

I'm clinging to this as I press forward through these last few weeks at the station and into the future God has already planned and written. I cling to the truth that He's already gone before, already made provisions, and already waits for me when that moment arrives.

Women of Faith In Studio

This weekend was a perfect blend of hard and wonderful. Taking the next step in telling everyone about my new life station was one of those hard things that launched all sorts of mental meltdowns that carried me through Friday and Saturday. By Sunday I was absolutely spent. Ryan had worked a six day week, and it hadn't been one of the easy ones, at that. So yesterday was a Shafferland mental health day, filled with all manner of rest, naps, writing, journaling, and just being together. It was something we needed, and I'm thrilled we were able to enjoy it.

So I'm taking a break from my own thoughts today and decided to tell you about our special in-studio treat last week!

Lynne and I were so excited to find out that two of the Women of Faith speakers were going to be in Fort Wayne for some pre-event meetings, and they actually came to the studio to be our guests on Mid-Morning! We interview a lot of people on our show, but it's extremely rare to have actual in-studio guests, and it's always a treat.

We made a stop for some coffee and scones to have for them. {Love that!!!} Sometimes when Friday arrives, you just need one REALLY BIG Starbucks stop:

Our guests were Sheila Walsh and Mary Graham, accompanied by a lovely lady named Amy, who was not on air with us, but was part of the day's festivities.

We poured coffee for Sheila, whose alarm failed her that morning, leaving her only twelve minutes to get ready. {And she looked fabulous, by the way.}

Sheila and Mary told stories and shared vulnerably from their own lives, while Lynne and I listened.

They told stories of life behind the scenes at Women of Faith, and about the other lovely ladies who made up the tour.

And they shared such wisdom. Both of them are faith-saturated and have walked deep journeys with the Lord. Their words are worth recording.

One thing in particular that Sheila said that struck me came during a phone call with a listener. The caller said her ten-year-old nephew had died a few months ago, and she was struggling with reconciling how God could allow that. In her prayer, Sheila thanked God for the way this young man completed his entire life in only ten years. After the prayer, Lynne asked her about it, and Sheila reminded us that every person's life is ordained in God's books before one day is lived. She said some people live their entire purpose in two weeks and others take ninety years. What a beautiful reminder that what seems like too soon to us...doesn't take God by surprise. I appreciated that.

After the show, Sheila and Mary talked with us for a bit, signed books, and posed for pictures.

These lovely ladies were a delight to me, and I appreciated the opportunity to meet them before my time at the station was done.

Thanks, Sheila and Mary, for taking time to spend with us!