He Granted a Blessing

One more day. That was all I had to survive to be through Memorial Day weekend. After awakening to the 6 a.m. serenade of "What Faith Can Do," I continued writing in my journal some verses that my dear Olivia had emailed to me, hoping they would help.

“Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my heart by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.” Psalm 31:9-10. Oh Jesus, I lift those words over my sweet Isaac. Be merciful to him in his anguish.

And then verses 14-17: “But I trust in You, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God: My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love. Let me not be put to shame, O Lord, for I have cried out to you; but let the wicked be put to shame and lie silent in the grave.” Jesus, let me cling to these words. You are my precious Savior. You do hold my life securely, though I so often fail to see it.

Verse 19 – “How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men – on those who take refuge in you.” Be gracious to us, Father.

And verses 23-24: “Love the Lord, all his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful, but the proud he pays back in full. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.” THANK YOU for this blessing. Help me to hold to it fiercely.

I pray this over my sweet Isaac as well: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Hold him.

And one breath at a time, I made it through the day. That evening, I needed to work out. I chose to do so at home, on my cute little mini-stepper. As I did, I had an incredible experience with the Lord that I hesitate to share with you because some of you might read it and think the girl has lost her ever lovin' mind. I've never before had a moment like this, and I've not had once since. But it was so beautiful, I have to take the risk of sharing it with you.

I stood there in the living room, giving exercise my best (pitiful) effort on that mini-stepper, and I prayed for Isaac, tears streaming down my face. I literally had my palms up in surrender as I prayed over and over, "Deliver my Isaac, deliver my Isaac."

And in the closest thing to a vision I've ever had, it was as though God stood right in front of me, cupping my face in His hands, inviting me to make my request. And crazy though it sounds, it was as if, over to the side, I could also see Him holding Isaac. And I told Him, just as a little girl implores her Daddy, that I love that man – and I so longed for his heart to be fully healed. And I could almost literally see God's tender, loving eyes looking straight at me, assuring me of the same thing He said to me each day. That He is working and He will heal him. That He will place a love in him (for me) that will astound me – even as amazing as our love had been!

And He told me this time was necessary, to see if He could trust me with Isaac's heart – with temptations from other people hitting me from all sides. And He needed me to prove to myself and to Him that my love is real. And similarly, Isaac had to prove himself to God, that his side was real. God said very distinctly that I would love the story when it unfolded as He had already written it.

(Remember the other day when I said there were things in the post-Isaac world that were hard for me to reconcile because they were so specific? This is one of them.)

Keep me faithful, precious Lord. Keep me turned to You. Deliver Isaac powerfully from any hold Satan might have on him. Blow this wide open. Oh Great God, be glorified. Our lives laid down….Yours magnified. I praise you EVEN NOW for how You will work. You are awesome in this place!

My day concluded with this verse that Rachel Ashley posted on her Facebook status: “So if you find life difficult because you’re doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust Him. He knows what He’s doing and He’ll keep on doing it.” 1 Peter 4:19