Today I bring to you a story that fits neatly into the part of my life I lovingly call, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Nothing tragic. Just annoying.
I came home during my lunch hour on Thursday to find my street being jackhammered open. Specifically
right in front of my house. Trucks and backhoes surrounded my entire property, so I parked a couple of houses down and picked my way (in heels and a skirt) through the weeds and overgrowth of the sidewalk between my new parking place and my house. Several men looked at me from their various tasks as I scampered up onto my porch to check my mail – but no one said a word.
Allow me to say that about two or three weeks ago, some unintelligible spray paint markings appeared on the street in front of the house next door, so when I came home one day to find a hole there, I wasn’t surprised. No one had spray painted in front of my house. This was very much a surprise.
All this happened the day gas prices went up by twenty-some odd cents, and I spent my lunch hour trying (unsuccessfully) to beat the hike. I came back at the end of my lunch hour, precariously balancing a sloshing gas can in one hand and a pizza and sweating Styrofoam cup in the other. The men stared again. No one said a word.
Normally I allow myself to be irritated by things like this, but I never say anything to anyone directly related to said annoyance. This time they caught me at the worst possible time. A hot day, pre-food. So I marched in the house and ripped the phone book out of the end table to find the number for the company. I found a toll free number and called it, chomping down the pepperoni pizza while listening to the entirely too perky automated lady. I finally said I was a new homeowner in need of service, because there wasn’t a number to push for annoyed hungry girl whose street is being ripped apart.
A less than helpful lady answered, and the best she could do for me was give me the number of the digging company. I called the digging company and
this time I had to pretend I was a civilian in need of a hole on a new home property. The lady who answered that line said that she was so sorry but she would have no idea why they would be digging or how long it would last.
By that time my lunch hour was over, so I refilled the sweating drink and tromped back out to my car, past the non-verbal worker men, who were making the hole bigger by the moment. Later in the afternoon, I looked up the company website and discovered you could complete an online complaint form. PERFECT. I wrote out the most beautiful explanation of what had happened, trying to remain kind while being firm about asking if it was customary to limit the access of one’s property without first issuing a courtesy call or leaving a note in the mailbox. I hit send and received the following notice:
“Your message is too long.”
Are you KIDDING me??? You’re going to cut off an angry non-customer? I cut it down some, trying to leave as much of the love as I could. Hit send. “Your message is too long.” By the time the stupid thing went through, it basically said, “Hi, I’m not a customer, you dug up my street, why didn’t you tell me first, and when are you leaving?” For that, I received an auto-reply of my very valuable case number and the promise of a response within 24 hours. Whatever.
When I came home after work, the hole was about 12-15 feet long, 4 feet wide, and about a person deep. Lovely, attractive cones and construction “thingies” were guarding the hole with crime scene tape blowing in the breeze.

AND part of my yard had been demolished. Never mind that two feet away from said demolition was a perfectly HORRIBLE unattended yard of weeds – which remained untouched and horrible.

Above: My "good" yard.

Above: The "yard" next door.

Above: They chose to dig up my decent yard over the weedy yard.
As would be the case, I had the next day off work, and I had barely been up ten minutes when the sound of jackhammers resonated throughout the block. They’re baaaaaaack! Yes, they were back – digging a fresh hole across the street and once again blocking my property. Had they awakened me, I might have been tempted to march out on the porch in all my bed-head, droopy mascara glory to say, “SCUSE ME!!! I’M SLEEPING IN HERE!!!” (Nah, I’m too much of a chicken.)
I had plans to go to the mall that day and declared under my breath that I
would go to the mall, even if they had to taxi me there in one of their dump trucks.
About midmorning, I looked out to see a cement truck parked across my driveway, filling in the massive grave that had been gracing the front of my house. I marched outside, walked up to one of the smoking workers and said in my nicest voice, “Excuse me – do you happen to know how much longer this might take? I need to leave soon.” The smoky guy stared at me much as he and the crew had done the day before, but the cement guy said, “Is this your driveway?” I wanted to say, “Um, yes, this one that goes with the house that you just watched me walk out of?? Yes, that is mine.” Instead I smiled sweetly and nodded. He promised me he’d be done in five minutes (which he was) and I went back inside to gather up my lists and go.
By the time I left, the crews had disappeared (probably for lunch), leaving behind them two fresh holes directly across the street from my driveway. As I carefully maneuvered out into the street, trying to avoid the wet cement to one side and the potholes to end all potholes on the other side, I muttered, “I shouldn’t have to hang a
professional driver, closed course sign on my car just to leave home.”
And when I got home a few hours later, just shortly after the twenty four hour deadline of the complaint center, I found a brief and less than loved-on message in my inbox. It frankly told me that because I’d neglected to leave my address, they couldn’t be sure of the reason for the digging. (Oh but the address was there. UNTIL YOU MADE ME SHORTEN THE MESSAGE!!!) They also assured me that holes are never left overnight, so I could know their work would last less than a day. (Really? Are you sure about that?? Because of the now four holes that have appeared on my street, ALL of them lasted at least overnight. Some lasted several overnights longer than that.)
But on the bright side – in case of storms, any drivers on our street definitely would have had a safe underground place to hide!