So Today Was My Birthday...

...and what a fun day it was! I will have to tell you all about it more when I'm awake. Apparently a curse of aging is the inability to stay awake past 11. Super!

But I'm thankful for amazing friends who made today one of my most memorable birthdays ever. Loved every, every second of it.

And for now...I say goodnight.

Things that Make Me Smile...

Y'all know I love flowers.

LOVE flowers.

So you will understand why these made me so happy....



PURPLE!!! Just for me.

No idea what these are called...but they are so cute!

Delicate and beautiful...

And of course, the best of all....roses.

Beautiful colors...

This one may be my favorite:

Or maybe it's this one...

These are the sorts of sights that remind me of God's greatness, His love of beauty, and His attention to detail. You go, God!

Birthday Parties and Biggest Losers

The picture above was taken at my birthday party at work today.

No, I didn't forget to post it.

There wasn't a picture.

Imagine, if you will, an avid scrapper, approaching her birthday. Ahhhh the joys of pictures to be snapped...pages to be created...

...and then the pictures are not snapped. Sadness, indeed. Nevertheless, there was a party at work. Good, good food was contributed. Four of us celebrated May birthdays. And I wore a lovely turquoise shirt, lavender eyeshadow, hot pink lipstick, and sported a decent hair day. It was good. Take my word for it. :)

I haven't really talked too much about the Biggest Loser this year. I haven't been all that into it. Case in point. After tonight's elimination, they'll be down to the final four and I just now learned that the pink shirt girl is Ashley. Woops.

Having said that, I am a pretty big fan of Daris. I think it's because he had David Phelps hair. Operative word? Had. They cut it all off during makeover week. I was so sad. But I really do like Daris. I think he should win.

And while I've not been on campus (that campus, anyway), I have to say that there's been some Biggest Losering going on in Bekahland! My mom said tonight, "Do any of your pants fit anymore?" The answer? No. So far, thankfully, none of them have fallen clean off my body. Once, I put my cell phone in my pocket and thought the pants were goners, but they stayed on. Everyone praised the Lord for that.

So I count it a blessing to be headed into birthday week the thinnest I've been since college!!

Happy Mother's Day/Happy Early Birthday!

This is not one of the years my birthday falls on Mother's Day, but I was born on Mother's Day. Rather than making Mom labor this year, I thought I'd get her some flowers. :) I'm sure she appreciated the trade-off.

Since Mom and Dad won't see me on my birthday, we celebrated it today. My birthday "party" often falls on the same day as the Mother's Day celebration.

Clothes shopping, here I come! So excited about that!

And a couple new garden flags. That is good, considering the one I have out right now has a giant hole in it and keeps getting caught on the pole!

Please oh please don't make me be one again. I'm not sure I could live this whole life over again!

Making a wish. Not as effective as a prayer. Oh how I hope my prayers are heard, though!

Mom 'n me. :)

I am very thankful for my Mom. We've developed a good friendship in the years since I grew up...but just in these last few weeks especially, I've been extra grateful for her support and love.

Birthdays and Side Careers...

Braeya Jo Jo had a birthday this week and I'm JUST NOW getting around to uploading pictures of it. :(

Surprisingly, Kaegan wanted to share in her birthday treat. As you can see - she wasn't too sure about that.

But eventually, in true Braeya fashion, she chased him off and cleaned it up herself.

Thoughts on being four?

Today was a new adventure for me. Always a new adventure in Bekahland. I have a good friend, named Olivia, that I've been mentoring and meeting with since she was just starting to drive. This past weekend, she graduated from college, one of three valedictorians. I am so proud of her! Anyway, Olivia has a younger sister, named Payge, who is (at this very moment) enjoying prom.

Last week, she called to see if I would do her makeup for prom. My reaction? WHAT did you say??? Indeed, she did say makeup.

People, keep in mind that the only makeup I've ever done - other than my own attempts each day - was for the Marion Easter Pageant back in the day. It's one thing to put makeup on a person that won't be seen at a distance closer than 30 feet. It's quite another to do prom makeup.

Oh the pressure! Immortalized in pictures....

I did a trial run a couple of nights ago. Payge is 18. I didn't even wear makeup at 18. I sure didn't go to prom. I was scared to death of what this sweet girl might look like. And after the trial run, I realized I had good reason to be scared. Heaven help us all. Especially Payge.

But today....oh sweet today:

Gorgeous!! I was very happy with the way it turned out, and Payge was, too. Her Mom didn't throw me out for making her look anything other than what she is...and Olivia called me later to assure me my efforts had been good.

WHEW.

So you know...if you have a prom coming up....

I Didn't Fall Off the Planet

I just realized I haven't posted since Monday. I've been on the blog every day. I've read other blogs. I just haven't so much posted. Too much going on in my brain, I suppose. :)

God has been at work in me this week. Stretching me. Growing me. Challenging me. Asking hard things of me. Testing me. I welcome it. Even when it hurts.

I'm not really one to randomly let the Bible fall open and see what the page says. I remember an episode of Little House where such an action nearly led Caroline to cut off her leg. But last night, after a time of prayer, I did just that. Opened the Bible, looked down at the page, and saw these verses:

The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy...
Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
'Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with a vengeance;
with divine retribution he will come to save you.
- Isaiah 35:1-2a, 3-4 -

So About the Tornado...

* Today is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you...happy BIRTHday, dear Lori...happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuu. This is a significant one. She probably didn't necessarily want that mentioned. So pretend I didn't say it.

* Today is Miss Braeya Jo Jo's birthday. She is four. She also will be enjoying a photo shoot - and by enjoying, I mean enduring - and a treat laden party later. She really will like that last part. Pictures to follow soon.

* Today is the third anniversary of the Greensburg tornado. The fact that I have mentioned that just ruined item number one for the birthday girl. It really isn't fun to share your birthday with a tornado anniversary. Especially the tornado that hit your own town. But to let the day go unmentioned doesn't work for me. It was one of those pivotal times in my life when I knew God was working big...behind the scenes.

***************

And in honor of that last part, I have to share with you these, my favorites, in a list from a Facebook group called "You Know You Grew Up in Tornado Alley if..."

These are funny to me because while I don't live in QUITE the tornado alley that Lori does, I have lived through an annoying amount of tornado scares - and a couple of real deals. So here are my faves from the list, and a smattering of editorial comments.

* The first thing you do if you hear tornado sirens during the day is check your watch to see if it's noon...or run outside to look. I have never lived in a siren-at-noon town, but I remember the first few times I went to visit Lori and Jeff, I nearly made a puddle when that blessed thing went off at noon.

* You watch the movie "Twister" just so you can point out all the inaccuracies in it. It might surprise you to know I actually like that movie. I'm petrified of real storms, but I do enjoy the fake ones. My favorites from the movie are the flying cow and truck. Another movie with a fantastic fakey tornado is "Where the Heart Is." I love how Natalie Portman stands outside the shelter and stares at it coming toward her.

* When you hear the tornado sirens go off, you go outside to watch the storm and take pictures. NOT FUNNY TO BEKAH. When the "tornado of 97" hit Greentown, where was Bekah? In the basement, clutching her Bible, listening to the Gaither Vocal Band sing "I Believe in a Hill Called Mount Calvary" and believing she was about to meet that hill in a moment. Where were her parents? In the yard watching the tornado.

* You complain about severe weather reports that interrupt the TV show you're watching. This really does get on my nerves - even if I'm in the affected area. Sometimes I want to forget there's a storm and their "We interrupt for just a minute" thing really starts to honk me off. Plus, central Indiana is a vast area. When my news station covers almost half the state, it's rare that all counties in its viewing area are actually affected by said storm. Got a storm? Turn to the storm station. That's my motto.

* You can get all your important possessions together in two minutes flat. I remember the "tornado of 97" and two minutes was about all the headway I had to get my possessions to the basement. Funny what you consider valuable in that moment! My collection was....interesting. Take a look:

* Bible. Duh. Everyone should pack that first.
* CD player with Vocal Band CD inside. If I'm losing my house, I need Mark Lowry's soothing voice to comfort me.
* Purse. Duh. ID?
* Journals. Don't need THAT blowing all over the county.
* My 3 collector dolls I owned. I figured if I lost everything, I'd have to sell them to start over. (I was nineteen. Like I had responsibility. Like 3 dolls would cover it.)
* End of story. That was when it hit.

God's Sense of Humor

So remember how yesterday I posted about God letting me know I need to work on fear?

He doesn't wait long to start on boot camp.

Had a beautiful day off work - spent most of the day outside enjoying the sunshine and blue skies. Came home, went for a walk, and literally the minute I walked in the door, the storm sirens went off.

Oh, did I mention I have a fear of storms?

Bits for Sunday, May 2

There’s something about asking God where you need to work on your life that proves to be both wonderful and dangerous all at the same time.

Today I spent some time in prayer, asking God what needed work in Bekahland. I have time before me that needs to be spent in prayer and preparation. I figured the best method was to ask His opinion.

He had one.

I scribbled in my prayer journal as fast as I could to keep up with the thoughts that came into my mind. Some were areas that I knew needed work, but I hoped if I ignored them, they might go away. They didn’t. Others were areas that were news to me. I guess I always viewed them as just part of who I am – not something that could be fixed, perhaps.

Oh, and guess when we get to start on this project?

Today.

When God goes to work, He goes to work big.

While I don’t particularly enjoy broadcasting my weaknesses, I will tell you that one area He said we get to work on is the area of fear.

I’ve struggled with fear since I was a kid. Very specific, very all-consuming fears that I won’t tell you about in great detail because it’s just far too embarrassing. And once I overcame one, another one would settle in, and until I’d really taken the time to think it over today, I had truly not realized how I have hopped from one fear to the next for the last…lifetime.

Some fears are legitimate. Some are completely irrational.

All are consuming.

And sometimes fear gives birth to fear.

That happened today. I was worrying about one fear when all of the sudden it gave way to a whole secondary fear and before I knew it, I was stressing out over both of them.

How do you get rid of it?

Clearly I’m not an expert. Clearly I’m adept at living in it but not breaking free from it.

So I asked. How do I get rid of it, God? How do I move away from it?

The answer?

Just do it.

You’re kidding me, right?

Apparently He’s not. Apparently (at least with my brand of fear), the answer is to just do it.

Today, that meant to stop pacing and praying about the fear and to instead, sit down and watch TV. Write Bits. Make sweet tea. Do things that don’t involve fear.

I’m not sure I should ask the “how” question to the rest of the things on the list. I might become dreadfully exhausted.

The Book Update Continues...

Earlier this week I responded to the publishing house I'm working with...to submit my changes regarding my book!

When I received the first set of proofs last week, a marketing team had made suggestions for changes in the text on the back cover of the book. I figure they're the marketing experts. I'm the marketing dropout. (Literally. I took a marketing class my last semester of college and dropped out after a week to make time to work more hours. Such an overachiever.)

They also offered a proof of the text so I could look over that. There was one thing I didn't like that they'd changed from my original way of submitting it, so after thinking about it for a while and taking a poll among potential readers, I asked them to change it back to the way I had it.

I heard back from them last night and they said modifications were underway, and when they're done, I'll get another set of proofs to check.

I've told some of you (in real life) that I struggle with the self-promotion portion of this journey. I love my writing. It's one of my favorite parts of my life. But even though I love it, I am not great at talking it up. I hate to sound like I'm bragging or pushing my work at people. So I know when the book is out, it's going to be a stretching experience for me to be enthusiastic. Talking about it here or on Facebook seems safe...talking about it in person is harder!

A Weekend Sampling

I know I posted some creative pictures a few days ago, but here are some "real" pictures from my weekend.

Saturday morning, I went to my "niece's" birthday party. A Strawberry shortcake extravaganza complete with the potting of actual strawberry plants and of course, strawberry cake. I also took advantage of the opportunity to bond with one of my "nephews." I promise he really DOES like me. He was mostly mad that what he hoped would give him a morning snack...didn't.

Here is the birthday girl with Aunt Bekah! As you can see...there were a few gifts to be perused!

I also had the fun of having my real niece stay with me this past weekend. She and the fam came in for a wedding. As part of our fun, we did a hair dye extravaganza. This was pre-dye.

Oh and I also cut bangs this weekend. Myself. Don't tell. I'm not supposed to play with scissors.

Sunday, Mom and Dad invited us all over for lunch - before the fam headed back to Kansas. I asked Mom for a "little" more ice in my tea. Clearly we have different definitions.

Lori's birthday is just a few days away, so before she left, we had an impromptu party. This wasn't my gift to her, but I thought it was cute. Tasteful yard trash.

Notebook Journey

I'm a journaler...this you know.

Several years ago, God took me on a journey that required its own notebook.

Then He did it again.

And again.

And again.

Now and then I get out the little half-filled composition books and walk the path again just to see what I learned in those days. Tonight is such a night. I dug this one out specifically to look for some song lyrics that I knew were in there somewhere. But oh the joy I found in other verses and quotes I'd added along the way.

Here is something I'd written back in July of '09 - after hearing Beth Moore speak on Life Today. Pivotal...these words, especially since just tonight after work, I came home, picked up my Bible, and read the account of Jacob wrestling.

He was going to get Jacob to say his name, which meant supplanter, heel grabber, cheater, deceiver...For me to get on to my new identity, I had to stand up and take some responsibility for it and go, 'This is where I am. This is what I'm dealing with here.'...He said his name so that God could change it. 'My name is Jacob, supplanter, cheater, deceiver.' And the man said, 'Your name will no longer be Jacob, but it will be Israel, which means to struggle with God.'

You talk about intimacy? You wrestle it out. You struggle with God. You did not quit. You were determined to hang on until the blessing came...Through the worst of our struggles it will be through wrestling the hardest things we ever go through in life, wrestling those things out with God, that we come out on the other side walking in our identity.

God says, 'You know what? We can't get you over there to the strength of your new name until you wrestle this through with Me...it's not about never doubting. It is about coming out on the other side with twice the faith you had going into your doubt...on the other side of that, that's where you begin to walk in your new name that God has been calling you since the foundation of the earth and you are finally acting like it.

Tonight there's been some wrestling in this house. It began the moment I walked in the door and has continued through the evening. And as soon as I hit "post," it will continue. I am determined to hang on until the blessing comes. I'm determined to wrestle until God delivers and heals.

And praise His Name, I believe He has already begun.

Hope Does Not Disappoint

God is good.

Have I mentioned that?

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us. - Romans :2-5

He is doing a work. It's a work I cannot see right now, but it's a work I trust. And I rejoice in the hope He has placed in my heart. I rejoice in the work He is doing.

I felt flutter of excitement in my heart today...because I know He's up to something good. And I can't wait for Him to unveil it.

Bits for Sunday, April 25

I wish I could come to you today with words of great encouragement, but I am not sure that is the case. This has been a long week, filled with much prayer and many tears.

And in it all, God has been good.

Each morning when I open my devotional, the words are perfect. Even when I think they won’t be. Today was such a day. I opened the book to find the verse of the day was about Mary Magdalene at the tomb. I admit my heart sank a bit as I read the words. And yet, when I got into the meat of the devotional, I found these words: Our Savior is where our death seems to be. At the end of our hope, we find the brightest beginning of fulfillment. Where darkness seems the deepest, the most radiant light is set to emerge. And once the experience is complete, we find our garden is not disfigured by the tomb. Our joys are made better when sorrow is in the midst of them.

He came through once again.

He has heard my cries and seen my tears. He has held me. He has comforted me. He has spoken words of assurance and love. He has given me glimpses of hope when I think I have none. He has disciplined me when I start to stray from the path.

He has sent songs into my path…verses to my mind…all as a reminder that He is at work. He will receive the glory for the things that surround me right now.

Feeble though my attempts seem, I am praising Him for this storm and the sorrow it has brought to me and those I love. I am thankful for the way it has drawn me to His side. I am thanking Him in advance for the growth it will bring in my heart and walk.

I know this is short, but I have nothing more in my heart to say. I rest tonight knowing I am loved by an Almighty God. He is the giver of all good things. And on the other side of this wilderness is my Promised Land.

Pictures...

Haven't posted any pictures for a while. So I thought I'd let you see a few. :)

This morning was my "niece's" birthday party. While I was there in kid-central, I thought I'd play around with camera settings, and now I've been playing with my editing programs. Kind of fun!

Kaleb...enjoying his ice cream! Isn't he a cool dude?

Liam...always a ham.

Kaylah...working on the cupcake.

Cora...really not picking her nose.

...Jillian...loving that sucker!

And of course...what fun is a rainy morning if you stay out of the puddles?

Being Strong

Sometimes the Lord leads in ways I can't understand. Sometimes growth is not only challenging, but it's achingly painful.

Such is the road I walk right now. Deep sorrow and yet deep hope that underlies the sorrow. I can't explain it.

In fact, I don't even really have words. You know that's rare for me. (Take advantage while you can!)

The verse that was in Streams from the Desert yesterday was from Job 13:15 - "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him."

I have great hope in my God and the words I know I've heard from His heart to mine. And though this journey may not be what I would have planned, it's not one I would miss. He is leading me to the land He has promised me. I will walk with Him.

Today's Observation

I work in the land of college students, and that is always an adventure. Not quite as much of an adventure as Wal Mart, but still an adventure.

I have a specific group of students I'm assigned to work with and as they spend time with me over the years, they begin to develop a comfort level with me. They stop calling me "Mrs. Freelan" (for which I'm grateful) and start treating me like a normal person. Sometimes we even develop friendships and they'll share the happenings of their lives. I love that.

But people.

Oh, people.

There is a line.

It is still an office. I am still a professional of sorts - even though I don't often claim such stuffiness.

I've noticed, this year especially, that the emails that come my way (from near strangers, no less) are...well...they're like texts.

This is not a direct quote, but it's pretty close to some I've gotten. No exaggeration:

heyyyyyyyyyyyyy. i was like wondering if you knew when my aid would be ready lolol. idky i havent heard anything yet but my mom is wondering if you know so yeah if you could check into that and get back with me that would be great hahahaha.

Gone are the days of salutations, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, entire words, and a general sense of professionalism.

Scares me just a bit.

Things I Shouldn't Post, But Will...

I really want you all to like me. I really do.

I want you to think I'm neat and tidy and ready to welcome you at a moment's notice.

Truth be told, I would welcome you at a moment's notice. I would.

But lest you think I'm Super-Susie-Homemaker...allow me the chance to offer the following confessions.

* Why is it I can be home every night for a week and never get off the couch, but the very moment I have notice that company will arrive in about five hours, I fly into a cleaning frenzy and can have it all sparkling(ish) before the doorbell rings? Procrastination is the best motivation.

* My sheets are in the washer because tonight I give up my bed. Apparently only others are worthy of clean sheets. Just lil ole me - well, not so much.

* The light over the shower has been replaced after being out for about 2 1/2 weeks. Apparently I don't mind risking cutting an artery while shaving, but feel others should be able to see what they're doing.

* I very nearly asphyxiated myself cleaning the bathtub. I don't use it (BECAUSE I USE THE SHOWER...NOT BECAUSE I DON'T BATHE) on a regular basis...and it had gotten, um, nasty.

* My grocery list this week now contains more cleaning products than food products. That's how much I used up getting ready to welcome the masses.

* I really should not talk about the fridge, but let's just say you know it's bad when you very nearly chuck the entire 9x13 dish...actual dish and all.

* And now the cleaning is nearly done. I have to run to the gas station for some ice, put away the fleece sheets that have been sitting on the dining room table for about a month, pull the sheets out of the dryer and make the bed...and then the doorbell can ring.

You still love me, right?

Peace that Passeth Understanding

Normally I try not to speak in King James on my blog. But that's how I learned that verse, so today I make an exception and use it.

A few years ago, I attended the viewing of the lady who lived next door to me for most of my growing-up years. She had four children, and two of them were around my age, so I spent hours playing at their house or inviting them to play at mine. Great family. She was pretty young when she died of cancer.

I hadn't seen anyone in the family for years, and sometimes I'm clueless about the appropriate things to say in such situations. So when I got to the casket and stood next to her husband, I found myself searching for the right thing to say. He rescued me by speaking first. The one thing I remember him saying was that although he was brokenhearted, for the first time in his life, he understood what the Bible meant when it talked about the peace that passeth understanding. Those words have stayed with me.

Today I spent time in the prayer chapel at lunch and I asked God to shower me with His peace. I asked Him to do a work in my heart. Reveal to me whatever I needed to know. Y'all, that is like praying for patience. Don't ask it if you don't mind boot camp.

I did feel a peace settle over me. And this afternoon, as I sat at my desk, God opened my eyes to a rather humiliating realization, actually. I have no other explanation than to say He made it clear to me where I had been wrong and lifted a weight from my shoulders in a beautiful way.

It's a moment I won't forget. Like my neighbor, I grasped the peace that passeth understanding.

Bits for Sunday, April 18

When you write an email column, write a blog, and write on Facebook…and you’ve shot past 30…you start to forget what you said where. And when some people read all three, you start to feel bad about repeating yourself even when you know what you’ve said where. I say all of this because today’s news is somewhat old news in blogland and Facebookland, but for some of you it will be new. And for those of you who already heard…stick around! I have new details.

This week contained a monumental event in Bekahland. I received an email containing the proofs of my book cover and my book text. I remember a day (we won’t say how many years ago) when I stood in my bedroom on a late summer morning, and I received a phone call from Youthwalk magazine’s editor who told me she’d just chosen my article for publication in an upcoming issue. I wrote about my Dad’s depression and no one even knew I’d submitted the article, but I did, and she chose it. I remember calling my Mom at work and both of us crying with excitement. We bought many copies of that month’s Youthwalk, and I was thrilled to be on the path as a real writer.

When I received the email that I knew held the proofs…I tried to capture the emotion in just as much vivid color as I did that day back in high school when Youthwalk called. I savored every moment of gazing over that beautiful cover…reading my name at the bottom…looking at my picture and bio on the back. I made that first phone call filled with squeals of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I called co-workers into my office to share with them. Great moment.

One of the best parts of the experience, which was completely unplanned, but definitely a “God-thing,” as one of my friends pointed out to me, had to do with the cover.

I should explain that this book is being published via the self-publishing route. Although a (great!) company is doing the design/layout/printing work, several tasks fell to me that would not be an author’s responsibility in the traditional book publishing world. One of those tasks was cover design.

The publishing house directed me to a website of stock photos and asked me to choose one that they could incorporate into a design for the cover. I thought (and boy was I wrong!) that because my book is about Advent, cover selection would be pretty simple. Not so much. After hours of searching through photos and trying to decide what message I wanted the cover to convey, I found a picture that I felt would work well with the words inside and submitted it.

Problem. That particular picture wasn’t usable. Apparently I missed the memo that not every photo on the site was up for grabs. And once I learned which ones were not permissible to use, my already scant options declined even further. I knew the lack of a cover design would put a hold on the publishing, and I didn’t want that, so in a moment of complete confusion, I found a picture in my computer that I took last Christmas for my blog Christmas tour.

It was a picture of my grandparents’ family Bible, open to Luke 2. Beside the Bible were some poinsettias I’d purchased years ago at the dollar store. And next to that was a ceramic nativity scene, painted white. I might mention that a few years ago, in a rather unfortunate turn of packing events, Jesus’ left arm broke completely off his body and now rests backwards, cradled in his right arm.

You can understand my hesitation to submit a photo in which the Savior of the World is holding his own detached arm.

But I had no choice, so with great apology for poor lighting (my bedroom is painted three shades of purple…none of them very light) and Jesus’ disfigured limb, I submitted the photo.

Oh how thankful we are for designers and Photoshop! The cover came back with the Bible, open to Luke 2, fading out at the bottom, and the dollar-store poinsettia leaf draping into the top of it. You can even see the tiny rip in the page where the Bible had been well-loved.

To anyone else, it’s just a pretty cover. But to me, it’s a reminder of the heritage I have. The family who raised me to love the Lord and writing (and frugal décor). And that made it all the more special.

This week I’ll send back to the publisher my corrections for the cover and the inside, and then I’ll wait to see the updated proofs. After that…I think we’ll be ready to print! That will be a whole new set of EEEEEEEEEEEEEE squeals!

You’ve been warned!