Notebook Journey

I'm a journaler...this you know.

Several years ago, God took me on a journey that required its own notebook.

Then He did it again.

And again.

And again.

Now and then I get out the little half-filled composition books and walk the path again just to see what I learned in those days. Tonight is such a night. I dug this one out specifically to look for some song lyrics that I knew were in there somewhere. But oh the joy I found in other verses and quotes I'd added along the way.

Here is something I'd written back in July of '09 - after hearing Beth Moore speak on Life Today. Pivotal...these words, especially since just tonight after work, I came home, picked up my Bible, and read the account of Jacob wrestling.

He was going to get Jacob to say his name, which meant supplanter, heel grabber, cheater, deceiver...For me to get on to my new identity, I had to stand up and take some responsibility for it and go, 'This is where I am. This is what I'm dealing with here.'...He said his name so that God could change it. 'My name is Jacob, supplanter, cheater, deceiver.' And the man said, 'Your name will no longer be Jacob, but it will be Israel, which means to struggle with God.'

You talk about intimacy? You wrestle it out. You struggle with God. You did not quit. You were determined to hang on until the blessing came...Through the worst of our struggles it will be through wrestling the hardest things we ever go through in life, wrestling those things out with God, that we come out on the other side walking in our identity.

God says, 'You know what? We can't get you over there to the strength of your new name until you wrestle this through with Me...it's not about never doubting. It is about coming out on the other side with twice the faith you had going into your doubt...on the other side of that, that's where you begin to walk in your new name that God has been calling you since the foundation of the earth and you are finally acting like it.

Tonight there's been some wrestling in this house. It began the moment I walked in the door and has continued through the evening. And as soon as I hit "post," it will continue. I am determined to hang on until the blessing comes. I'm determined to wrestle until God delivers and heals.

And praise His Name, I believe He has already begun.