The Devil Reads my Blog

That was my email subject line to Kari on Friday. A week ago, on Sunday, while writing my weekly recap and my goals for the coming week, I said the following (and I quote) - I want to be extra diligent about protecting my God-time this week, because our spring semester begins Tuesday and this week is certain to be extra stress-filled. If I don't have that time protected, it will definitely show in my work-life!

And the entire week was loaded with tests, obstacles, and discouragements from every side. Sometimes I shook my head because it was so ridiculous. Sometimes I cried because it hurt so much. And sometimes I just got miffled (as my friend Jenny would say).

Friday morning I sent Kari the email just unloading on her about the week, its stresses, and how I felt like an utter failure at achieving my goals.

But I want to share with you what I told her...and what she told me.

* Monday I heard the news that Isaac's brother and his wife had safely welcomed their baby into the world. I was thrilled for them...I'd been praying for this baby and eagerly awaiting the news. But as I looked through the pictures online and saw the joy on everybody's faces, I sobbed. I sobbed because I miss the people who had come to be my family. I was still in Isaac's life when they found out they were expecting this baby, and I'd shared their joy with them. Now they're celebrating...and I'm not there. I felt a bit like Lucy in the movie While You Were Sleeping. I'd gained a new and lovely family by dating Isaac, and losing them was a part of our breakup I'd not grieved. So I allowed myself that sorrow for anight. And Kari said...you are healing.

* This week I received an email from a student's parent...that poured out words of attack against me and the way I have done my job. I knew I'd done what I could and what I should...but the words definitely hurt and actually...for the first time in many years, I feared for my safety at work. (Pretty sure the events in Arizona last weekend didn't help my outlook on that situation!) And yet Kari reminded me the parent was unable to come to campus; God protected me.

* I had to come to the defense of my words this week. If you are a parent (which I am not, but I have observed them in action!) you know that people can say anything to or about you and that's one thing. But if someone goes after your kids...you're probably going to...address the situation, we'll say. Well, my words are my babies. I labor over them and check them a hundred times before anyone else gets a glimpse...and if you take issue with them, we're probably going to have a conversation. Problem is...I hate confrontation. But this week I stood up for myself. It wore me out, but I did it. And Kari said...You were able to defend and stand up for yourself. Growth. A God thing.

* All week, I've been frustrated over not being able to do my normal workout routine because of my unusual schedule. In addition, I've not gotten enough rest because I've been up late dealing with the unexpected spiritual battles. Being up late means I'm tired in the morning, which means my morning time with the Lord has been rushed...you get the idea. But Kari wisely said, Perseverance wins the race. You will win. There is a crown waiting for you.

* And then there was the Thursday night saga. But that's a whole separate blog post.

I loved it that in everything I faced, she could see how I had overcome. She said Satan may attack but you are stronger.

She also shared these verses with me, which I loved.

The LORD told Moses to get up early the next morning and say to the king: The LORD God of the Hebrews commands you to let his people go, so they can worship him! If you don't, he will send his worst plagues to strike you, your officials, and everyone else in your country. Then you will find out that no one can oppose the LORD. - Exodus 9:13-14
No one can oppose the Lord. And what I loved most about that reminder was that just that morning, before work, I wrote these words in my journal: "Gems today talks about exhorting the discouraged. He says the word exhorting 'depicts someone who is right alongside of a person, urging him, beseeching him, begging him to make some kind of correct decision.' Please send someone to exhort me. I need lifted up in the battle of this week.

He delivered. (By 10 a.m. I might add.) The devil may read my blog, but my sweet Jesus reads it too. And He comes through every time.

It's the Weekly Recap!

* Remember when I went to WBCL last fall for a radio interview? Well I had a sweet extra surprise that came about as a result of that adventure. I gained a new friend! Jamie, the Mid-Morning producer and I struck up a friendship! She and I have much in common at this stage of our lives, and last Sunday afternoon, we met up at Starbucks for coffee and chatting. God has always been so good to send some single girls my way to talk with...and share with...and as each of them moves on, He is good to bring a new friend for me. I'm so thankful to have met Jamie and it was great to sit with caramel macchiatos and just share our hearts. Great start to the week!

* The beginning of the work week was filled with busyness in the office as we began a new semester on Tuesday. There are always last minute emergencies that trickle over from the semester before and then new students to welcome, so it makes for some chaotic days! (Just to keep it real - that translates to two meltdowns at home two nights in a row after trying in vain to be helpful for two whole days.)

* Tuesday, just as I left for work, giant beautiful snowflakes began to fall from the sky. Oh it's so pretty!


Until, of course, said beauty accumulates enough to require this bad boy:

And THIS is how I feel about that chore:

* Wednesday was a red letter day at work. I got a headset! I forgot we'd been asked a few weeks ago if we wanted them, and apparently I said yes. Do you think I look like I should work for Life Alert or ADT or OnStar or something? I practiced the lines, just in case. "Help is on the way, Mrs. Johnson." (My friend Cara saw this picture on Facebook and said at least it's wireless so I won't be like the chick in My Big Fat Greek Wedding and forget I'm connected when I try to leave my desk...LOL!!!)
And to round out the goodness of the day...FREE COFFEE!!! I was sort of wilting at my desk, mid-afternoon, so I went down to McConn to get a cup of fresh brew. I gave the guy my dollar and he asked if, by chance, I'd want hazelnut coffee. (My fave!) Apparently he'd overfilled the carafe and had to drain a cup out of it before he could move it. So rather than throw it away, he just put it in my cup and gave me back my dollar! Free hazelnut coffee tastes even better!


* Thursday was...a trial. So much so that I'm going to have to reserve "the story of Thursday" for another time. But let's hit the good parts of the day, shall we? First, I would like to revisit the topic of my newfound love: Shellac Nail Polish. My nail lady takes the month of January off work, so she found a sub to help me out while she's gone. I decided, just for kicks and giggles, to see how long I could make my French manicure (that my regular lady had done) last. Want to know? TWENTY SEVEN DAYS. Check this out!
My nails on December 18th...the day I had the manicure done. Keep in mind, these are not acrylics. These are my own nails, polished:

Twenty-seven days later before the polish was removed. The only "flaw" is that my nails grew, so you can see where it pulled away at my nail bed (and the nails are just way too long). But not a single chip in that polish! When I used to do my own French manicures, I couldn't keep them chip-free for two days!
I went with pink this time. I need to feel spring break-ish.

Also on Thursday evening, I had the chance to spend almost four hours with my new mentor, Lara. I think I'm going to have to spend all next week posting things I need to tell you that are too long for the recaps. Finding Lara is one of them. The short version is that after two years of praying to find a mentor, God provided one! I'm so excited about meeting with her and learning from her. (Did I mention this adventure involved Starbucks? Sigh of happiness.)

* I was never so glad to see a week end as I was on Friday. Goodness. I came home after work and tried a new recipe...chicken pot pie soup:
It's very pretty but I'm not sure I'm wild about the (lack of) flavor. It needed a little something else. I will have to see if I can figure out what that might be.
* Yesterday I drove to Kokomo to hang out with Kari. (We were actually having our Christmas exchange. That would be one month late, not eleven months early.) We ate at Panera (yum yum!!) and she opened her prayer and praise box....


...and I received a towel...I'll have to blog about it sometime. (Yes. I will blog about towels.) It came with this really neat note explaining how towels can remind us of the way Jesus served others by washing their feet and drying them with a towel. I loved it!

And guess what I got to do after that? SHOP AT THE HOBBY LOBBY!!!! I was thrilled. I'd made a list of treasures to hunt for and spent I don't even know how long in there just savoring the very air. My favorite find of the day...little plant stand tables! I've been looking for tiny tables for over a year. I need them for each side of my bed, but the space is so tight, I don't have room for normal bedside tables. I'd found several plant stands - for about $50 a stand - and I needed two! NO THANK YOU! So when I found these perfectly sized tables for $13.99 each - YES PLEASE!

(Do you see Inspector #2 under the tables sniffing them out?)
And then to round out the week, Robyn from my office came over last night to watch Extreme Couponing with me. Did any of you see that show? It was a repeat from last week, I think. Anyway, those people were HARD CORE about their coupons! Kinda scary!
Favorite God Moment of the Whole Week: I'm going to post more about this tomorrow, but my favorite part was Friday when I was utterly depleted spiritually and emotionally, and right before I left for work, I wrote a desperate prayer for help in my journal. By mid-morning, God had completely shown off with a beautiful answer. I loved it.
Books I'm Reading This Week: This was not a great week for reading. I barely cracked a book other than my devo book, Sparkling Gems from the Greek. (And, of course, the Bible.)

Goal Update from Last Sunday: Lesson learned on saying my goal was to protect my time with the Lord because the week was bound to be stressful! Talk about some hands-on testing! But I did survive and I did learn much in the time I had with Him...even if it wasn't what I'd hoped to learn. And the house, while not sparkling, is no longer buried in dust and clutter.
Goals for the Coming Week: I want to devote this week to reading and writing. I have a writing project underway and I want to spend some time focusing on it. And I'd like to finish at least one of the books I had started earlier!

SSMT: Verse 2

Y'all, I can't believe it. I memorized my verse.

I, the girl who cannot memorize to save her ever loving life...memorized Isaiah 43:18-19 in the first two weeks of January. I'm still amazed. Part of the success is from the pop quizzes I received from Kari and Ronda throughout these past few days. When Kari quizzed me yesterday, that verse just rolled out of my fingers into the email. It's a miracle.

So, according to the SSMT instructions, it's time to learn a new verse!

I've known since the beginning of the year that this was going to be my second verse. Ronda shared it with me over Christmas break, during a particularly difficult day. And I cannot even count the number of times God has reminded me of it in the days since. So I figured that was my cue to learn it and study it. Here it is:

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. - 2 Corinthians 10:5

"Take captive every thought" is the particular phrase that God uses in His nudges to me, but it's cheating to only memorize four words of a verse, so I'm going to learn the whole thing.

According to my word study, the word arguments means reckonings, considerations, reflections, reasoning, and thoughts. I spend a lot of time considering things about my life...my future...my past. I reflect, I think, I reason, I overanalyze...you get the picture. But now, I need to demolish those things. When something comes in and takes over my mind in a way that pulls me further from the Lord, my job is to demolish it.

And did you notice the use of the word every? Demolish every pretension and take captive every thought. Not just the ones I have the energy to contend with or the ones that convict me the most. All of them.

This is the part I love. The word obedient means the unquestioning obedience demanded by Christ...the faith which obeys God's will in a special sense.

So when those thoughts come in, I need to capture them. I need to say, "Abba, You take this thought. You show me how You want me to reframe my thinking and obey You today. I might not understand what You're doing, but I don't have to know. I'm choosing to obey You and to let You replace this thought that consumes my mind - with whatever You want me to focus on right now."

It does work. This I've learned in the past few days. When I ache over what I have lost from my life, I stop, offer those thoughts to the Lord, and ask Him to show me what He has ahead for me so I can dwell on that instead of on what used to be...or will never be. When Satan dumps a lie in my mind, I stop, offer it to the Lord and ask Him to help me focus on HIS truth about my life. When someone else says something hurtful that I might be inclined to mentally replay, I offer that to the Lord and ask Him to send an encourager to me to say uplifting words.

So now...my focus is to take captive these thoughts and offer my unquestioning obedience to my Abba!

Kidneys and Things

This week, my friend Phats put up a great post about organ donation. If you didn't read, it, hop over to his blog and check it out. I told him it's my most favorite post he's ever written.

Phats knows about organ donation firsthand because he's been the recipient of it. When we were sixth graders, he had to have a kidney transplant. His father donated a kidney to him and now, 21 years later (wow, we're old!), he's still doing great! (This is how he gets to completely kill me in every game at every game night.)

Phats asks at the end of his post if you've considered organ donation and goes on to tell how you can make sure your donation wishes are known, should something happen to you. I've always said (or at least since I've had my license, where I could list that I want to be a donor) that if anything happened to me, and something could be used for someone else...take it. I'm dead. Why do I need it?

But I have to tell you that I went through a time a few years back, when I struggled to be as eager about the whole idea...if I were to be asked to donate an organ while I'm still living. I feel like a horrible person saying that - especially since Phats' father was in that very position and I'm so glad he did it! But it's true. I did struggle.

A friend of mine, who is actually a couple of years younger than I am, also donated a kidney - to her father. She was young, newly married, and hadn't had kids or anything when she donated, and I remember hearing the story and being so terrified for her. What if something went wrong and she died? Or what if she ended up being told she shouldn't have kids because it was too risky? (She didn't die, she does have kids, and her father is a healthy and active man because of her gift!)

I knew it was stupid of me to get so worked up over it. It didn't involve me in ANY way, and it was certainly her choice to make. (And she was eager to do it!) But it did make me think long and hard about the idea of sacrifice. It's one thing to say you'll donate your organs if you're dead and you don't need them. But what if you're asked to share what you might still need? Would you do it?

I hope I've grown up enough now and have moved past my selfishness enough that I'd be as eager to help someone as Phats' father and my friend did. I hope I would be honored to share, not frightened to give.

So that's what's on my mind about kidneys and things. And the whole dead or alive issue aside, I would really encourage you to read Phats' story and think about being an organ donor!

I was going to post about something else today, but I felt I needed to write about this instead.

NO.

It's a word. Did you know that? I don't like it all that well myself, and I'm discovering it's a greatly under-used word in the world at large.

As you know, I work on a college campus, and there are times when it's necessary for me to use this word when talking to a student or parent. And I've learned it's not a popular word to deliver.

No...you missed the deadline. You can extend the deadline.

No...I don't have permission to speak to you about these details. Tell me anyway.

No...the money can't arrive any faster than that. You can expedite it.

No...we can't accept this form because it's incomplete. I listed two out of three. That's not good enough?

No...we aren't open on weekends. No one can come in at all?

It's just not fun to hear. I get that. I haven't dealt with it all that gracefully myself throughout the course of my life. (Some of you need to stop nodding.)

My motto at work is always, "People are going to be in for a big surprise when they arrive at the judgment day and find out there's not an appeal committee."

But let me also say this.

God and I, as you also know, have been conversing frequently in these last few months. And we've worked on a long string of issues in my heart. One thing He's been prodding me to do is ask. Ask about anything. Ask about everything. I'll admit, I don't like to ask because I don't like rejection. (Rejection, of course, being another word for NO.) But He's been pushing me to ask.

After my relationship with Isaac ended (which is another form of the word NO), I shied away from asking God for anything new for weeks. I'd asked...begged God to restore our love and did not have the fortitude to ask for anything else for quite a while. But one night God really pressed me to ask for something that had been welling up in my heart for some time. So in a burst of courage, I asked.

On paper.

(Asking on paper is the ultimate for me.)

And pretty promptly, God said no.

Shortly after that, He prompted me to ask for something else. At last I squeaked out a request.

And immediately He said no.

And I said to Him (with much more respect in my heart than this is probably going to show), "What are You doing to me? Is this fun for You? Do You just like saying no to everything I ask?"

The immediate answer was, "Baby Girl, you went so long without hearing Me at all. At least now you're HEARING. Even if it's a no. Be thankful for every no in your life. It means I'm protecting you from something and it means you're hearing My Voice."

I'm not scared to ask Him now. Because you know what? No isn't as devastating as it used to be.

30 Days of You and Me: Day Twelve

It's the 12th. Appropriate to do the 12th day of the 30 day adventure, huh?

Today's instruction..."How I got one of my scars."

I only have one scar. So I thought this was going to be an easy story! My picture plan, however, backfired.

I garnered my one and only scar during my first week of life. Perhaps even the first couple of days. Here's the story.

My actual beginning to life was pretty rough. I apparently had trouble digesting food (a problem I've since wildly overcome) and had to be hospitalized for a week while they figured out that mess. While I was there, I wound up with a wicked scratch on my face. The nurses told my mom my nails were so long (hey...I was all about the fingernails even as an infant!) that I'd scratched myself. They put mittens on me for the remainder of my stay, but the damage was done. (Side note: Mom stands firm to this day that one of the nurses scratched me. She says there's no way I could have left a scar like that with my thin little baby nails.)

So I've had about an inch long scar on my face ever since. And my entire life, we have pointed to THIS picture to show the poor reddened cheek I sported as an infant:
Isn't it pitiful? I even told Mom that she should have sued the hospital for ruining my modeling career. (I'm KIDDING. I'm not into lawsuits.)


BUT to give you an idea of the actual scar itself, I took a new picture this week. And only in doing that, did I realize the photo above does not display my poor injury because....IT'S THE OTHER CHEEK!!

I have laughed and laughed about that. But the scar is very real. (Hopefully you can see it. Hard to get it in the right lighting. I do think it's fading as I get older. Or else it just doesn't bother me like it used to. I spent years being self conscious about it.)

It's right there in the center of my cheek. Right under the zit that somehow thinks it belongs on my 32 year old face.

And in totally unrelated news - that is my 80's-loving bathroom. It so needs painted. Good HEAVENS.

So anyway - you have any good scar stories? Any accurate scar stories??

The "E" Word

Isn't exercise an obligatory topic in a new year? Sorry I haven't brought it up before now.

As you know, I lost a decent amount of weight last year after about four months of absolutely NO appetite. I'm really thankful it happened because I've been trying to lose weight for about 31 years now and nothing has worked. And I'm not asking for the desert to return for the sake of my weight management. But now that I'm feeling better and my appetite has returned, I'm forced to be creative about ways to at least maintain what I've done, even if I can't lose much more.

One thing I'm doing is portion control. And I'm trying is to eliminate as many snacks as possible but if I must have one - I try to make it healthy. Dessert was another killer. I'd been known, back in the day, to have dessert for dessert. (Like a regular dessert and then a little one to cap that off.) Now I try to only have dessert once a day.

And then, of course, there's the matter of the exercise. IWU offers a wellness program for employees to work out so many minutes a day...for so many days a week...for so many weeks out of the quarter...in exchange for a little extra cash or a little extra time off work. It's a great incentive.

And even in the rough days of last year, when I bordered on malnutrition, I never gave up exercising. I did, however, give up variety in exercise. So this year, I determined to bring back the variety.

Over break, I borrowed Rachel's zumba DVD's to see if I was any good at it. Oh my WORD. I recognized the moves I made...from the years I used to babysit toddlers. I don't know if it was because I was trying to do the steps backwards from the TV...or because the instructor wasn't speaking English...or because I have zero background in dance...but it was a dismal FAILURE. So I rushed the DVD's back to Rachel's hands and went to the store instead.

Came home with Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred DVD and these little guys:

OH MY WORD again - but in a different way. Jillian's DVD (and keep in mind I'm still surviving level one - haven't tried two or three yet) is filled with a bunch of things that kill me (a.k.a. shred me) but I can do them. Well. Except for the push-ups. But we won't talk about that. She has me shuffling among boxing punches, jumping jacks, hiney kicks, fake jump rope, crunches, reverse crunches, bicycle crunches, squats, and all manner of lifting the itty bitty weights.

It's a good workout. I like it while I hate it. I think you know what I mean.

The days I don't shred...I do a walking/running routine on the indoor track at work. It's been nice so far because the track has been pretty empty. I'm not looking forward to the gym filling up this week when students return...because they're much better runners than I! Nothing humbles a girl faster than being left in the dust of the skinny track folks!

And for the days when I tire of all those things, I still have four of Billy Blanks' tae bo workouts from a few years back, one of Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds DVD's and my trusty mini-stepper that I can use while watching a David Phelps DVD.

So we'll hope all these things help keep me from becoming Biggest Loser material...

...how about you? What are your workout secrets? I might need to borrow your ideas...I get bored easily in the land of exercise.

Bekah Returns Floss

Yes. You read that correctly. Floss. As in dental.

I love this story. Here's how it happened. Determined to restore the best possible dental hygiene habits to my life in this new year, I became diligent about flossing on January 1. And then on January 3, I yanked on the floss and about an inch came out.

Of course.

Never fear, though. I planned to go to the store that day anyway. I added floss to the list and headed off to the Wal Mart. That evening, I ripped open the package and the little starter thread of floss was not sticking out the top. Good grief. Do I have to do everything around here? So I pulled open the container and:

No floss. Are you kidding me, Wal Mart???

As I mentioned in yesterday's recap, I don't return things. This floss cost a whopping 92 cents and I had in mind just to go get another box of it and forget it.

But that was the Bekah of old. The new Bekah defends her 92 stinking cents. I paid for floss, and doggone it, I want floss. (My bark is much worse than my bite.)

So Thursday evening I had some free time. I scooped up my empty floss box, retrieved my receipt from the receipt envelope, and drove to the Wal Mart.

When I got inside, the greeter (truly a lovely lady) had to tag it. I'm sure she thought Seriously? FLOSS? She said, "Well there isn't a UPC on here, so I'm not sure how to tag this." (Duh, Bekah. Should have brought the packaging instead of throwing it away. Don't judge me. It was my first return.) I showed her my receipt and she asked if I could read her the last five numbers next to the floss.

Happily.

I read her the numbers and then, armed with THREE stickers (which, altogether were bigger than the box of floss), my empty box, and my receipt, I went to the return counter. Of course, the line was backed up into the store. (Because January 6th is kind of like the day after Christmas in this town.) No problem. I can text away while you people return goodness knows what.

Part of the holdup was that only one person was actually working the return counter. The other three managers were collectively trying to figure out how work the bridal registry so the lovely couple standing nearby could ask for some presents.

The line actually went pretty quickly...until the guy in front of me got up there. He was trying to cash a check, but (and pay careful attention here, lest this happen to you too) his official ID card had cracked down the middle (a.k.a. broken) and he had taped it back together. Apparently this makes the ID void. Did you know that? I didn't. Neither did he. And boy let me tell you. The customer service department and most of the rest of this side of town got an earful about that. "What kind of people do you employ here? This is ridiculous!!! I'll just take my business elsewhere!!!!!!!!!..." (etc. etc. etc.)

The entire time he threw his grown up temper tantrum at the nice lady behind the counter, I had to turn around and bite my lip to keep from laughing at his ridiculousness. The guy behind me was smirking too, so we stood there and tried to be polite together.

Then it was my turn. The poor worker was a bit flustered and I felt her pain. Same thing had just happened to me at work a couple of hours earlier. So I gave her my cheeriest HELLO!!...and handed her that stupid floss box.

I said, "I bought this earlier this week and when I got home, it was empty." She said, "Well the problem is, I don't have a UPC...." ARGH!!! Bekah! REMEMBER THE UPC NEXT TIME! She said if I'd go get another one just like it from the shelf, she could help me.

No problem.

So I scurried back to the floss aisle, found the 92 cent boxes, grabbed one, shook it to make sure it had guts, and headed back to the counter. This time I was behind the guy who had been behind me. I had to wait a few minutes on him, which was fine because another lady had wandered up behind me, talking on speakerphone. (Side note...I despise everything about speakerphone. Do not EVER call me and put me on speaker. EVER.) So that was an experience...to get to hear her whole conversation. The person on the other end had a FOND affection for the F word. Over and over and over she said it.

I was rescued when the guy who had been behind me completed his return and as he turned to leave, he said to me, "Make sure you have a valid ID card!" HA! Love that!

I stepped up and said "I'm back with my floss."

The lady said, "Oh yes. The floss." (I don't even want to know what she thought of me.) I handed her the new box and she said, "Did you actually want this?"

I said, "Well I kind of wanted it the night I bought that one. But that was a bit much to ask I guess." Then I winked at her so she wouldn't think I was a Mr. Fussypants in training. She gave me my receipt...and a new receipt...and made me sign a receipt.

And something to the tune of 22 minutes later, I left Wal Mart with a 92 cent replacement box of dental floss.

Utterly exhausting. But totally entertaining.

It's the Weekly Recap!

It's been a very eventful week here in Bekahland, so without further ado, I present to you the weekly recap!

* Last Sunday, I took my first turn ever (at this church) teaching junior high Sunday School. I'm on the committee that selects teachers, and those of you on such committees in your own church know...it's never easy to find teachers! I decided to be brave and volunteer to teach. We have four girls in our junior high class and I am thrilled to report - they are wonderful! We had a scavenger hunt around the church, ate some breakfast casserole, and talked about how Joseph (as in married to Mary) heard God's voice and obeyed His instructions. I really had a great time with them! (Gasp! I'm growing up!)

* Monday was my last day of break and I savored it with one final sleep-in and those few last talk shows/Little House episodes squeezed into the daytime hours. Then it was time to get back to the chores...which included (finally) taking down all the Christmas decorations. From start to finish it only took me about three hours to take everything apart and pack it away, which is pretty great, considering I had seven trees! My favorite part, though, was putting up the new.


I got to put up this beautiful frame that my best friend sent me. If you can't read the words, they say "Life is fragile. Handle it with prayer" and "If God brings you to it, He will see you through it." I thought it so perfectly described this season of my life. I put in a picture of me next to my Wisconsin stream and hung it in the living room.

Another new thing I put up...Christmas card pictures on my refrigerator! I've never done this before, but I decided I wanted to be reminded of the blessings I have in my friends. They are a huge part of the reason I am where I am today. I'm so thankful for them and I am looking forward to seeing their faces each day this year! (PS...if you sent me a picture - Where's Waldo yourself!)


* Re-entered the work force Tuesday after a blissful seven business days away from the office. I was petrified I'd miss the alarm entirely, but I did not, and once I got to work, I decorated the office with Mr. January:
No, I didn't buy it from his website. I made it using pictures I took at concerts. :) Yes, I know I'm pathetic.

And when I came home that evening, I tried a new recipe: brown sugar meat loaf. Threw in a baked potato while I was at it and had a real meal. Ate at the table and everything. What is this world COMING TO??


* Wednesday was super eventful. At work, we celebrated the birthday of our student worker extraordinaire, the lovely Miss Rachel. I love Rachel. She graduates in April and I do not know what I'll do without her. Seriously.

At lunch, I scurried into Meijer to pick up a tub of sour cream and left with one tub of sour cream, seven boxes of Christmas ornaments, and three canisters of garland (the red balls in the picture are really a garland) - and guess how much I paid for all of that!?!? $6.46!!!!
After work, my friends Greg and Angi came over to do some Habitat for Bekah work. I invited them for dinner (more of the fabulous brown sugar meat loaf plus I made some mac & cheese - Paula Deen style - and baked more potatoes). It was fun to entertain. Hadn't done that in a while! Of course I served dinner in my jammie pants. You know your friends are good friends when they'll eat your leftovers served in jammie pants. HA!

Anyway. Here's some of Greg's handiwork. He put up these three shelves in my guest room. I bought them on clearance two years ago. Clearly I wasn't in a rush. :)...

...and this white board in my office. I bought it last August. Thought maybe it was time to USE it...

...and these curtain tie backs for the office curtains...

...and these tie backs for the dining room curtains. I love the draped look of the curtains. I think this concludes all my minor Habitat projects at this time! Thanks, Greg and Angi, for giving up a whole evening to help me and hang out with me!

* Thursday evening, I had a first in Bekahland. I went to the Wal Mart return counter. I never return things. If they don't work out for me, I either throw them away or give them away. The whole idea of returning something makes me break out in cold sweats. But it's a great story...the Thursday night return adventure. Do come back tomorrow to read more about it.

* My weekend is best described as rescheduled. I planned to leave home Friday afternoon and drive up to Goshen for the Fire and Ice Festival. I wanted to go last year and got snowed out. So this year, a friend of mine (who lives up there) and I made plans to hang out Friday night and Saturday and enjoy the festival. I was excited to see her in her last month of pregnancy, too. But our plans were changed when...the baby came five weeks early! She was born this week and is fine and healthy (yay!!!) but that sort of made the festival NOT an option. So instead...

...I stayed home Friday evening, read part of a fiction draft a friend from back in college is working on (and really enjoyed it!) and....did a little baking. You know. Just some chocolate chip joy.


* Saturday I slept in late (love that), spent most of the day writing, and then in the evening, donned my Colts gear and headed to Greg and Angi's for dinner. Pot roast - YUM!!! And she made a great key lime dessert too. (You can see I'm pretty happy about it.)

Remember how I said I didn't have any more Habitat for Bekah projects? I lied. I kind of jammed my shredder, so I took it over for Greg to work on. Know what finally unjammed it? A toothpick. Now why didn't I think of that?

We watched The Craigslist Killer movie that had been on Lifetime this week and then we watched another killer: the Colts playoff game. Sadness to lose by A POINT!!!!

Favorite God Moment of the Whole Week: Definitely last Sunday when I awakened from that dream and heard God's prompt to me to give up my dreams and drink deeply of HIS dreams. (I blogged about it earlier this week if you missed it.) Those are the kinds of whispers I heard from Him on a regular basis during my desert journey last year and I miss hearing them so frequently. A sweet, sweet moment.

Books I'm Reading This Week: Sparkling Gems from the Greek - my devo book; Believing God - the book I'm studying with Olivia; In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day - book I'm reading on a prompt from God; Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild - book I was given as a gift a few weeks back. FINISHED reading Left to Tell! (More about that book in a later post.)

Goal Update from Last Sunday: I was very pleased at how I transitioned back into real life. I went to bed at a decent(ish) time each night, got up on(ish) time every morning, cooked real meals (but didn't overeat them), worked out five days, entertained friends, and spent a good chunk of time journaling and brainstorming some writing ideas.

Goals For the Coming Week: I want to be extra diligent about protecting my God-time this week, because our spring semester begins Tuesday and this week is certain to be extra stress-filled. If I don't have that time protected, it will definitely show in my work-life! I also need to make sure I give the house a good cleaning. All the Christmas stuff is out of the way, so I have no more excuses.

POP QUIZ!!

Remember how I told you I'm doing Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memory challenge this year? Well, I was chatting online the other night with my friend Ronda, and she told me she was taking the challenge. I said, "Hey, me too! What's your verse?" Guess what it is?

Same verse I chose.

How cool is that? Two good friends, neither knew the other was taking the challenge, and we both picked the same TWO verses in Isaiah! We had goose bumps.

Then my friend Kari saw my post about the challenge and she decided to take it too. And she picked out the very first verse that ever became significant to me in my desert journey. So I think that's pretty cool too!

Anyway. The night Kari texted to tell me the verse she'd picked, I responded by saying, "Oh I love that one. I will quiz you!"

Not a moment later she shot back, "Consider this quiz one for you and give me yours."

WHAT!!?!!?!?

So I stood in my kitchen and squinted my eyes shut as though this would somehow help me see the verse...and I texted it to her. Forgot one phrase, but it helped me learn the phrase I forgot!

The next day I sent an email to Ronda that said, "POP QUIZ! What's your verse??"

And the days since have been filled with emails back and forth - chatting about the happenings of the day, and sometimes, tucked inside, the words, "your verse...go!"

I love this practice. I hope the three of us offer frequent quizzes to each other all year long. It's true that retyping that verse over and over solidifies it in my mind.

The best learning tool of the week, hands down! This memorization-challenged girl might just learn a new trick yet!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19 (Hope that was right! I just gave myself a quiz!)

Peanut Butter Bars

I haven't posted a recipe for a while, so I thought I'd throw one your way. I actually took the pictures for this MONTHS ago but never posted it. This week, though, we celebrated our student worker's birthday and I took this for the carry-in because I actually had all the ingredients on hand. I hoped to take home the leftovers for dinner, but there were about 2.1 servings plus some random crumbs left by the end of the day. It is THAT good.

One of the things I love most about this recipe is that I do almost always have everything I need to make it, and it can be made in ten minutes flat, start to finish (if you have the graham cracker crumbs and don't have to make your own). It's done totally in the microwave, so if you're making this in the summer, it doesn't heat up the house!

I think I first got this from a magazine, and I've taken it to committee meetings, parties with friends, work carry-ins, you name it. It's a great "little" dessert too, so when you don't want to mess with a huge pan of dessert that never ends...this is a great choice. Warning - it's awfully rich, especially if you use milk chocolate chips!

The Recipe:

1/2 cup melted butter
1 1/4 cup graham cracker crumbs
1 1/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 package chocolate chips

Melt butter. Stir in graham cracker crumbs and powdered sugar. Once it is mixed well, stir in peanut butter. Pat into an 8X8 inch pan. Melt chocolate chips in microwave and pour over mixture. Refrigerate until hardened – about 15 minutes. Cut into bars.

I despise making crumbs out of cookies and crackers. So normally, if I find a recipe that calls for that - I move on to the next recipe. :) But since you can actually purchase graham cracker crumbs, I make an exception here. You can use milk chocolate or semi-sweet chips - whatever your preference.
I measure out the graham cracker crumbs over a paper towel so I don't have to clean up a huge mess when I'm done.

While the butter melts in the microwave, I stir together the powdered sugar and graham cracker crumbs. Then I'm ready to mix in the butter...

...which makes everything kind of crumbly.

Then it's time to add the peanut butter. I use creamy but if you're fond of crunchy, you could use that too.

I stir that for a while with a spoon, but I never feel like that really mixes it up properly.

So...I move to mixing with my hand. I never have plastic gloves on hand and I really don't want crumb goop under my nails, so I put my hand in a baggie to do this step. So cafeteria lady, I know.

Then I pat that part down in the bottom of the dish.

Sometimes I don't use the whole bag of chips because it makes the top part awfully thick and hard to cut.

I stir it every few seconds in the microwave just to make sure it's all melting evenly and not burning.

Then...spread it out and pop it in the fridge to harden! You do need at LEAST 15 minutes of cooling time - maybe more if you use milk chocolate chips. But don't leave it in there too long or the chocolate will crack when you try to cut it. Once it's done, cut into squares and serve. (Hint...if you start to cut it and the chocolate top is hard to cut through, put it back in the microwave for 20 seconds or so to soften it up enough to cut.) Tastes remarkably like a Reese cup!

Dreams I Dream for You

While on vacation, I was 100% successful in mixing up my days and nights. Happens to me every time I have more than just a weekend away from the office. LOVE IT. But please explain to me why they don't switch back with equal ease? I'm still trying to sort it out.
Sunday was actually my first day to be out of bed before 11 for most of the vacation. And though I had grand intentions of making it a trial "real day," my eyelids were heavy by 2 p.m. and I was out on the couch.
I don't mean a little naplet.
I mean I didn't even HEAR the movie that was playing (at normal volume) on my TV. (And it was a Lifetime movie, so you know there was excessive drama.) Occasionally I would stir on the couch but I couldn't even bring myself to open my eyes. Once I wasn't even sure I remembered how to open my eyes. It was that deep a sleep.
In fact, while asleep, I had a dream. A long, vivid dream with real people and real places. I won't go into the details, but it was one of those dreams I wished desperately to escape, but it was so real I didn't know it was a dream and I thought I was stuck in it.
When I did wake up, I was still trying to make sense of how to open my eyes...and shift...and tell time...and as I worked on those things, these words flashed through my mind: Let the old dreams die, like stars that fade from view. And take the cup I offer and drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you.
Those lyrics come from a vintage Avalon song that I'd not heard or even thought of in weeks. Months, even. I may not have had the presence of mind to tell time, but I did have the presence of mind to recognize God sending me a word.
The night before last, I had another dream that lasted the entire night. It had different people and circumstances but was no less vivid and no less frustrating to me as I found myself faced again, even in sleep, with things that I knew needed to be gone from my life. When I woke up, I said, "God, why did I have to dream that?" And again...the words to this song drifted through my mind and His gentle Voice prodded me to offer up my dreams in exchange for His.
These first few days of 2011 have been full of Him teaching me to reframe what's in front of me. And the people in both my dreams were people that need to fade from view. My literal and figurative dreams...are past now. Time to look forward. The dreams HE has...are going to blow my mind.

Re-Entry to the Real World

Don't hate me when I tell you that yesterday was my first day back to work. I admit to small (perhaps slightly smug-ish) smiles Sunday night when I saw all the lamenting on Facebook. No one wanted to go back to work, it seemed! I really was grateful for the extra day off work. Especially since I was SO LAZY over break that I still hadn't taken down my Christmas decorations! I think that is the first time in the history of my adult life that the decor has still been up when the new year hit. WOW.

This break was just that for me: a break. I didn't have plans. Honestly, other than Christmas day with the family and New Year's Eve with my friends, my calendar was blank when the vacation started. I threw in a few things along the way but for the most part, I just stayed home. Most days I didn't even get ready until late afternoon. I curled up on the couch in jammie pants with more cups of coffee than I dare to count, and just rested. I hadn't rested for months.

The downside to such a break is that I get terribly accustomed to all the free time. For me, it means extra hours to sit with my journal and Bible...extra time in prayer...extra time to read or take naps...and then when reality hits, I find myself scrambling. I fall back into the bad habits of rushing through my devotions, praying on the fly, staying up way too late to scratch everything off my to-do list, and then of course oversleeping the next morning (and consequently applying my makeup at work while my computer awakens). It's a vicious cycle.

So this year...I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a resolution or even a goal, but it's my hope that I will be careful to protect my time enough to continue what I've started in these first few days of the year. During the desert of 2010, I learned firsthand that moments (or hours) spent alone with the Lord are worth it. And while I have made a goal to re-enter life and embrace it with joy after months of solitude, I want to be sure I don't lose those sweet moments with my Abba.

So far, so good. I'm one for one on getting up on time and reading a bit in my Bible and devo book before I go to work. I'm one for one on a cup of coffee BEFORE the travel mug of it that gets me through the morning...and for putting on my makeup at home...and being early enough to the office that my computer has its full required 10 minutes to boot up BEFORE the work day actually begins. But the year is young. I'm sure I will oversleep. And lug the makeup to work again. And leave the bed a mess....

...so I'm not entirely sure how I plan to put this new plan into practice when the moments of chaos actually hit. If protecting your time is something you've become an expert at...please do share your secrets with me. I am open to suggestions!

30 Days of You and Me: Day Eleven

Phats is going to kill me for this.

But then he's going to remember what a great friend I am, and how if it weren't for me, he'd be sorely lacking yummy desserts at every game night. And furthermore, he'd be sorely lacking someone to annihilate in every game we play...especially Dutch Blitz. And who else would he text every time a tornado warning shows up? Yes, he's going to rethink that decision to kill me.

In all the Christmas and new year posts, I took a few days off from the "30 days" list, but I'm back to it! Today's topic: "A Story from My Childhood."

There are so many. Like the time I cut up my sister's bedspread and explained to my mother (who had the gall to question why I would do such a thing) that I was merely cutting wood to be like my Dad. Or the time I forgot to tell Mom it was game day at school and she sent me dressed in the frilliest dress and shiny patent leather shoes I owned. Or the time I threw up in the middle of my second-grade classroom because I was too shy to raise my hand to say I wasn't feeling well and needed to go to the restroom. Oh yes. There are many stories.

But the one I choose to tell you is one of my mother's favorites. I actually don't remember it at all, but she declares it happened, and my mother is not a liar, so I'll believe her. This alleged story took place in first grade, I think. Phats and I were in the same class. And the same reading group. (The highest reading group. We got to read chapter books like The Boxcar Children while everyone else still worked on d-o-g and See Spot run. But we wouldn't dream of bragging about that.)

Apparently at some point during our literary-filled first grade career, Phats said to me "Do you want to go with me?"

And I said, "Sure! Where are we going?"

I'm not going to go so far as to say that my ignorance toward the romantic led to still being single at 32, but I suppose it should be entertained as a possibility.

So I guess you could say Phats was my first boyfriend. (Okay he's REALLY going to kill me for saying that.) Our relationship must have been short lived, since I don't remember it and chances are good he doesn't either. But Mom (who is akin to Sylvia Fine in this respect) has not forgotten!

How about you? Any great childhood memories floating across the front of your mind today?

Verse of the Year

I started this tradition in high school. So, you know...a couple of years ago. :)

I picked out a verse to concentrate on throughout the course of the year. As I've gotten older (not old, but older) I've tried to ask God more about what verse HE wants me to choose as the year's guidance. Often I get the verse on one of the very last days of the year. So it was this year.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. - Isaiah 43:18-19.

This year, I'm joining Beth Moore's "Siesta Scripture Memory Team" in an effort to memorize 24 verses throughout the year. Do keep in mind that memorization is NOT one of the gifts bestowed upon me. Remember the church Christmas play? So this is a challenge for me.

Since we're allowed to pick whatever verses best fit our journey, I thought I would start with the verse God has prompted me to focus on over the entire year.
Just like Beth said to do, I've written it in my own handwriting in my spiral bound verse index, but you can (barely) see in that picture that it's also highlighted in my Bible. I try to write the date beside a highlighted verse...so I can go back to see when it became meaningful to me. According to this - October 11, 2010.


That was, of course, my Dad's birthday, but it was also a week before I left on my impromptu vacation to Wisconsin. And I had no idea when I highlighted the verse, that just a little over a week later, I would be standing beside an actual stream that bubbled forth from the ground.

A stream God would use so purposefully to begin healing work in my broken heart.

This is the year of the word studies, remember? Well let me tell you what I learned about this verse!

I'm not going to recap my 2010 for you. If you've been here very long, you know what transpired. And if you're new - you can browse back through and see the various lessons God had for me. But one thing I struggled with - clear up to (and including) the end of 2010 was the conviction that I had heard (and heard correctly) God's plan for the journey I took. And when it did not end the way I heard it should and would, I had the hardest time understanding what that meant for my faith. I chose to trust that God was still faithful to His Word, but His words to me were not unfolding as He said...and I wrestled with that. He was so kind to comfort my heart with explanations that are too personal to share in this forum, but I accepted them...and yet still had nagging questions.

And then, on New Year's Day, I did a word study on this verse. "Forget the former things." Yeah, yeah, we know what former means. But the word study said - specifically regarding this verse - that it means "things which had been foretold." I read it twice just to make sure I hadn't mixed it up with another verse.

Forget what had been foretold.

"Do not dwell on the past." Do not pay attention to...attend to your past. God had said to me a couple of months ago on a prayer-path drive, "You may remember your desert for the purposes of using it in writing and ministry. You may not pine for it or anything regarding it."

"See, I am doing a new thing!" The word "doing" means to create or prepare, and sometimes even goes so far as to convey the idea of creation or to describe God's creative activity. I love that! He is doing a new thing right now. Not "He did it." He is doing it. And the writer in me loves the exclamation point at the end. He's excited about it! Whatever it is He's creating or preparing for me is new...it's creative...it's personal...and I will love it.

"Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it?" I love the idea that whatever new thing He has is going to show up in beauty...And I want to recognize it when it appears. When I was in Wisconsin at the farm where I encountered the spring, my friend Allison told me that as her ancestors traveled west in the covered wagons, they happened upon this spring and knew it would sustain the land, so they settled there. We looked around at the rolling hills of land and marveled that they would stumble upon that tiny stream out of all that land. They perceived it.

"I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." The word making means to set, put, establish, plant, set down, appoint. It essentially means to put something somewhere. And you know...He'd have to do just that to put water in a desert. It would have to be established and appointed, because it sure wouldn't be natural.

I don't know what or where or when, but God is establishing and appointing something in this girl's life. Oh how I love that. And I can't wait to see it unfold.