30 Days of You and Me: Day Four

Day four of this list is supposed to be My Favorite Book. I'm a writer. I can't possibly narrow it down to one. So what I have for you today is a list of 12 books that have really shaped pieces of my life...plus the Bible. (Because of course, the Bible is on the list!) Here you go!


I'll put the Bible at the top of my list because (this is honestly not the "Christian correct" answer) it has shaped my life the most. I like to change Bibles now and then just to get a fresh perspective on the page. I'm currently using the Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible. However, when I was in high school and was really beginning to experience a deep hunger to study the Bible and know the Lord, I used the Life Application Bible, and it is still my favorite Bible for good, practical study notes. In fact, I bought this Bible for a friend of mine who was struggling heavily to know how to live as a Christian. So if that's you...try this out!
Okay...now on to the rest of the books. These, by the way, are in no particular order.

I love Stormie Omartian's The Power of a Praying Wife. I've read it many times and have even spent several months praying through a chapter a day in preparation for someday when I meet Mr. Missing. I'm a firm believer that just because I'm not married now doesn't mean I shouldn't be getting ready for when I am.

I mentioned yesterday that Olivia and I are studying Beth Moore's Believing God. You know I love Beth! This was the first study I ever did of her writing...I did the actual curriculum study, and it really deepened and authenticated the way I approached my faith. I did that study probably 3 or 4 years ago and I'm enjoying the opportunity to revisit the topic through the book itself.

Several years ago, the Sunday School class I attended went through Anne Graham Lotz's book Just Give Me Jesus. I loved the way she wrote...and it was because of this book that I learned to dig into the Word the way I do. I loved the way she crawled into every scene of the Bible and imagined what isn't written...I love to do that, too.

I read Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall's Lady in Waiting when I was in college, having no idea at that time that I'd be single over 10 years later. People often comment to me about the approach I've taken to being single...how I've plunged into "real life" even though I've had to do it alone. I have made a home and learned to cook and started traditions and all those things, and the reason I did so...was because this book really encouraged it. Though I would still love to be married and have the chance to share all these things with Mr. Missing, I'm very appreciative of what these ladies taught about living life to the fullest while in the waiting.

I read A Woman After God's Own Heart shortly before I started teaching the Ladies Bible study at my old church, and it was the first book I used as curriculum for that study. Elizabeth George is one of my favorite authors, and I have marked this book up all over the place. I love the ideas she has for practical living as a woman, wife, and mother. (Even though I am only the first one at this point!) Some of the ladies in my group found her ideas to be extreme, but I truly loved them.

Beautiful in God's Eyes is another Elizabeth George book, and it's a study of Proverbs 31. I went through this book with Olivia when she was in college, and we both adored it. I'd always found the Proverbs 31 woman to be daunting, but Elizabeth did a great job explaining a lot of the details behind the chapter and making the character of this woman attainable today.

Several years ago, Steve and Annie Chapman came to the church I attended at that time and did a one day marriage seminar. Because I'm a single nerd, I went, just so I could learn more about how to be a wife when the time comes. Their approach to marriage changed the way I viewed marriage, and I bought several of their books that day. This one, Married Lovers, Married Friends is fantastic, in my opinion. One of their big marriage platforms is that if both partners approach the relationship with the desire to serve the other, they'll both be satisfied because they'll also be served. It has driven the way I've even approached dating...and even though those relationships to this point have not ended in marriage, I feel I did everything I could to be a servant while I had the opportunity and I don't regret that.

I also taught this book, Falling in Love with Jesus, for a season of Ladies Bible Study and loved it. Would teach it again if I had the chance! I also did a weekend retreat for women based on this book. It's written by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli, and it helped me better shape the way God loves me and shows His love to me.

I have two favorite devotional books, and this is one of them. God Calling was a book I received for my college graduation, and I shelved it immediately because I'd been given the mass market edition (pictured below) and the cover looked too cheesy! But one day I pulled it out and discovered the words inside were far from cheesy. They were life changing for me. I know the Bible is the only divinely inspired word of God, but this one was definitely anointed!

And of course, you know that the devotional Streams in the Desert has been a pivotal part of my year this year!

This book, I've talked about before on here. In the Footsteps of Jesus is a book written by Bruce Marchiano, an actor who portrayed Jesus in the film Matthew. He wrote this book to talk about how the Lord changed him while he was in the process of portraying Jesus. I learned about Jesus' compassion, joy, and mercy through Bruce in this book. For most of my teen years and into my twenties, I struggled with fear (and not the reverent kind) of God and after I began to relate to Him through the frame of what I learned in this book, those barriers fell and I began to know joy like I never had before!

Gotta tell you. Normally not one to love biographies. I read this one mostly because it talks about the story of two girls from Taylor University, which is the "other" college in our county. If you don't remember this story, here's a reminder. A van carrying students and staff members from Taylor was traveling down the interstate - actually not far from the college - when a semi crossed the median, hit the van, and many of the passengers died. One student survived, but was severely injured and in a coma for many weeks. When she began to communicate again, her family discovered she was not their daughter, but another student. Their daughter had actually died in the accident. I was nervous that this book would not be well-written because that often happens with these sorts of stories. But I read it all in one day - and thought it was not only well crafted, but beyond inspiring. To read how these two families handled such a bizarre event with such grace and mercy...was humbling.

So...tell me! What books have shaped you? I have these new shelves I need to fill, so give me some ideas!

The Office is DONE! (Okay, almost)

First things first - PRAISE THE LORD! Daylight savings has ended and Bekah's good spirits have returned. Mom called last night and said, "Do I need to remind you to change your clocks?" What kind of question is that?

Okay. Now on to the news of the day. My office is (almost) done. Done enough that I can give you a tour. I'm so excited about it!! I decided to give you the full tour - not just stuff in it. (Although we'll do that too!)


This is the office as you first enter it. You can see, over there on the left, the fabulous new bookshelves!!

Oh did I mention the bookshelves?? I present them to you! I couldn't decide if I wanted to paint them or stain them, so for now...I did neither. Drives my Mom NUTS. Fortunately it's not her house. The very top shelf has ivy and Christmas lights and some other pictures and things you'll see closer, later. I have plenty of room to grow in these shelves, which means I can now go book shopping again! I'd had to stop entirely because I was stacking the books on the floor and I hated that. I do have a system for the books. Someone asked me that. So yes. They're in an order that makes me quite happy.

At the bottom of the picture above, you can see the desk, so that should help you know where you are in relation for this picture!! Mom and Dad gave me this desk earlier this year - for free. YAY for free! I wanted something small and very simple - no shelves, no drawers...just the desk. And they had just that very thing and didn't need it anymore, so I got it.

BECAUSE I have no shelves or drawers, the ladder shelves on the right (which used to be on either side of my bed) and the phone stand (which I got at a garage sale for $5) make up that need. Love it.

And on around the corner is my reading spot (for now anyway). Found the chair at Bed, Bath and Beyond during the college supply sale - it's very comfy, actually. Got the rug at Meijer on the college supply sale, and got the laptop stand at Wal Mart on the college supply sale! The laptop stand doubles as a snack holder. :)

My diploma and then another little telephone stand I've had forever that I use for seasonal decorations and pictures. Nice little entry-to-the-office spot. I didn't paint the office...I mean I did a few years ago, but not just now. It's two shades of green. I love it.

My office is a "totally Bekah" office. I try to fill it with things that inspire me and bring back great memories, because that's what gets me in the mood to write. So here's a little tour of the "stuff" in the office. First stop? A picture of me back at my college graduation. Ten whole years ago. Wow. I well remember this moment. Totally thought I was going to throw up. They took it right before I crossed the stage to get my diploma.

This is one of the groupings on the top shelf of the bookcase. Me with Kaegan (right) and with Braeya (left) on the first day I owned each one. Please pardon the scary hair in BOTH pictures. And in the middle - the two kiddos staring out the door. One of my favorite pictures of them.

Another grouping up above the shelf. My little silver bank (it's empty) and a silver cup engraved with my name. Two of the few things I have left from my childhood. And next to it - a picture of me sitting on my sister's bed. That was back when, as we say in my family "I parted my teeth down the middle." Oh heavens. I would have been pretty scared if I was my mom. I had several questionable looking years. Starting right about then.

The first year I lived in this house (which used to be my grandparents' house, if you didn't know that), I hosted Thanksgiving just like Grandma had always done. (Only she did it way better.) Anyway. I have always loved this picture of my grandparents because they were a great model of a marriage that lasts. (Somewhere around 60 years when Grandpa died.) So I found the picture and had little wallet size copies made for everyone in the family, and attached them to the front of a stack of copies of recipe cards containing Thanksgiving recipes in Grandma's handwriting. Then I made this 5x7 for me and I keep it here by Grandpa's old hard hat as a reminder of their legacy in my life!

The porcelain figurine actually plays music. It was a high school graduation gift from "my good buddy, Betty." Betty kind of became another Grandma to me alongside my own - in my high school days and even through part of college. She was spunky and fun and we had many hours of fun working together at church in the nursery. The green pitcher is some family piece - but I don't remember much about it. I got it because it matched the room! HA!

This collection is college stuff. The mug was signed by my fellow English/writing graduates and holds my tassel and honor cords. And the little frame next to it was a graduation gift from the writing department. It contains a piece of a book page written by a woman who was a professor in the department back in the early days of IWU.

This is actually a church bulletin cover from many years ago - but I love its message. In fact, the first women's retreat I ever did was based around this verse and I displayed this frame throughout the day of speaking. Now I keep it in my office to remind me to use the gifts God has given me!

I don't have many pictures of just me because it's probably 50 kinds of vain. But this black and white one is one of my favorites. It's one that Lindsey Hawk took last December when she did my photo shoot for Mom and Dad's Christmas gift. Next to it is a quick sketch of me that the guy who sat behind me in chapel did one day just to show me how fast he could draw a person. I loved it!

This is my other Grandma, and even though she never lived here, I thought she deserved a spot in the office. Probably my favorite picture of her. Just how I remember her. The little wooden box was a souvenir my dad brought from Israel. and the lunchbox is my prayer tin I made earlier this year on a crafty snow day.

Hi, I'm Rebekah. I have an addiction to scrapbooks.

A little name plaque my parents gave me a few years ago. I love it because my life verses are Proverbs 3:3-4: "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man." And I love the reminder that my name is about being faithful and steadfast. And on a complete side note from any sort of faithfulness...my little sandbox. I think every writer should have a little sandbox. Mine has to stay up on the shelf because of the cats. :)

Pretty self explanatory. :) I actually got this when I was going to redecorate my bathroom with a princess theme...but it never happened. So I just stuck it here. :)

In college, my friends nicknamed me Princess, so I frequently get princess presents. This was one.

This was for the princess bathroom too. It doesn't so much have a battery yet so it's just pretty for now. But if it HAD a battery, I would have moved it an hour last night. (Did I mention Daylight savings ended??)

The books I'm reading right now. Olivia and I are doing Believing God together. We read a chapter every week and discuss it over the phone on Saturday mornings. I love it. It's been the perfect book for right now when I've needed to believe in God's goodness in the wake of heart-disaster. Our Sunday School class is reading Forgotten God right now...we only have two chapters to go. I bought The Prayer that Changes Everything when I was trying to find a way to pray my way through to an Isaac victory. I confess that when he left, I stopped reading it because it was too hard to continue, but I think I'm ready to resume now. I know God is still good even though that path ended. And the one on the bottom is 90 Days with Jesus the One and Only. I told Jonathan's mom I needed some Beth Moore in my life and our bookstore didn't have a SINGLE book of hers in stock. But Ronda had this book that she'd never read so she graciously shared it with me. Bless her heart.

These were pricey (in my book) but I have loved the investment. I bought these boxes to store my stuff in. Notepads and scissors and bookmarks and all sorts of stuff. I love how neat it all looks. Inside each box? TOTAL CHAOS. Ignore the evident need of dusting as well, please.

This is a typical look. Braeya has to help with everything so she usually sits on the desk while I work. And as for the box o Puffs? Well I'm Bekah. I go through a lot of them.

The office is ALMOST done because I'm waiting on someone to help me hang up my new white board. (I'm not permitted to play with hammers and nails. It's not safe.) And the picture in front needs reframed because the hanger broke...but it's another office staple. The picture is of Grant Cunningham, who was a songwriter for Avalon, Point of Grace, the Martins, and many other artists. He died after sustaining a head injury in a Sunday afternoon game of soccer with some friends. I think he was about the age I am now - and it just reminds me that we have no idea how much time we have, and we need to make the most of our talents while we can use them!

Imagine the white board here.

And here, imagine one of those vinyl wall quotes. :)

Thanks for visiting the office!

Christmas Lists!!

So this week, my Mom asked my sisters and me for Christmas lists. Do you make Christmas lists still? Or did you give that up when you outgrew childhood?



I try to write down things throughout the year as I think of them, so I don't have to sit and wonder what it is I know I need/want but can't quite remember. When I was a kid, my list was all books all the time. Now I fear I've entered boring adulthood. Here's my list so far this year:


Yes. I am now lazy enough that I want a programmable coffee maker so I don't have to get up 2.5 minutes earlier to make it in the morning. Okay I'd prefer NOT to call it lazy. I'd prefer to call it an improvement of time management. Let me live in my delusion, okay?


I TOLD you I was getting to be a boring adult! I have a lot of sweaters - which is actually comical because I'm so blessed hot all the time - and laundry in the winter becomes nothing short of a spectacle. I have those sweaters draped all over the washer...the dryer...the sink...the toilet...and my bathroom is not that big. Perhaps THIS would be a good solution?



I adore jammie pants and always need new pairs. In the winter, I love coming home from work, changing into these, and calling it a night. If I work out at home, I can even stay in them for the workout! Love em. Want more.


Boy you've reached an all-time low when you actually put work-out socks on your Christmas list. :) But I go through a LOT of these with all the walking I do, and it's one of those dumb things I hate spending my own money on. I TOLD you adulthood got the best of me! Seriously! What is wrong with me!?!?!?


This CD has been on my Christmas list for about...um....eight years now? I'm convinced that one year, I'll actually receive it.


This is how I heat my home in the winter. :) I love candles. Jar candles, pillar candles, votive candles, tealight candles. Candles, candles, candles! :) I love coffee scented ones...really anything food-scented. Bring it on. Bring on the HEAT.


Because I am so hot-blooded, I live for long-sleeved t-shirts. Unless it's super cold, sweatshirts are too hot for me - and they're too bulky too. So I'm a huge fan of the long-sleeved tee. I have a few, but I'm ready for more!

I call my purse the Mary Poppins bag. All of mine are large enough to hold a mirror and a lamp. :) It's true. And I have red, blue, black, brown, and pink. But the black one has seen better days - and I don't have purple at all...or just anything funky. So more Mary Poppins bags, please! I normally get mine at a store, but this one is from Etsy. Do y'all shop on Etsy? I actually know this seller - Liz Yoder. Her sister used to work in my office. I have seen her stuff in person and really like it. :) So whether or not it's from her shop, a Mary Poppins bag is on the list!
So that's where I am on the list right now. Most of it's too practical for a list, probably, but let it never be said that I have expensive taste! (I probably really do, but I'm keeping it under wraps.)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Cups

I took these pictures last Christmas, believe it or not. I made these treats as part of the little Christmas gifts I took to work and to some other friends. They were fast, easy, and extremely yummy. And then I never posted the recipe!

This week, a friend of mine asked me for the recipe, so I dug it up and decided to share it with you today. These are little bite-sized desserts that would be great at an open house or game day party or carry in at work, even. (Hmmm...maybe our next carry in...you can have chocolate chips for breakfast, right?)

The Recipe

1 roll refrigerated chocolate chip cookie dough
36 miniature peanut butter cups

Form 1 inch balls of cookie dough and press them in the bottom of a greased mini-muffin pan. Bake for 11-13 minutes at 350 degrees. Remove from oven and immediately place a peanut butter cup in the center of the cookie. Let cool at least ten minutes and carefully remove from pan.

I used chocolate chip cookie dough, but you could use any other flavor you like. Peanut butter, sugar cookie, whatever fits your needs. I normally buy store brand dough but they didn't have any that day, so I bought the brand name. I was excited that Wal-Mart sold bags of their own peanut butter cups (because those get pricey) and they tasted just as good as the "real" ones!

My mini-muffin pan is from Pampered Chef, and it's a good one! It still doesn't seem to have sticking issues, but I sprayed it just to be safe - and then I put in the cookie dough!

Looked about like this once I got them "filled." Don't fill them to the top. They will overflow as they bake.

Very important step...DO NOT FORGET TO TAKE OFF THE WRAPPERS!!

In fact, taking off the wrappers is a good project to do during the baking. When the cookies finish baking - they look like this.

And you just put the peanut butter cup right down in the middle. Smash it in good!

You'll see it gets kind of melty looking. I learned the hard way that if you don't let it cool for a while (I think I gave it even a half hour), you might have issues with the cookie sides crumbling and a peanut butter mess everywhere. (Which of course, just means you have to eat it...)

So good! Enjoy!

30 Days of You and Me: Day Three

Been a while since I did one of these, too! The list I found on someone's blog...says day three is favorite television program!

I really don't have time to sit and watch TV these days. My TV is almost always on when I'm home, because I like the background noise. I usually park it on the Food Network or TLC or HGTV - and sort of glance over at the shows but I don't really watch much.

Here are the shows I do like to sit and watch.

The Biggest Loser. I have had a hard time connecting with this season's contestants. I really don't know why. Maybe because I'm always doing chores while I watch this one so I haven't paid as much attention. But I do still like the show. I like watching the true people emerge as the pounds melt away. Inspiring.

Undercover Boss. It's my good-cry show every Sunday night. I love watching the bosses be humbled by the employees (is that wrong?) and I love love love watching their reward at the end. That is definitely my favorite part. When they find out they've been seen and they're finally given what they deserve.

Grey's Anatomy. Don't love this show as much as I did when it first came on the air, because some of the story lines have just gone too far. But this is a show I get to watch with Rachel (from my office) every week and I love spending that time with her. And I will admit out loud that McDreamy...still is. :)


I don't own any seasons of shows on DVD, but if I did, these would be the ones I'd get.

Little House on the Prairie. It was one of the few shows I was allowed to watch growing up and I adored it. I've probably said this on here before, and Phats is totally going to make fun of me for it, but I was such an addict in junior high and high school that I knew all the episodes (and I do mean all of them) by heart and I could tell you the title of the show after watching just the first two to three SECONDS of the show. It's true. In college, my roommates used to send me out of the room when the show came on, call me back after the title displayed, and time me to see how fast I could name the show. Instantly. And yes, I was in love with Albert. And Adam.

Dharma and Greg. I don't know why I love this show so much. It's so quirky. Do you even remember it? Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson? It used to play right after I came home from work and I think I've seen every episode - multiple times. I have read that in real life, Dharma and Greg did not get along well but they had amazing chemistry on set. I loved it! And I loved their parents. Great, great cast.

Mad About You. Hands down, probably my favorite sitcom ever. I loved the chemistry between Paul and Jaime, and I loved the story line. Never got boring for me. I remember the season when they finally had that baby - and I cried and cried when she was born! It used to be on TV about midnight every night and I'd watch it when I went to bed but it's been probably a couple of years now since I've seen this one!

The Cosby Show. Cliff and Clair. Who wouldn't want to be them - at least as parents? They were totally put together, even when they weren't. So much fun. Love it. Still watch it every chance I get.

Friends. I got hooked on this one right after college and watched it through to the finale (great finale, I thought) and of course I see it often in syndication. I'm such a Monica. :) Except I don't clean nearly as often. But I am that loud.

So what about you - favorite shows?

Significant Victory

You've had a huge break from desert posts, but I have been looking forward to sharing this one with you. Sorry it's a little longer...and part of it you read before - back in real time. But now, as they say, you know the rest of the story.

Just to catch you up to speed since it's been a few days...what I'm about to tell you happened right at the beginning of June. I had been undergoing a solid week and a half of intense spiritual attack. I'd never felt anything like it before in my life. Never had I gone so many days in a row without even one second of a break from Satan hounding me from every direction. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. At times I couldn't breathe. I was petrified. I'd never studied spiritual warfare, so I didn't know how to deal with it...but I very much believed (and still do) that it is a real thing. I was in over my head.

This particular night was a Wednesday night and my panic rose to new heights because...you see...the next day at 8 a.m. I was scheduled to get in a car with my friend Faith and her daughters, who are five and two…to go on vacation to Tennessee and I could not still be under this sort of oppression for that trip. I was desperate to be freed. I could not ask Faith to pull the car over so I could get out and yell at Satan or get down on my knees to pray like I had been doing for the past week and a half. I just couldn't. Could NOT.

That night, when I should have been packing, I was pacing the bedroom, feeling crushed, and crying and gasping for air. I wrote, Jesus, help me to live in an attitude of praise and joy while I wait for You to manifest the answer. I'd heard that Satan couldn't stand praise, so I thought if I could somehow develop a spirit of genuine praise, I could overcome this stronghold.

Finally, in complete defeat, I fell literally on my face on the little rug in my bedroom, and with a death grip on its corners, I literally screamed out I CHOOSE YOU!!! WHATEVER IT MEANS FOR ME…I CHOOSE YOU!!!!!!!

I knew in that moment, something broke through in the spiritual realm somewhere. I could feel God nudging my spirit that I won that round. I chose HIM. By uttering those words, I won. But even in knowing that in my heart, I didn’t feel instantly better, so I wrote again…

Oh GOD…how long must I groan in battle? My soul is weary to the point of defeat. HELP ME. HELP ME! God! Why? Could You not see the attack he waged against me? I know You said I won that round by choosing You, but it was so intense. God, I’m not trained for this kind of warfare. Oh JESUS! I can’t go on vacation like this! I can’t! Help me! Help me! I BEG YOU TO SEND HELP!

And I think you might understand what I'm about to say and will see it in the spirit I mean it. I appreciated God's attention and intervention more than I could say, but I wanted a person. Relief in the human form. Someone who could show up on my doorstep or call my phone and talk me through this thing. Specifically, I wished my Grandma were still alive. She was good with wisdom. (My Grandma died when I was a senior in high school so I've not had her wisdom for many years...I found it interesting that she was who I longed for that night, specifically.)

After pulling myself off the floor and forcing myself to be about my evening chores, I knew exactly who I needed.

Sue Ann.

Sue Ann appointed herself my prayer warrior a couple of summers ago and in the span of my desert to that point, had showered extra attention upon me, insisting she would pray for me in my battle - a battle, by the way, which she knew nothing about.

I called her - interrupting her leisurely evening of watching hummingbirds. But just like I knew she'd say...I wasn't interrupting. And bless her precious heart, she sat there and listened to me pour out my heart, amid snot, tears, and gasps for air, and then do you know what she said?

"You listen to Grandma Sue."

I don't care who you are - there's no denying God orchestrated THAT one.

She went on to begin a sentence with "I remember when your Mom found out she was expecting..." and I mentally trailed off with what I knew would be next..."and she was so upset..."

But my mental words weren't matching Sue Ann's verbal ones.

"And we were at a retreat and we gathered around her and prayed for her. Prayed over your life. And who of those women is still alive?"

(I didn't know about the retreat so that was a great question. Who is still alive?)

"Only Grandma Sue is still alive. And who would have thought that just like I prayed over your life when your mother carried you, I would get to share this moment with you today and lift you up?"

And that was my next undoing. Mom received a lot of letters and cards during the time she was pregnant with me. I won't lie. I hate some of them. The words those people wrote about "you don't see how anything good can come of this now, but you just wait..." are bitter to read. But I keep them because like them or not, they are part of my story.

But that night. That night those cards and words were redeemed. That night I found out there was a woman - a mighty woman of prayer - who prayed over me before anyone even knew I was Bekah. And that night she prayed over me again. And that night she was an answer to prayer.

Right down to being Grandma Sue.

**incidentally...she had never before referred to herself as Grandma Sue...to me anyway. Again - how COOL is God?**

After I hung up the phone, I started packing for my trip, and felt very peaceful. I also felt very compelled to offer my Isaac as a sacrifice, just as Abraham had done with his Isaac. I felt called to believe that even as I had to “raise the knife,” God would provide a ram….so I went around the house and gathered up every picture I had of him and I put them up on the shelf of my quilt rack. It was my altar.

I went back to the journal and wrote, Three words: Sue Ann Harper. Oh Jesus. Thank You for her love of me today. Thank You for the balm she was to my soul. Thank You for her reminder that Isaac is being dragged around by Satan too. Thank You for her reminder that both You and Isaac are protecting me in this time.

You are my God. I am not trusting in Your awesome power like I should. Help me.

I do feel a weight lifted after her prayers and encouragement. Lord God, release me from this bondage and call to mind my trust in You.

You told me I won a major battle today by declaring I choose You. Help me to leave Isaac on the altar, just as I figuratively did with the pictures on the shelf, and trust You to provide the ram.

Please help me to reconcile this feeling of peace…odd to say, but somehow the peace has made me wonder if I love. Basically – is it peace or apathy? How am I 32 and I don’t understand this?

Chapel

I wrote in the Sunday smattering that I was scheduled to speak in the APS devotions/chapel yesterday morning. I don't think I mentioned that I have only known I was speaking yesterday since last Friday. Not a lot of prep time.

In some ways, it's probably good. Less time to get nervous.

I picked a topic Friday night - from the advent book - and wrote out the official speech Sunday afternoon.

Sunday night I practiced it - and it did NOT go well, in my estimation. Jonathan was my (apparently willing) audience and I really appreciated that he helped me - but I felt weird delivering a speech the way I would to a group...to one person. So I mostly read him the speech. It left quite a bit to be desired. He was gracious and said it was good.

Liar. (Kidding!)

My Dad is a great public speaker. He was a teacher for...well, forever. And he preaches at churches all the time and he's on the radio every week. It's his thing. And while I can do it, it's not a natural thing for me like it is for him. It makes me nervous - but I had a great group this morning.

There were probably between 50 and 75 people at this chapel and they at least appeared interested. I appreciated that. They laughed a couple of times (in appropriate places, you understand) and many sat and smiled at me the entire time. That made it much easier.

I talked about the chapter in the book that covers the time Jesus observed the widow giving her two copper coins. I talked about times when we feel invisible and wish we could be seen - and times when we are seen, and perhaps mocked, and wish we could be invisible.

It was short and sweet - just like I used to tell Dad his sermons needed to be. :)

So that was my Monday adventure in public speaking! I have a couple more adventures on the schedule - so stay tuned. It could be interesting when I finally have foot in mouth syndrome!

Ladies Bible Study Visit

First things first...I cannot believe I've been so lazy that I've not put up the ticker to count down to the end of daylight savings! ONE WEEK, people! ONE WEEK and time goes back where it should be. PRAISE THE LORD.

Okay. Now on to other things.

Last night I had the opportunity to visit Julie Crandall's Bible study. I mentioned a while back that her Bible study was using a study I've written but haven't yet officially published.

I don't know if I've told you the full story - so let me tell you now. Back on August 28th, which was a Saturday, I was journaling in the morning before I rushed headlong into the full day I had planned.

(Incidentally, this was shortly after my desert came to a God-appointed end.)

That morning, I began by writing Struggling with guilt again this morning - about spending so much time in "real life" as in comparison to holed up studying You. Now sure how to re-enter, You know?

As a matter of explanation, that was a HUGE issue for me. I'd spent weeks...months doing nothing but reading, journaling, pacing, driving, and praying. And when the desert ended, I knew God was calling me back to the activities of life...and I had no idea how to go about accomplishing them. All I knew was sitting at the feet of Jesus. I didn't know how to stop being Mary and start being Martha.

So that morning, as I struggled with that guilt, I read Streams in the Desert and it said, in part, "He must take us into His testing room of suffering. And many of us need no other argument than our own experiences to prove that suffering is indeed God's testing room of faith."

And I wrote, in response to that, I can see how You have done this in my life - for sure. But what now, Abba? What is my next step? Where are You taking me? What do You desire of me?

And not even kidding you - an hour later, my phone rang. It was Julie. She'd just come home from Bible study where the ladies were picking out their next book to study. She'd remembered this study I'd written, and she suggested it. And in what she said was a rare act of quick decision making, they asked to use it.

I love the way He answers.

So they've been studying. And tonight I had the privilege of driving up their way to meet them and sitting in on one of the studies. I loved hearing their insights. I loved hearing how they took the words God placed on my heart and applied them to their lives.

It was exciting to glance over and see notes and highlights in their books. They spoke up about the things they read that resonated with them.

And of course, I was convicted all over again by the same things that convicted me when I wrote the words way back in the day.

What a great confirmation of how He answers and how He uses even the most confused, scared, unsure people to accomplish a work for Him.