Thoughts on the End of the Full Time Job

Last week, a couple of you asked some great questions about how I feel about my temp job ending this week! People from the church have started asking the same thing, and I appreciate their (and your!) kindness in thinking of my feelings in all of this.

When I got the phone call about this opportunity, right before Thanksgiving, I had not seen it coming. Obviously I knew Abagail was nearing her due date, but I thought her replacement had been figured out, and it never occurred to me that she or anyone else at the church would think of me as a potential employee.

All the training happened so fast, and even though a few weeks went by before the baby was born and I officially started, the whole thing happened quickly in the grand scheme. 

When starting day arrived, I was terrified. Twelve weeks loomed large before me, and all I could think about was how I might end up single-handedly breaking the church in her absence. She does so many things - and most people don't even know how much she does quietly behind the scenes. 

The transition into working full time was a hard one for me. I had such a great rhythm figured out of working from home and balancing work/church ministry/our life and marriage, and everything was upended by spending so many hours away from home. In those first few weeks, the number of times I thought I couldn't possibly continue doing this far exceeded the number of times I felt any kind of confidence about it.

In the first month of my being there, we also said goodbye to our interim pastor, spent a few weeks without any leader at all, and then welcomed a new full-time lead pastor. (There were also two holidays and a handful of staff absences from both vacation time and surgeries.) The changes in leadership have brought about changes in detail to the job that I expected in theory, but I had no idea what to expect in detail. 

With all that said, my number one goal in taking this job was to help Abagail and to help the church. Abagail takes the job extremely seriously, and while she was ecstatic to have time off to enjoy her new baby girl, she was worried about being away from her job-baby. I wanted her to be able to fully enjoy her leave without worrying about what was or was not happening back in the office. 

Sometimes people would ask me if I was taking her job, and I was always quick to say I was just keeping her chair warm. I never wanted her to hear about anything I'd said that sounded like I thought this job would become mine. I just wanted to help her. 

I'm also aware that a tremendous amount of pressure rests on the shoulders of the front line worker. She's the voice on the phone, the face at the front door, and the keeper of all the details. I wanted to make sure the church ran as seamlessly as possible in Abagail's absence.

The twelve weeks come to a close this week. I've been talking to Abagail more and more each day, feeding information back to her on what she can expect when she returns. We have a day we'll spend together where I pass the baton back to her more-than-capable hands. 

Because I never took ownership of that job in my soul, it won't be hard to let it go. I was pretty stern with myself about that when I started. I wanted to do well...for Abagail. But every time I had to make a decision about how to restructure something or implement a new thing, I made that decision with her in mind. This wasn't about what system would work best for me. It was all about how I could make it easy for her to come back. (Fortunately she and I think fairly similarly, so that wasn't too much of a stretch for me.) 

I will miss my co-workers. They've been so fun to get to know - even when they're picking on me. (Not that this has happened.) I will miss being part of a ministry team, because that zings my soul. I will miss contributing to the family budget. I will miss having an inside scoop on church things - because that really has made my work in women's and small group ministries go so much more smoothly. 

Nevertheless, I look forward to having more time to work on those ministries! Abagail's job is time-demanding, which means I didn't always have the time to devote to the other ministries that I wished I would have had.

I don't know what God has next for me. But I am thankful that I can end this job having met my personal goals. I wanted to do well for Abagail. I wanted to give the job my all. I wanted to learn new things and meet new people. And I did my very best in all those aspects.

People will be so excited to have her back. They've been asking for her more and more. She's so loved by the church, and I know everyone, from the staff to the attenders, will be so thrilled to see her back in her seat. (She probably won't get a thing accomplished throughout that first week because everyone will want to talk her ear off!) 

So that's where I am in processing the job. I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had, I'm grateful to have met my goals, and I'm grateful she'll be back to take her rightful place!