Walk a Mile in My Shoes Wednesday: Homeschooling with Jenna Thompson

A few weeks ago, I featured my friend Tamar on one of these posts. Tamar is an amazing elementary school teacher, and she gave us a glimpse inside a teacher's life. I wanted to also feature one of my friends who homeschools, because I think it's important to see both sides of teaching!

I will be honest and say that years ago, I was not a fan of homeschooling, and I wasn't too silent on my opinions. In the last twenty years, my opinions have changed entirely. Part of that is because the face of homeschooling has changed significantly in that time, and the main issues I had with it no longer exist. And part of it is because the world has changed significantly in that time, and I've lost some of my confidence in some (not all!) school systems. If Ryan and I had kids, I'm about 98% sure I would homeschool them, and my friend Jenna explains below some of the main reasons I have switched sides in my opinion of it!

Jenna introduces herself and her family very well below, so I'll just throw in that she and I met back when she became a student worker in the office where I worked at IWU. We became not just co-workers, but friends, too! I had the honor of attending her wedding, we prayed over our biggest longings together (a baby for her, a husband for me), and Ryan and I went to visit her family the first year after we were married. That was such a fun trip! Here's a not-so-great-photo of the two of us - but it's the most recent one I have! (Humidity had destroyed our hair.)

So without further ado, meet my homeschooling friend Jenna!

My husband and I have four children, ages 7, 5, 3, and 1, so we're schooling a second grader, kindergartener, preschooler, and one who does whatever he wants, up to and including climbing on the dining room table and stealing all the markers.

I've homeschooled my kids from the beginning, and I always knew this would be my calling. I was homeschooled until eighth grade, and then I attended private school throughout my high school years. When I enrolled as a freshman, I was afraid I would be behind everyone else, but I wasn't! I think being homeschooled gave me the opportunity to be an independent learner, and I was taught how to figure things out instead of being spoon-fed information. So when I encountered subjects in high school that were confusing (hello, chemistry and trigonometry), I had confidence I could figure out how to understand them.

I don't say the following to brag, but rather to instill confidence in anyone who is considering homeschooling, but is worried about hindering their children's future. I graduated from high school with a 4.0, got into every college I applied to, was offered academic scholarships, took CLEP tests to test out of college courses I didn't need, and even graduated early. I have a degree in education and Spanish, and I have a master's degree in literacy. And none of it fully prepared me to teach my own children at home.

Here are some things people should know about homeschooling:

1. I do not have more patience than you. 

I often hear people say they could never homeschool because they don't have enough patience. Actually, homeschooling often points out the flaws in the parents, and I've always known that a lack of patience is one of mine. I absolutely love being home with my kids all day and learning with them, but anytime you spend that much time with ANYONE, there's a chance they'll get on your nerves. (Anyone have obnoxious co-workers? But you go to work anyway, because you have a job to do, right?) My "co-workers" can be a little unruly, but we're all learning how to work together toward the common goal of being kind, educated humans.

2. My kids are socialized.

My favorite homeschooling misconception is that if you homeschool, your kids will be weird. I think it's probably more likely that kids will be weird if their parents are weird. (Maybe mine don't have a chance!) When parents are choosing a school system for their kids, whether private or public, they don't ask the teachers and staff members how the kids will be socialized. Their concern is how their kids will learn and how they will be challenged academically. But when it comes to homeschooling, people on the outside suddenly seem more worried that the children won't know how to socialize and don't stop to think about what they're actually learning.

We have church activities, neighborhood friends, homeschooling community days, piano lessons, baseball, and lots of time to be out and about. What I love about homeschooling families is the ability of the children to interact with kids and adults of all ages. They are used to being around younger siblings, older siblings, and obviously parents. When we get together with friends, everyone figures out how to include each other, because that's just what they're used to doing. The teens aren't too cool to play with the little ones, and yet they know how to carry on an intelligent conversation with adults, too.

We socialize in real life situations all the time - at the grocery store, for example. The kids give weekly presentations in their class at their homeschool community, so they are already comfortable speaking in front of groups of peers and parents. This gives them a chance to be in real life settings with people of all age groups. (I think the only time since high school that I've been in a room of people my age was at a high school reunion!)

3. Yes, parents are qualified to teach their children all the way through high school. 

I've been asked many times if we plan to send them to a "real school" for high school. Well, first of all, I didn't think our school was fake, but also - what makes people think I can't teach high school? I went to high school, and I think I have something of value to share with my children when they reach that age, too. Yes, algebra and geometry and biology class were many years ago for me, but so were learning to tie my shoes and use the bathroom, and so far I've managed to teach my kids those skills!

4. I don't have it all together.

My house is generally a mess, and I often feel like I should have my act together more than I do. I mean after all, if I'm home all day, why are there dirty dishes in my sink? (Maybe it's because I'm feeding meals and snacks to six people three times a day!) Why are all of our laundry baskets full of clean laundry that hasn't been put away yet? Well, we spent the morning reading together, and then working on phonics and math, and then it was lunch time, and then the two littles took naps while the older ones worked with me on more school. I had to start prepping for dinner, which meant I needed to do the dishes so I could actually make dinner. That might be why the laundry isn't put away. I try not to let things get out of control, but I have had to learn to live with a little more mess than I would like and give myself the grace that I can't do it all perfectly all the time.

And here's why I do it:

I love being with my family. I don't judge anyone who sends their kids to a classroom for the day, but it's not the best fit for our family. We love being together! (This can actually be a downfall, because we are ALWAYS together, but we have learned to get along, solve problems, and speak to each other kindly. There's no better place to work on that than with family.)

My husband and I prayed for a long time to have children, and suddenly we were blessed with four. I want to experience life with them! I love being there when they learn to read their first words, when math "clicks" for them, and when they surprise me with the fact that they were even listening. (Like when I found out my three year old can name all the presidents in order from Washington to Trump.)

I love that we can run with whatever they're interested in and dig deeper. We don't have to move on to something else if we've hit an interesting spot. And if they aren't picking up on a skill, we can camp on it for a while. My oldest daughter LOVES science. She had a solar system themed birthday party - which fell right around the time of the solar eclipse. She was ecstatic for most of August. She loves rocks, nature, chemistry, and biology. She's seven and already stumps me with her questions - but we work together to find out the answers. My five year old is a geography whiz. He memorized all fifty states and capitals and can tell you where they are on a blank map. (His favorite is Lincoln, Nebraska. He's never been there, but he has already decided he will live there someday.) My three year old can tell you about the presidents, the pilgrims, the Boston Tea Party, or the Civil War, as long as she can sing it to you in a song. My baby (a toddler, really) is destructive most days, but we learn how to work around him, keep him occupied, and take turns playing with him so someone else can have my full attention.

And in spite of all these things that make my kids sound smart (which they are!), I always wonder what else I could do to help them, always worry if I'm messing up everything. But I know I have their best interest at heart, and I know them better than anyone, so I'm reassured we will all make it out of this and be better for it!

And that's why homeschooling is a fit for our family! (Here are some pictures of Jenna's husband helping the kids with some science experiments!)

If you'd like to read the rest of the Walk a Mile in My Shoes posts, just look here!

What I Learned in January

It's quiz time on Spill the Beans this week! Have we ever...cried our way out of a speeding ticket? Broken a bone? Been in a talent show? Turns out we ever learned a bit about each other in this episode!

 Listen here!

Tomorrow is the last day of January, but it's also Walk a Mile in My Shoes Wednesday, so I'm taking today to share what I've learned in the month of January! It's been a very educational month. :)

1. Our alphabetical dates ended up being one of the most fun projects we have ever done as a couple.

I know I already blogged at length about this, so I won't rehash it too much, but I really, really loved our alphabetical date project. I am so glad we did it, and I'm so thankful for the fun and unique experiences we had throughout the last year while we dated through the alphabet!

2. Washing my face at night really is better.

This item probably falls under things I shouldn't admit publicly. :) Until sometime in my twenties, I was a night-showerer, mostly because I hated mornings. But along the way, I switched to morning showers mostly to benefit my hair. (Bed head is no joke for some people.) When I did that, I also switched my face washing routine to the morning. I have heard a million times how terrible it is for your skin when you sleep in makeup, but I never switched my routine. This month, I decided to try it, just to see if it helped. (I did so mostly because the moisturizers I now use don't have time to fully soak into my skin with a morning face washing routine, and it was making all my makeup brushes gunky.) Turns out, it really does make a difference. I was skeptical, but I see a difference! (And not just in brush gunk. My skin is actually firmer and happier.)

3. The "Flabby Abby" routine is actually helpful.

When I put together the January-inspired Pinterest board I shared with you a few weeks ago, it included a calendar for a quick daily ab workout. The actual name of it is "Fab Abs," but one day I couldn't think of that and called it Flabby Abby by mistake. That stuck, and we now call it the Flabby Abby workout. Anyway. It involved sit ups, push ups and planks, starting with a small amount and working up to a higher number by the end of the month. I did this in addition to our regular workouts. I was skeptical, but within a week, I could feel my flabby abbys tightening! Now don't misunderstand me: I'm not transforming into a swimsuit model or anything, but it is helping! (Probably would have helped even more if I'd not lost several days due to illness.)

4. "Walking the Beans" is a thing.

When Ryan offered a podcast tribute to his grandfather earlier this month, he talked about some of his memories of working the farm with his grandpa. Specifically, he mentioned "walking the beans." I asked him if that was like walking dogs. Do you put a leash on the beans and take them for a stroll around the field? Apparently it means walking through the rows looking for rocks and weeds. Who knew?

5. Ryan and I enjoy reading the Bible through together and discussing it.

This year, Ryan and I are doing a read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year plan. This has become our devotional plan for the year, and we are really enjoying it! We read our chapters on our own every day and discuss them at the end of the day. We are learning from our observations and the study notes in our Bibles, and it's been a great bonding experience for us!

6. You can order things from the Dollar Tree online - in bulk.

I was looking at a blog post (educational in nature) and found these foam blocks with dry erase sides. Obviously I don't need them for teaching but I thought they could be fun for other games, so I clicked the link, and that's when I found out you can shop at the Dollar Tree online. WHO KNEW?

7. Ski lodges in movies do NOT accurately represent ski lodges in real life. 

When we went to the ski resort earlier this month, I expected to find a cozy mountain lodge, with couches in every nook and cranny and giant fireplaces hidden in stone. What I found was an enormous building that reminded me more of an airport at Thanksgiving than a cozy scene from a Hallmark movie.

8. I finally found a cough medicine that actually works for me.

Since my childhood, I have never had a "normal" cold. I can shake everything in a normal time frame except the cough. I can be done with runny noses and sore throats and all of that, but the cough can hang on for weeks. And I'm not talking an occasional cough. I'm talking all.the.live.long.day.from.the.moment.i.wake.up.until.i.go.to.sleep. It's horrible. This time around, while I was at the doctor, I mentioned my ridiculous cough, and he prescribed some cough medicine that has an eight-mile-long name. It costs about a million dollars, but it was so worth every single penny. 

So there you have it! What did you learn in January?

Linking up with Tamar

It's a Critical Time...

...okay, not really, but I got your attention, didn't I?

Yesterday I got the itch to start planning our next road trip, but sadly, we don't know where to go! So I thought (naturally) the smartest thing to do would be to gather your input. After all, you're very smart and have given us some great ideas in the past.

As you know, we have a tradition of taking a birthday trip sometime in the late spring or early summer, and this year, one of us has a rather significant birthday coming up. ME! IT'S ME!!!!! So this means one of two things for our travel plans.

We can either:

* take a very special birthday trip that is a bit on the longer/bigger side, ultimately chosen by ME!!! Because I'm turning 40!!!!

* or we can take a long-weekend-kind-of-trip for the birthday trip, and then we could choose something a bit longer later in the year as our official family vacation.

Here are our parameters:

* If we do a long weekend birthday trip, we need it to be preferably no farther than five hours from our home, because we don't want to spend half the weekend in the car.

* For any late spring traveling, we would really, really, really like to go somewhere warmer, which means absolutely NO Michigan destinations, unless we wait until June to go. (You've fooled us twice, Michigan...)

* We have already been the following places on a birthday trip: The Creation Museum...Holland, Michigan...Gatlinburg, Tennessee...Chilton, Wisconsin...Saugatuck, Michigan.

* If we go on a bigger trip, whether as a birthday trip or as a vacation later in the year, we are open to going farther than five hours from home.


(Just so you know, my top pick for a dream 40th trip is Prince Edward Island, but we're going to need someone to show us how to win a contest for that, so if you know of one, TELL ME!)


So there you go! Any suggestions for places we can visit? We'll take all suggestions and keep those we can't use this year!

The Shafferland Shuffle

Well, I sure am glad it's this Sunday and not last Sunday! What a difference a week can make in feeling better!! Sending big hugs to those of you still wrestling with any version of this bug. It's a doozy, isn't it?

* I've already blogged (probably too much!) about last Sunday, when I wasn't feeling so well. I did speak at a little church here in town, and the people were very gracious toward me in my less-than-healthy state. When I got home, I stayed there, and Ryan went out later to represent Shafferland at his sister's birthday party. He even took pictures, so we could still scrapbook the event, even though I didn't get to go. (Husband of the year!)

* I woke up Monday DETERMINED to rid the house of all germs. I threw a big load of clothes in the washer and...it was broken! Of course it was! Meanwhile, I went to the doctor, and he gave me a whole additional set of meds to try. (And they worked!) I came home, cleaned up the sick bed area in the living room, and declared that we were ON the road to recovery. Ryan took our clothes out that evening to wash them, so at least we could kill some more germs.

* I spent Tuesday (and all subsequent days this week) in heavy writing mode for some upcoming speaking events. I felt kinda bad about being a bad wife while I was busy, so I baked Ryan a pie. And then I helped him eat it. :) When Ryan got home from work, he took apart the washer and ordered the new part we would need to get back in business. And I tried to rest up, but that was easier to do before someone stole my seat! LOL!

* We had a big weather surprise on Wednesday: black ice! Our school system was the only one to go on time, so Ryan helped get the kids safely to school, and when all that was done, back into the office I went for more writing. That night I was feeling well enough for some (slow) treadmill walking. Not a true workout, but at least I moved around a bit! I used the time to brainstorm more writing. The writer's brain just never quits.

* Go figure: black ice on Wednesday and nearly springlike temps on Thursday. Ohhhhh, Indiana. I went out for just a bit of fresh air, and because I was buried in writing, Ryan took me out for dinner at Burger King that night. (I love Burger King, but we don't go that often.) He realized he'd forgotten his sunglasses, so he borrowed my spare pair. He found out pretty quickly why they're the spares. They're broken! I laughed and laughed over this look!

* I decided to curl my hair on Friday, just to try to be a little fancy, and I ended up burning my neck with the curling wand. Pretty sure I made the right choice by not enrolling in cosmetology school. After all our days of being cooped up at home, we were out of groceries, so it was get-creative-with-leftovers-and-scrambled-eggs day. And that night? A Shafferland favorite: ear candling party! (We are the coolest with our date nights.)

* Ryan had to work yesterday, and I felt like baking, so I made a batch of chocolate snowball cookies! When Ryan came home from work, he wanted to go see a movie, so we had a little impromptu date night with that and a visit to IHOP for pancakes when we were done. It was good to be out and feeling normal again! (As normal as it ever gets for us, anyway.)

The Saturday Six

One.

I attended Chapel Pike Wesleyan Church for eleven years, beginning in college (when the church I grew up in had dwindled down to a handful of people, and I knew I had to find a church with people my own age) and ending when God called me to move to a new church, for reasons that were then unknown to me. Pastor Steve Colter was my pastor all of those years and he continues to serve that church today. He was featured as the pastor of the week on the IWU alumni blog this week, which is a well-deserved distinction. He shepherded me through some tough times in my personal life and I continue to be grateful for him!

Two.

My sister introduced me to a new blog this week, and I found a post that I just loved! Ways to spread kindness on long winter days. Winter has indeed been long here this week, and I love these ideas for spreading cheer.

Three.

We quote Proverbs 3:5-6 so often, it sort of feels mundane in our minds. Jennifer Rothschild's words on this passage are beautifully written. If you're going through a season of hurt or confusion, take a look at what she has to say!

Four.

Whew! This one could be a hot topic - and I promise I don't mean to start fights! But I am curious about your thoughts on the matter. Many of our friends (and family) are working hard to weed out the stuff in their lives, and that includes the number of possessions their kids have. Of course that creates an issue for grandparents, doesn't it? They want to spoil and aren't fond of the "less is more" mentality. This article encourages grandparents to put their spending and spoiling toward college savings instead of toys. I'm not sure if that would be the best solution for everyone, but what do you think? Do grandparents (of today) spoil too much?

Five.

Looking forward to the winter Olympics? We are! If you're like us, you might also know embarrassingly little about the host city of the winter games, so here are a few facts for you!

Six.

My most recent read isn't a recent book at all. In fact, my guess is that most of you have probably read it! The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder is the sixth book in the Little House collection. Laura wrote these books about her own childhood in the late 1800s, and even though they're intended to be children's books, I think they're just as great for adults. (Check out my vintage copy, even! Yes, it says 95 cents in the upper left corner!)

If you've watched the TV series, you'll probably recognize some names in the book, as the show adapted a few of them and made regular characters out of them. (For example, the Fosters and Reverent Alden...) But the book and the show are not identical, so there are many new adventures to be found in these pages.

Laura is fourteen when this book begins, and she's living out on the prairie with her parents, her older sister Mary, and her two younger sisters, Carrie and Grace. The book opens as summer gives way to fall, and Laura's Pa tells her he can tell it's likely to be a hard winter, based on the behavior of the animals. The muskrats have built thick winter homes, and he fears it's a sign of difficulties to come.

His suspicions are confirmed when the first blizzard (not snowstorm, but blizzard) hits in October. Shortly thereafter, The Ingalls family decides to move into town for the winter. They own a building in town and can transform it into a home for the short term.

So they pack up their livestock, the hay they've harvested, and all they'll need to live in town and make the move. No sooner do they settle in than the prairie town is pummeled by storm after storm after storm. They train stops running, which means no one can receive supplies, including food and fuel. The days and nights are bitterly cold, provisions are scarce, and there seems to be no end to this winter.

Even thought I have read the books before and know the general state of prairie life, I was freshly amazed at the ingenuity of these resourceful people. They found ways to make fuel when they ran out of coal. They found alternative sources for light when the kerosene ran dry. They learned to eat what they could, and they scrapped and foraged to stay alive during the seven months of winter. I'm fairly certain I could not have been as resourceful if I'd been faced with the same debilitating circumstances!

I love the Little House books and will always recommend them, but even if you're an adult, if you've not read this incredible series, give it a try! And if you're feeling like you're living a version of The Long Winter right now, maybe you should start with this one!

Remember When Snow Days Were True Snow Days?

Apparently yesterday marked forty years since the infamous "Blizzard of '78." I remember nothing of this blizzard, since I was still busy growing in utero, but I hear it was quite a disaster. (I've also heard that one of my sisters has some photos from that winter, but she hasn't unearthed them yet, so I can't show you what the old home place looked like back then.)

Even though our part of the state hasn't seen anything quite that spectacular since '78, I can remember pretty big snows coming through when I was a little girl. We lived out in the country, where drifts piled high. (A whole outdoor playground, right?)

(That's my beloved Lassie. Yes, Lassie was a Chihuahua. Don't ask.)

Back in those days, snow days were such fun. My parents both worked in the school system, so a snow day meant we all get to stay home together. We could sleep in, eat breakfast by the fireplace, and play allllllllllllllllllll day long. I could put together puzzles, play with paper dolls, read books, play board games, and end the day with a family hot dog roast right there in living room fireplace. 

Best of all, a snow day was a true snow day. An actual vacation day from school that didn't have to be made up later.

Sometime during my school years, the snow day rule changed and days off for snow meant days made up in warmer weather. And then of course, adulthood arrived, where snow days rarely happened at all.

I do remember one day during my freshman year of college, when I worked at a loan office about ten blocks from the dorm where I lived. The weather was pretty bad, but since the college was a residential campus, it never shut down. If professors couldn't make it in, they could cancel individual classes, but the school remained open. 

That day, many professors couldn't safely make it to campus, so groups of students ran around campus, building snowmen, making snow angels, and acting like overgrown kids. I decided I needed to get to work, but the roads were too treacherous to drive, and I didn't have time to dig out my car from the multiple inches of snow that buried it. So I strapped on some boots and started walking. I got all the way to the office and found a sign hanging on the door. Closed due to inclement weather.

So I turned around and walked ten blocks back to campus. No work, no pay, and after twenty blocks of walking, no fun.

When I got into the real world of adulthood (still working at the college) I only dared to dream about what I would do with a snow day. I actually wrote a post about it one day. All the things I thought I would do if only - if only - I could have a snow day. And what do you know!?!? The very next day I went to work and turned on my computer only to find an email telling me the campus was closed for the day. 

What? I would get a real life snow day? I packed up all my things and returned home for a whole day of scrapbooking and fun. (And it turned into two days of scrapbooking and fun, because the campus closed again the next day.) But as fun as it was, even that was cut short by the adulthood responsibilities of shoveling and treating the sidewalks. 

Ryan and I enjoyed a snow day together about four years ago in the middle of a Polar Vortex. Our county fell under a travel restriction, and we couldn't get to work. We made snow ice cream, built a snowman, watched movies for hours, and had a campout on the living room floor.

I may be almost 40, but I'm still of the persuasion that snow days should pop up now and then, and they should get to be fun. They should be true holidays filled with rest and enjoyment, just like the snow days of our childhood.

But I'm okay if we don't repeat that big, bad blizzard. I like to know I can get out to have some of my fun! Or at least some coffee. 

Creative Outlets

I was still pondering getting out of bed yesterday when Ryan came in to tell me I should prepare to be careful on my commute to school. Apparently we were pummeled with some black ice that either no one knew about, or no one moved too quickly to combat.

While our school was the only one to not call a delay, we did get safely to school and back (with a little help from Ryan) and then I hunkered down at my desk to write for the day.

This entire week is actually a writing week for me. I have some retreats coming up, and I'm spilling the full contents of my talks onto the screen. It's the kind of work that brings the fullest life out of me and utterly exhausts me at the same time. I pour all of who I am into my writing, and when I get going, it can feel more physically and emotionally draining than an actual workout. (I know that won't make any sense to those of you who aren't writers, but it's true.)

Mid-afternoon, as I pounded out a few thousand more words, I received a text from my friend, Amber. (She's the one I featured a few weeks ago on a Walk a Mile in my Shoes post...the one who etches monuments.)

She'd taken the day off, thanks to the surprise black ice, and with her day, she decided to paint. For herself. Not for work. Not for a commissioned project. Just a fun painting she could do because she wanted to do it. She snapped a picture on her phone and sent it to me, and my jaw promptly dropped straight to the floor.

It was, of course, a masterpiece. Her "quick art" done "just for fun" was a stunning piece of perfection with such soul and character.

I gushed over it, because seeing her work is always a joy for me. (And a privilege. I don't know how many times she randomly shares her art with others.) She thanked me and then confessed that it felt good to paint just for the sake of painting. Just for the creative outlet of it all.

For me, writing is that creative outlet. It's my work, yes, but sometimes I do different kinds of writing just for fun. This blog is a huge part of that creative outlet. It's work to do these posts each day, yes, but this is where I get to just sit back and have fun. I'm working on another project right now, too, that is a just-for-fun project. It may become more, but it may not, and I'm okay either way. For now, I'm just having fun creating it.

In this long month of snow-ice-repeat, I believe we do need some good creative outlets in our days. Something we do not because we have to, but just because we want to. Because it inspires joy in our souls.

(If yours is baking, give me a jingle. Another creative outlet of mine happens to be taste-testing.)

Go forth and be creative, my friends! Stir up some life and joy in your soul!

Walk a Mile in My Shoes Wednesday: Living Internationally with Amber Quick

I learned so much as I wrote this week's Walk a Mile post! I hope you get to learn a few things, too!

Today I want to introduce you to my friend, Amber Quick. She, her husband Nate, and I went to college around the same time, but I didn't really know her until a few years later when we all began to attend the same church. They had a toddler and one on the way when I met them, and for a season, Amber and I spent a lot of time together! We lived fairly close, and she'd come over to watch TV with me. She was part of the Bible study I led, and sometimes I'd help out by watching the boys for a little bit. (Here are a few pictures of us from those days!)

I will never forget the night Nate and Amber hosted a game night at their house and we all played Apples to Apples. It was the first time I'd ever played that game, and we just had the best time together. At the end of the game, they used a write-in card to reveal their big news. They were moving.

To Hong Kong.

Not as missionaries, which at that point was the only reason I thought Americans ever moved overseas, but to work in a school. Amber would teach, just as she did here in the States, and Nate would be a school counselor. The school itself would be an English-speaking school and some of the students might be children of missionaries and others might be children of business men and women who lived and worked in Hong Kong.

That was nine years ago. Nate and Amber have lived in Hong Kong ever since, and they've added two more boys to their family since leaving Indiana. I've seen them a handful of times during visits to the States, but I mostly keep up with them on Facebook now. It's been fascinating for me to read and see things about their international life but I imagined there could be more to the story than I saw on Facebook. So I asked Amber if she would tell me what it's like to live overseas (not as a missionary). What did she wish the rest of us knew about this lifestyle? What surprised her about this lifestyle? And my goodness. Did I ever learn!!  Here's what Amber has to say about life in Hong Kong.

1. Hong Kong is home.

As U.S. citizens, Nate and Amber may still refer to the States as home, but it's not really the home of their hearts anymore. Maybe, if God leads them to return Stateside someday to live permanently, they'll find that feeling of home here again, but right now, Hong Kong is home. I'm sure it's hard for family and friends to hear a faraway place has become home, regardless of where that faraway place is, but that doesn't change its truth!

Amber said they have put down roots there, they've flourished there as a family, and when they're "home" in the States, they think often of their "home" in Hong Kong.

If you have friends or family who live far away (by any definition of "far away,") give them the gift of taking an interest in where they live and what they do! Ask how their jobs are going! Ask if they have any special projects or ideas they're considering. Ask about trips they may have taken in and around their country. Ask what life is like there, how the weather compares, what their homes and neighborhoods are like, and most of all - what they miss when they're gone. Just like you want people to take an interest in your lifestyle and passions, those who live abroad would love the same from you! And I imagine it gives their hearts a sense of relief when your genuine interest also offers a permission of sorts for them to be happy where they are!

2. Time in Hong Kong is very different from time in the States.

Amber says this has been one of the strangest things for her to learn. She can choose one thing to do each day (in addition to work), but rarely more. That is truly all she has time to do, because everything takes so much longer over there. They walk many places, they wait in long lines for buses, they squish into train cars, and regardless of the destination, there will be a line there, too. A long one. 

A typical day for her family might include one of the following combinations: work and going to the bank, work and a trip to the store to pick up an item, work and making a snack for her son to take to school for a birthday party (the reason for the trip to the store the day before), or work and dinner out with friends. She said it's rare that she's able to squeeze in more than one extra thing. Yes, she says that can be maddening at times and it's a detail that sometimes makes her covet life in the States, which also brings her to point number three...

3. Living in the U.S. is easy.

We might be raising an eyebrow right about now, but Amber asks us to trust her. She says the U.S. has a way of making hard tasks into simple ones, long tasks into short ones, and though we may complain endlessly, our customer service and convenience options really do make this an easy place to live!

Interestingly enough, Amber says most of the time she doesn't miss the ease and convenience because with them come materialism and spending and other things she never wants to have as part of her regular life again. Even so, some days she could cry over how hard it is to live in Hong Kong. The family works hard every day to transcend language barriers and cultural nuances and learn the very different systems and procedures of their new home. She said sometimes one of them will declare, "Hong Kong won today," and the rest of the family understands and is sympathetic. (Note: perhaps this is a translatable grace we could all learn to give ourselves regarding the hard places of our own lives!)

Did you know that a trip to the bank could actually take her hours? And it's possible that when she's done, she might not have even been successful at achieving her goal. How maddening! But she says even in those moments, she has taught herself to look around and realize that she is surrounded by a beautiful culture, language, land, and people group that she loves so much and it's a privilege to live among it all.

4. Friendships in the international community run deep.

So deep, in fact, that these friends become family in a surprisingly short period of time! Amber says when you find yourself thrown into a new, intimidating experience, you find others who can understand, and you hold onto them tightly! She said she had always longed for rich relationships like this but never thought they existed more than upon occasion. It's a raw and beautiful thing to travel together the road of international living. It's a place to share experiences that create bonds so strong, they remain even if someone moves.

5. A normal work day looks entirely different from a U.S. work day.

Amber's family gets up in the morning and drives to work together. Five of the six members in her family work and learn in the same school building, so she has the privilege of seeing her kids play outside her classroom window. She gets to worship in chapel with her middle school son and visit  her husband in his office during the day. While her sons do their after school activities, Amber prepares her classroom for the next day and runs on the treadmill at the school gym. 

Then the family drives home together, where they find a dinner waiting for them. (They have live-in help, which she says is a whole separate blog post.) They have some neighbors across the street with boys roughly the same age as Nate and Amber's, so sometimes the boys play together in the evenings, and of course, there is always homework to do. 

And it's not just the day's schedule that looks a bit different. It's the landscape, too. Amber says there are Chinese lanterns hanging in the street, temples and pagodas scattered all over, shrines to the god of the ground, incense burning and fruit offerings. It's not unusual to see caged birds getting fresh air on the sidewalks, bed sheets drying on railings, and sometimes even fish on brown paper drying in the sun. (And all of it remains untouched except by the rightful owner. Wow!)

Nate and Amber live in a village, so they wind home through alleys and houses and rough cement paths. Around this time of year, when she walks into the grocery store, she's assaulted by loud, clanging Chinese New Year music. It's very festive, for sure, but also very loud and clanging! 

When they go out to eat, they can't understand anything being said around them, and she finds it lovely. It's background noise she can tune out and focus instead on her family and friends. She raises her hand to flag a waiter, using a special hand sign to ask for the bill. You don't tip waiters there and you certainly don't try to clear your own plates and dishes. Doing so takes away another's job. 

Amber says they carry home groceries by hand or by pulling them in a cart. Even though they have a car, there aren't many parking lots to be found, so it's sometimes easier to walk and carry. 

Yes, the days look different, but Amber says she doesn't even really notice anymore. This is just part of her expectation now. And she adds one last note: she loves Hong Kong. It really is home.

(Nate, Amber, and their four sons in a much more recent photo than the ones at the beginning of this post.)

A great reminder that we are certainly not living cookie cutter lives, and home doesn't have to look the same for any of us. I'm grateful for Amber's perspective into life in Hong Kong. I think many of her thoughts could easily be applied to friends and family living anywhere farther than a mile from any of us. Their lives don't have to look and run like ours. But what a beautiful overall life it is to experience these differences and find comfort in our own versions of home!

To see the rest of the Walk a Mile in My Shoes Wednesday posts, look here! 

Leave it to Bekah...

In a display of one of my most pleasing voices yet, we present to you this week's Spill the Beans. You won't want to miss it!

Listen here!

Well, you are just not even going to believe this, my people. 

I had the best night of sleep Sunday night. I slept the whole whole night. No coughing. It was lovely. But unfortunately, my eye was no better Monday morning. No worse, but no better. So as soon as the doctor's office opened, I called to see if they could schedule me. Blissfully, for this awful flu season, they were able to get me in that very morning. Suh-weet.

So I went to my appointment, and I have become convinced that my doctor just finds the greatest amusement in talking with me. I'm "that patient." I told him my whole sad tale of cold and swollen eyes and speaking for a living. Told him all about the middle-of-the-night online clinic and proudly showed off my two prescriptions. 

And then we talked about my eye. He looked into my eye with the little light, had me move my eyes around, and then our conversation went like this:

Doctor: So it doesn't hurt?

Me: Nope.

Doctor: Doesn't even itch?
Me: Nope.

Doctor: But it's watery.

Me: No. A little matted when I first wake up, but not watering during the day.

Doctor: Doesn't even hurt to move your eye around?
Me: Nope.

Doctor: And you can actually see?

Me: Oh yes. Haven't slowed down at all.

Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.

I love it when I'm a medical anomaly. 

Typing around on the computer and a few moments of thinking later...

Doctor: Well you definitely have the conjunctivitis. 

Me: (Mentally planning my obituary.)

Doctor: Pink eye.

Me: Are you SERIOUS?

Doctor: Yep.

Me: But how? I haven't seen anyone for a week! I've been home on the couch! I didn't drive the kids, I didn't go to school...HOW?
Doctor: You can actually give it to yourself. It can happen.

I love it when I find the weirdest medical improbabilities and turn them into the most natural thing in the world. 

Me: HOW?

Doctor: Well, if you're coughing or sneezing into your hand or you touch something after you cough or sneeze and then you rub your eyes, you can transmit germs or infection into your eyes and this can happen.

Already knowing the answer, I asked what we do next.

Eyedrops.

I'm legendary at the eye doctor's office for being "that grown up" when it comes to administering eye drops. I slide out the bottom of the chair while she's trying to put them in and I'm like, "Whoa! Didn't mean for that to happen!" (If you've ever seen the episode of Friends where Monica tries to put drops in Rachel's eyes - it's like that.) 

So there I was, 39 years old, receiving my first pink eye diagnosis, which I gave TO MYSELF after a week of quarantine.

I came home and texted some friends to update them. Among them? Our friend Shawn, who was Ryan's skiing buddy last week. 

Me: Pink eye for the win.

Shawn: Ha. You need to throw in the towel.

Me: I did. And that's when the washer broke. I'm not kidding.

Shawn: Only to the Shaffers.

That, my friends, is a true story. I have a laundry bag full of germ filled clothing, and our washer just said (in the words of that famous YouTube lady) Nope. I ain't doin' it. 

Powering Through

Happy Monday! May I tell you a little story?

This past Tuesday was supposed to be my first speaking day of 2018. I was scheduled to speak at a mini-retreat at a church about an hour from home, and I was really looking forward to it. As I prayed over the church and the planning committee, I prayed specifically about the weather. It is, after all, Indiana in the winter. Enough said. I prayed specifically that God would make the decision unmistakable for the committee. (They had a backup day planned for a week following the original date.) I didn't want them to wrestle with whether or not they had made the right call if they felt they needed to postpone.

About a week and a half before the event, I received an email that said they needed to postpone for a variety of reasons...weather being one of them. It was such an answer to prayer (for me!) to know God had been clear with them, and I shared that praise with them.

Well, this past Tuesday night was when I shivered under a blanket on the couch with the start of the crud. Who could have foreseen that, but God!? I was grateful in a whole new way. 

So my second scheduled speaking (now moved up to first for the year) was yesterday. A little church here on the edge of Kokomo invited me back to speak to them. I've been there a handful of times before and just really enjoy them so much. Such kind people. And boy, did I ever need them to be such kind people this time. I packed all my tissues and cough drops and water bottles and profusely thanked the Lord that they knew I was capable of sounding better than I did in that very moment. 

I'd even gone so far as to request prayer for my voice, because as of Saturday, I wasn't sure it would hold up for even 20-30 minutes!

So imagine my surprise when I woke up on Sunday with my left eye swollen almost shut. WHAT?! Where did that come from? I have never had such a thing happen before. It didn't hurt or itch or even water. But it was all read and definitely swollen.

I knew better than to touch it excessively, and I knew better than to put any makeup on it, for fear of contaminating my makeup with whatever was happening. It was definitely a first to think about going out with only half my makeup done, but I didn't really have much of a choice. Thank goodness for freshly cut bangs!

It was super foggy here yesterday, so all the squinting in this picture is definitely not from the sun. I just looked like I was winking all day, I guess. 

I was careful to keep my distance from the good people at church. No hugs or shaking hands. Just air-high-fives from five feet away.

(One of my friends even surprised me by showing up to hear me! I was going to ask for a picture with her, but didn't want her to have to stand that close to me if she didn't want to.)

I was so thankful that I made it all the way through my entire talk without dying from coughing or any other uber embarrassing thing happening! And I guess from a distance, you can't see the half-made-up face too much.

The people were so, so nice to me. Bless them. And as one of my friends later pointed out, I must have really had something on the schedule that Satan did NOT want someone to hear, because he sure went to a lot of lengths to keep me from sharing those words. I don't know what it was or who it was for, but I powered through and said what God had impressed on my heart to say!

I guess the people weren't too horrified by my looks and sound, because they invited us to join them for lunch after church. And then it was home to Mo for the rest of the day. 

I have three weeks before I speak again. Here's to hoping I have a regularly sized face and normal sounding respiratory system by then!

Linking up with Tamar!