Well, you are just not even going to believe this, my people.
I had the best night of sleep Sunday night. I slept the whole whole night. No coughing. It was lovely. But unfortunately, my eye was no better Monday morning. No worse, but no better. So as soon as the doctor's office opened, I called to see if they could schedule me. Blissfully, for this awful flu season, they were able to get me in that very morning. Suh-weet.
So I went to my appointment, and I have become convinced that my doctor just finds the greatest amusement in talking with me. I'm "that patient." I told him my whole sad tale of cold and swollen eyes and speaking for a living. Told him all about the middle-of-the-night online clinic and proudly showed off my two prescriptions.
And then we talked about my eye. He looked into my eye with the little light, had me move my eyes around, and then our conversation went like this:
Doctor: So it doesn't hurt?
Me: Nope.
Doctor: Doesn't even itch?
Me: Nope.
Me: Nope.
Doctor: But it's watery.
Me: No. A little matted when I first wake up, but not watering during the day.
Doctor: Doesn't even hurt to move your eye around?
Me: Nope.
Me: Nope.
Doctor: And you can actually see?
Me: Oh yes. Haven't slowed down at all.
Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.
I love it when I'm a medical anomaly.
Typing around on the computer and a few moments of thinking later...
Doctor: Well you definitely have the conjunctivitis.
Me: (Mentally planning my obituary.)
Doctor: Pink eye.
Me: Are you SERIOUS?
Doctor: Yep.
Me: But how? I haven't seen anyone for a week! I've been home on the couch! I didn't drive the kids, I didn't go to school...HOW?
Doctor: You can actually give it to yourself. It can happen.
Doctor: You can actually give it to yourself. It can happen.
I love it when I find the weirdest medical improbabilities and turn them into the most natural thing in the world.
Me: HOW?
Doctor: Well, if you're coughing or sneezing into your hand or you touch something after you cough or sneeze and then you rub your eyes, you can transmit germs or infection into your eyes and this can happen.
Already knowing the answer, I asked what we do next.
Eyedrops.
I'm legendary at the eye doctor's office for being "that grown up" when it comes to administering eye drops. I slide out the bottom of the chair while she's trying to put them in and I'm like, "Whoa! Didn't mean for that to happen!" (If you've ever seen the episode of Friends where Monica tries to put drops in Rachel's eyes - it's like that.)
So there I was, 39 years old, receiving my first pink eye diagnosis, which I gave TO MYSELF after a week of quarantine.
I came home and texted some friends to update them. Among them? Our friend Shawn, who was Ryan's skiing buddy last week.
Me: Pink eye for the win.
Shawn: Ha. You need to throw in the towel.
Me: I did. And that's when the washer broke. I'm not kidding.
Shawn: Only to the Shaffers.
That, my friends, is a true story. I have a laundry bag full of germ filled clothing, and our washer just said (in the words of that famous YouTube lady) Nope. I ain't doin' it.
11 comments:
UGH!! I hope this is the end of your 2018 germs!!
Oh my goodness! I’ve no others words... well, other than I hope you get feeling better soon!!
You were contagious as you spoke to the church on Sunday. Did you not "google" your symptoms? Anyone can get pinkeye, two adults in our traveling group who sat on opposite ends of the airplane got it, it is not just children's for children.
Tamar - I hope so too!
Maria - ME TOO!
Anonymous - Ryan thought of it, but he didn't think it was possible since I had been home alone for a week. I thought it was a reaction to the medication I started the day before, since I'd never had any eye issue, nor had I ever taken that medication. I have notified the church and apologized, and I do feel badly about it. I did the best I could to keep my distance while at the church. I didn't touch anyone or anything in the church (Ryan opened all doors, held the hymnal, etc.) but I have apologized in case I unknowingly spread germs.
Oh Bekah, don't feel bad about possibly spreading this! I really doubt you did. Pink eye is super common and it's actually just a "cold" in your eye. If the eye drops are really scary to you, just skip them. Pink eye WILL go away on it's own!!
Kelly
Hope your eye is getting better by now. NO DOUBT that you were suppose to share that message on Sunday! I also dislike using eye drops even though I need to because of super dry eyes!
Kelly - Thank you for your grace! The church wasn't at all upset, and it turns out I actually can do eye drops! (It works better for me to self-administer than to receive them from someone else, I learned.)
Shari - I am REMARKABLY better today. I have never used eye drops in my life except at the eye doctor when they put them in before whatever test they give, so this is definitely a first!
Aint nobody got time for that. Time to pray for the washer now.
Odie - Isn't that the truth!!!!?! Ryan took ours out to wash last night, and now he's trying to figure out what part we need and how to replace it. Clearly that is a party I should not join.
You poor thing!! I've had allergic conjunctivitis once and it wasn't much fun, so I feel your pain.
From one medical anomaly to another....I hope you get better ASAP! Oh and I wish I could do the eye drops for you, I love them!
Christina
Christina - We must have picked this up in college, huh? I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER tonight. The eye looks almost completely normal again, and my billion dollar cough medicine is WORKING!!!! Made it worth the $$! (And now I know trivia about you - you love eye drops?)
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