Walk a Mile in My Shoes Wednesday: Living Internationally with Amber Quick

I learned so much as I wrote this week's Walk a Mile post! I hope you get to learn a few things, too!

Today I want to introduce you to my friend, Amber Quick. She, her husband Nate, and I went to college around the same time, but I didn't really know her until a few years later when we all began to attend the same church. They had a toddler and one on the way when I met them, and for a season, Amber and I spent a lot of time together! We lived fairly close, and she'd come over to watch TV with me. She was part of the Bible study I led, and sometimes I'd help out by watching the boys for a little bit. (Here are a few pictures of us from those days!)

I will never forget the night Nate and Amber hosted a game night at their house and we all played Apples to Apples. It was the first time I'd ever played that game, and we just had the best time together. At the end of the game, they used a write-in card to reveal their big news. They were moving.

To Hong Kong.

Not as missionaries, which at that point was the only reason I thought Americans ever moved overseas, but to work in a school. Amber would teach, just as she did here in the States, and Nate would be a school counselor. The school itself would be an English-speaking school and some of the students might be children of missionaries and others might be children of business men and women who lived and worked in Hong Kong.

That was nine years ago. Nate and Amber have lived in Hong Kong ever since, and they've added two more boys to their family since leaving Indiana. I've seen them a handful of times during visits to the States, but I mostly keep up with them on Facebook now. It's been fascinating for me to read and see things about their international life but I imagined there could be more to the story than I saw on Facebook. So I asked Amber if she would tell me what it's like to live overseas (not as a missionary). What did she wish the rest of us knew about this lifestyle? What surprised her about this lifestyle? And my goodness. Did I ever learn!!  Here's what Amber has to say about life in Hong Kong.

1. Hong Kong is home.

As U.S. citizens, Nate and Amber may still refer to the States as home, but it's not really the home of their hearts anymore. Maybe, if God leads them to return Stateside someday to live permanently, they'll find that feeling of home here again, but right now, Hong Kong is home. I'm sure it's hard for family and friends to hear a faraway place has become home, regardless of where that faraway place is, but that doesn't change its truth!

Amber said they have put down roots there, they've flourished there as a family, and when they're "home" in the States, they think often of their "home" in Hong Kong.

If you have friends or family who live far away (by any definition of "far away,") give them the gift of taking an interest in where they live and what they do! Ask how their jobs are going! Ask if they have any special projects or ideas they're considering. Ask about trips they may have taken in and around their country. Ask what life is like there, how the weather compares, what their homes and neighborhoods are like, and most of all - what they miss when they're gone. Just like you want people to take an interest in your lifestyle and passions, those who live abroad would love the same from you! And I imagine it gives their hearts a sense of relief when your genuine interest also offers a permission of sorts for them to be happy where they are!

2. Time in Hong Kong is very different from time in the States.

Amber says this has been one of the strangest things for her to learn. She can choose one thing to do each day (in addition to work), but rarely more. That is truly all she has time to do, because everything takes so much longer over there. They walk many places, they wait in long lines for buses, they squish into train cars, and regardless of the destination, there will be a line there, too. A long one. 

A typical day for her family might include one of the following combinations: work and going to the bank, work and a trip to the store to pick up an item, work and making a snack for her son to take to school for a birthday party (the reason for the trip to the store the day before), or work and dinner out with friends. She said it's rare that she's able to squeeze in more than one extra thing. Yes, she says that can be maddening at times and it's a detail that sometimes makes her covet life in the States, which also brings her to point number three...

3. Living in the U.S. is easy.

We might be raising an eyebrow right about now, but Amber asks us to trust her. She says the U.S. has a way of making hard tasks into simple ones, long tasks into short ones, and though we may complain endlessly, our customer service and convenience options really do make this an easy place to live!

Interestingly enough, Amber says most of the time she doesn't miss the ease and convenience because with them come materialism and spending and other things she never wants to have as part of her regular life again. Even so, some days she could cry over how hard it is to live in Hong Kong. The family works hard every day to transcend language barriers and cultural nuances and learn the very different systems and procedures of their new home. She said sometimes one of them will declare, "Hong Kong won today," and the rest of the family understands and is sympathetic. (Note: perhaps this is a translatable grace we could all learn to give ourselves regarding the hard places of our own lives!)

Did you know that a trip to the bank could actually take her hours? And it's possible that when she's done, she might not have even been successful at achieving her goal. How maddening! But she says even in those moments, she has taught herself to look around and realize that she is surrounded by a beautiful culture, language, land, and people group that she loves so much and it's a privilege to live among it all.

4. Friendships in the international community run deep.

So deep, in fact, that these friends become family in a surprisingly short period of time! Amber says when you find yourself thrown into a new, intimidating experience, you find others who can understand, and you hold onto them tightly! She said she had always longed for rich relationships like this but never thought they existed more than upon occasion. It's a raw and beautiful thing to travel together the road of international living. It's a place to share experiences that create bonds so strong, they remain even if someone moves.

5. A normal work day looks entirely different from a U.S. work day.

Amber's family gets up in the morning and drives to work together. Five of the six members in her family work and learn in the same school building, so she has the privilege of seeing her kids play outside her classroom window. She gets to worship in chapel with her middle school son and visit  her husband in his office during the day. While her sons do their after school activities, Amber prepares her classroom for the next day and runs on the treadmill at the school gym. 

Then the family drives home together, where they find a dinner waiting for them. (They have live-in help, which she says is a whole separate blog post.) They have some neighbors across the street with boys roughly the same age as Nate and Amber's, so sometimes the boys play together in the evenings, and of course, there is always homework to do. 

And it's not just the day's schedule that looks a bit different. It's the landscape, too. Amber says there are Chinese lanterns hanging in the street, temples and pagodas scattered all over, shrines to the god of the ground, incense burning and fruit offerings. It's not unusual to see caged birds getting fresh air on the sidewalks, bed sheets drying on railings, and sometimes even fish on brown paper drying in the sun. (And all of it remains untouched except by the rightful owner. Wow!)

Nate and Amber live in a village, so they wind home through alleys and houses and rough cement paths. Around this time of year, when she walks into the grocery store, she's assaulted by loud, clanging Chinese New Year music. It's very festive, for sure, but also very loud and clanging! 

When they go out to eat, they can't understand anything being said around them, and she finds it lovely. It's background noise she can tune out and focus instead on her family and friends. She raises her hand to flag a waiter, using a special hand sign to ask for the bill. You don't tip waiters there and you certainly don't try to clear your own plates and dishes. Doing so takes away another's job. 

Amber says they carry home groceries by hand or by pulling them in a cart. Even though they have a car, there aren't many parking lots to be found, so it's sometimes easier to walk and carry. 

Yes, the days look different, but Amber says she doesn't even really notice anymore. This is just part of her expectation now. And she adds one last note: she loves Hong Kong. It really is home.

(Nate, Amber, and their four sons in a much more recent photo than the ones at the beginning of this post.)

A great reminder that we are certainly not living cookie cutter lives, and home doesn't have to look the same for any of us. I'm grateful for Amber's perspective into life in Hong Kong. I think many of her thoughts could easily be applied to friends and family living anywhere farther than a mile from any of us. Their lives don't have to look and run like ours. But what a beautiful overall life it is to experience these differences and find comfort in our own versions of home!

To see the rest of the Walk a Mile in My Shoes Wednesday posts, look here!