It's podcast Tuesday!! Hope you enjoy our adventures and the jobs we have dreamed of having!
And now, let's chat, shall we?
This past weekend, on the Saturday Six, I linked to an article that talked about the growing trend that adult kids do not want to inherit all the stuff their parents have. And their parents are taking it personally, feeling that the rejection of their stuff shows a lack of love from their kids.
A couple of you left comments about your own thoughts on that, and it made me think even more about this topic and where I stand on it, where Ryan stands on it, and why we feel the way we do!
I've made no secret over the past year or so that I have been in an intentional mode of paring down. Letting go of things. Less is more, right? After I left the station, I went ruthlessly through our entire house and eliminated all the things we didn't use. We had a huge rummage sale and made enough money from that sale to pay for our Great Getaway of 2015 last fall. Then we moved, we pared down again, letting go of things we didn't need so we had room in our new space to breathe.
I have done the same thing with my clothing, adopting the capsule wardrobe philosophy and getting rid of 3/4 of the clothing I owned. When new things come in now, something must go. I even went through my jewelry and let go of the pieces I never wore.
Even in all the paring down, we're not minimalists. Not truly. We still have a LOT of stuff, and we're certainly lacking for nothing.
So this brings us back to the original question. Do we want to inherit more stuff? And if we don't, does that mean we're disrespectful to our parents and what they might want us to have?
Fortunately, Ryan and I have similar thoughts on this topic, so that's good! At least we agree!
We do not want to bring more stuff into our house for the express purpose of bringing more stuff into our house. We don't want to clutter up our space with more things just because we "should" take them.
But whenever the time comes {many years down the road of course, because all our parents are going to live a good long time}, and we need to divide the material possessions of our parents' households, I think these are some good rules for us to live by:
* If there are things that hold deep, beautiful memories for us, and those things physically fit in our house with out creating messes and clutter, then I think those things should move into our home. {And we would want to offer that same opportunity to all of our siblings for things they may want for the same reasons!}
* If there are things that could replace something we own, by providing an upgrade, then I would be all for making a swap. That way, we aren't bringing additional items into our home, but we would have the opportunity to improve upon what we have. {For example, if we had a chair that was falling apart and we could replace it with one that wasn't, then I would be fine getting rid of what we have and bringing in something better.}
* If there is something that we aren't particularly attached to, but we know an extended family member or friend has always admired it, I think it would be great to gift it to them, knowing it will be loved and treasured and will allow fond memories to be fostered in other households, too!
* For the day-to-day items, I would love to find people who might just be starting out and could use the blessing. My mom and aunt cleaned out their parents' house when I was a senior in high school, and I ended up with a treasure trove of the things no one else wanted: everyday dishes, towels, baking pans, other kitchen utensils, and things like that. A few years later, when I established my own home, those inheritances were HUGE in helping me afford to get started. I think it's great to pay that blessing forward to someone else who is starting out or starting over!
Our home already has a smattering of pieces that have come from both our families and represent our heritage. We love those pieces and are so glad they are part of our story. If we're able, along the way, to add to that collection, with little items here and there, I will love that too! But I don't want to create wall-to-wall clutter out of feelings of obligation.
So that's where we stand on it. How about you? Do you want to inherit more things? Do you feel pressure to be willing to take stuff?
4 comments:
Very interesting ideas! I too am trying to pair down! I just took a box and bag to the donation site of kitchen gear I never use and really never will use! Slow and steady.
I share many of your same guidelines. I've let myself been gifted items that held no meaning to me, weren't utilitarian, lacked a place in my home and are now taking up storage space. I'm working on how to gracefully say no to such offered items. I don't want to hurt feelings and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but, I feel like you do regarding the criteria for which I want to receive "stuff." Like you, my husband and I were gifted many practical items when we starting out and didn't have much. I appreciated being gifted them 17 years ago and I still appreciate them.
My dad is a sentimental slob. So when we were going through his parents' household, he and my mom started WWIII because of their disagreements about what should come home with them and what shouldn't. My mom didn't want anything that wasn't useful. I was in my first apartment, so I could take some things that my dad wanted to hold onto but would cause an argument if he brought it home. I remember him handing me a dish or something and whispering, "Will you take this?" then secretly handing it to me. (Makes me laugh now.)
Recently when my brother was in town, he and my parents and I had an impromptu discussion about our parents' will. My dad let us know that he was going to (or did) make a list of certain items he would like someone in the family to have because they meant a lot to him. (Did I mention my dad is sentimental?) I thought that was a good idea as this could prevent us from getting rid of something accidentally that was important to him. Although, he does realize it's just "stuff" and we may not have the same appreciation for it.
I love your thoughts! And I love the term "sentimental slob." That is great! I remember way back in the day, watching the show on TLC...was it called Clean Sweep?...and the organizer guy would encourage people to take pictures to serve the memory of the thing....and then let go of the actual THING. I like that too! Of course...it involves pictures!
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