Chaos

I don't know how things are going in your world, but over here...they're a bit chaotic.

And by that, of course, I mean...

...my hair is turning white faster than I can dye it back to anything else. Even neon orange.

Earlier this week, I curled up next to the fireplace, while waiting for Ryan to come home from work, and I tried to do my devotions..I stared at a semi-blank journal page and an open Bible {ironically and perhaps appropriately bent back to the book of Job} and I wrote in less than perfect handwriting, Feeling frazzled and disconnected from You - from everything.

Great. 

One week into the new year and everything had already fallen apart. {Isn't that the leading cause of lost new year's resolutions?}

* One week into the new year, Ryan and I still hadn't read our new year's reflection papers from the PREVIOUS year, nor filled out new ones for next year. {OCD person's nightmare.}

* Our gym was supposed to open back up Monday, getting us back in the exercise swing...but campus was closed, so we didn't get to start up like we wanted to. {Too far to walk safely in the subzero temps even if it was open.}

* The only thing Lynne and I have done since January 2 is rearrange Mid-Morning shows...Lynne was sick...then the station was closed...then a guest couldn't get in...then a meeting got rescheduled. This is probably THE hardest thing for me to handle in my job {mentally speaking - it's not actually hard to do}...change the schedule. I work hard to carve those in stone and it really bothers me when we have to make a change!

* The combination of snow days, weekends, holidays and oversleeping destroyed my early morning devotions commitment in the first week of the year...flat.

* Something about being confined inside your house makes you crave pizza and burgers - badly. And when all you have are salads and chili...it's just not the same.

* The mornings I did get to go to work, I had to start out about 2 hours before the day began and drive 30 miles an hour to stay safe. Mentally prepping to drive 30 miles an hour for 2 hours before even consuming a full cup of coffee is not a lot of fun.

You get the idea.

Nothing major. Nothing life changing. Nothing disastrous.

But everything was just out of sorts. I just wanted a nice day when I could wake up - on time - and do my devotions and leave home - on time - and get to work where I would get to listen to the show that was scheduled for that day - and then come home and go to the gym and eat dinner before 8:00 and rest a bit and go to bed.

Some people {maybe you're one of them!!} roll with that kind of chaos. Ryan rolls with it pretty well. I don't. It undoes me.

And yet as I curled up against the fireplace, I thought....maybe He needs me to be undone. Maybe this chaos is meant to wreck my OCD world so I fall into His arms and learn what He has for me.

This girl fully intended to have 2014 in a tight grasp when it began. And I feel like...I haven't even really located it yet, let alone grasped it.

But you know what?

This land of chaos is such a beautiful place to be. It's beautiful because God's here. And I'm here. And He's leading me. It's maddening and mysterious all at once but it's molding me. So I'm digging in and leaning on Him. Join me??