Wednesday in the Word: Delight

 

Dad’s request for his funeral message was that it would focus on the Bible. So that’s what I did. From the first words of Genesis to the final words of Revelation, we took a trip through the pages of Scripture and looked at a sampling of the truths found within.

                One of the verses I read came from Psalm 1 – “but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.” I thought maybe I might share from the words of my message here:

You heard part of Dad’s story earlier when Ryan read sections of it. Dad devoted his time to many things throughout his 94 years, but one consistent use of his time was reading the Word of God.

The very first Psalm says of the blessed man, But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And Dad did. He knew his Scripture. It was never a chore for him. It genuinely was a delight.

I’ve often said that one of the greatest gifts Dad gave me was a love for the Word of God. When I was a little girl, Dad would come to tell me goodnight and he’d sit on the edge of the bed and tell me Bible stories from memory. And he didn’t just tell the “big” ones – you know what I mean? He told the obscure ones that always get skipped over in the children’s Bible. He knew them by heart, and he told them in great detail. And he could do that because his delight had been in the Word of God. After all, there’s a lot of good stuff in there.

Part of the legacy he left to me is a love for the Word of God. And while I do not have children of my own, it is my great joy to pass along that love to those I have the privilege to serve. I know many of you in this room sat under Dad’s preaching or teaching along the way, and you know how much he would want you to know and love the Word of God. One way you can honor his life is to carry on his legacy of loving Scripture.

                My beloved Bible has been with me since the WillowBridge days, and I’ve lived in it, carried it with me everywhere, and documented my journey on its pages. I’ve copied the words from the Gospels, learned things I never saw before, and found my appetite for learning more only growing.

                I hope it will be the same for you.  

Tuesday Tales: Dad's Funeral

 

Last Friday we had Dad’s visitation and funeral all in one day – at the church Ryan and I attended when we were first married. We were trying to be respectful of Mom’s limited strength, so we had everything in one day (in that county) on Friday. It was a little over an hour’s trip for her each way, and then she was there around five hours in total. That is a lot for her without any rest in the middle.

                I’d gone to the church the night before to set up some picture tables, and I ended up hanging out to talk to the pastor for quite a while. He’s a family friend from years ago, so we had a lot to catch up on in family and ministry stories.

                The morning of the funeral, Ryan and I got ready and headed out, and I was struck with an overwhelming attack of nerves. It finally settled in that my first funeral ever was going to be my own father’s funeral, and I felt dreadfully underqualified.

                We arrived about an hour before the visitation, and we were able to see Dad. We were so pleased with how much he looked like the Dad we remembered. The parts of his appearance that had made him look so sick and frail for so long were gone, and he looked healthy and whole. And I loved the flowers for the casket. We just asked for a fall spray, and we loved what they did.

                Ryan and I cleaned up pretty well, I thought. 😉

                Mom arrived a little after we did, and she did not want to use her rollator to walk to the front, so Ryan walked her up there. She kept pausing to give herself a pep talk and eventually made it. She seemed pleased, too, with Dad’s appearance.

                There are many things I would do differently from this day if I had it to do over again, and one is everything about pictures. I didn’t have a photographer to help me, so I could only grab what I could, and we didn’t do a great job of getting group photos of the family or anything. Here’s one of me with my sisters!

                The visitation was only two hours long, and we hugged a lot of people in two hours. (Ryan and I did miss a few people who seemed to skip out of line before they got to us, but I think we saw most of them!) It was really sweet of many of our friends to come to support us!

                The funeral started at 1 p.m. My brother-in-law, Jeff, led the congregational singing and also sang a solo medley of hymns.

                Ryan read the eulogy, and I was so proud of him. He did a great job with it.

                And somehow, I got through the message. I actually made myself a collage of Ryan’s funny faces and printed it out. Whenever I started to get teary-eyed, I’d look at my funny pictures until I got back on track. Ryan told me later, “I saw you looking to the left a few times and knew you were looking at the pictures.”

                Dad wanted the message to be focused on the Bible, so that’s what I did. I hope he would have been pleased.

                All the sons-in-law, Mom and Dad’s neighbors, and Dad’s best friend were pallbearers, and we were so thankful that the rain held during the graveside portion of the service. (It was cold and windy, but the rain held.)

                Right before that service, the funeral director came up to me with wide eyes and slight panic. “Do you have a committal service?” he asked me. (He knew it was my first funeral.) I SO WISHED I would have been quick enough to wide-eye-stare him back and say, “WHAT? You didn’t tell me that!” (He has a super fun sense of humor, and I would have enjoyed watching his reaction. Dad also had a good sense of humor and would have enjoyed this banter.) Alas, I did not think of this, so I just said a lame yes and started talking. #missedopportunity.

                It was a long day, hard in its own ways, and filled with things I would have done differently if I had the chance. But it was also full of God’s grace and a lot of goodness. And for that, I’m thankful.

Menu Monday: Nourishing Body and Soul

 

This was another strange week in Shafferland…one in which I didn’t always take pictures of our meals, and sometimes I didn’t even have meals. I look forward to some kind of return to normalcy in our schedules, routines, and eating habits, for sure!

                But for today, I want to pause to say thanks to those of you who kept us fed in this strange week, where we had little time, energy, or desire to cook for ourselves.

                For the friend who showed up first thing Monday morning with a tub of chicken noodle soup and some chocolate chip cookies…thank you!

                For the friends who showed up Tuesday evening with a slow cooker of chicken and dumplings and pumpkin cookies…thank you!

                For my coworkers who surprised me with my favorite coffee…thank you!

                For the church that hosted Dad’s funeral and made sure we had cold meat, cheese, fresh veggies, cookies, and even some pie for the road…thank you!

                For our church, who sent us home yesterday with chili, cornbread, chips, and apple pie…and a gift card for later…thank you!

                For this past week and the days to come, we’re well cared-for, and we are thankful.

Sunday Scrapbook: Moments from the Week

 

What a week we had. We knew, last weekend, that we were at the end of Dad’s life. Ryan was so gracious to help me document it to the fullest, and though those are pictures that we will just keep for ourselves, I am so thankful we have each one of them.

                Last Sunday was Dad’s last birthday here on this earth. It had been his goal to make it to 94, and he did. Mom sang to him, described his gifts to him, and we had some cake (and pizza) in his honor. He hated pizza, so that part might not have been a great tribute. Anyway. It was a hard but good Sunday. I spent the whole day there in his room with him, playing music, reading Scripture, and talking to him.

                Monday morning, Dad took his last breath just after 4 a.m. Ryan came immediately to be with me and we stayed a while, and then we came home so I could get some true sleep for the first time in a couple of days. We had our meeting with the funeral home that afternoon, and it brought back such memories of our meetings for Allen and Nita several years ago.

                I ran by staff meeting on Tuesday – not for the whole meeting, but just for a bit to see my friends. Turns out they thought they might see me, so they got me coffee! Wasn’t that so sweet? I was able to take it with me to the salon for my 3-hour overhaul. It was amazing.

                Ryan and I decided to teach our midweek groups this week, just to have a moment of normalcy. When I came back to my office after teaching, these two beautiful bouquets were sitting on my desk. Oh how I love them! My people know me well.

                I decided to run to the church where the funeral would be held so I could set up some pictures and such. On my way home, I felt like having some ice cream, so I stopped at Dairy Queen and got Dad’s favorite Blizzard: Oreo!

                Friday was Dad’s visitation and funeral in their home county. The church was so kind and gracious to us, and we appreciated it. The funeral home had done a magnificent job making Dad look like the Dad we remembered, and we were so grateful. It was a joy to see so many friends, and we felt like the service went well. It was a family effort, and I think Dad would have enjoyed it.

                Yesterday we had a visitation at Swiss Village so Mom’s friends who have become her neighbors could spend some time with her. My favorite part was watching her get to sit and enjoy the picture slide show and talk about the memories with her friends! And then I came home and put my sore feet up!

Saturday Suggestions: Inspirations for Your Weekend

 

                One week ago today, Hospice told us Dad’s death was imminent. What a week it has been…so many goodbyes. I am entirely behind on blog reading and commenting. I am entirely behind on sleep. 😊 I am entirely behind on writing the thoughts that flood my head. But I am not entirely behind on a little list for you today. Here you go!

I always love attending something that features a charcuterie board. (Or a whole grazing table. Those are fun, too!) I’ve made a few attempts at charcuterie boards, and they are fun to put together, but it does take a long time to plan, shop, and prepare. I saw these boards featured on a blog, and while they are a splurge price (at least for me), I think they’re pretty cute! Order and go!

Math is not my strong suit, and I’ve always known if I ever got a wild hair to start a business, the hardest part (even more than marketing!) would be figuring out pricing. I ran across this post from The Hostess House, a restaurant in Marion, and found it fascinating to read the process behind pricing a sandwich. Did you even know that THIS much went into it?

Andrea has some fantastic advice about how to make your home work for you in the season you’re living right now. And that season may not last forever. Parts of her post are geared toward her current season of homeschooling young children, but even if that isn’t your scenario, I am confident you can find some good advice in here. My favorite advice is that not every room has to serve only one purpose. We have several spaces that have to pull double duty, and it totally works!

I’m unashamedly Type-A, but sometimes Type-A can push uncomfortably toward flat-out control freak. It’s hard, because that is NOT what I want my story to be, but sometimes it just happens. I’m thankful that Ryan is good to help me recognize when it’s starting to take over. With that in mind, I submit to you this article. I don’t know that I’ve ever read anything on this topic that makes SO MUCH SENSE to me. Maybe you need to read it too?

Confession: I cannot get on board with barrel jeans. Absolutely cannot do it. No offense intended to any of you who love them. I just fear that if I tried them, I’d look horribly misshapen. (And I really can’t afford that.) Anyway! I make that confession because in Audrey’s post that I’m recommending here, she features some barrel pants.  (Until this post, I didn’t even know they came in versions other than jeans, actually.) So while those are out for me, I do love her advice on the versatility of the basic t-shirt! So if you’re out for the barrel jeans/pants like I am, still read along, because I think the t-shirt advice is great!

Have you ever cooked with medjool dates? I have not (though I have tried them in things before) but this recipe caught my attention. I love Samoas and could honestly eat a box or three with little guilt. (I mean, to be honest, there would be a lot of built later if I ate three boxes, but you get it.) Anyway. This recipe doesn’t feel too daunting. I’m considering it.

Friday Feelings: Goodbyes

 

One week ago today, I was up early, driving to a hospital to pray with a church member before surgery. One week later, I’m up early, sitting in the stillness to pray before saying a final earthly goodbye to my dad.

                This week has been a strange one. I’ve cried, certainly. But I’ve also felt the strength that comes from the prayer support of so many. I’ve kept busy, not because I’m afraid of feeling the feelings, but because I genuinely believe this is how Dad would prefer I spend my time.

                I don’t have a lot of words today, and that’s okay. I invite you to pray with me for Mom…for strength for this day. I invite you to pray with me for the Gospel message to be heard above all.

                Thank you, friends. I’ve not been able to respond to messages like I would prefer, but I’m reading them all and thankful for each one.        

Ryan, Bekah, and Lexi Grae

Thankful Thursday: Strength for Today

 

At our wedding, our parents and bridal party entered to Great is Thy Faithfulness. That song has been meaningful to me in different ways in different seasons. That day it reflected God’s faithfulness to Ryan and me in the seasons of our lives leading up to our wedding. And this week it has come to mean something new to me. I especially thought of the line that says strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow: blessings all mine with ten thousand beside.

                The church has been so kind to me in the days after Dad’s death. They have encouraged me to take the time I need…and I have done so. I will continue to do so. But Ryan and I both crave routine, so avoiding everything “normal” this week isn’t helpful for us.

                I wandered into the last few minutes of staff meeting Tuesday. Just wanted to see my friends that I work with. Ryan and I both wanted to lead our Growth Groups last night, and it was good for our souls to see our people!

                I’m thankful for the freedom to do some work and get some rest, because I don’t need one or the other nearly as much as I need a mix of both.

                I’m thankful for friends who have dropped of food so I don’t have to figure out when to cook. I’m thankful for friends who surprised me with beautiful flower bouquets, little gifts, sweet cards. I’m thankful for those who have offered to pray and have received my specific requests. I’m thankful for those who have texted verses or song links.

                I’m thankful for those who have offered to help with projects, fill in with chores, or research solutions if needed.

                I’m thankful for all the things I’d done ahead of time so I didn’t have to worry about them in the moment.

                I’m thankful for each of these things that provide strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow…blessings all mine with ten thousand beside.

Wednesday in the Word: The Strength of My Heart

I’ve spent a lot of time in the Word this past week. I’ve been studying for messages and classes. I’ve been studying for teaching. I’ve been studying for myself. And I’ve been reading passages to Dad when he could no longer read for himself.

                One of the passages I read that felt timely for me (for us) this week was from Psalm 73 –

                You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
                Whom have I in heaven but you?
                And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
                My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

                Ryan and I commented yesterday that we have no idea how we are able to push forward after this weekend except…prayers. Prayers and the God’s strength that is our portion forever.

                And I’m counting on this to be true as the week progresses.

                Thank you again for your kind words and love. Thank you for your prayers. And I am grateful for God ‘s goodness and the strength He gives!  

Tuesday Tales: Finally Home

 

Thank you, friends, for all your kind words on yesterday’s post.

                My dad took his final breath on this earth just after 4:00 yesterday morning. It was a heartbreak and a privilege to sit beside him on the bed and pray over him in those last moments of his journey.

                Ryan had stayed with us until pretty late, and we knew at that point that it could be several hours yet. Lexi had been alone so much, Ryan was exhausted from being back and forth so much, and we didn’t have any more comfortable chairs in the room. I urged him to go home and rest, and he said he would come back early – before work.

                A little before 4:00, while Julie and I were dozing in recliners and Mom was asleep in her bed, Julie woke up and felt like something sounded different with Dad’s breathing. I couldn’t tell, but she could. She went for the nurse, and she came immediately. She was working on him for a moment and then said, “These are final breaths.”

                Julie awakened Mom, and she came to sit with us beside Dad. I sat on the bed, rubbing his shoulder and watching as his breaths grew scarcer. I reassured him again, as I had done many times in the last 48 hours, that we would be okay and that he should go to Jesus. I prayed for God to be merciful and walk him Home. 

                He took another breath…and then no more.

                But just think of stepping on shore and finding it Heaven…of touching a hand and finding it God’s…of breathing new air and finding it celestial…of waking up in Glory and finding it home.

                And he has.

                Ryan has been so amazing. He has stood beside me, supported me, notified people, and caffeinated me. 😊 And all this while he is grieving too. He really grew to love my dad and cared for him so tenderly.

                Dad, I miss you and will strive to honor you this week in each word spoken and written.  

Memorial Monday: Saying Goodbye

 

Normally Mondays on the blog are all about the things we’ve eaten the week before. Honestly, I’m not even sure what all we ate this week. Most of it was whatever we could grab whenever we passed by a Subway or gas station.

                And food feels so frivolous this week. We’ve had much bigger things happening in our little corner of the world. My thoughts today come to you on Monday, but I’m writing them on Sunday, while I sit in a hard metal folding chair beside Dad’s bed.

                After eight full months of Dad being so sick, declining – sometimes fast, sometimes slow – and multiple moves – apartment to hospital to rehab to hospital to rehab to healthcare to another wing of healthcare, the time has come to say our last goodbye to Dad on this earth.

                He’s been weakening, eating less, sleeping more, and then in the last week, he began his decline in earnest.

                I’ve been in this room for a little over 24 hours now, and we have reached the point where although we know he can hear us, he can’t open his eyes or respond anymore. I have piano hymns playing on repeat on my laptop, I’ve read Scripture to him, prayed with him, and now I sit, praying for him and asking God to be merciful in these final hours.

                Mom is being so strong. I’m so proud of her. Facing death in the face is always hard. Watching the person you’ve shared life with for 72 years walk this journey is helpless and hard. She sits with him, talks to him, tells him to just keep trusting Jesus. I said my goodbyes earlier today when it was just the two of us in the room.

                He seems comfortable. The staff is all being so kind – to him and to us. They’ve brought snacks and drinks, brewed coffee, provided pillows and blankets for attempted sleep in recliners. They turn him, they rush when I panic and hit the call light because I don’t know what some change means, and they offer anything they can do to help.

                I don’t know how to say goodbye to someone I’ve known every day of my life. I wrote in my journal last night “God, I don’t know how to be a fatherless daughter, but I’m not, I suppose, because I have You.”

                But that doesn’t make this hurt less.

                So we sit and listen to his breathing, watch his chest rise and fall, and we pray for peace in the parts of his heart we can’t see.

                Lexi knows. She knows something is wrong. Dad is her buddy. He loved her so. Ryan has gone home for a bit to be with her and our sweet neighbors came throughout the day to feed and walk her. It takes a village, even with a dog.

                None of this has been coherent, but these are my thoughts of goodbye as I sit here today. Thanks for reading along over the last 20 years and getting to know him. Thanks for praying with us over this year with his various setbacks and illnesses.

                And thanks for walking forward with us in these strange days that lie ahead. We don’t know what they will hold or look like, but we trust the Lord with them.

Sunday Scrapbook: Moments from the Week

 

Good morning, friends. Today is my dad’s birthday. 94 years of life on this earth today…and even as we celebrate that, we know his time with us is so short. This week has been a hard one, and those of you who have walked a similar road before understand that strange feeling of planning…but waiting…helping…but feeling helpless…

                Let’s take a look at some of the moments from the week, shall we?

                Last Sunday was our engagementversary, and we had a great lunch date out at The Burger Bar in Fort Wayne. It was so fun to get out for a minute and enjoy the day! The last fourteen years have held a lot, and I am glad Ryan asked me to share them with him.

                Monday I stayed home to crank out a bunch of writing for church. I ended up writing for about 13 hours! By the end, I was exhausted, but I was also really excited for all I accomplished! It’s been a long, long time since I had a proper writing marathon. It was so good.

                I spent part of Tuesday at Swiss Village with my parents (beyond the normal time) and when I walked in Dad’s room, he said to me, “Want to take a picture?” Well, you do not need to ask me twice! I am actually not sure he has ever asked me to take a picture before. He’s suffered through many that I told him we were taking, but he hadn’t asked. So we took one. This is the last good picture of us. I took more in the days following, but this is the last good one.

                Wednesday night was our Family Fun Night at Steele Farms. We had the PERFECT weather night, and it was good for my soul to be there and to get to enjoy time out with Ryan and our friends.

                Thursday was a big day. After several months of waiting, my parents were able to move into a room together. Ryan, Julie, and I worked throughout the morning to get packed, moved, and unpacked! I think we did pretty great work in a pretty short time.

                I had to be in Fort Wayne early Friday to pray with someone before surgery, and while I waited, I did some homework. Ryan had the whole day off and was able to get a lot of things done at home that had fallen by the wayside in our busyness as of late. I was so happy for him to get a little rest and productivity time.

                Ryan and I spent most of yesterday with Mom and Dad. I just moved my whole mobile office into their room and alternated between sitting with him and working on things. I played a piano hymn playlist and read Scripture and just sat. Ryan spent some time with Mom, looking at scrapbooks, and apparently that was a lot of fun for both of them!

                That was the week. Happy birthday, Dad. Maybe the Lord will grant you the best gift ever.

Saturday Suggestions: Inspirations for Your Week

 

                Happy Saturday, friends! Hope you are all enjoying your fall week/weekend. I rounded up some fun for you today – much of it is fall-themed! Here you go!

Fall is the season of soups! If you need some ideas for a different soup for your rotation this year, Yvonne has you covered! I’m not sure the one with cabbage or the ham/bean option would be fits for our household, but that doesn’t mean YOU might not like them! All the rest sounded amazing to me! She even has a couple of fall dessert ideas at the end of the post.

I always find it fascinating to learn how people live when they are far from any kind of convenience. So this story about a family living NINE HOURS from a major grocery store absolutely caught my attention. This was quite the stock-up-for-the-winter story. Could you live this far from civilization? I’m not sure. It isn’t the lack of shopping that would get to me. It’s the lack of access to emergency help that would make me so nervous!

You know I love a good declutter! I thought this piece, which is touted for women over 40, is just good advice no matter your age. The post talks about things you should get rid of, and I agree with all of them. I needed to hear several of them. I’ve been learning that if it doesn’t work or fit the way it should, don’t keep it. Get something that does work or fit the way it should.

Scotty’s words were convicting and comforting to me. Convicting, because I need to evaluate how I see others around me. Comforting, because I always need the reminder of the mercy God has when He sees me. Maybe I’m not the only one who needs the reminder (in either direction) today?

Candace shared her teacher-inspired fall capsule wardrobe a few weeks ago, and I’ve been using it to inspire my own fall outfits, but now she has done a mom-inspired wardrobe. It’s more on the casual side, but if you need outfit ideas, check it out! I always like her style and learn great ideas from her!

In our first year of marriage, we went up to the Chicago area to visit our friends, Frog and Jenna, since Ryan had never gotten to meet them. We went in the fall and did all sorts of fun fall things – including a pumpkin carving contest! I’m not sure I’ve carved a pumpkin since (guts aren’t really my thing) but it was SO fun that weekend! Heidi posted this quilt square pumpkin carving idea, and I think if I had a pumpkin carving event in my fall future, I might just choose this! It’s so unique!

Friday Fun: Family Fun Night

 

This week was our church’s annual night out at Steele Farms, and I was so happy to have Ryan with me this year. (Last year he had to lead GriefShare that night.)

                Our church deacons provide the meal every year, and this year they brainstormed some tweaks to make the food line work better/go faster. WOW! It really worked! I was so impressed and so proud of all their hard work and kindness to the people of the church.

                It was fun to see so many new families jumping in to join the fun! Kids were running all over the place, enjoying the games and visiting the farm animals.

                For the first time ever, Ryan and I got a seat on the wagon ride, and that was really fun!!

                We were all set to have a little date walk through the corn maze when one of the kiddos from church asked if he could be our guide through the maze. We said yes, so we didn’t get to have our date, but we did have fun! And while it’s possible that we may have walked through some corn (like not on the path), we did get out without needing a rescue! 😊

                I love this night every year, and this year was no exception!