Nature of the Beast

I'm a writer. This is what I do. This is what I've done ever since I was a fifth grader and wrote a story about Annie the Angel in Mrs. Bryan's fifth grade classroom. This is what I majored in during college. And this is what I do with most of my spare time.

I love to write because it's the only time that I feel completely uninhibited. Some of the missing inhibition has to stay under wraps because it would not be appropriate to share outside the confines of my computer screen or journal page...but to at least get it out of the confines of my brain is freeing. I love to write because it's something I'm passionate about that most of my close friends aren't, so it gives me a chance to have something unique to contribute to life and relationships. I love to write because it's how I communicate. It's how my thoughts flow best and the only way I can speak without stumbling when I am sharing the raw place of my heart.

But lately, writing has been tough. I haven't liked it. I haven't done it in excess. Here, or in my journal, or on my computer at home. Because...I'm scared of it.

I wrote an e-mail a couple of weeks ago and received a response that attacked my ability to communicate. My reader completely misinterpreted my intended tone, but in the response, my confidence in my communication skill suffered a wound that has yet to heal.

Hysterical, I was told, best described me in the moments following the receipt of that e-mail response. I cried until I had chest pains. I couldn't breathe, and I lost all my water-proof mascara. And now I'm scared to write anything at all. Scared to use exclamation points because I might use them inappropriately. Scared to try to sound positive because it might be interpreted as sarcasm.

I'm just scared.

Such is the life of a writer, though. Writers get rejection letters. I kept my first one to remind me that not everything I write is publication-worthy. Writers get hostile responses to subjects they'd written about very passionately. My first blog comment was a blast about how horrible I am to declaw my cat. I kept it to remind me that there are those who don't agree with my opinions. And sometimes writers are misinterpreted. I still have that email in my inbox where I can see it every day. Someday I'll take it out because at that point, it will only serve to hurt me and I don't want to hurt forever. But for now it reminds me to choose my words - and my punctuation marks - carefully. And it reminds me to remember that a misinterpretation on the part of my reader doesn't necessarily mean a cruel intention on the part of the writer.

Now that I've made my admission, I'll work on posting something besides my opinion of American Idol and my normal Sunday post...

So Close...and Yet So Far

I was thrilled to see Haley in the bottom 3 - NOT thrilled to see Phil there again. And not surprised to see Chris S. in the bottom 3. I will not argue that Chris S. deserved to go home - it was a fair cut. Even so, I had SO hoped it would be Haley this week. But we're closer. This is a step. Maybe next week?

And I think Ryan should leave the ponyhawk to Sanjaya. It was funny, though.

Elliptical Idol

I ended up exercising DURING American Idol last night which severely challenged my ability to hear or comprehend what was happening. Pretty much, when I exercise, the goal is to keep breathing and stay ON the machine. Therefore, my responses are in no particular order.

1. Lakisha - It was good, but really not my favorite of hers.

2. Phil - Not sure I liked the song, but also not sure I could focus on anything but the Ace/Constantine eyes. I love Phil.

3. Gina - HATED the outfit. Really hated it. But I liked the song and I thought she did it well - I agree with the judgnes that it was her best performance yet.

4. Melinda - As usual, I loved her. I loved the flippy hair too. And though it pains me to do so, I'll have to agree with Simon on the outfit.

5. Haley - Speaking of outfits - at least she was wearing one this week. And I almost liked it. Wasn't crazy about the song...just relieved she was wearing something.

6. Blake - I REALLY liked his song and his look this week. Finally, pants I liked! :) They're right - he's the best guy.

7. Chris S. - He's starting to slip in my book. I don't remember a thing about his song, so apparently it did not make an impression.

8. Chris R. - I love Chris R., but I'm worried for him because his voice just isn't up to par with everyone else. But I want him to stay!

9. Jordin - I absolutely hated her outfit - way too bulky. But I loved her song and her spunk. She is so stinking cute and energetic when she sings!

10. Of course...Sanajaya saved until last. I have no idea what he sang or how he did because I was too busy staring at the ponyhawk. WHAT was that??? Good GRIEF. I have no words.

All in all I thought it was a pretty boring week. Maybe that was just because I didn't know any of the music and I couldn't hear it very well above my own fight to stay alive. Or maybe it was just a bad week? Or maybe it was Fashion Idol? I don't know.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Last week I told you the first five things on my newest top ten list: moments I wish I could relive and why. Here is the conclusion to my list.

6. Liam’s Birth. Most of you know that I’ve attended three childbirths in my life. Live and in person. All three babies were from the same set of parents. By the time I got to number three, I considered myself an expert in how the Mama labored: forever. I got the call for baby number three about four in the morning and given that the first two labors lasted over twenty hours each, I took my sweet time. I did my hair…called in to work…changed my voicemail…fired up the computer…changed my out-of-office auto-reply…and stopped at the gas station for coffee and snacks, because the one thing a laboring Mama did not need was a hungry, grouchy ice-chip-feeder. When I sauntered in the door of the hospital room, I found the Mama surrounded by nurses – about ready to push. After picking my jaw up off the floor, I flew into high speed – grabbing cameras and the video camera. Less than 20 minutes later, Liam was born. I remember nothing about his birth except that it was chaotic. If I had a chance to do that one over, I would have hurried and been able to pay better attention. (Don’t tell his Mom. She, I’m sure, does not want a redo.)

7. The Summer of Swimming. This is one of those carefree, childhood moments that I didn’t appreciate at the time, but I would love to go back and have an attitude of appreciation about now. I grew up out in the country, so there weren’t neighborhood kids to play with like kids in town sometimes have. But when I was in middle elementary school, a family bought the house “next door” (an acre or so away from ours) and they had a son my age. They also had a daughter about three years younger. Their daughter and I, despite our age differences, ended up becoming good friends, and we’d get together in the evenings to play with Barbies or talk about New Kids on the Block (her obsession, not mine) or play house. But one summer, they bought a pool. An above ground, round pool that was all one depth. But still – a pool! That summer, my routine became this: get up, eat breakfast, put on my bathing suit, wait for the call of invitation, go next door, swim all morning, come home for lunch, eat as fast as I could, go back, swim all afternoon, eat an orange push-up for a snack, and come home in time for dinner. It was the only summer I was tan and skinny in my whole childhood. But I loved it! Playing Marco Polo, splashing water, and even running home at high rates of speed through the weedy and no doubt animal-infested vacant lot between our houses…it’s a sweet memory now.

8. First Flight. This past September, I flew for the first time. I was beyond nervous and about threw up when my bag got searched in security. Just as an item of information: if you try to fly with a post-bound scrapbook, the posts apparently look like weapons on the x-ray. On top of that, I was sick with a nasty head cold and so nervous about crashing that I about passed out altogether. I tried valiantly to enjoy every moment of the day, because I knew I’d only have one first flight. But I would love to go back and relive that day – and if I could be so bold as to extend my wish, I’d ask to not be sick this time. I sat by the window but was too chicken to watch the takeoff. We were nearly to descent before I was brave enough to do more than glance out that way. After the flight, my Mom told the attendant that it was my first flight and he gave me a certificate and wings and let me meet the pilot and co-pilot. I completely spaced (cold meds, I’m sure) asking to have my picture taken with them. My one regret. But it was a great day and I would do it over if I could.

9. First Day in the Prayer Chapel. Last April, I finally gave in and obeyed a command God had issued about six months earlier. I walked to the prayer chapel just a few yards from my office and spent a lunch hour in prayer. I had no idea what God had planned, but that day He spoke to me in everything from the floor tile to the pool of colors in the stained glass window shadows to the metal sculpture of Jesus praying in the garden. And when I left the chapel that day, the sidewalk was littered with white petals from whatever kind of trees line the yard of the chapel. It was an exclamation point of something God had said to me – wouldn’t have made a bit of sense to anyone else – but it made me giggle. It also made me wonder why I had waited so long to obey a very simple command. And though I go to the chapel every week now, that first day still holds a really special place in my heart.

10. The Day I Became A Girlfriend. This one seems silly, and I almost took it out, especially considering my college boyfriend and I broke up just a few months after we started dating. But that was the first – and only, actually – time I’ve ever officially carried the title “girlfriend.” I was giddy and ridiculously giggly – calling all my friends, and my mother, of course, to tell them the news I’d waited almost twenty-one years of my life to tell. I couldn’t believe he was actually willing to take that step to consider our story an exclusive relationship. If I’d been able to hold the pen still enough to write, I’d have carried my journal with me all evening and captured every second. As it was, I’m not sure I was coherent enough to write much of anything except EEEEEEE!!!!! when journaling time came that evening. It was a special day, and despite the pain that came with breaking up later, I would relive it just to remember that unique joy. And next time it happens, maybe I will carry the journal just for that day.

So that's my list! And for now, I try to savor every moment as it comes, because no matter how hard you wish, you can't ever redo even one of them.

Movie Night

A couple of weeks ago, we had a movie night at our church. I was in charge of setting up the movie and making the popcorn. I'd never attempted to run the movie projector, nor had I run the popcorn machine. Pastor Brian was so nice as to write out a very detailed list of instructions for both. He even left sticky notes all over the projector so I could find the right buttons.

And I managed to make a whole batch of popcorn without burning myself!

Happy National Goof-Off Day

I see our system at work is helping us out with this. It crashed first thing this morning. SO hard to get things done without it! I've given it my best effort.

Thankfully we have a party this afternoon - that should help pass some time.

I think I really like this holiday and it should be observed as a paid holiday. What would I do on National Goof-Off day if I had the day off?

1. Sleep in.

2. Read.

3. Watch TV.

4. Eat cookies. (Well maybe not. I don't have any and to make them would violate the spirit of the day.)

5. Watch to see how it is that Braeya actually accomplished putting UP the blinds yesterday. Maybe she'll do it again for me.

Speaking of Braeya - cats observe this day every day. So maybe what I'd actually do is follow her and her brother around all day to see what THEY do on a daily basis.

Then again - I may not want to know.

Go Figure

Well I worried that she was going to get into some trouble by not being extraordinary. But I was still surprised to see Chris R. and Stephanie in that bottom two last night. And Stephanie had no business going home before some of those others. Ridiculous.

Still, my fave-favorites are in, so I think I'm okay with it.

And in the meantime, I'll proceed to keep one eye on the sky - why does it look like 8:30 p.m. instead of 8:30 a.m.?

Can We Just Skip to the Top Five?

After last night's American Idol show, I've decided I only like a couple of people, so let's just skip to the end and have the finale! Here are my thoughts...Phats, I'll just apologize in advance because I know you and I are going to disagree on Haley.

1. Haley - I liked the outfit better than last week in that this one actually looked like clothing as opposed to whatever last week's disaster was. But it makes me really sad that she is the only girl in this season who relies on her looks and the shaking of her booty to get votes instead of displaying her voice. I've already written those two sentences ten times to make them as nice as I can, and I have more to say, but I'll stop there.

2. Chris R. - I don't think he's the best singer, but I thought he did a great job last night and he is enough of a charmer/performer that I forget he can't sing as well as some of the others. Unlike Haley, he knows how to use charm without shoving it down the throats of the audience members.

3. Stephanie - She was good but she can do better. I'm worried that she's in the uh-oh middle category of people who will get forgotten in votes.

4. Blake - LOVED HIM this week. I thought he was the best guy. He's got a very wide talent range and he's a super performer. He might be the one guy who can compete with some of the girls.

5. Lakisha - I was with the judges - not her BEST week - but MAN she looked beautiful and I thought she handled the "age" criticism very gracefully. But if my best day compared to her worst day, I'd be happy to sing that well!!! The song though - kind of reminded me of something that would show up in a sappy Disney movie.

6. Phil - I thought he was more fun than the judges gave him credit for. I thought that song showed talent and he should have gotten a better review. I like Phil. I don't think he's the best singer, but I want him to stay.

7. Jordin - She is just a sweetheart. I love her fun personality and her big voice. She did a great job keeping control of that song when everyone was going nuts in the audience.

8. Sanjaya - WHAT?!?! I agree that it was his best night but it was kind of manic, I thought. I don't know - I was so distracted by that crying girl that I couldn't pay much attention to what he was doing. Still, I think he may have saved his spot for another week.

9. Gina - LOVED LOVED LOVED the haircut. Sassy! If my hair would do that, I'd get that cut too. Her song was okay but I just love her. She has officially won me over and I'd like her to stay.

10. Chris S. - See, he's good but to me, he was in that uh-oh category this week too. He's kind of plateaued off where the others have stayed really strong. I'm worried for him.

11. Melinda - LOVE her haircut too and I love it that she really IS that sweet. She can sing anything and she is just wonderful. Let's just quit now and call her the winner. SHE would be a good idol. She keeps it a singing competition, she looks good without looking sleazy, and she is just 100% sweet. THAT should be the role model.

My bottom 3 this week would have to be Stephanie, Phil, and Chris S. just because I thought they didn't improve as much (even as Sanjaya! - gasp!) and I'm worried they'll be forgotten.

Okay Phats, yell at me!

Happy Spring!

In celebration of the first day of spring, I wore a skirt. I sincerely thought it was going to be warmer today than it was. Woops.

But warm or not, today was just a great day. A great start to spring! My favorite part was when I stopped by my house during my lunch hour and noticed my tulips peeking up through the dead leaves I have yet to remove. (Another woops.) Clearly, based on how tall they are, they've been up for a few days, but I only noticed them today. It seemed appropriate.

I'm excited for sunshine and summer clothes. I'm ready for flowers and leaves and birds - and even if that means I have to be ready for mowing, I'll take it.

So...happy spring!!!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I was listening to the radio Friday and the morning show on my station did a call-in day. I love those days – more for topic ideas than anything else. The host had stolen this particular topic from someone else, so I don’t feel terribly awful about stealing it from her. The question was this: If you could relive a day or event in your life (excluding your wedding day or the birth of your children), what would you choose to relive and why? I enjoyed listening to the various responses and subsequently came up with my own list.

I came up with ten things – because top tens are the only way to do lists, right? I was going to give you all ten this week, but some required explanation, and I didn’t want you to get tired. So for today, I present to you the first half of the top ten moments I would relive if I could.

1. The Easter Pageant. I realized the other day that Easter is soon. The whole season hasn’t been the same for me since the Easter Pageant ceased to exist. I participated from the time I was two until it ended when I was about twenty-five. I miss seeing the regulars of the cast – seeing who got married, who had a baby, who got a new hair color (boy couldn’t I have given some a run for their money there?), and who had grown up so much since last year that I didn’t even recognize them. I miss the long rehearsals in the cold Coliseum – complete with the half hour to forty five minute delay at the final one while we waited for the introductory cross to practice in the dark for the first time. I miss the musty smell of the old building and the creak of the bleachers as kids ran up and down them before rehearsal. I even miss the early morning costume and makeup call on Easter Sunday. We didn’t know that the last year would be the last year, and although I savored so many memories over the years of my participation, I’d love to have the chance to be in the pageant one more time. Most of all, I would love to relive the one performance in particular where God met me on a little bench by the wooden well. There may have been a performance going on and a couple thousand people in the room around me, but in that moment, it was just God talking to Bekah.

2. Malinda’s Going Away Party. One of my sweetest friends in elementary and junior high school was an Amish girl named Malinda. The Amish stop going to school after eighth grade, so one day near the end of the our eighth grade year, Mom helped my group of friends and me plan a surprise going away party for her. Our class had an outdoor field trip that day, where we marched down to the fairgrounds and wrapped up our Civil War unit with all sorts of projects. By the end of the day, we were all sweaty, sticky, and sunburned, but no one missed the party. Dad let all my friends in the house to hide in our basement, and Mom and I brought Malinda home for what she thought was just a night of having dinner with me. Malinda was completely shocked when everyone yelled “Surprise!” and we had the best time eating pizza, watching TV, and giving her gifts. We even broke tradition (don’t tell) and took a few pictures – which are very precious to me now since I’ve not seen her in over a decade. The evening was one of my best memories with my junior high/high school friends.

3. High School Graduation. You’ll never get me to say I want to relive high school in its entirety, but I did love my graduation day, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I knew the day would be busy, but I also knew it was a day I’d only experience once, so I prayed specifically that morning that I would just enjoy the celebration and make vivid memories. And I did. I signed a song in my church that morning as a tribute to my church family, I loved every minute of my graduation ceremony – despite the heat of the gym and the duct tape colored robes, and had the greatest time at my open house. I enjoyed talking to everyone who came through to see me that day. That evening I went back to school for the seniors’ Final Fling and had a great last evening of memories with my friends. High school wasn’t perfect, but that day was pretty near perfect in my mind.

4. My First Publication. I was entering my junior year in high school when I sold my first article. I remember standing in my bedroom, getting ready on one of the last days of summer, when the phone rang, and on the other end was the editor of Youthwalk – a devotional magazine for teens. She told me she’d received the freelance article I’d submitted and had chosen it for publication. I called my Mom at work and we both cried. She didn’t even know I’d sent anything in. I had no idea that was the beginning of a long writing adventure, so I’d love to go back and embrace even more of it. As a side note, one thing I do remember about that phone call was that the editor had an extreme southern accent and for days, when I would talk about writing, this southern accent came out of me. I guess I thought writers needed to have an accent.

5. Washington D. C. Vacation. I believe it was the summer between my first and second grade year that my family went on vacation to Washington D.C. It is the only vacation I remember going on with more than just my parents. My sister Julie joined us for this one and we drove our little Ford station wagon with the carrier on top. This was before the days of child safety seats or seat belts, and I rode all the way there and back, sprawled out in the way, way back of the station wagon, with all my books around me. Mom even came up with a “gift schedule” where she would pull out a travel gift every so often (when we’d reached a certain time or location) so that I had something new to help pass the long hours in the car. But anyway, I would like to relive this one because one day we were having lunch at the Capitol Building with a Representative Dad knew from his job of chaperoning senior trips each year. During lunch, the Representative asked Mom and Dad if I could go with him for a few minutes, and they agreed. He took me onto the floor of the House of Representatives and allowed me to push a button that cast a vote for something. I had no idea what was happening, but when I got back to the table and informed my government-teacher father that I had voted, he couldn’t believe it. I wish I could go back and understand just how rare that opportunity was for me!

So there you have it…the first half! I’ll be back next week with five more for you.

And They Stay

Well Sanjaya and Haley both stayed - neither one really shocked me. Sanjaya will stay for a while...for reasons no one really understands but everyone accepts as just the way it is. Haley will stay because Simon has now decided to like her. Well, and because Phats and his crew love her so much.

But here is the link to the dress that I just don't get - let me know what you think!!!

http://www.americanidol.com/photos/view/?set=136&seq=107

I'll just hope for a wardrobe improvement next wek!!!!!!

I Gave It Another Shot

Phats and Jessica (our student worker) convinced me to give American Idol one more shot tonight. Since I cave to peer pressure, I watched.

I won't comment on everyone because some people didn't impress me that much one way or the other. But here's what I feel deserves commentary.

* Melinda. I cried for her. I cried because she's so full of soul when she sings and because she loves the whole American Idol experience, and that is refreshing to see. I cried because she cried and because she deserved all the applause she received. She's warm and real and I want her to win.

* Lakisha. She looked beautiful tonight and she did a super job on that song. She's down to earth and good and she deserves a shot. I'd love to see her in the finals and I don't think I'd be upset if she won either - because she's just that good.

* Jordin. She is just amazing. The song she sang was my favorite song of the night. I'd not heard it before and I loved the melody and the lyrics. She did a great job with it, she looked beautiful, and I would love to see her hang in there and give those people ten years her senior a good run for their money.

* Sanjaya. Bless his precious little heart. It was so painful. He looked like Shirley Temple and the whale/wail thing CRACKED me up. I think he's just as sweet as he can possibly be, but wow...it was bad.

* Haley. The whole reason I wanted to quit watching this season. I will try to be as kind as I know how to be, but she brings out my opinionated side! Okay first of all - her hair didn't used to be that long. As in...two weeks ago it wasn't that long...was it? I hate it when they do that. Secondly, WHAT WAS WITH THAT DRESS??? I didn't need to see that much of her. It was like lingerie meets a t-shirt and collides with an 80's bridesmaid dress. BAD. I truly do not think she is a bad singer, but I didn't think she was that great tonight. But even all of THAT does not matter next to my true issue with her. She cannot take constructive criticism without rolling her eyes. You know what? So she didn't like what the judges said. Well I'm guessing Brandon and Chris Sligh and even Stephanie didn't like their feedback either. But they kept smiling and nodding. She rolled her eyes and bit her lip and that, to me, is very disrespectful. And then when Simon (whose drink must have been drugged) gave her those lavish compliments, she burst into tears and started profusely thanking all the judges for their feedback. No, see, you only get to do that after you politely sit through the bad part. That is my whole problem with her. She is beautiful and a good singer, but it all boils down to attitude, and hers leaves behind a very sour taste.

Haley's moment in the spotlight was nearly enough to ruin the entire evening for me. But fortunately, with Jordin ending the show and the recap of Melinda's song, I remain a fan for at least another week.

That said, let it be known that as much as my blood pressure really needs Haley to go home, Sanjaya is the one who should go this week. He was worse than Haley.

Plant a Flower...Put out a Fire...

I was online last night just about to post my "Happy Plant A Flower Day" post when I heard sirens. I happened to be on the phone with Mom at the time, so I said something about it and joked that they were coming to get me.

Then they actually got closer.

And closer.

And closer.

And stopped.

Apparently there was a small electrical fire down the street. Nothing big...in fact, I'm not even sure there were real flames. But every truck in the city showed up for it, I think. Must have been a slow night. Our whole street was strobe light central. The cats weren't sure about it at all. Everyone on the block emerged from hibernating to stand on the porch and watch - most of us on the phone.

It humored me. There's a fire and everyone has to not only watch, but call people to drag them into the excitement of our street.

Of course by the time the last truck left, it was about 11:30 and I was exhausted from day two of the time change. There was no time to wish anyone a happy flower planting day.

It's okay. I wouldn't have had time yesterday anyway. But today is a new day, so I wish you a happy day, even if you choose not to plant a flower!

The Big Zero Six

Today is Kaegan's sixth birthday. He wasn't too thrilled when I woke him up from his nap for a bithday photo shoot - but he chippered right up when he found out he got a new toy!

This picture was taken a year ago today, but I can't top this pic, probably ever, so I thought I would reuse it. After all - he hasn't really changed much.

So anyway - he gets treats and I get cake. Hey, just because he hates chocolate doesn't mean I have to go without it, right?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

It’s been a while since I sat down with a piece of fiction. It seems like every time I have a moment to read, I’m reading something that I will use in writing or teaching. But when I do sit to read a good story, I have a really bad habit of skimming the entire book so that I know what happens and where I’m going with the story line, and then I go back and read for content…for detail. I just seem to not be able to enjoy the rich word-paintings of the book until I know exactly what happens in the plot.

Am I the only person who does that with life, too? I was speaking to my Ladies Bible Study group last Monday evening, and I told them God had just talked to me (an hour earlier) about enjoying the journey of my life. I had come home from work somewhat upset…okay, bawling my eyes out…about some news our office received right before the end of the day. I collapsed on the stairs to cry, because that is my serious crying spot. I’ll cry all over the house, but when it’s a big deal, I sit on the stairs. I had my head against a step, and Braeya crept up next to me and sniffed my face. She must have remembered that it’s a weird thing when water comes out of my face, because she scampered on up the stairs to play with Kaegan and left me to sort out my feelings on the puke green carpet.

God and I had a serious conversation there on the stairs. I had a lot of questions and He actually offered a few answers. (A few more than I was expecting, really!) While I had that going for me, I decided to ask more and more. The fiction reading syndrome, I guess. I just wanted to know where this whole path would lead me. God knew my little manipulation game, though, and He stopped me.

It just so happened that the chapter I was teaching in Bible Study that night had to do with joy. God took full advantage of that situation and reminded me that while it was okay to be upset…while it was okay to be unsure…underneath all of it, I needed to carry a spirit of joy. Joy isn’t happiness. It was okay with Him that I wasn’t happy right then. But happy or not, I had every reason to be joyful, and I needed to dig out that joy and show it.

I promised to do that and tried to get back to my question-asking, but God had more. He pointed out that life is a journey. All the little things that happen along the way are details put there by the Author to make the path more beautiful from start to finish. And while I might be able to pick up a piece of fiction and skim it for the main idea before going back and gathering the details, life doesn’t work that way.

My options are to skim through life and life a skimmed life or to pay attention to the details as I come across them and enjoy them for what they mean. That’s the idea of the joy in the journey. Michael Card wrote a song with that title, in fact.

So I was challenged to go through the rest of the week and find joy in it. The week had its rough moments when I felt anything but joyful. But it really was a wonderful time. Yesterday, especially, was very sweet. I’m on cat-sitting duty for a friend, and since yesterday was extra-beautiful, I decided to walk over to her house instead of drive. It’s probably close to a mile away, and I enjoyed a good stroll in the sunlight. I could hear birds singing, and there was a perfect warm breeze blowing. After I fed the cats, I continued my walk for another mile or two, just taking in the blue sky and greening grass.

It was the perfect time to talk with God, and this time I wasn’t trying to weasel information out of Him. I was just enjoying the beauty of the day. He told me as I walked that I was doing well at experiencing the joy of the journey right then. That moments such as that one were the joy-filled moments He talked about. And while we chatted, He filled in a few more bits of the story for me.

It’s time to kick the habit of living from one milestone to the next…sitting around impatiently waiting for a particular dream to come true…angrily pounding on the door of Heaven for answers. Those moments will come when they’re supposed to come, so I might as well savor the “filler” moments. The details. The tiny moments God intended to bring joy.

In More Pleasant News...

To chipper up the blog after the Idol post - I do have some exciting news in the land of less food and more exercise!!! :)

I went clothes shopping Wednesday evening. It had been so LONG since I went shopping and I wanted to hit a few sale racks before everything was super picked over. Unfortunately there had already been a lot of picking, but I found a few new things.

The best, part, though, was that I was down a whole size! The size, of course, varies, depending on which store I shop. Amazing how fat I am at Fashion Bug and how skinny I am at K-Mart. But hey, either one is better than shopping for formals. There is nothing more detrimental to a girl's self esteem than shopping for a formal gown. I went up a good two sizes when buying bridesmaid dresses for my professional wedding attendant career.

So anyway, I have been inspired to keep the portions little and the elliptical in full use. Still a long way to go, but definitely a start!!!!

Am I Done?

The question that always plagues me at some point during the American Idol season. Have I had enough? The thing is...it's never gotten to me before the season STARTED.

Until tonight.

There is no way...at all...under any circumstance...that Haley should be in that top twelve over Sabrina. My opinion is stronger than that, but I'm trying to remain calm so I'll stop with that statement.

I feel the same way about Sundance and Sanjaya, but I knew somehow Sanjaya would make it into the top twelve. He just has that aura. He's like the John Stevens of this season...the one that keeps going and no one knows how.

But Sabrina. She should be there.

So I'll give myself until next week to decide if I'm going to continue watching. But it just might be the end of the road for me too.

The Girls Have It

I hate it that there's the equal six/six rule for guys/girls. I had a much harder time thinking of girls I wanted to see gone from the show. This week scared me - there's too many good ones and the danger of losing one of them is too great for me.

Jordin - She is cute, energetic, and fun. Cracks me up that she is so much younger than the rest - and yet I forget that about her. (Not true in Sanjaya's case.)

Sabrina - She is a stunning woman. Her hair, her complexion, her features - STUNNING. And yet she's not so full of herself that it's distracting. I love her powerful voice. I want her to stay.

Antonella - WHY WHY WHY is she still here? I rolled my eyes when she sang - cause I was bored!! I hated the outfit. I have heard bits and pieces about her "scandal" and think her outfit only lent itself toward those rumors, not away from them.

Haley - I actually laughed when Simon said he couldn't remember her name. I know her name, but right after Antonella sang, I thought to myself, "Who else would I want to go home besides Antonella? I like everyone else!" Then I saw Haley up in the top part of the stage and I thought - "Who is that?" Guess he has a point. She is pretty forgettable in this crowd. I tried to distance myself from my feelings about her last week when I thought she was flippant toward the judges. I thought she did better with that this week, but I still think it sounds like the talent portion of a beauty pageant when she sings. I don't deny she's good - but she is NOT in the league of the others.

Stephanie - She is a sassy, spunky young lady and I just love her. Very powerful, very fun, very lovable. Want her to stay.

Lakisha - I like the sparks of off-stage personality that I'm starting to see from her. I literally screamed when Simon called her beautiful. He has come a long way from the days of cutting down the over-size-two girls. Classy of him to say she's beautiful. I was thrilled for her.

Gina - I think she finally won me over this week. I loved her as a rocker. I like the idea of a girl in that role. I liked Constantine and Bo and Daughtry - but I like that switching over to the girls' camp this year.

Melinda - Song of the night. Performance of the night. I cried. I cried and I won't lie about it. I loved her song (you have to remember that I grew up without any secular music, so 97% of songs are new to me), I loved her attitude, I loved her humble spirit, I loved her confidence, and I loved it that she's as OCD as I am. AND I love it that she renamed it "equal opportunity." I was so happy for her that I absolutely cried.

So my vote for GO HOME is Antonella and Haley. I hope we don't lose any of the rest.

It Might be the Girls' Year

Wow. Rough night for the guys of Idol. I got a phone call near the end, so the last three performances did not get my best attention (or maybe even my worst since my opinions that I formed while talking seemed to contradict everything the judges said).

Here's my thoughts -

Blake - I hated his outfit, particularly the pants, but I thought he was creative with his song. It got better for me as he went along.

Sanjaya - I think I could have handled his song a bit better, had it not been prefaced with the hula visual. I also hate it that he has better hair than I do. :) I still think he sounds like he's in high school - which I realize he is. Unfortunately for him, he's the only one IN high school, so it's a very obvious separation of talent.

Sundance - He must have trimmed that facial hair in some way because this is the first night it was not distracting to me. Tonight I actually thought he was really nice-looking and his eyes are especially nice. He is NOT Daughtry or Bo Bice - I thought he should leave the mic stand on the floor and not scream.

Chris R. - I thought he sang a litle rough, but I thought he did a superb job of song choice. Girls are gonna love him!!! He's a cutie. And I did too want to know how he lost the weight, Simon!

Jared - This is the first week that I've really liked everything about him - and go figure, the judges didn't. He's a classy, clean cut guy. Last week I didn't really care if he made it into the top, but this week it might not be so bad if he did!

Brandon - He was better than last week, I thought, and it looked like a fun song. This would be where I got the phone call, so I didn't really get enough of the song to make a full analysis.

Phil - I heard his falsetto and I really liked it. Apparently none of the judges cared for him. Maybe I can't multi-task as well as I thought.

Chris S. - CLEARLY I didn't hear that one well because as I was writing down on my paper "Best of the Night" the judges were giving him a "This was bad, dawg." Maybe I just want him to go on because I really do like him.

Having said all of that, I think Sanjaya should go home, hands down (even though I think he's a great kid) and my second "go home" pick is a toss-up between Brandon and Jared. Furthermore - I still think it's a girl's year. None of the guys are in the league of 4-5 of the girls.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

I am not smarter than a fifth grader. Did anyone else watch that new show this week? I stayed tuned after American Idol just to see how smart I really am. After three nights of questions, I have no idea how I made it this far in adulthood. Clearly I am a stupid woman.

And yet, the show truly proves the point that I tried to make time and time again during school – Why do I need to know this stuff? It won’t ever matter!! Teachers assured me that it would, in fact, matter at some point in my life. I think this week’s quiz alongside some ultra-cute, ultra-personality-laden ten year olds was the first time such knowledge was ever needed.

So I submit to you the following things that make me boldly say, “I am not smarter than a fifth grader,” along with my statements of why that is a-ok with me!

* I guessed right that Columbus Day is in October – only because my Dad’s birthday is somewhere around Columbus Day. In the real world, though, Columbus Day is not a paid work holiday, so why do I need to know when it falls?

* On a total whim, I guessed that polar bears do not feed on penguins. How was I supposed to know that they live on opposite ends of the planet? Hasn’t anyone watched Lost? Polar bears live just about anywhere they want to, whether or not it makes sense.

* If a triangle has an area of 16 square inches and a base of 8 inches, how high are the sides? Well it isn’t 8 inches, I can tell you that. Turns out, it’s 4. About all I know of triangles is that they make the shape of a yield sign on the road – now that is actual useful information – especially if there’s a car coming!

* Red + yellow = orange. I knew that. Brick red + peach - primer = pink. Learned that one the hard way. Also learned that two shades of reddish brown faux-painted over said pink makes a great shade of terra cotta.

* Did you know the sun is a star? It is, and it’s the closest star to earth. I knew that one too, but more importantly, I’d like to know where the sun is these days. I have some snow that needs to melt.

* The lady on the show did not know that Canada’s border with the U.S. is longer than Mexico’s border with the U.S. Apparently the longer border does not speak louder than the trouble-laden border. Another point scored for the squeaky wheel.

* After much thought, I correctly guessed that there are 200 decades in two millennia. Given that my own life span is closer to two decades than two hundred, this hasn’t really mattered to me yet. Two decades can, however, feel like two hundred. Or two millennia for that matter.

* I must admit that I, the writing major, incorrectly answered the question, “How many times does the letter E appear in Pledge of Allegiance?” I guessed five. Turns out allegiance is not spelled allegience. Apparently it does not matter that I actually know the pledge and learned in Girls’ State how to properly position my hand over my heart while reciting the pledge. Probably doesn’t matter that I also know three verses to the Star Spangled Banner.

* The Big Dipper is not in the constellation Orion, but rather in Ursa Major. I didn’t know about Ursa Major. I know that Ursula was a big bad sea villain in The Little Mermaid. Guess that doesn’t matter.

* I did not know that there are 15 teaspoons in 5 tablespoons. I guessed 10. But hey, I can make a mean batch of chocolate chip cookies, proving I know how to actually use teaspoons and tablespoons. Isn’t that all that counts?

* Do you know what element on the periodic table is symbolized with NA? No, I sure didn’t. I passed Chemistry by the grace of God and Mr. McBride. I haven’t looked at a periodic table since. All I know is that sodium is bad for you. Doesn’t keep me from enjoying it.

* I correctly guessed that the largest species of bear is the polar bear. See? That first season of Lost is helping!

So I’m not smarter than a fifth grader. Shoot, on the third night, I wasn’t even smarter than a first grader.

Know what that proves?

All you really need to know, you learned in Kindergarten.