It's the Weekly Recap!

* Last Sunday morning, I had the chance to visit Mt. Etna Wesleyan Church where my friend Brian Holland is the pastor. (Brian is the one who baptized me last summer.) He recently took this church and invited me, along with several others, to visit for the day and see what God is doing there. After church, I needed some time with the Lord, so I drove to the IWU athletic fields, parked by the pond and sat there for three hours trying to pray.
* Monday evening I tried my hand at a brand new cooking experiment: making a gluten-free, sugar-free carrot cake! Diane, one of my work buddies had a birthday on Tuesday and requested it as her treat. A vegetable in a cake still counts as a serving of them...right?

*Tuesday evening I had my inaugural visit to the Flat Top Grill, which my friend Doug described as the Build-A-Bear of stir fry. That kinda cracked me up. Have to say - it was pretty yummy! Anytime someone says "go ahead and add as much meat to your plate as you want..." I'm happy. Ahhh the life of a meatatarian.

* Wednesday I had the privilege to speak with Lisa Harper on the air during Mid-Morning. I was petrified I'd do something overly humiliating but I did not...and she was such a delight to talk to that I just wanted to keep her the whole hour! And here is some random proof that my job is the best in the world. An afternoon spent wrapping books in raffia? Yes, please!
*Thursday the weather forecast came true. It never does. They gear us up for these storms every year and they never happen. ButI got a text Thursday afternoon that the roads were getting slick and I would be wise to stay in Fort Wayne, so I drove to Lynne's and hunkered down with the fuzziest blanket on the planet. Pizza, iced tea, scrapbooking, journaling, reading, TV...not a bad night, I must say.

* Friday evening I was supposed to hang out with the lovely Julie Crandall, but the weather gave us other plans. I ended up staying in Fort Wayne again...got a hotel room! There's something of fun about hotel stays! Too bad I didn't remember to take my suit...they had a hot tub!!
* Saturday I finally made it home and I had Christmas (yes - CHRISTMAS!! - don't judge us!) with Marie. We never had time to do it before! Look at my new present...a tote for my car! (To keep for weather emergencies.) We had homemade pizza for dinner and watched a movie on Hallmark. Fun evening!!

One Thousand Gifts: I've already written about some of them this week, but I think one of my favorites was the way God showed me how ordinary places can be very hallowed ground. Lately I've been praying often in the shower and one day I actually took two showers just to have more time to pray. I know there's nothing magical about the shower, but for me, it provides holy ground.

Organization Confessions: Got a little behind on this since I wasn't home for three days, but I am so glad my fridge has been cleaned and my can shelf has been oganized. It's the little things...I love weeding out!

Pinterest Inspiration: This week, my Pinterest creation came in the form of a blog post. I found a list of questons, pinned by Yessenia Maldano, to ask your family around the dinner table, so I adapted it some and wrote this post!

72 Gifts

One thousand gifts...and as of today, I'm seventy-two documented gifts richer.

Looking for these gifts absolutely overwhelms me. I know all these things happened before I started counting, but I never noticed.

How much I missed!!

Here is just a sampling of the beauty God has sent my way since January 1:

2. Seeing a familiar verse in new words...a wash of love.
14. Praying in dark and stillness on the commute.

20. Pudgy baby fists reaching for soft books.

30. Butterflies in my stomach.

45. Lists made by a dear friend...to remind me of my worth.

59. Soft roar of a heater.

61. Finding an email that asked me to write a new Bible study.

68. Nestling in bed while wind beats the window.

70. Knit caps snug on my head. 72. The smell of new boots.

Thank You, Abba.

Warm and Safe

Warning: this post contains life lessons learned in the presence of my cat and should not be construed as pathetic. :)

Until this summer, Braeya had only ever known life in a two-cat home. She came to live with me when Kaegan was five and for the five years they shared, she did her best to amuse and entertain him and he met each effort with a blink and a turned head. In the days since his death, she's really had to work to find a new normal. It hasn't helped that he died the same month I started a new job that takes much more of my time than the old one.

I do feel sorry for the poor girl.

She sleeps in my bed every night (although in her mind, I'm sure it's that I sleep in HER bed...) and usually when I get up in the morning, she gets up too. Yesterday she kept sleeping. (Must be nice.)

When I got out of bed and stumbled toward the lamp to turn it on, I tripped over this pile:
I started to say "BRAEYA!!!!" but when I turned around, she was so angelic there on the end of her bed with one paw stretched out and one tucked under her chin...which is how she always sleeps. I couldn't yell at her for leaving her toys at the end of the bed when she looked that cute.

Then, because I'm learning to reframe, you know, I looked at this pile of toys and thought to myself, It's not like she put them there TO trip me. She put them there because that's what she does when she goes to bed. She brings her favorite toy from that day...carries it in her mouth like she's a dog...and deposits it right by where she plans to sleep so that it will be ready for the next day. It's her house too, and she knows it. She's warm and safe here. Safe to leave a pile of toys at the end of the bed.

Warm and safe. Isn't that a good feeling? Since I've been counting 1000 gifts, I've been very aware of the simple blessings. Things like warmth and safety. Not everyone has that, you know.

This girl has it.
Even if it means taking a nap on my shirt before I iron it.

Or confiscating my fat chair for (imagine it) another nap.

But my favorite is when she curls right up ON me and snuggles for a while. She's not a lap cat, so those moments are rare. When she drapes that one little paw on me...I know she feels the warmest...and she knows she's safe here.

When I backed out of the driveway to go to work, two cats sat in the drizzle, hiding under cars for shelter. I glanced at them, thinking about Braeya sacked out on my bed, with her toys at hand, all warm and safe.

Not everyone knows warmth and safety.

I'm blessed.

Passion

Remember that line in You've Got Mail where Kathleen says that whatever else anything is...it ought to begin by being personal?

A few years ago I adapted that just a bit for my own life and declared that whatever else anything is in my life, it ought to begin by being passionate. I don't like to attack things halfway. If I'm going to invest in something, I'm going to invest in something.

Of course that's brought its own share of heartbreak now and then, but that's okay. I may hurt, but I don't look back and regret not giving it my all.

Yesterday, Lisa Harper was on Mid-Morning for a few minutes, and Lynne and I had the chance to talk to her about a young lady named Marie. Marie is a crack addict and is 6 1/2 months pregnant with a baby girl that Lisa hopes to adopt. If Marie can't stop using, the baby's life will be in greater danger than it is right now.

Lisa, if you don't know, is a Bible study teacher whose ministry resume is impressive. She's written a number of (fantastic) books and Bible studies, she's toured with Women of Faith, she's worked at Focus on the Family...but she's also felt God's call on her life to work with girls battling addiction. She gets right in there, rolls up her sleeves, and crawls around in the muck with them. And now she's wrestling this beast of addiction not just to become a mom...but because she genuinely desires to see Marie delivered from the grip of drugs.

Lisa was on our show to talk about "Marie Mondays," a campaign she created for prayer, fasting, and encouragement to try to save these two lives in particular. She put out pleas on Facebook, Twitter, our show, and any other avenue she has, because she's that passionate for these lives. That passionate about this ministry.

Made me think.

God hasn't called me (today, anyway) to run straight into a crack house, help girls get clean and adopt their addicted babies. But He has called me to other things. Am I putting as much passion into those things as I possibly can? Am I encouraging others every time I have an opportunity? Am I listening and retaining information so I can follow up later? Am I writing? Am I putting every ounce of my being into my job (which IS my main ministry)? Am I running with every bit of my soul into the Throne Room every day to soak up time with God?

Whatever it is He's asked me to do...it ought to begin (and end) with passion.

A Little Q & A

I feel like all I've done for the past few days is think. My brain is tired. So today...I'm answering a random smattering of questions. :) Little known (and probably not even necessary) facts about Bekah.

1. If you could have changed your name as a kid, what would you have been named? I desperately wanted to be a Brittany. I think it was part of my quest to be among the popular bunch. (Now I'm glad to be a Rebekah, though I still hold to my conviction that a middle name of "Cranky" would be easier to live up to than "Joy." HA!)

2. Who was your favorite Disney Princess? I'm a Belle girl all the way. Side note - UNBELIEVABLY thrilled that Beauty and the Beast is coming back to the theater. I never got to see it on the big screen the first time around, but you can know I'll be there this time! Can't wait!

3. Which character in a book would you have wanted to be? Growing up (as in my teen years) I adored the Love Comes Softly series of books by Janette Oke. I wanted to be Marty. In fact, I used to memorize parts of the book like a script in case they came out with a movie. Then they DID come out with a movie. Katherine Heigl played Marty. Something tells me I couldn't have beat her in an audition.

4. What punishment did you receive as you grew up that you felt was unfair? Hands down - the saga of the peaches. Have I told you that story? It was a battle of the wills between the Mama and me and she was determined to win. She did (as she should have) - and to this day I won't eat peaches because of that event!

5. Were you neat or messy as a kid? I was a HORRIBLE slob as a kid. I had a tall plastic shelf in the corner of my room and I once piled so many things on it that it toppled over and I had to run out of the room to keep from being pelted by shelf debris. After that I started making an effort to be neat(er).

Doubtful that any of this information will make you a Jeopardy champion, but thanks for reading the random of the randomest!

Reframing

I told you yesterday I have trust issues. And let me tell you. Yesterday it felt like God and Satan were having a tug of war and I was the rope.

If you think I'm kidding, check this out: I skipped lunch. That's when you KNOW it's serious. I don't really believe in skipping meals.

Typically I call my mom on my way home from work and we talk for most of the commute. I worked over Monday evening and figured she would be worried when I hadn't called a half hour after I normally do. As I pack-muled my way out to my car with all my work luggage, I half-groaned, God, I really would rather talk to You on the way home. I'm a mess.

I lovingly arranged the luggage in the car, crawled in the front seat and pulled out the phone to call Mom. I could tell when she answered that she was in the middle of dinner at a restaurant. "Can I call you later?" she said.

I hung up and felt the God-tap on my shoulder. You got it, Baby Girl. We have a whole commute together.

Unsure of how to begin...I sort of stuttered, and then I finally blurted out I need You to tell me what You want me to do because I can't do this.

Never before have I felt the car become such sacred ground, but it was yesterday evening. I did my best to say out loud all the things that weighed on my heart, and finally I heard God say Baby, do you remember the day you learned to stop flailing and be still in my arms? Yes. Yes I did.

Do that.

I tried. I tried to put myself back in that sweltering living room and imagine the strong arms that pressed me tightly until I stopped fighting.

Then I heard Let's review what you know to be true. And for the rest of the ride home, He reminded me of what is true about me. He whispered truths I needed to hear. He helped me see my world from a different point of view.

He reframed it for me.

I'm all about the tangible, you know. And I know that while this battle is already won, there might be a fight or two yet to face. So to help, I picked this up last night.

(Sorry the picture is blurry and I do plan to one day make the word a little classier looking. But this works for now.) I'm taking it to work with me, and when I start to flail and fight and lose sight of the truth, I plan to pick it up and move it to the other side of the desk.

Reframing in action.

Trust

"God and I, we've long had trust issues."

Ann Voskamp opened chapter 8 of One Thousand Gifts with that sentence, and I'm not going to lie - I gasped a little when I read it. Are you allowed to say that out loud? Isn't it sort of...not nice to say about God? (Like in The Best Christmas Pageant Ever when Alice said it wasn't very nice to say the baby Jesus had colic.)

But I have to admit...if I'm to be honest today, God and I, we've long had trust issues.

Nothing tastes more bitter than admitting that out loud.

Yesterday I sat at the athletic fields at IWU, the sun keeping me warm through the window of my car, and I called dear, sweet, patient Ronda, who has so graciously put up with my out-loud ramblings during and post-desert...and with hot tears rolling down my face I said, "The bottom line is I just don't trust God to take care of this and I know that's not even nice."

We talked some and finally concluded it wasn't so much that I didn't trust God as it was I didn't trust people to listen to God and do what He said.

I finally came home and crawled in bed, sporting the olive green sweater I'd worn to church, my pearl necklace, and white flannel pajama pants with all manner of pink, purple and turquoise hearts all over them. (Those are the ensembles that just invite a house fire.)

When I got up, I made my way into the shower, because sometimes I hear God better near water and in the absence of owning my own beach, I thought the shower might help. I sat on the floor, with water pelting me until no more hot water flowed...and I tried to squeak out some prayers. With my head resting against the wall of the shower, I heard God say, "Remember your song? Day by Day? He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure gives unto each day what He deems best? You do know that those gifts are sometimes GOOD things, right?"

Uh. Maybe I forgot?

When the hot water stopped, I crawled out and went back to bed, where I opened Ann's book to the trust issues chapter again. I skimmed through to see what I'd underlined. "What if I opened the clenched hands wide to receive all that is? A life that receives all of God in this moment?"

And "The full life, the one spilling joy and peace, happens only as I come to trust the caress of the Lover, Lover who never burdens His children with shame or self-condemnation but keeps stroking the fears with gentle grace."

So that's where I am today. Learning to uncurl my clenched fists to receive the goodness that is His love.

It's the Weekly Recap!

* Last Sunday I kicked off the new year by driving to Ft. Wayne to attend a service at The Pointe Church. My friend Doug met me there, because one of his friends preached there that morning. Really good sermon and time of worship! I spent the rest of the day with Doug and his friend's family, and they just welcomed me right in as one of their own. We ate lunch at Smokey Bones and went back to their house to hang out, talk, look at pictures, watch TV, and watch The Help, which I had never seen before. Thanks Doug, Mitch, Kim, and Ben for making my first day of 2012 so much fun!

* Monday was SUPPOSED to be a very busy work day at home. In reality - I was a total bum! I did spend quite a bit of time with the Lord, which was good, and I finished my Pinterest inspiration piece for the week. Here's the before picture:
I was grateful to have the day at home, though, because apparently we got some black ice overnight and my work route was full of slide-offs. I was thrilled to be comfy in my bed instead of shivering in a ditch!

* And speaking of that, my commute on Tuesday took an hour and a half (and I was late - ICK!) after I slid on a bridge on the interstate. Got right off of THAT thing and took a back way from that point forward. But from there, the day vastly improved, with the most exciting moment being the chance to participate in the interview with Ann Voskamp. I think that will always be one of my most treasured memories. And when I came home, I assembled (with great wrestling and calorie-burning) this storage unit as part of my new organizational calendar commitment!
* Wednesday was a combination of a test of trust...and a feast of beauty. The perfect mix for my 1000 gifts challenge! Among other things...this gorgeous sight on the way home from work. (Focus on the sky, not the house, although it's a cool house!)

* Thursday hailed the return of Grey's, so it also meant...time for Rachel to come back over for our standing TV date! Since she had a birthday this week, we had a little party...cupcakes (with candles of course)...and we exchanged Christmas gifts a little late...and she got her birthday gift. And then I cried over Grey's because that's what I do.
* Friday afternoon, on my commute home, I drove past about 5 miles of cars (literally) backed up on the interstate (opposite direction of my traveling path) who were stuck behind a pileup from a car hitting a semi carrying cows...and the cows got out. I yelled at the cars as I drove past, "Hope y'all didn't just drink a large iced tea! You're gonna be here a while!"


* Saturday was SUCH a fun day. I trekked north to the Goshen Fire and Ice festival, which I'd planned to attend the last two years and we had ice storms both times. Not this year! Gorgeous outside - and I had a total blast the entire day. Here's something that's NOT a blast. Seeing this at 1:30 a.m. when all you really want is bed:
One Thousand Gifts: In the first week I totaled 38 gifts...a long way from 1000, but 38 moments of seeing God actively working in my life...I'll take! Wanted to share this one this week. I got an email signed "hugs" and as I read the word, I imagined myself being hugged (because they are one of my favorite things in life). It occurred to me that there are people who don't know what it's like to be hugged. No one hugs them. I can't imagine a life without hugs. The comfort of being held...is a gift.

Organization Confessions: Love my newly assembled donation station! And it already has some donations in it...courtesy of the day my assignment was to clean off the top shelf of one cabinet. Given that I'd not used those things in about two years...I decided to evict them.

Pinterest Inspiration: I found this wreath on Pinterest courtesy of Whitney Scarborough and thought it was JUST darling.
I knew I had one grapevine wreath in my garage, left over from not selling at the yard sale this summer. So I went to Hobby Lobby to buy two more wreaths, a can of spray paint, a hat, some sparkly felt to make a ribbon on the hat, and some faux fur for a scarf. Found the "button" ornament on sale at the Gaither store - though it is hard to see against a red door - and made this myself!
Loved it! And that's been the week!

To Those Abandoning Resolutions...

It's January 7th. Time to declare defeat against new year's resolutions...right?

I'm a structure girl. That's why new years work so well for me. They are a defined fresh start. But I've been learning in the post-desert life to mellow a little bit where that whole structure thing is concerned. I've not perfected it. When I was creeping along a four lane highway that had been reduced to a mere two non-snow-covered-tracks and I watched the counter on my GPS lose another minute, declaring I'd be a full eighteen minutes late on the first day back in a new year...I was not mellow.

But in general, I'm doing better. And I'm here to tell you...if you're annoyed (angry, disappointed, fill in the blank) with yourself over failing to live up to the expectations you declared over this year, take heart. Do not give up.

* I wrote two pages of resolutions, and then my computer restarted and auto-save...didn't. Nothing like losing the proof of your resolutions before you even get to execute them.

* I injured my leg on the first day of the new workout DVD, sitting me out from that workout for the next three days.

* The first meal I prepared from the SkinnyTaste blog (resolution to cook from there twice a month) freaked out my stomach (which is not used to eating anything gathered from any source labeled "skinny").

* My first official Pinterest project was a craft...which proved difficult when I realized the glue gun is one of the few things officially packed. Like under a well taped box.

It doesn't always go perfectly. But that's no reason to give up. I did crunches while my leg healed. I'll keep eating the health food...eventually my stomach will realize it's not just a cruel hoax. And surely someone has a glue gun I can borrow that will better hinge the darling thing I made. Double sided tape just wasn't the miracle.

I'm determined to keep going. 2012 is a year of cultivation. Not a year of perfection.

Keep going with me?

Forsaking Fear

Hi, my name is Bekah, and I struggle with fear.

My fear used to be utterly paralyzing. Remember when I told you about my fear of the rapture? After that, I moved on to fears of many other things...and many of them are things I'm still not wild about to this day, but that gripping, heart-stopping terror has subsided.

The desert helped with that. It was my then-worst-fear come true. To be chosen and promptly rejected. And I lived through it. Other things don't seem so bad now.

Usually.

In a couple of weeks, the lovely Angie Smith is planning to be on Mid-Morning to talk about her new book, What Women Fear. So this week, I started reading the book, and I knew...I knew...reading that book would bring to the surface some of those remaining fear-wounds that so rarely sting anymore. I prepared myself. It'll get worse before it gets better, I said to myself. It'll hurt but you need to hurt so you can keep healing.

So I took a deep breath, plunged in, and read.

Check out these words: It is so easy to fear we have ruined something beautiful. So easy for us to believe that we held the keys to what was supposed to be and now we are destined to live among the ashes that remain...We are powerless in changing it, but paralyzed by the sense that we have tainted the greatest canvas of our lives...You weren't made to walk through life with the stack of missed opportunities pressing you into the ground. (...from What Women Fear, pp. 24-25)

I underlined those words and pondered them in my my journal. That was me. That still IS me, some days. The days when I think Bekah if you'd just been more, he would have stayed and you would have had the promise. Now you get ashes.

No.

Because I serve a God who trades beauty for ashes.

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. - Isaiah 61:3, NLT

I went to bed after reading that chapter and I didn't just cry myself to sleep. I sobbed myself to sleep.

Good sobbing. 1000-gifts-worthy cleansing sobs. I am not destined to live in the ashes that remain from a broken relationship. I am destined to live in the beauty of whatever lies ahead.

If only I can let go of the fear it doesn't exist. It's not an overnight fix. But I'm thankful it's healing come to life in this girl's heart.

Brilliance

This week has been more about thoughts than the days in Bekahland. That is partly because laundry and organization make for semi-boring posts and partly because a side effect of a new year (for me) is time spent in deeper-than-usual thought.

As per my organizational calendar instructions, I trudged forth to Meijer Monday evening to purchase a donation station (mine is a variation...room for more than just donations). And Tuesday evening I settled in with the Biggest Loser and the storage cube box, which loudly declared (meaning bold font) that no tools were required and easy assembly could be accomplished in under thirty minutes.

CLEARLY the manufacturer has never met me.

I was pretty excited about the no-tools-required part. Once, when I assembled a shelf that required tools, I left a significant chunk of the side board's finish on the floor of my freshman dorm hall...after becoming slightly overzealous with the hammer. But in this assembly, I quickly learned that "no-tools-required" was code for "better-have-muscles." Well, I do have them. Much more so than ever before in my life, actually. But not enough to wrestle wire cubes together in perfect angles.


It was comical, I'm sure. Braeya was probably laughing from her perch on the back of the fat chair. Girl vs. wire. Who will win? Well let me tell you this. I did not win in under 30 minutes. Granted I kept it close to 30...but not under. Nevertheless, it did turn out fairly stable looking:


Okay, now enter the life lesson. In sharing this adventure with one of my friends, I received the following reply: "Just remember it's not how much time it takes to build it that counts...all that matters is how long it stays together."

The moment my eyes fell on those words, they ceased to be about a wrestling match with a wire cube. That's a wildly profound life lesson right there. Brilliance on a screen.

I just told you my God-prodded "theme" for life this year is cultivating. And I believe He just entered lesson number one into my view.

These friendships...these relationships...this job I'm still learning...this practice of finding and unwrapping love-gifts...this relationship with Abba...it's not how much time it takes to build it that counts. All that matters is how long it stays together.


This cultivating. It's life-work. It may be the year's theme, but it's life-work.

"One Thousand Gifts"

There are days you know you'll always remember. Pivotal sorts of days. I know this is only the fourth day of the year, but I'm fairly certain I've already had more than one of those days in 2012. And one of them (for certain) was yesterday.

Lynne and I kicked off our 2012 live shows with Ann Voskamp. I was unspeakably nervous about that interview. Not because I worried about Ann's ability to hold her her end of an interview. (After December's blooper reel, I was highly worried about my ability to hold my end of an interview...but I digress.) I was nervous because it's been several years since a book (other than the Bible) touched my soul as profoundly as One Thousand Gifts. And I did not take lightly the opportunity to exchange words with the author.

My pilgrimage through the book was slow, but so worth the extra time it took to digest what she said. (Because it was that good.)

And yesterday I sat in front of the engineering board for the first time in a week and a half, and listened, mesmerized, to her words. Listened to her careful, deliberate delivery, which I'd grown to love from the book and her blog, and then smiled and listened when her words tumbled out in great excitement as her passion for the thankful life couldn't be contained.

What do you say to Ann Voskamp when you have the chance to ask her a question? Among other things, I wanted to know how long it took her to get to 1000 gifts.

Eight weeks. That's it. In a mere eight weeks, she opened 1000 gifts from the Lord and chronicled them in her journal. And she didn't stop. She kept counting. Kept unwrapping love, as she calls it.

Lynne and I are taking the 1000 gifts challenge this year. Keeping our eyes open to the ways our Abba pours love into our lives. Writing down the beauty that is His love. Looking for love in the beautiful. Looking for love in the heartbreaking.

Unwrapping 1000 gifts. Looking back over the list and finding ourselves back in those places, washed with that love again. And when we've reached 1000, we'll go for 2000. 3000. On and on.

We would love for you to join us. I'm listing some of my gifts in each week's recap. Some of you may already be keeping track...but if you aren't, want to come on the journey with us? And even if you have, start again? Ann said she would. Proof that there is always love to be received from His hand.

Cultivating

If you've hung around Bekah's Bits very long, you probably know that I always pray for God to guide me to a theme verse for the year...and in general ask for His guidance on what the plan is to be for that year.

Last year my theme verses were from Isaiah and they were all about God bringing about new things, and boy did He ever do that in my life in 2011! Then, while on spring break in March, God brought the FFH song Undone into my world and made that my Lent theme...and then Lent just never seemed to end for me! All year long, He was calling me to come undone and surrender to HIS plan over my own.

This year my theme verse is also from Isaiah..."My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." - Isaiah 55:8 NLT

And while it's not yet time for Lent, God has also given me a key word for this year: cultivate. I'm not entirely sure what it means for me. (I mean I know what the word cultivate means...hello!...but I'm not sure what it means for ME in the year to come.)

I do know this much. Last year, God heaped on me a whole bunch of new things. New job, new commuting lifestyle, new friends, newfound confidence, new, new, new. And honestly, it was all very overwhelming. Overwhelming in a good way, but overwhelming.

I "came undone" as much as I knew how, to accept these new blessings, but I had no idea how to organize them or anything of that sort.

And so He calls me to cultivate. Cultivate the new job and its responsibilities. Cultivate new friendships that have begun. Cultivate my relationship with Him, which has changed and deepened from what it used to be.

And yet in all of it, I must remember that His ways are not mine. I can make all the cultivation plans I want (and believe me...I will plan!) but if He calls me to cultivate differently, I must follow His lead.

As I did my devotions on New Year's Day, I kept hearing the old hymn Day by Day in my mind. The line "He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure gives unto each day what He deems best" played over and over. I wrote in my journal, That's what You've always done - and it's honestly what I want. I couldn't have fathomed what You had in 2011 and I know 2012 is beyond me also. Your heart IS kind and good beyond all measure. WHATEVER You bring is right. I don't need to know it now.

And so I wait. I wait for Him to direct me in cultivating what He's offered. I wait for Him to love me in ways that are outside the scope of my ability to think and plan.

What Was I Doing New Year's Eve?

For as much as I love a good celebration, I will admit that sometimes my favorite New Year's Eve tradition is to stay home alone and wrestle closure on the old year and pray in the new. It's true. There's something spiritually pivotal to me about that practice.

But this year Faith asked if I had plans, and since we rarely get to spend time together anymore, I decided to hang out with her for New Year's Eve! We decided to be silly and purchase garish Hawaiian shirts at the Goodwill...and go with a theme. We began the evening with dinner (chicken puffs, BBQ weenies, and grape kabobs).
I read that eating twelve grapes on New Year's Eve is supposed to bring you good luck for the next year. While I don't believe in luck, I figured twelve grapes came close to satisfying a food group, right?

After dinner, we went to see the movie New Year's Eve. I haven't been to a movie in probably two years! Then, since we'd missed doing so earlier, we drove through the walkway of lights in Marion (as is typically our tradition each Christmas) and we came back to my house. Faith brought her daughters' grass skirts, and they were a little short (and not nearly big enough around the middle) for us but they did provide atmosphere for a photo opp!

(No, I'm not really giving birth to a cat as it looks like there...)

I mentioned yesterday in the weekly recap that I wanted to make 2012 time capsules based on an idea I found on Pinterest. No idea what will go in there as the year progresses, but to start things off, I had a movie ticket stub...and then we sat down to answer some 2011 reflection questions I found on this blog. I can't wait to read/reanswer them in a year!

My time capsule! Just need to add a picture to the top and it can be declared officially done and ready to accept the memories and treasures of 2012!

By the time we finished answering the questions, it was almost midnight, so we had our dessert (a way-too-rich crock pot brownie gooey goodness with ice cream on top)...tracked down the Rockin' New Year's Eve coverage on TV...opened the sparkling grape juice...and broke out the party blowers. In a dejavu moment (we'd just seen the 2012 countdown in the movie), we counted down and scared the living goodness out of the cat. (Not gonna lie - that was kinda funny.)

See? Everyone got in on the festivities!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! (And a free new year public service announcement - Hawaiian shirts are the least slimming prints on the planet.)

And because we love to continue celebrating...we took the party outside! SPARKLERS!!!!

I don't believe I've ever before stood in my backyard at midnight wearing knee high boots, a grass skirt, a lei, a wool coat, and a bright purple antennae-laden headband, but why not begin the year with something new, right?

We couldn't feel our fingers by the end, but it was so fun!

When the festivities ended, I crawled in bed and ended 2011 with a beautiful chat with God. The perfect end to a year filled with good memories...and a great God.

It's the Weekly Recap!

Happy new year, my dear blogging friends!

* Last Sunday was Christmas! I went to church and then to my parents' house for lunch and the Christmas palooza! Much fun with my sister and her husband, too. No, I am not really taller than my Dad. Love my high-heeled boots!
Came home from the family Christmas, plopped down in front of the fireplace and watched the My Fair Wedding marathon. (Yes. I'm obsessed with that show.)

* I was very blessed to have Monday off work, so I slept in and then proceeded to stay in bed a while longer...because I could...drinking coffee, watching TV and working on my goals for the new year. I had a helper:
Once I did get up, I ran around for the rest of the day trying to catch up the chores, catch up with friends, and be prepared to return to the work force IN full force on Tuesday!

* Tuesday's commute to work was, in the words of my mother, THE PITS. We had a mix of rain and snow and the temperature was hovering right at freezing...a mess. I planned to stay in Ft Wayne that night to spend the night at Lynne's but she wasn't feeling well, so I came home (thankfully it was MUCH better at the end of the day) and I was a cleaning FOOL at my house. Christmas and gifts had pretty much thrown up all over the house and I had to get some sense of order! I also worked out and decided THIS was an appropriate workout shirt. :)
* Wednesday evening I drove to Van Wert, Ohio to see Olivia for the first time since her wedding!
She was visiting her husband's family, so I got to see all of them too - they made me feel right at home! We had dinner and then I had to head back to Ft. Wayne because I spent the night at Lynne's house! I love having sleepovers at her house. I got to curl up and watch You've Got Mail and then sleep on a pretty comfy bed.


* Thursday, Lynne and I had a planning PALOOZA. We spent the entire day figuring out our plan for next year. Here's what that looks like: We had the most fun day, and on the way home, my car hit this milestone:THEN...at the end of the day, I had a special treat of having dinner with my friend, Laura! We spent two hours at IHOP, where we caught up on life and I drank three cups of coffee (because the five glasses of iced tea at Lynne's - and Starbucks on the way home - had not been enough).

* Friday began my long weekend...I had the day off as the second day of my Christmas vacation. Slept in (of course) and then headed to two of my favorite places on earth with one of my favorite PEOPLE on earth! Amber and I went to the Gaither store and to...HOBBY LOBBY!!! I made good on some retail therapy. :)

* Saturday I got up and took down ALL the Christmas decorations. Didn't have time to put them away in an organized fashion, so they're (gently) thrown in sacks in the office until Monday when I can deal with them. Tried to clean up the house a bit into a decent looking space because...Faith came over to celebrate New Year's Eve with me. More on this later, but just a sneak peek:
CHANGES TO THE END OF THE WEEKLY RECAP in 2012:

* Now that I'm reading for a living (so to speak), I'm not going to keep track of what I'm reading here anymore. Too chaotic. I'll list the books I've read in the monthly recap instead.

* More to come on this as well, but Lynne and I are taking a One Thousand Gifts challenge in 2012 based on Ann Voskamp's book by the same name. So my "favorite God moment" is morphing slightly into a mention of one (or a small handful) of my One Thousand Gifts list.

* Organization Confessions. I told you a couple of days ago that I'm working on getting organized in 2012. So I'll stay accountable to you by sharing what worked and what didn't of the things I try each week!

* Pinterest highlight of the week. Yep. I'm addicted to Pinterest. Since I spend so much time on there, it stands to reason that I need to make good use of my finds. So each week I'll show you something I've tried based on my Pinterest addiction. I'll go ahead and show you my first one now. I'll explain it a bit more when I post about New Year's Eve, but Faith and I started 2012 time capsules based on and idea I found, which originated from Kelli Crowe's blog. This was her capsule: Photo Credit: Kellie Crowe

And these were our capsules:

We took pictures (of COURSE) on New Year's Eve and will add one to the top to remind us where the year began!

December: Done

* The month began with hearing the news that my former roommate, Angela, passed away after a valiant battle with cancer.

* I decorated (as such) the house for Christmas and although it was considerably dialed down from what I usually do, it was festive.

* Did my first ever picture cards since I'd already packed all my stamps and stuff. No handmade cards this year!

* Did all my Christmas shopping in a couple of marathon sessions - much later than I usually do it. AAAHHH crazy life!

* At work...I had lots of fun experiences...like helping Lynne with the Christmas show, which included getting to help interview my friend Jody Hedlund, co-hosting the Biggest Loser former contestant show, working the Holiday Houses for Habitat remote, and surviving Lynne's adventure in jury duty. I also started my very own blooper reel with my first ridiculous on air blunder. Good grief. And to round out the month, Lynne and I spent a day madly planning our course for 2012!

* In party-land, I attended the client party for the realty company I'm shopping with in Fort Wayne. Found a new favorite pizza and had to-die-for yogurt! The station was invited to the Taylor Christmas party, so that was fun to attend! (Though it felt strange to go to the OTHER school's party after 11 years of IWU!) I went to Miss Kaylah's birthday bash and went home full of cake and ice cream!

* Gave valiant effort to speaking to kids for the first time since I taught Bible school last summer. Much shorter time frame - considerably larger audience!

* Had a handful of Christmas "meetings" over coffee and dinner with friends I hardly see anymore...like Bill and Kristin, Jenny, Faith, Judy, Ronda, Laura, Amber, Tom and Olivia...yes, I was quite full of dinner and coffee! :)

* Went to see the lights in the park even though I had to go by myself.

* Had Christmas with my family - and had a good time! You already saw the pictures. :)

* Thoroughly enjoyed some days off - my first, really, since beginning my new job. I desperately needed the rest and the time to regroup and plan for the future.

* My car hit the 100,000 mile mark right before New Year's - who EVER would have thought I'd drive a car far enough to hit that many miles?

And finally....my stone jar project has come to an end. One stone to represent each day of this year and the ways God has been present in my life. He is GOOD.

Stone Altar: End of December

My Letter to You

Tomorrow I wrap up the highlights of December here on Bekah's Bits...and Sunday dawns a new day, week, and year. The OCD in me loves it when a new year falls on the same day as a new week. It's perfection.

Several years ago, my friend Jim said to me, "Hey Bekah. You should blog." I looked at him as though he'd just said, "Hey Bekah, you should jump out of an airplane without a parachute."

The thought of perfect strangers reading my work...reading my life...made me absolutely hyperventilate. The avid CSI watcher in me envisioned no less than a mini-series of reasons why this was a recipe for being written into the show (and not on the detective end of things).

Jim was so adamant about my need to blog that he created the blog for me. He came into my office one day and said, "Here's the name, the login and the password. Blog."

Gulp.

And so I did. Those first posts were painfully scripted, guarded, and read 18 times (by me) to make sure they couldn't possibly get me killed. My 18 reads probably tripled the amount of actual out-there readers who read them. HA!

My first (or one of the first, anyway) comments was from a woman who blasted me for getting my cats declawed. Welcome to blogging!

But over the years, I've relaxed and you've arrived here at Bekah's Bits. I know who some of you are. I have gotten to know others of you through this journey, and what sweet friends you've become. I have no idea who others of you are, though I often wonder who lurks and reads.

You've walked with me through hard journeys, like the tornado and the desret. You've celebrated with me in the good times, which are truly too numerous to list in one post. You've prayed for and with me. You've tried some of the recipes. You've left comments now and then to say this bit of heart-vulnerability or that verse or song got to you on the right day, proving that God works through things like the blog of a very flawed girl.

You've laughed with me (and probably AT me, but let's focus on the WITH, mmmkay?) and cried with me too. I still probably outdid you on the tears, but I love it when you join me anyway.

As I head into a new year, I'm making a lot of changes in my life. Some things have to go. Some things have to come in. But I'm sticking with the blog. Other than the cosmetic updates, it's not getting much change. I like it just the way it is. I hope you'll stay with me. I hope you'll keep reading, laughing, crying, learning, and yes, even rolling your eyes.

I was a skeptic, forced to try this thing, but you've made me feel loved and accepted. Thank you. I'm glad you're part of Bekah's Bits. Stay with me? Let's do another year together?

Get Organized With Me?

I will admit it. I'm a NERD. (About many things, actually, but today we'll narrow it down to one area.)

The new year means many things to me, but one of the most significant is the chance to establish new routines and habits.

This past year, my intention was to get back into life. I spent most of 2010 sitting in my living room, crying and trying to breathe - while secretly hoping I might just die and escape the pain - but in the new year, I desperately wanted to live again. I wasn't sure how to jump back in after being away so long...so I just...jumped.

2011 was a beautiful mess of living hard (not to be confused with hard living, which is something else entirely)...and resulted in absolute exhaustion.

So for 2012, my goal is to live fully...and yet live balanced.

One thing that fell apart for me in 2011 was the ability to "keep house" - for lack of a better term. I was constantly on the go, and that doubled once I began my new job and commute. As a a result, cleaning and organizing took such a back seat, I'm not even sure they were any longer in the vehicle!

So this year, I'm determined to work on that. And in a little turn of divine intervention (who says God can't work through Pinterest?) I found this website which makes cleaning and organizing totally manageable. One thing per day - for a whole year.

I might not have time to spring-clean my house every weekend, but I do have time to attack one tiny thing every day.

If you're feeling a little overwhelmed by the task of cleaning and organizing, check out the calendar! Maybe you can join me in 2012 - the year of simplifying and organizing! I plan to print out each month's page and hang it up so I don't forget my task for the day. And for the days that don't apply to me - I'll enjoy a day of rest!

A Year's Journey of Verses.

One of this year's great adventures was participating in Beth Moore's "Siesta Scripture Memory Team." I noticed early on that as I selected my new verse every 15 days or so...the choice ended up corresponding so perfectly with what God was doing in my heart and life, even though I often had no idea what would transpire in that time frame. It was one of the most pivotal ways God spoke to me this year.

I strung all the verses together just to see what it looked like and found it read kind of like a conversation between God and me. So I restructured it a bit and thought I'd share it with you here. (Please note that the things I changed weren't intended to be changes to Scripture...just kind of a conversation based on Scripture. Disclaimer!)

My Sweet Girl...Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of Me, and take captive every thought and make it obedient to Me.

Abba, I keep asking that the God of my Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that I may know You better. I am still confident of this: I will see Your goodness in the land of the living.

Bekah, wait for Me; be strong and take heart and wait for Me. As you know, I consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what I finally brought about. I am full of compassion and mercy. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the I, the Lord Your God, gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you may have life and have it to the full. Therefore I am now going to allure you; I will lead you into the desert and speak tenderly to you. There I will give you back your vineyards, and will make your Valley of Achor a door of hope. There you will sing as in the days of your youth, as in the day you came up out of Egypt. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?

Abba, I believe You will fulfill Your purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands.

Bekah, you are a chosen girl, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a daughter belonging to Me, that you may declare My praises...I who called you out of darkness into My wonderful light.

Sweet Father, may your favor rest upon me; establish the work of my hands for me - yes, establish the work of my hands. O Lord, be gracious to me; I long for you. Be my strength every morning, my salvation in time of distress.

Baby Girl, My way is perfect; My Word is flawless. I am a shield for all who take refuge in Me. You, my girl, are the pot I was shaping from the clay, and you were marred in My hands, so I, the Potter formed you into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to Me. So then, you who suffer according to God's will should commit yourself to your faithful Creator and continue to do good. I will give you a heart to know Me, that I am the Lord. You will be my Daughter, and I will be your God, for you will return to me with all your heart. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt. Again you will take up your tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful. I will fight for you; you need only to be still. I will meet all your needs according to My glorious riches in Christ Jesus. But you, dear Bekah, build yourself up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. And My glory will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Oh God of hope, fill me with all joy and peace as I trust in You, so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

30 Days of You and Me: Day Thirty

And with the end of the year...I conclude this long-drawn out little project I did...30 Days of You and Me. It's a perfect end-of-year post, actually.

The actual question is What have I learned about myself in the past 30 days? I'll modify that since I dragged this thing out for something like a year and a half.

I've been reflecting on this past crazy-busy, full-of-change year, and here are some of the epiphanies I've had.

* Way before the desert ever started, my sister wrote me a letter, and in it, she said I'm stronger than I know. I didn't believe her. Now I do.

* Most things aren't worth getting upset about. A grammatically poor sentence, but true, nonetheless. I have always been (rightfully) accused of being high-strung, and just about anything stressed me out. I've mellowed. And I love it when I see mellowing in action - like this past week when I lost about an hour-and-a-half's worth of work at my job and rather than getting mad and crying, as Bekah of yore would have done, I rolled my eyes and cracked down to redo it.

* God is at work in me when I can't see it. When I look at the things my job requires of me (being an extrovert, driving in cities, daily commutes, public vulnerability, etc) i know I couldn't have done those things even a year ago. I was much too caught up in fear. But each circumstance I went through made me able to do what I do now.

* I have worth and it's finally coming from the right source. I told Ronda a few days ago that when I dated Isaac, I believed for the first time that I was worth loving. Somehow he made me believe that. And I figured when he left, that worth would disappear right along with him. But it didn't. Though I was broken that he didn't choose to love me, I still believe I'm worth loving. That's new!

* God's timing is mysterious, yet perfect. It baffles me that the lack of house sale hasn't unglued me. But as I recently told Lynne, I don't doubt for one second that the job was of God. Therefore the fact that He has NOT sold my house tells me it's a calculated situation and He's using it in some way for something. Does it annoy me? Yes. Do I wish it were going differently right now? Yes. But I still trust that He knows what He's doing!

* And finally - the biggest truth I've learned in this past year is this: I survived the desert. I can survive anything. Some of you might read this next part and say "Oh that is not true." But for me, I believe it is. I can think of very few things that could be worse than what I went through last year. (For me, I mean.) Being loved to the point of marriage talk and then rejected was pretty much my worst fear. I've lived through hard stuff, but for my personality, that was the worst thing. I thought it would kill me and it didn't. So if I could live through that, then I can live through whatever. And I tell myself that when something hard surfaces. I pep talk myself with "Bekah, you lived your worst fear. You were chosen and left. And you survived it. If you did THAT, you can do THIS. Get out there and do this."

So that's what I've learned. It's a great end-of-year question, though. What about you? What have you learned about yourself...life...God?