Heartaches and Healing

This morning when I should have been working on curling my hair or ironing my shirt, I sat on the edge of the bed rummaging through my Craig box. I do that twice a year...every January around his birthday and every July sometime during the week he died.

It may seem stupid, but I really don't care. It's what I do. It's how I remember my friend that I knew for entirely too short a time. I miss him terribly and twelve years of distance hasn't really softened the hurt all that much.

My Craig box holds a tiny collection of things that remind me of who he was...and who he was to me. Newspaper clippings about the accident, about his death...his obituary. A business card I snatched from the holder before someone came to clean out his desk. A rose from the wreath that hung on the front door of the office in the days following. A jawbreaker, still in its wrapper...from my desk drawer, where I'd stashed it after he threw it at me to get my attention one day. A photocopy of my first ever time card, which he had signed. Somehow just sifting through those things reminds me of the comfort of his friendship during a very lonely time in my life.

Last year his mother sent me copies of a couple of snapshots she had...and one sits in a little frame on my entertainment center. Mom asked me once who he was and when I told her, she issued me a pretty puzzled look. I know it probably doesn't make any sense why I need to have a framed picture displayed...but I do.

Craig's death marked one of the most pivotal moments in my faith. The moment when I had to decide if I was going to follow God even though He took away the very person I asked Him to heal, or if I was going to accept what would be a lifetime of puzzles...and trust His heart anyway.

To think of that day twelve years ago still makes me cry. I remember walking into the office and hearing the news of the accident. I remember walking around in a fog for days. I remember riding in the back of my parents' van down to my sister's pool the day of his funeral, huddled against the window so they couldn't see my faces, whispering how sorry I was that I just couldn't go to the funeral...I just couldn't say goodbye.

And yet if that had never happened, I never would have known how God could step in and so tenderly fix a broken heart and steady a wavering faith.

So today...and tomorrow...and all days...I think of him and miss him. But I also am thankful for healing and hope. Because I have found them even in the hurt.

Bits for Sunday, July 20

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Jeremiah 33:3

This is one of those verses I’ve known “forever.” One of those that I learned probably as a five year old. I can spit it out with the best of them, but I never really stopped to think about what it could mean if I would dare to think beyond the obvious.

Maybe I’m the only one who ever stuck to the obvious…but then again, maybe I’m not. So I’m going to share with you what I learned this week.

I have lots of questions for God…and I’m sure that doesn’t shock any of you. And I long ago learned that God isn’t scared away or worn out by my questions, so I feel quite free to ask. But my interpretation of asking…of calling to God…is that I ask a specific question with a specific answer and in whatever time He deems appropriate, He answers in a specific way that I cannot miss. For example, I might say, "God, what color is a pumpkin?" And a week later, I might drive by a pumpkin patch and realize, "Oh! Pumpkins are orange! Thanks, God!" (Okay...truly my life has a BIT more depth than that, but you get the idea.)

The questions I ask are so specific. This week I learned the beauty of recognizing an answer that fell outside my perfect little specific formula.

Normally I don’t mind spilling all sorts of details to you. I figure life is lived in part to share…and I don’t mind sharing. But every now and then some things are just personal, and this is one of those times. So I’m not going to give you every little detail. Just enough that I hope you’ll understand what I learned.

I faced a decision that left me in one of those classic “angel on one shoulder, devil on the other shoulder” moments. I weighed the pros and cons. And I definitely prayed about it. I was specific in my prayers…asking God very pointedly to soften a heart to be receptive to my words. I knew that at some point in this decision process, I was going to have a conversation with a friend, and I knew God needed to do some work in that heart. So I asked for softening, because I expected...well, I wasn't sure what to expect. But none of my imagined options seemed "softened." And I had no idea how God was going to do it. It was somewhat of an impossible task, I figured. That’s why I asked Him to do it. It was beyond my ability.

The day of the conversation rolled around and I was thrown a bit off course because the banter didn’t go as I’d prefabricated it in my mind. (Imagine that.) But the responses I received in the course of the conversation were so filled with gentleness and compassion that they left me truly puzzled.

I pondered (okay…mentally rehashed multiple times) the whole conversation when it ended and I told God that I just didn’t get it…I hadn’t imagined any of it going the way it did and I had no idea what to think of the whole thing.

And that is when the verse came to my mind.

I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
I went into that prayer time days ago asking God to soften a heart to hear my words. He chose to answer in a different way…a better way. I asked for softening, and He gave me responses filled with gentle grace. That was a thousand times better than what I’d thought to ask for…and it was such a confirmation of God’s love to me. He knew that I needed those words in that tone on that day and would never expect them. And furthermore, the heart He softened was MINE. He softened it to hear His Words with unexpected answers.

Sometimes the unserachable things I do not know are not concrete answers to various mysteries I’m aware of…sometimes they’re things so unsearchable that I am truly unaware of them entirely.

And yet, when I’m willing to step back and recognize these moments as answers to my prayers…God delights to allow me to bask in their beauty and to feel His love through them.

So About Those Groceries

At the end of last month, I posted this about my grocery overhaul. I'd been challenged by a health-friend to incorporate more fruit and veggies into my diet. Diet is not a good word. Daily eating. There we go. Anyway, in order to accomplish this, I needed to increase my food budget and shop more than once a month...at least if I wanted to avoid going to the ER at the end of every month because of bad food.

So tomorrow night marks shopping trip #4 of this great experiment. I have noticed the following changes in life since implementing this plan:

1. I actually plan menus now. Instead of running through the store, throwing into my cart a combination of the things on my list I'd run out of and a few impulse buys, I now have a list of "must have" and "optional" items. When making my list, I think through the coming week's activities, including meals I know I won't be home and work carry-ins or company coming over.

2. I'm learning that theme weeks are good. Last night, I multi-tasked an episode of the Baby Borrowers with my menu planning. I decided to go with a Mexican-food themed week so I could shop for similar kinds of food. I think I should do more theme weeks.

3. Extra money should be spent on staples for the future. A couple of weeks ago I had an extra couple of bucks, so I picked up a brownie mix in case of emergency. I had an emergency at 9:30 last night and I was really glad I'd done that. (Craving constitutes emergency, right?)

4. I actually do eat more fruit and vegetables for snacks now that I know I have them on hand. (I know how much I paid for em and I'm not flushing that money down the tubes!)

5. I cook more now. I have always been a pretty decent cook...in fact, my Mom says to me at least once a week, "I wouldn't cook for just me." Well, can't help it. Love food, therefore must cook. Anyway, I had gotten in the bad habit of not doing good rounded meals, but now I am very aware of my cooking habits.

6. It really is a pain to shop once a week, but it's worth it enough in the long haul that I think I'll keep doing it.

I know many of you were just WAITING for an update. (eyeroll)

Childproofing

I think I've posted about this before, but my desperation for a solution is growing. So if you're a mom...and you have any ideas, TELL ME!!!


My cat (yes I know she's not a kid, but she acts like one) has taken up the habit of flushing the toilet. It's very annoying because I don't like paying for her frivolities. As of now, I just keep the bathroom door closed all the time to keep her out of it. But my bathroom decor (circa 1982) has gotten the best of me and I'm contemplating a mini-makeover in the near future. I don't want to go to all the trouble just to keep the door CLOSED.

I've searched on pet store sites AND kid/baby store sites and can't find any safety device for the flusher handle. I can find things to keep the lids down (so far that isn't an issue) but nothing for flushing. I wondered if the devices you can get for stove knobs might work - but I don't know if they're big enough or how they go about fitting on...so I don't know if that would work.

Anything, no matter how ugly, would work. Any ideas?? Any suggestions??? (No, Chris, shooting the cat is not one of the options.)

Bits for Sunday, July 13, 2008

I’m working on a Bible study. Not as in studying one…as in writing one. I love to write Bible studies…mostly because it gives me a good reason to get completely lost in the research without feeling guilty about what I’m not doing in the realm of housework. One chapter takes me probably an average of eight hours to write from start to finish. I usually do the research (hour or two) in one session and all the writing in another.

Yesterday was writing day. I hunkered down at the computer and completely missed the hunkering of the sun in the sky until I emerged from the office for food and discovered a dark house and a dark sky outside. Woops.

This study that I’m working on is sometimes easy and sometimes intimidating. I’m writing about some of the lesser known women of the Bible…and some are so lesser known that there’s very little to study about them. Yesterday’s woman has a grand total of one verse written about her. One verse. And from one verse, I was determined to pull an entire chapter. (They don’t call me Motor Mouth for nothin’.)

But I wrote something that struck me as profound. Not because I wrote it…but because it was one of those undiscovered (or perhaps underdiscovered…I’m sure someone before me noticed it) treasures of the Bible.

The woman is Damaris.

Who?

Damaris. Try Acts 17:34. You’ll find her.

Side note for just a minute…I was first introduced to Damaris’ presence in the Bible through a novel Janette Oke wrote about seventeen years ago. The book, A Woman Named Damaris was about a teenager who knew nothing of the Bible except that her name had come from it. In time, she was given a copy of the Bible and began to read through, looking for her name as she went. Long (and good!) story short, she was very disappointed to find that Damaris was one of those hidden women. She didn’t do anything spectacular, she didn’t have an amazing story, and she was only mentioned in one verse!

As I researched my one verse in preparation to write, I looked up the meaning of her name. Know what it means? “A heifer.” Good thing the character didn’t find out that tidbit! That would have crushed her last bit of hope! Poor Damaris…a heifer! But back in Bible times, horses and heifers were held in a higher esteem than we hold them today, so it might not be as bad as it sounds. (Trust me, if Damaris were driving down the bypass in front of me, going five under the limit, I might call her a heifer, but I can promise it wouldn’t be a compliment!)

Anyway, back to the point of my story. Damaris the character in Janette’s novel was informed that while Damaris of the Bible may not have done something particularly heroic or story-worthy, she did do the most important thing any woman (or man) could ever do: she believed.

The lone verse about her says, “A few men became followers of Paul and believed. Among them was Dionysius, a member of the Areopagus, also a woman named Damaris and a number of others.”

But I noticed this yesterday as I studied the entire chapter that ends with Damaris’ verse:

When Paul preached in Thessalonica, it says “Some of the Jews were persuaded and joined Paul and Silas, as did a large number of God-fearing Greeks and not a few prominent women” (V. 4). When Paul preached in Berea, it says, “Many of the Jews believed, as did also a number of prominent Greek women and many Greek men” (V. 12). But when Paul preached in Athens, and verse 34 declared a similar generality, one particular woman emerged from the “number of women.” Damaris. Out of all the women who believed in those three cities, Damaris is the only one to be mentioned by name.

Why?
What about Damaris’ life made her so special that she would be mentioned by name and no other woman in three cities was given the same honor?

It’s a matter of perspective. Sure, much of her life remains a mystery. Sure, she received very little publicity in comparison to the Mary’s and Sarah’s of the Bible. But she was recognized. When no one else was mentioned, Damaris stood out from the rest.

And I loved uncovering that truth. I would imagine I’m not the only one out there to sometimes wonder why this life or that around me seems more important and successful than mine. But it doesn’t mean that I’m not seen by God. It doesn’t mean that I’m not standing out to Him in ways I perhaps can’t even begin to see from my vantage point.

It’s just one little part of the whole study. But it’s a part that meant a lot to me this weekend, so I wanted to pass it on to you.

Ahhh the Mowing

I had a couple of inquiries about my incident with the mower during the Habitat for Bekah extravaganza. Here's what happened.

Dad was using his heavy duty saws and clippers to trim back my lilac trees/bushes/whatever so I no longer have to do the limbo when mowing in that general vicinity. Mom was picking up said clippings as he worked. And I was mowing the back yard with my not so self-propelled mower. (And sweating, I might add. It was a hot, hot day.)

I reached the end of my mowing row and hoisted the mower around to head the other direction when I was very aware that my left foot was not following the rest of my body. I looked down to find my shoelace had become entangled in the bottom of the chain link fence. As I tried to shake it free, the mower (which annoyingly had just "that much" propel-ment left in it) moved forward to finish its job. So there I was, foot firmly attached to the fence on the left side, mower dragging the right side oh so slowly forward. And I, not being one to restart the mower without just cause, elected to fall over (while keeping the mower bar in place so it would continue to run). I finally got my shoelace free and continued mowing.

And the parents? They missed the whole thing.

Even before Habitat day, I'd told Dad I wanted to get a new mower. It must be self propelled and it must have a bagger. Other than that, I truly did not care anything about it.

So Dad found a refurbished mower that he said would be good for me. He brought it over to the house and taught me to use it. He also demonstrated for me how the self-propelling action on this mower works. Very well. He put it on high and Mom and I laughed at him running through the yard chasing the mower. So he left the mower for me to try at my leisure.

Last night I had a moment of leisure, so I pushed the mower into the yard and tried to start it without priming it. (That had worked when Dad was there...quite easily I might add.) Nothing. So I primed it. Several times. Nothing. Grrrrrrrrrreat. Then I realized....oh!! I forgot to hold in the little safety bar that must be in for it to start. DUH. Took right off.

I set the self-propelled part for the lowest setting and took a trial run. I did okay until the end of the row. As I tried to turn - it was like that thing was a mechanical bull. I was all over the yard, thankful that no one could see, and wondering why in the world I agreed to this mower.

At long last I realized the propelling action should be turned off for the turn itself...and then reactivated for the row.

I bet the birds got a GOOD laugh.

Jeff

This might prove to be too much multi-tasking for me. I'm blogging, baking chocolate chip cookies, and watching Beth Moore all at the same time. So hopefully all this will make sense and I won't start typing ingredients or portions of 2 Chronicles in my post.

I wanted to pass along this link for you to read and pray if you feel led to do so. The blog is about Jeff, who is a friend of mine through work. He was one of my students while he was in college. (He just graduated very recently.) The whole story of what happened to him is told in the first post in more detail than I will explain it here, but here's a basic idea. His home was robbed during the night this past weekend, and while he tried to protect his home and son, the intruders attacked him and he sustained a concussion. A few hours later, Jeff lost the last five years of his memory, and a few hours after that, lost pretty much all his memory.

This afternoon I talked to his sister-in-law (who works with me) and she said the doctors are hopeful that his memory will return, but they don't know when. And there is still the possibility that it won't return and he'll have to relearn everything as he is already in the process of doing.

On her most recent blog post, Angi (the sister-in-law) said it was okay to pass the link on to anyone who wanted to help join in prayer for him and his family, so I'm posting the link here and on the side. Jeff is a great guy and I know God is going to do something amazing through this situation. I don't know what it is, but I believe He's going to do it.

But He Made A Board Game!

After subjecting you all to my American Idol thoughts for the early part of the year, I've tried very hard to keep my Bachelorette comments to myself. I have declared (in water cooler talk) each week this season that this is the best Bachelorette ever. She did a great job.

And then she hit the finale. And my jaw hit the floor.

Last night I went to the fair with my Mom - only after setting two TV's to record the finale - one on one city's channel and one on the other city's channel in case bad weather hit and one of them cut out to cover it. And all the way through the fair, I'd think "She's on her final date now...she's picking the guy now..."

I rushed through my evening chores, fixed a chai (Skyepuppy, the creamer tip DID help - thank you!) and settled in on the love seat (appropriate don't you think?) to watch the 3 hour tour of love - not even caring that it would keep me up far too late on a work night.

While sipping the chai, I shook my head at how perfect Jason was (Jason fan all the way here!). And when he got to the end of the final date, and he pulled out the board game he made her to relive the journey of love....I screamed. I kicked my legs in the air. I put the chai down before I wore it. I scared the cats. I didn't care. He made her a BOARD GAME!!! How stinking creative of him!!!

And she picked Jesse. I was floored. And I just kept saying BUT HE MADE YOU A BOARD GAME!!!!!!

I didn't even watch the third hour. I was so upset that I just went to bed. And I declared to the ladies at work that I was done watching the Bachelorette. Brad's season ended my run of watching the Bachelor. And DeAnna just did it in for the Bachelorette. They tried to convince me that if Jason becomes the next bachelor, I'll change my mind.

Maybe.

But for today, all I can say is, BUT HE MADE A BOARD GAME!!!!!

Christmas Hair

The actual Sunday post is below, but by special request, I'm adding this one.

Chris, I do promise that there are worse hair photos than this one. I'm just not sure I'm emotionally prepared to post them in an open forum. LOL. (Or maybe I just couldn't find them in my big hurry this evening.) And I'm very sorry...no glasses. I was the lucky one in the vision department. But hopefully this will give you something to laugh at for a moment or two.

This is apparently from 1992 (which explains the hair that so lovingly matches a variety of styles I saw on some of you in a 1992 college yearbook this past week....)

I am NOT a morning person and Mom always insisted upon capturing a memory the moment I rolled out of bed. And by rolled, I do mean rolled. I didn't even leave the quilt behind. This must have been the initial Christmas morning photo because my eyes are still squinty and my stocking remains undisturbed.
I'll see what I can do about finding the year with the pink sponge roller curls. THAT was special.

Bits for Sunday, July 6, 2008

Well your chances of getting anything substantial and deep from me today are about as great as your chances of…winning a dream home giveaway on Mars. I’ve had a long weekend (including an interesting mishap involving my shoelace, a chain link fence, and a lawn mower) and I currently have a headache and am aware that my long weekend is rapidly dissolving into a precious memory. So…in lieu of deep, you get random. Everything you didn’t know you wanted to know about me. My top three faves in ten categories.

* My 3 favorite CD’s. I hesitate to admit I have CD favorites because I am probably one of four people left in the world without an MP3 player and a music downloading addiction. My favorite CD is usually my most recent purchase, but I would have to say right now, my top three are: David Phelps’ No More Night…Live in Birmingham, David Phelps’ Legacy of Love…Live, and the Gaither Homecoming Amazing Grace. I work out to all three of them. Yes, I know I am weird.

* My 3 favorite back burner movies. I love a good chick flick. And three of my favorites are ones that don’t get a lot of run-time on TV. But I love them anyway. That Thing You Do (Tom Hanks, Liv Tyler and others I don’t know), which has the catchiest song in it. I used to own this movie, but I lost it in a borrowing adventure somewhere along the way. The American President (Michael Douglas, Anette Bening) which is quite possibly the only politically oriented movie I’ve ever seen. Oh wait. Air Force One. But that’s not on my list. My third fave is Where the Heart Is (Natalie Portman, Ashley Judd) – the story of the Wal-Mart baby.

* My 3 favorite drinks. I don’t drink drink. But I do love a good coffee-house drink. I usually get a caramel frappe, because I want something iced. But on those days when I’m cold (that’s about once a year) and I want something hot to drink, I’m a big fan of a spiced chai. And no matter how hard I work to make them on my own at home, none compare to what I can buy. And as for low-budget coffee drinks – the BK iced mocha is my favorite one so far.

* My 3 favorite dishes to make. I love to cook, and I’ll try almost anything. But although it is the most time consuming (and expensive!) dish I make, I really enjoy making and eating broccoli salad. No one saw that coming! Yes, as is the vegetable broccoli. I also love to make macaroni and cheese – Paula Deen’s recipe is the best one on earth. And my newest favorite is a crock pot recipe I found called “Brownie Bottoms.” Sounds awful, but it will put you in a chocolate coma in about 2 seconds. FABULOUS. (And easy!)

* My 3 favorite fiction authors. Well I grew up on Lori Wick and Janette Oke. And I still love them. I know Christian fiction has taken a number of turns since their writing styles developed, but I still love going back to their simple pioneer romances. And another author that I love is Deborah Raney. My sister gave me a couple of her books for my birthday a few years ago, and I thought she did a fantastic job of putting a story on paper without sticking to any form of predictability. (I have so many more favorites than these three…but I had to make the cut!)

* My 3 favorite books of the Bible. This changes about as often as my CD favorites. Right now I’m studying Song of Solomon…yes that book of the Bible. And I love what I’m learning, so it’s a favorite. Lately I’ve also found myself often in Isaiah, so I’ll put that one on the favorite list. It’s a book that used to intimidate me…but not so much anymore. Ephesians is one of my long-time favorites too.

* My 3 favorite songs. Another revolving door of favoritism. My top favorite right now is the song I Then Shall Live – Gloria Gaither’s lyrics to the tune of Be Still My Soul. In fact, it’s my theme song for my 30’s. I don’t know if it’s right to say that something that isn’t in the Bible is inspired, but if it is, then this is inspired. Great song. I don’t know all the words to this song yet, but one of my newest favorites (from hearing it on the radio) is Point of Grace’s song Heal the Wound, Leave the Scar. I think it has a very powerful message. And you know, not to be stuck on a tune or anything, but another song that has been on my mind a lot lately is Be Still My Soul. Selah’s version of it is my favorite.

* My 3 favorite books to study. Because I don’t write fiction, I also don’t read nearly as much of it as I used to…so my favorite authors now are more in the non-fiction world. I love Elizabeth George’s book A Woman After God’s Own Heart. I love Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli’s book Falling in Love with Jesus. Those last two books are ones I loved so much I taught Bible studies on them. And my most recent fave is Bruce Marchiano’s book In the Footsteps of Jesus. He portrayed Jesus in the movie The Gospel of Matthew and wrote about his life changing experiences as he tried to see the world through Jesus’ eyes.

* My 3 favorite HGTV shows. I love watching House Hunters because I love to look at houses. I love trying to guess which house the buyers will pick, but I’m usually wrong. I also love Designed to Sell. Can’t decide if it’s more for Clive Pearse’s accent or if it’s the awe of what they can fix for $2000. And Design Remix is a great one because it’s got the same budget I’ve got – next to nothing!

* My 3 favorite stamp sets. This will probably only be meaningful to Faith, but I figure since I’m such a stamp person, it would be rude to leave the list without listing my top three faves. Sketch an Event – because you can use it for everything! And I do! Scribbles Alphabet – the set I’m using in my birthday book. It’s big and whimsical and you can color it in! And finally Just Journaling – because of COURSE I write a book in my books.

So there you have it – more than you ever wanted to know!!!

Helping the Habitat

** UPDATE on the Habitat. **

I'm POOPED. Apparently this whole manual labor thing was much more...laborious...than I anticipated or remembered from previous years. But I now have clean gutters (FYI, rotten helicopter seed thingies smell like a pig farm when clogged up in a gutter for who knows how long) and minimal weeds and clean siding and a cooler kitchen!

My favorite part of today was when Dad was trying to get the weed eater string spool pulled off the bottom of the weed eater to adjust it. He tugged and yanked and pulled and nothing worked. I (being a girl) said, "Why don't I go get the directions?" I found them (along with the directions to a number of things I no longer own....time to clean out!) and returned to where he continued to fuss with the weed eater. I read the directions aloud and he seemed unimpressed. Finally I said, "Why don't you let me work on this and you can go do something more important?" He said, "Well, more power to ya," and walked away. He'd taken about two steps when the part popped right off in my hand. He turned around and said, "How'd you do that?" I said, "Um....I followed the directions?" Fortunately my Dad is extremely good-natured.

Oh...and as for the hair and makeup...those were gone in the first ten minutes when I was hit with flying rotten helicopter wads.


Happy Fourth!

I can't believe I have a day off work and I'm awake and somewhat on the road to being ready to go at 9 in the morning. There is something DREADFULLY wrong with that.

But my parents will be here soon to help with the annual "Habitat for Bekah" project. There are those little chores (mostly outside ones) that I can't do all by myself or I don't have the tools to do. So every year they come over one time and help me whittle down the list of out of control stuff. And today is our day.

So right after I straighten the hair and put on the makeup (you never know...someone could stop by and a girl has to look presentable!) I will head out to the world of weeds and window washing and shopping for a new mower.

I better have some coffee first.

Poor lil Pig

Last year after the church carnival, Pastor Brian gave me a leftover key chain from the prize table. The key chain is a pig that you can squeeze...and his eyes bug out. There's also some nasty #2 that bugs out the back. (Don't you wish you had this key chain?)

Anyway, I took it to work to keep as a conversation piece. You never know when you will need a good conversation piece. The pig has become pretty popular...kind of an alternative to a stress ball.

I learned what a year of that will do to a poor piggy key chain.

Before:


After:
I won't show you what the backside of the after pig looks like. Trust me - you do not want to know.

But these two pictures can represent so many things. Start of work day....End of work day. Driving into the Wal Mart parking lot....After checking out at the Wal Mart. You get the idea.

Bits for Sunday, June 29, 2008

The last post already gave a preview of this story, but here is a more complete version...

I grocery shop once a month. I have a specific (small) budgeted amount that I spend on food, and I take one evening a month to shop. I spend as much time in line to pay for my groceries as I do buzzing through the store tossing things into the cart. I also have a very specific method for shopping. I have a list that resides on top of the TV in the kitchen, and anytime I run low on or run out of something, I add it to the list. I walk through the grocery store with the calculator in hand, shopping my way through the list (and a few select impulse buys) until I either get tired or run out of money. The only deviation to the once-a-month shopping is when I go back every so often for a new gallon of milk or a random ingredient so I can cook a certain dish.

This has worked very well for me for the last eight years, and I had no plans of making any sort of change to my schedule. After all…you know me and change…

Enter Rachel, the energetic friend of mine from work who last year talked me into a regular exercise routine before I realized what she was doing. Last year, exercise…this year, food. I have no idea how it even came up in conversation, but one day the topic of my (apparently odd) shopping habits surfaced. She sat across from me in utter disbelief as I shared the dollar value of my budget…and that cleaning supplies were part of that amount.

I explained that the limited presence of fruit and vegetables in my diet could be directly attributed to the size of the budget and the once-a-month shopping pattern. After all, that stuff only lasts so long before ingesting it could lead to an ER visit.

Somehow I found myself convinced to trial-run a change in grocery plans. Weekly shopping instead of monthly…AND a five dollar per week increase in the budget…AND the removal of all non-food items from said budget.

It began this week. I sat down with my trusty copy paper, calculator, newspaper ads, and handful of recipes. I made three lists: on sale, must have, and optional. The items on sale would be the first to shop for, the must haves would come next, and then if money remained, I could add a frozen pizza and brownie mix for the future emergency sort of day. I selected three days throughout the week when I would cook real meals, with enough days in between to gobble up the leftovers.

Yesterday I set out with my grocery allotment, calculator, and the recipe list. My first stop was the actual supermarket, a place I shop only for meat and on-sale items. Everything else there is too expensive, in my opinion. The first item on my list was a watermelon (FRUIT!) advertised to be on sale for $2.98. I meandered up to the watermelon bin to find a sign that said, “We’re sorry…temporarily out of watermelon. We will try to be restocked by 1 p.m. Saturday.” Guess what time it was? 12:40 Saturday. Great. I shopped for the meat on sale and hopped back in the car. Drove to the other end of town to the other supermarket to see if they had watermelon left in stock. I pulled over for two accidents on the way…seemed a bit treacherous for an on-sale watermelon. But at least I had success at the second store.

The next stop was Aldis – for absolutely anything on the list that could be purchased at the discount price. I fished the “Aldi quarter” out of the car (a great tip I learned from my friend Julie), rented my cart, and zoomed around the lolly-gagging shoppers. I learned that corn flakes were cheaper than I expected and paprika is not an item they carry.

After driving home to deposit all the cold stuff, I made my way to Wal-Mart for everything that hadn’t been purchased in any of the three previous stores. (The list wasn’t long by that point, but given that my average wait in line at Wal-Mart is 30 minutes, I didn’t want the frozen pizza to bake in the trunk.) I found everything I needed and got in line behind the nicest people (with cart brimming) who let me go ahead with my six or so things, making my wait in line a charming 10 minutes.

I came home, counted my change, and found I had just enough to go BACK to the supermarket for more on-sale meat. Two hours and five stores after I began, I was home, one week’s worth of groceries put away, and twenty-four cents left from the first week’s budget. Ahhhhh…sweet success.

Since shopping, I’ve eaten two salads with added vegetables and more watermelon than I care to admit. Today I cooked a for-real meal. I burned the pork chops, but they were still yummy. And the broccoli and cheese dish…well, the cheese sufficiently stifled the broccoli taste.

This project is definitely going to require an improved flow, but I’m hoping with time, it will come. Just in case, though, I better plan next week’s menus today.

The Grocery Overhaul

Have I mentioned that I do not easily grow accustomed to change? And yet I so often change things. Why?

When I first graduated from college and struck out on my own, my grocery budget was $50 a month. And that included shampoo and cleaning supplies. I shopped once a month and that was that.

The budget has grown (some) but the once-a-month shopping hasn't changed. It's a time thing. Especially when one of my stops, Wal-Mart, requires a minimum 30 minute allowance for standing in line at checkout.

But lately, Miss RACHEL in my office (yes, that's YOU, Rachel) has been...pushing me??...about leaning more in the direction of health in my eating habits. She wants to see me eat things like fruit and vegetables. Sigh. I can't shop only once a month and eat according to her plan.

So I'm trying it. I'm making an attempt in the month of July to shop once a week. This requires planning ahead on the whole menu thing. This requires perusing store ads. This requires thinking. I just finished constructing a makeshift menu for week one. It took over an hour. Hopefully I'll ease into this thing and it won't take an hour every week. Could be fun, I guess.

I do have the cutest little list, broken down by things on sale at certain stores, "must have" groceries, and "optional" things - which this time ranges from a frozen pizza and brownie mix to carrots and cucumbers. Rachel would find the pizza and brownie mix optional. I find the carrots and cucumbers optional.

So that's what's happening in the land of Bekah's groceries. I'm sure you were wondering.

Bits for Sunday, June 22, 2008

I realize that the official “halfway point” to the year hits next week, but I’m ready for my mid-year covenant checkup now. You might remember that last year I had a long and rather detailed list of covenants I made with God. This year I have a new list – my list of thirty things. Five are specific to this year and twenty-five more are pushing me to be intentional about this decade.

Every so often, I like to look through the list to see where I’m on track (so I can have a mini-celebration) and where I desperately need work (so I can give myself a stern lecture about keeping my commitments with the Lord). This week is evaluation time. Because I need an end-of-the-day-pick-me-up, I’m going to pick my best success in each of the five areas and share them with you.

Read a chapter in Proverbs every day for the entire year. This is my 2008 commitment for my spiritual life, and I have really enjoyed finding new things in Proverbs each month. In January, I did a basic read-through of the text. In February, I focused on verses about speech (and boy does it have a lot to say about what we say!). In March, I searched for verses on discipline. In April, I read from The Message translation. In May, I looked for verses that used any of the five senses. And in June, I’m concentrating on verses about wisdom and understanding. Each of those months, I’ve found verses that stand out in ways they hadn’t in previous months, and I’ve also found verses that fit into a variety of themes.

I’m learning (slowly) that my true need isn’t for God to spill a detailed plan of what He wants from me and for me. My true need is for a deeper wisdom and a discerning spirit so that I can make choices that align with the plan He has for me. And reading through Proverbs is, I’m sure, forming a deeper foundation than I even know right now.

Write an encouragement letter every week, leaving a legacy to those who left one to me. This is one of the ministry commitments I’ve made to stretch over the next ten years. I didn’t realize at the time what a big commitment I was making! But it has been one of the biggest blessings for me already this year. Last year I made a commitment to do something tangibly encouraging for someone every week. I loved doing that – but I wanted to write. So I combined those two loves and made a vow to spend time each week putting a note of thanks on paper. Sometimes I write to someone from long ago. Sometimes I write to a new friend. But each time, I hope to encourage someone for just being who they are to me. My letter has to be snail mail. No cheating with an email (unless that is truly the only way I know to contact the person).

Though I don’t do it for this reason, the blessing has rolled back around to me in the form of some sweet phone calls and notes in the mail from these friends. I’m glad I made this commitment. Definitely worth the time!

Pray each morning to invite the Lord to dwell in my home. Such a simple little thing I committed to do this year. It takes all of about two minutes. It’s normally done before I even hit snooze the eighth time. In 2007, I learned the power of praying out loud. The spoken word contains a power that a simple thought doesn’t have. Spoken words also create a reminder and a discipline. I want God to dwell in my home, and I want to remind myself each day that He lives here with me. We talk about going to church…going to God’s House…but God dwells here in my house every bit as much as He does in my church’s sanctuary. Leviticus 26:11-13 says “I will put my dwelling place among you, and I will not abhor you. I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people. I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.”

I may not have lived in Egypt, but God has brought me out of my own forms of sin and bondage, and He has given me reason to walk with my head held high. He dwells right here with me and that verbal reminder is good for me, and the invitation delights Him. I will say that I’ve not done a 100% perfect job of this, but the many days that I have done it have allowed me to remember Who lives here with me.

Spend quality time (on the phone or in person) investing in one friend every week. This one has been so exciting for me, because in recent weeks, I’ve noticed I don’t stress about what I’m going to do in the days to come to fulfill this covenant. This is one of the ten year commitments, so will be around for a while. Although I try to be intentional going into each week and plan ahead a way to invest in someone, I find that God always brings someone to my mind or my path that I can talk to or spend time with, and that investment is always rewarding.

At times, I try to say I’m too tired to invest, but then I remember that the accountability check looms ahead, and I find the energy to get up and move into investment mode. And I’ve not once regretted it!

Take one day a month as a “NO!” day to rest. This is a 2008 commitment, but I’d love to find a way to make it work for the next decade! I pack my schedule entirely too full and I know it. So one day a month, whether it’s a Saturday, holiday, or vacation day, I take an entire day out and say NO to any appointments or commitments. I might scrapbook, I might shop, I might read, I might go away alone, I might sleep, who knows! But I take that day to refresh my spirit and catch up on the rest that I tend to deprive myself of the rest of the month.

I know this is a luxury and if I ever get married and have kids, it’s gone. Therefore this is one of those exercises that I fully appreciate in the moment, because I realize it is a very special gift that I have for this time in my life. And I really do look forward to those days. I had one just yesterday. And already I’m searching the calendar for the chance to enjoy the next one.

So there you have it. Five of the good ones. Five of the disciplines I’ve constructed to try to become a more well-rounded and healthy person. I’m excited to see how they change my life even more in the next six months.

Father's Day Follow Up

Here are some pictures (yes I'm running behind) of Father's Day.

Dad with his card that I made. He thought it was funny that I had to look up the sport played by the Kansas City Chiefs to know which stamp to use.

The gift. Mom told me he'd like some sort of flower for one of the billion (okay maybe dozen) flower beds. Perennial, she said. So I went to Lowe's to flower shop. Do you know that an alarming percentage of flowers are pink? And while I know Dad isn't one of those anti-pink guys, it just seemed inappropriate to purchase a pink flower for Father's Day. Finally I found some really cool red flowers - but they were Gerber daisies. That seemed kinda girlish for Father's Day too. Then I saw a rust colored "manly" flower. But when I read the tag, pina colada was in the name. Those of you who know my Dad will know why I had to immediately run in the other direction. At last I found a hydrangea - in white. I decided that was as good as it would get. Shopping finished.


The official father/daughter photo. We're laughing because Mom was trying to zoom, but once again she forgot where the button was on the camera. She used "Mom-zoom" - she kept walking closer and closer. By the time she took this, she was about two feet away.
And while I probably shouldn't admit this, I'm not really that much taller than he is. Heels, you know. But they weren't the highest of heels. On a good hair day (for me...obviously his good hair days are long gone) I am officially the tallest person in my family.

It Begins...

I've heard people talk about hitting a milestone age and "suddenly..." (Fill in the blank. They fell apart, they had surgery every six weeks, they lost their minds, whatever.)

I determined this was not going to happen to me. After all, being thirty and one month is no different than being twenty-nine and eleven months. Surely I could will it to be so, right?

Wrong.

Last night I found myself in the Wal-Mart perusing.....decaf coffee. I hoped no one saw me. Decaf is...well...not in my vocabulary. I've never believed in it and secretly raised an eyebrow at those who "can't have caffiene after six." Please. I could drink a 32 ounce Mountain Dew and fall into bed and sleep for hours.

Unfortunately, lately I've found myself unable to fall asleep. I still hold to my theory that it's directly related to the evil DST. It's about time to start the countdown for that, isn't it? But DST or no, I have to sleep. Co-workers are starting to comment on my morning draggy look and demeanor. I can't afford that. So as a fix, I've resorted to decaf for the post-six p.m. rounds of coffee.

I wasn't feeling very good about this entire situation when I went to bed an hour earlier than the last three nights. I'd just crawled in when I got a text message asking if I was planning to be online to play scrabble. The twenty something Bekah would have whimpered about lost sleep, crawled out of bed, fired up the computer, and played until falling asleep in the keyboard. But what was my response? "I was on earlier and didn't see you..." and then I FELL ASLEEP!!

What happened to the girl who could stay up until 3 in the morning and then get up for work 3-4 hours later? (For days on end.)

Shouldn't have had the decaf. I could have made it through scrabble.

Wife and Kids

For the past several years I've done some sporadic writing for Sunday School curriculum. It hasn't been something I've pursued heavily, but it has been nice now and then to write for publication.

Not too long ago, I discovered they purchased an article I wrote about giving up pop. I couldn't really remember exactly what I said, so I was excited to receive the packet of papers in the mail that included the copy of what I wrote. I sat down and rummaged through until I found the one that contained my article.

There it was, so pretty on the page. I believe the title was "A Cola-less Commitment" - and my name right underneath. Pretty picture of a pop bottle...

...and the article started out with a sentence about my wife and kids.

Ummmmmm......

I don't have a wife or kids???

Turns out that the week before, the article in that location was written by a guy...who has a wife and kids. They changed the title, author and picture but not the content of the article.

I laughed about it. What else can you do? Other than hope that those reading don't think I actually have a wife and kids. (Surely the lack of ANY mention of cola in the article would allow the reader to understand the mistake.)

But then today I had a message on my answering machine at home. It was some dental office wanting to schedule cleanings for my kids.

Ummmm....is there something I should know??

Bits for Sunday, June 15, 2008

Today I bring to you a story that fits neatly into the part of my life I lovingly call, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Nothing tragic. Just annoying.

I came home during my lunch hour on Thursday to find my street being jackhammered open. Specifically right in front of my house. Trucks and backhoes surrounded my entire property, so I parked a couple of houses down and picked my way (in heels and a skirt) through the weeds and overgrowth of the sidewalk between my new parking place and my house. Several men looked at me from their various tasks as I scampered up onto my porch to check my mail – but no one said a word.

Allow me to say that about two or three weeks ago, some unintelligible spray paint markings appeared on the street in front of the house next door, so when I came home one day to find a hole there, I wasn’t surprised. No one had spray painted in front of my house. This was very much a surprise.

All this happened the day gas prices went up by twenty-some odd cents, and I spent my lunch hour trying (unsuccessfully) to beat the hike. I came back at the end of my lunch hour, precariously balancing a sloshing gas can in one hand and a pizza and sweating Styrofoam cup in the other. The men stared again. No one said a word.

Normally I allow myself to be irritated by things like this, but I never say anything to anyone directly related to said annoyance. This time they caught me at the worst possible time. A hot day, pre-food. So I marched in the house and ripped the phone book out of the end table to find the number for the company. I found a toll free number and called it, chomping down the pepperoni pizza while listening to the entirely too perky automated lady. I finally said I was a new homeowner in need of service, because there wasn’t a number to push for annoyed hungry girl whose street is being ripped apart.

A less than helpful lady answered, and the best she could do for me was give me the number of the digging company. I called the digging company and this time I had to pretend I was a civilian in need of a hole on a new home property. The lady who answered that line said that she was so sorry but she would have no idea why they would be digging or how long it would last.

By that time my lunch hour was over, so I refilled the sweating drink and tromped back out to my car, past the non-verbal worker men, who were making the hole bigger by the moment. Later in the afternoon, I looked up the company website and discovered you could complete an online complaint form. PERFECT. I wrote out the most beautiful explanation of what had happened, trying to remain kind while being firm about asking if it was customary to limit the access of one’s property without first issuing a courtesy call or leaving a note in the mailbox. I hit send and received the following notice:

“Your message is too long.”

Are you KIDDING me??? You’re going to cut off an angry non-customer? I cut it down some, trying to leave as much of the love as I could. Hit send. “Your message is too long.” By the time the stupid thing went through, it basically said, “Hi, I’m not a customer, you dug up my street, why didn’t you tell me first, and when are you leaving?” For that, I received an auto-reply of my very valuable case number and the promise of a response within 24 hours. Whatever.
When I came home after work, the hole was about 12-15 feet long, 4 feet wide, and about a person deep. Lovely, attractive cones and construction “thingies” were guarding the hole with crime scene tape blowing in the breeze.



AND part of my yard had been demolished. Never mind that two feet away from said demolition was a perfectly HORRIBLE unattended yard of weeds – which remained untouched and horrible.


Above: My "good" yard.

Above: The "yard" next door.

Above: They chose to dig up my decent yard over the weedy yard.
As would be the case, I had the next day off work, and I had barely been up ten minutes when the sound of jackhammers resonated throughout the block. They’re baaaaaaack! Yes, they were back – digging a fresh hole across the street and once again blocking my property. Had they awakened me, I might have been tempted to march out on the porch in all my bed-head, droopy mascara glory to say, “SCUSE ME!!! I’M SLEEPING IN HERE!!!” (Nah, I’m too much of a chicken.)

I had plans to go to the mall that day and declared under my breath that I would go to the mall, even if they had to taxi me there in one of their dump trucks.

About midmorning, I looked out to see a cement truck parked across my driveway, filling in the massive grave that had been gracing the front of my house. I marched outside, walked up to one of the smoking workers and said in my nicest voice, “Excuse me – do you happen to know how much longer this might take? I need to leave soon.” The smoky guy stared at me much as he and the crew had done the day before, but the cement guy said, “Is this your driveway?” I wanted to say, “Um, yes, this one that goes with the house that you just watched me walk out of?? Yes, that is mine.” Instead I smiled sweetly and nodded. He promised me he’d be done in five minutes (which he was) and I went back inside to gather up my lists and go.

By the time I left, the crews had disappeared (probably for lunch), leaving behind them two fresh holes directly across the street from my driveway. As I carefully maneuvered out into the street, trying to avoid the wet cement to one side and the potholes to end all potholes on the other side, I muttered, “I shouldn’t have to hang a professional driver, closed course sign on my car just to leave home.”

And when I got home a few hours later, just shortly after the twenty four hour deadline of the complaint center, I found a brief and less than loved-on message in my inbox. It frankly told me that because I’d neglected to leave my address, they couldn’t be sure of the reason for the digging. (Oh but the address was there. UNTIL YOU MADE ME SHORTEN THE MESSAGE!!!) They also assured me that holes are never left overnight, so I could know their work would last less than a day. (Really? Are you sure about that?? Because of the now four holes that have appeared on my street, ALL of them lasted at least overnight. Some lasted several overnights longer than that.)

But on the bright side – in case of storms, any drivers on our street definitely would have had a safe underground place to hide!

Such Good Sports...

Since tomorrow is Father's Day, I thought I would post this picture of what I wanted to get Dad for his holiday. When we were out in Kansas for Cassie's graduation, I found this Kansas City Chiefs tie in the little Goodwill-esque store. (SO wish I could remember the name of it! I know it. I just can't think of it.) Anyway, he just kind of gave me that "yeah right" look, so I made him at least pose with it.

I printed this picture today and it will be on the card he receives. It will give me the opportunity to use my sports stamp set. Dad really isn't a sports guy, so Father's Day cards are always a challenge. He doesn't fish or hunt or participate in anything else that they make "boy stamp sets" for...so this is my chance!

Meanwhile, Mom was a pretty good sport by helping me out with my latest and greatest "spruce up the house" project. I moved my couch into the former dining room (which is in process of becoming my office, but it's a very slow process). The couch is green and white striped, and that room is my Americana room...so that presented a problem.

But the person who sold me the couch threw in the slipcover she'd purchased for it. It took me 35 minutes to iron that thing. That's longer than the combined amount of time I've ironed during the last three years. And I probably should have ironed it more than I did, but by that time I was bored.

Anyway, the pillows on the couch don't really go well under the slipcover, so I bought this material and passed it off to Mom to make me pillow covers. Mrs. Lee would not be proud. How many years of Home Ec did I take? I should be able to sew pillow covers!!


I told her I wanted the blue material to kind of wrap around like a bow on a gift. Mom came up with the little pleat idea on her own and I think it's as cute as it can be. Mrs. Lee can be proud of her. Thanks, Mom!