Ryan's Vows

Ryan and I wrote vows to each other...and the day after the wedding, I shared mine with you. Ryan sent me his and I saved and saved them so I could pair them with some photos....and then I put up all the photos and failed to post the vows!!! Good night, Irene.

But I love these words SO MUCH. I had to share...hope you love. {And hope you love the now-repeated pictures.}

Thank you, Bekah for saying YES to life with me. I am amazed to see God’s hand at work through us in such a short amount of time and I love it. During our courtship and engagement I learned with every situation that you were exactly what God intended for me after such a difficult change in my life. I saw in you the qualities that I desired in a wife and fell in love with the woman behind them.

 Not only do I see a Godly woman in you, but also a woman who wants to be a wife in every meaning of the word. I see in you a desire to love, to cherish, to adore, to respect, and to treasure the husband you have prayed and waited for ever so patiently.

Thank you for accepting me for the man that I am, not trying to change me but work with me to become a great team. You see my faults and love me anyway. You have seen my struggles and helped me work through them. You see the differences between us and embrace the excitement of trying new and great things that may be just a little bit out of your comfort zone. Through these things you have shown me love without limits and that is very hard to find.

I continue to be amazed that this is my life. After all I have faced I never dreamed I would be rewarded with you and so quickly. As you know I have tried ever so fervently to live out John 14:15. I love the Lord with all my heart and in all I do I want to be obedient to Him. I want us to work thru that together however life leads. As your husband I plan to lead you and be as Christ has called me. I also want to love you like His word says and for us to live as God planned. I am nowhere near perfect, but I do know that I will always love you and will work thru any struggle that we face.

Marriage can’t be done alone, it takes both of us. God calls marriage to be a lifelong commitment and together with Christ there is nothing that can’t be accomplished. Today I fully commit myself to you and intend to live life with you that way. Thank you for taking me as the man you want for life too. I love how you light up the room every time you walk in, I love how you take nothing for granted and I love you how you embrace life with me. Let’s always live life this way and to its fullest never forgetting what it took for us to get here.

A Little Peek into Shafferland

My house is becoming our house...and I love it. LOVE. IT.

Many of our rooms are in a state of um...disarray...but our living room is pretty well arranged, and I love it. I love the way it reflects who we are and how it brings us comfort in its cozy little way.

 My best friend gave me this frame a couple of years ago - right after the desert - and I fell in love with it. It says "Life is fragile. Handle with Prayer....If God brings you to it, He will see you through it." Seemed fitting after the desert. All this time, I've had in there a picture from this vacation...when God began to heal my heart.

What an absolute joy it was to take out that picture and put in the picture of redemption...

One of our newest acquisitions...Ryan's giant clock. He'd wanted one of these the whole time we were engaged, so I was excited to get it for him for Christmas. He loved it, and hung it up right away. I love seeing it hang in our living room...a strong reminder of how precious our  time together is.

This was a gift from Ryan's sister and brother-in-law...and I just love it. She read my blog post of my vows and knew I'd included this Scripture passage in my words to Ryan, so she hunted around for this wall art and gave it to us as a wedding gift. We put it near the clock...a wonderful reminder to me of the promises I made that day.

One of my favorite parts of the living room is our fireplace. We love sitting by it every evening while we watch TV, eat our dinner, drink coffee, and have great heart-to-heart conversations. And most of all, I love the pictures on top...one from our engagement...one from our 10K race...and one from our first dance (with a bottle of Siesta Key sand beside it....) This is our life.

 Pictures...dances...races...and coziness.

Our sign that we bought for our engagement photos and then used again at our wedding. Love what it represents.

We are an and now.

Ryan bought me this sign for Christmas. It says "Life is a journey. Enjoy it." I love that. This is how we strive to live...enjoying and soaking up each moment and not wishing away the seasons as they come. Enjoying the hard times and what they teach us as well as the fun times {which are just easy to love.}

I love it that we put this over our door...as a parting thought for ourselves and for anyone who comes to visit.

And speaking of parting thoughts...he gave me this one for Christmas too, and I love what it represents. We hate being apart by so many miles every day but trust the Lord to do this for us.

Our little couch-nest, where we curl up every evening to rest and watch TV. Our ottomans, which serve as laptop tables...dinner tables...{yes we are one of those couples who has a table but doesn't use it}...coffee holders...you name it. It was sitting right here that our relationship began, in its most fledgling form, in the first place. I love this spot.

And one of the most beautiful sights to me in the whole living room...is Ryan's Bible. I bought it as a gift to him when we first started dating, and he puts it right here after his devotions every day. I love seeing it there and being reminded that someone else dwells here now too. And that someone leads me so well...God is good.

So that's just a little peek inside the organized part of our home. It's small, it's a little quirky...but it's so us. We love it here. And we hope those who visit see God in these walls and in our marriage.

Obedience

Last week I posted the wedding vows Ryan and I made to each other, and in the comments, I got a great question that I wanted to address in a post.

Here, again, are the vows:

I, Rebekah, take you, Ryan, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. Ryan, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.

And the question was:
"You pledged to obey? That is so unusual. Could you share why that is a part of your vows?"

I would love to!

Let me start by saying, I take this whole wedding vow thing extremely seriously. While I wrote my own "vows" to Ryan, they were more of a love letter to him and a public declaration of specific things I loved about him and wanted to promise to him. But I still wanted to have regular vows like the ones above. I read them over carefully several times to make sure I understood what I was promising and that I could honestly stand on holy ground before the Father and make these promises that I will keep for a lifetime. I LOVED these vows because they said exactly what I felt God wanted me to promise to my husband. And here's why:

* I do joyfully come into life with Ryan. I'm happy to give him my life on this earth to share in much happiness and joy.

* I know the word submit is a nasty word in many women's eyes, but I love it. Ephesians 5:22 calls wives to submit to their husbands in the same way they submit to the Lord. These vows say in confidence, I submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. Here's what I say to that. As I prepared for marriage (before coming into a relationship with Ryan), I knew that when that time came, I would need to stop being "in charge" of my own life and would need to submit to my husband to be in keeping with God's plan for marriage. As I dated, I would ask myself if this man in front of me would be the kind of man I could submit to. Did he have the kind of character that I could trust to lead me? Sometimes the guys did. Sometimes they did not. But I knew I couldn't marry someone I didn't trust enough to submit to. After my relationship with Ryan began, I knew he was that kind of man. And I stood before him and before God that day able to say that in confidence I could submit myself to his leadership. I trust Ryan completely. He follows hard after God and I know the decisions he makes for our family will be made under God's leadership. I trust God to lead Ryan and I trust Ryan to listen to God. And because of that, I can say in full confidence that I submit myself to Ryan's headship as to the Lord.

* I also love it that these vows say I'll live first unto our God. He has always been my first love and must continue to be. THEN Ryan. (And Ryan's vows said the same thing back to me.) We both promised to live to God first and then to the other. I think some people get those relationships backwards and it was important to us to publicly proclaim this order - to those listening and to each other.

* And now to the obey. I guess in my mind obedience is similar to submission. I am aware that I am no longer living my own life. In all my single adult years, God and I made decisions together. I prayed for His wisdom and He helped me in those matters - buying a house, choosing a church, making a budget for my income - all those things. And while I still have my own mind and can make decisions, most of those things I've now passed into Ryan's hands. He's the head of our household and I look to him to make the decisions that affect us. Now...because Ryan is the kind of man he is...he brings those topics to me and we discuss them together. He seeks my input and if I have an idea, he listens to what I have to say. But ultimately, I promised the Lord that Ryan is in charge and I choose to obey and submit to his authority and decisions as the head of our household. God is still my first priority and if Ryan would ever ask me to do anything that would go outside of God's laws (which I cannot IMAGINE he would ever do) - I would have to obey God over Ryan. But I said that I would obey because I believe Ryan is a man I can confidently obey and submit to, knowing he's made his decisions after consulting the Lord.

If you're a single girl reading this...can I just ask you to think about this as you date? Are the guys you're dating ones filled with the kind of character that you can trust to this degree? Do they follow hard after God and would they lead you in kindness and love? Ryan's vows to me said this:

I, Ryan, take you, Rebekah, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God's guidance by His Spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

In those words, He promised God he would lead me in a loving, faithful, tender way. When he does that (as he does - every single day) there is NO reason for me to fear obeying and submitting to him. He's honoring God's leading and I can trust that heart.

The Conclusion of the Ceremony

I'm sorry it's taken so long to show you our ceremony! But I really wanted you to feel like you were right there....

Next up...we exchanged our rings! This is the only picture I have of that right now:

Here were the things we said while doing that:

I give you this ring as a symbol of the vows which we make as husband and wife. In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...I will wear this ring and thus declare in the presence of all that you are the mate of my choice. I will be faithful to you until death parts us.

Then we were SUPPOSED to pray while this song played:



Alas, Julie's sound system gave up the ghost and the song would not play. I was sad, because I'd always wanted this song played at my wedding, but it was okay. We can work it into the reception somehow.

When we realized it wasn't going to play, Jeff just prayed instead.

Instead of a unity candle, we did a "stone ceremony." Here's what we put in the program:

And the people said to Joshua, “We will serve the Lord our God and obey him.” On that day Joshua made a covenant for the people, and there at Shechem he reaffirmed for them decrees and laws. And Joshua recorded these things in the Book of the Law of God. Then he took a large stone and set it up there under the oak near the holy place of the Lord. “See!” he said to all the people. “This stone will be a witness against us. It has heard all the words the Lord has said to us. It will be a witness against you if you are untrue to your God.”
Joshua 24:24-27

We want our home to bear a tangible record of God’s goodness in our lives. A covenant between the two of us and the God who wrote our love story. Today we lay the first two stones – one for each of us – in this altar.

Ryan:

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”
James 1:12

Bekah, you have prayed many, many years for the husband that God has for you and I am so grateful to be that man.   I will always strive to be the Spiritual leader in our life together.  Thank you for loving me for me.  Lord please guide me as the leader and head of our marriage.  I have experienced a love with Bekah that I didn’t know existed and I am simply amazed.  Help me to show her that love in all that I do as we go on this journey you have set before us.  I pray that we look to you in all circumstances and always give you the glory. 

Bekah:

“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
 Ruth 1:16-17

Ryan, this is my covenant to you. I’m yours for life. I choose you…only you…always you. Abba, create in my heart a continued faithfulness to this man you’ve called me to love so deeply. May our love story be one that causes those watching to see my devotion and loyalty to him and to You…through the way I love him.

We laid the stones in the bowl....

And then we signed our marriage certificate:

After that...it was time for....

A little kissy kissy!!!!

HUSBAND AND WIFE!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting for our recessional song to begin:

That one didn't work either. Sadness. We had given everyone tealights to carry out as they walked behind us after we left the front. The song we were supposed to walk out to was Steve Green's song Find Us Faithful.


But they played Ryan's song to me again and it worked out just fine!! In the end, it worked out better to not have those two songs because it gave us more time with the sunset for pictures! See? God knew!

Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Shaffer!

Our Ceremony

** If you read my blog post from yesterday before about 9:30 in the monring, you should go check it out again! Brad sent me a link so you can download and hear Ryan's song to me - actually HIM singing it! So go listen to that. :) And thanks, Brad, for the link! **

Here are some of the highlights of our ceremony:

My brother-in-law, Jeff, married us, and I loved the way he did the whole thing! At the very beginning, he invited the Father, Son and Holy Spirit to be present at our wedding and in our lives. We symbolized that by having him "light" these three candles (it's the beach, so all candles were battery operated) - and he put them in a bowl of sand taken from the beach where we stood:

Here's what we put in the program about that...

We took several weeks apart to pray about the possibility of this relationship before we even started dating. And in the weeks of dating and engagement, we have loved centering our relationship on the Lord. We’ve spent much time in prayer together, reading from the Bible, sharing devotional time together, and we find it a great honor to pray for each other throughout the day. We know this relationship must be built on the foundation of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for it to succeed, and that is why we are making a special point to welcome His presence over the wedding and our marriage. The three candles that will be placed on the table at the beginning of the wedding represent the Trinity and shine tonight as a symbol of His light shining over us.

There's a sweet, sweet Spirit in this place,
And I know that it's the Spirit of the Lord;
There are sweet expressions on each face,
And I know they feel the presence of the Lord.
Sweet Holy Spirit, Sweet heavenly Dove,
Stay right here with us, filling us with Your love.
And for these blessings we lift our hearts in praise;
Without a doubt we'll know that we have been revived,
When we shall leave this place.

After that, Jeff shared some thoughts about God's view of marriage and then we did our declaration of intent. Jeff came up with this part but I loved the words so much I wanted to share them with you:

Ryan, the woman by your side is about to become your wife.  Her future happiness will depend on your character, your conduct and your caring.  She will depend on you for trust, encouragement and help for a satisfying and fulfilling life.  Because she will give you the greatest treasure this side of heaven—the love of a woman—you can also give her great joy or cause her untold sorrow and pain.  It all depends on your devotion to her.

Ryan, do you take Rebekah to be your wife?  Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, and forsaking all others live together according to God’s holy law, which is one man and one woman bound together for life?

 If you consent, please say, “I do.”

Rebekah, your life and love will be the source of inspiration and support Ryan will need to live a satisfying and successful life.  He will depend on you for trust, encouragement and help in reaching his ambitions and dreams.  You are part of that dream.  By demonstrating faithfulness and trust you can become his greatest blessing.  Without these, you could become his greatest disappointment.  It all depends on your commitment to him.

Rebekah, do you take Ryan to be your husband?  Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, and forsaking all others live together according to God’s holy law, which is one man and one woman bound together for life?

If you consent to this marriage, please say, “I do.”

Then we did our "repeaty vows." I loved these so much. Found them online. We loved them because they're different from the norm:

I, Ryan, take you, Rebekah, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life.  I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God's guidance by His Spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

 I, Rebekah, take you, Ryan, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. Ryan, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.

And then we read our vows that we'd written. You already read mine last week, and I'll have Ryan send his to me so I can share those with you on another day. But here are our photos of that. Please make a note that when Ryan pulled his out of his pocket, he held up one finger. ONE PAGE. Woopsie. So mine were two....

This one got really long...think I'll finish the wedding tomorrow! Hope you're liking the coverage!

Heart Vows

I'm a dedicated blogger, and you can know that the mere fact that I'm on my honeymoon will NOT keep me away from y'all this week. I know you want to know about the wedding! But it seemed tacky to pause the wedding itself to blog for today, so I'm going to take today to share a sneek preview with you and then I'll do my very best to begin actual wedding coverage tomorrow. Hope that is okay with you!

Ryan and I did what I lovingly called "repeaty vows" - and I'll share those with you eventually. But we also wrote our own vows to one another. Kind of a little letter to the other. And by little, of course, I mean mine was a page and a half, single spaced. So for my first blog as a married woman, it seemed only appropriate to share with you the things I love most about Ryan and the promises I made to him - as I read to him during our wedding yesterday. Enjoy:

Sweetheart, do you remember the afternoon when I sat on the floor of my living room in front of you and read to you from the journal of verses I’ve been praying over you for many years – even though I didn’t know you were you? I read you this verse: Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)

I already knew that day that you were my good and perfect gift – sent to me as redemption for the pain I’d lived through before. And with every word you’ve spoken and every action you’ve taken, God has confirmed to my heart that you are my gift. My redemption.

I love the way you pray for me – both in front of me and when we aren’t together. I love the way you have proven yourself to be a strong leader for me spiritually and how you guide us together before the Lord, not as my dictator, but as my loving leader. I love how you have unreservedly accepted me as I am and gently challenge me to be everything you see I can be – especially those things I cannot see in myself.

I’m amazed at how you trust me – after the pain you’ve lived through. And I’m amazed at how I trust you. Two wounded hearts can only trust like this after God has woven healing in them. We are proof of that. I love the way you understand me – even when I don’t understand myself. You know my heart in ways no one ever has. I love how you reassure me of your love through your words and through your actions. I love how you sense my needs and meet them before I even ask. I love the precious gift of your time you’ve given me, making me your priority and showing me now how I can trust you later with your time.

I love the fun we have together. I love our giant, obnoxious laughs and how we giggle until we cry and snort and then we laugh some more because that’s just funny. I love our jokes and the phrases that make us seek the other’s eyes, even across a room, to smile.

I love how you serve me. I love how you let me serve you. It’s never forced…it just is because it’s God-breathed.

I love how you comfort me when I’m afraid or sad. Even over the phone or through our notes and journals, you have a way of calming my heart and making me feel safe. I love how you guide me as we make decisions together and how we work through everything as a team.

I love how you compliment me and build me up when I feel I’m lacking. I love how you appreciate the things I do for you. I love how you appreciate the person I am. I love how you see a girl who felt invisible. Remember when you told me that? I see you. You do. I know it.

I love how you gently care for me and bless me and how you allow me to do the same to you because you see it is how I love you.

Ryan, you are my best friend. I am unguarded and unafraid in front of you. I joyfully take on a lifelong journey of learning at your side. I promise to make our home a safe place for your heart to dwell. I promise to value the man and love that you are. I promise to cherish you – this good and perfect gift God has sent to me. I promise to nourish you, encourage you, and love you. I promise to pray for you and with the help of the Lord, to be the helpmate you need to walk by your side from now until forever.

I’m honored you’ve chosen me to become your wife. I’m honored that our Abba would entrust me with your heart – this heart that I love so deeply.

Hear this promise from me today as I take it from Scripture:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up. A time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.

In each of those seasons, I pray we will cling to each other and build an altar that points to God to honor our love story.

Scripture says, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.

And my love, I say…let’s do THAT.

(A photo from the day I bought my dress...just to give you a sneak peek of what is to come. Hope you love it!)