What I Learned (and Accomplished) in March

1. A field irrigation system is called a pivot.

Source

My little great-niece is now TWO years old and it feels like overnight, she went from pointing to talking in paragraphs. (Sounds like stories I've heard about myself at that age.) My sister and niece send us videos regularly, and in one of them, Caroline was out in the field (her dad farms on his family's farm), jumping up and down, nearly out of her MIND about something she saw. I couldn't decipher what she was saying, so I asked. Cassie said she was pointing out the pivot. Pivot? Isn't that what you yell when you try to move a couch up and down a flight of stairs? Turns out a pivot is what you call those long irrigation systems set up in fields. Cassie said we probably aren't as familiar with them in Indiana because it rains here. Ha! Truth.

2. You can apply vaseline before painting to aid in distressing the paint later.

Source

I learned this one from a blog post! I read about a woman who made over a thrift store vase using a Vaseline technique! She spray painted the vase black and then applied Vaseline to various spots on the vase. Then she sprayed the final color (teal) over the black and when it dried, she rubbed the spots where she had applied Vaseline and the teal rubbed right off, showing the black from underneath. Beautiful!

3. Embryologist is an occupation. 

Some friends of ours have been trying to have a baby for quite some time, and their attempts have been unsuccessful. They started looking into adoption, but the cost was daunting. Then they learned about embryo adoption. Have you heard of it? We hadn't until then. Couples who have been through fertility treatments and have given birth to all the children they plan to have may still have extra embryos. They donate them for adoption, and couples who are able to carry children, but not conceive them, can adopt the embryos, have them implanted, and build their family that way. Our friends are doing this, and when they caught us up to date on the journey recently, they told us they met with the embryologist. I had no idea that was even a thing, but it is! (Guarantee you I'm not smart enough to pursue that.)

4. You can wash grates in the dishwasher.

We've done a lot of spring cleaning around here this month - and we realized all the HVAC grates in our house were a bit on the embarrassing side of filthy. Rather than just use the vacuum attachment to sweep them, Ryan took them all off and put them in the dishwasher. They surely do sparkle now!

5. Life can change in every way in one second. 

We all learned this one, this month, didn't we? Who would have known, back on the last day of February, that by the last day of March, regular phrases in our vocabulary would include "social distancing," or "flatten the curve," or "shelter in place"...for all of us? Who would have dreamed we'd have a nationwide toilet paper shortage and schools and churches wouldn't be meeting, and all the vacations would be canceled? While I think we all knew that life can change for an individual in one second, I don't think any of us quite imagined that life could change for the entire WORLD in one second. Sobering and mind-boggling.

***

I not only learned a few things, but I accomplished a few things in March, too!

* Stay well.

WHO COULD HAVE KNOWN, when I made this as a "ha ha!" goal at the end of February, that this would be the very topic that would rule the world in the month of March!?!? I am so grateful that so far, anyway, Ryan and I have stayed healthy (especially since he works in healthcare, and I had sick people at my work ALL MONTH LONG), and I am so grateful for God's tender care of my mind in this month of panic.

* Finish details for the women's retreat.
It didn't happen...because it didn't happen. The retreat, I mean. I was on track to have everything done - and early - and then the retreat had to be postponed because of the virus. We did make plans to reschedule if and when things ever settle down again (I know it really is a when, but right now it feels so much more like an if). I'll have to tweak everything again when we get to that point, but the bulk of the work will be done.

* Archive three months of blog posts.
DONE - and even EXTRA!!!! I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed rereading every single post in those months. I archived May, June, and July of 2012, and those were some busy but BEAUTIFUL months! I also wrote quite a bit back then about lessons the Lord was teaching me, and I re-learned a few things as I read! And then...because I had extra time this month, I went ahead and archived August, September, and October, too! Those were fun months to archive, because that was when I geared up to tell the world about Ryan!

* Finish the guest bathroom overhaul.

DONE!! Ryan was an absolute rock star and met his self-imposed goal of finishing the bathroom in under two weeks (gutting it the night after small group met and finishing it the night before they met again) and before the month ended, I had the decorating done. We absolutely love the way it turned out! It feels bigger and brighter and has actual character now.

* Finish my 40th birthday scrapbook.
Finished it AND ordered it, actually! Picaboo ran an unlimited pages sale at the beginning of the month, so I hurried to finish it up and then ordered it. I also kept up with my chronological book, which made me so happy! And (say it with me...because I had extra time...) I also started the book of our anniversary trip back in December.

* Enjoy two more at-home dates.

Our first one this month was the date based on a movie. We watched 50 First Dates (free on demand) and ate Hawaiian Chicken and a Hawaiian Fruit Salad - and I even threw in some Hawaiian scents in the diffuser. The second one was just this past weekend, and I'll have to tell you more about it this week. I'll give you a hint though - it was a virtual house hunting date. (No...we are not moving.)

* Finish well with my temp job.

I felt I gave it my all, which is really all I could ask of myself, but I will add that when Abagail came back, she told me that I did a great job keeping everything organized for her. She thanked me repeatedly for preparing her so well for her return, keeping detailed notes of things that had changed, and answering questions when she came back. And the fact that they wanted to keep me on staff helped me feel like I finished well!

* Bonus! We organized the closet...and then some!

This was on the list for February, but it didn't get done because we felt so lousy that month. I didn't put it on the list for March, because I wasn't sure we could get it accomplished along with the bathroom overhaul - but we did! We cleaned it out, rearranged it, and feel much better about how it looks now!

* Bonus! We installed a barn door on the closet!

When we reorganized the closet (see above) we took the door off to allow us to move around more freely in the closet. We decided the absence of a door bought us a surprising amount of space in the closet, so we decided to install a barn door on it so we could KEEP that space. Ryan ordered one from Amazon and we were able to complete its assembly and installation before the end of the month. (Yes, I am a little fancy free with the word "we" in this paragraph. Ryan did it all.) 

* Bonus! I started regular workouts again!

Again, the sickness in February derailed me from working out like I wanted and hoped to do. I was so weary from it all that I didn't set any workout goals for March, but I did join a challenge group and did a round of the 21 Day Fix workout. Ryan joined me because his gym closed (due to the virus).

All in all, I feel like it was a very productive month! How about for you? 

Dreams and Goals for April 2020

Well this should be a fun and challenging post to write! We have reached the point in the month where I begin dreaming ahead for the next month, making plans and goals for the days to come.

How in the world am I supposed to do that when I don't even know what our capabilities are going to be over the next month?? In truth, it's no different than any other month, and I know that. We're just freshly aware of how little control we have over our plans! So I'll do what I can with what I have and what we know, and we'll (hopefully) reconvene in a month to see what was actually feasible!

Here are my thoughts as of today:

1. Leave the house - to move about freely and at will...failed before it began.

At first I just typed, "leave the house," and then I realized that could just mean a trip to the hospital, so perhaps I should be more specific in my goal. As of today, when I write this to you, our county is under a heavy shelter-in-place order, just like many of you may be experiencing! I have heard conflicting reports on how much we're even really supposed to be outside our homes (aka neighborhood walks and in our yards) but I'm choosing to stay inside my house as much as possible.

Since Ryan has to be out for work anyway, he runs our errands as he makes our way to and from work (only on a need-to-go basis) and I'm choosing to stay inside to do my part to keep any potential germs from spreading into the public. In the last nine days, I've only ventured outside the house one time - to go on a neighborhood walk with Ryan. Other than that, it's been all inside all the time for me. I don't hate it at all, actually, but it would be nice to be able to go outside if I want - to the location of my choosing and at the time of my choosing. After I wrote this post, I heard the President's updated orders, so I'm guessing I still won't even be out in my yard by the end of April. It was a good dream.

2. Finish our anniversary scrapbook.

As of today I'm about 25 pages into this scrapbook, and I'm working on chronicling the second of the five days we were gone. If nothing extreme happens to cause issues in my ability to be productive from a couch, I don't see this as an unreasonable goal. I also want to stay current with our chronological books, which I have accomplished to this point in time.

3. Archive the rest of 2012 blog posts and begin archiving 2013 posts. (Specifically complete November 2012-March 2013).

I set a goal of archiving five months, because if we continue to be confined to home, that should be feasible to do. (Plus this span of time covers the end of our engagement, our wedding and honeymoon, and the beginning of our marriage, so it will be fun to relive and kind of hard to stop going forward in re-reading!

4. Make a fun plan (and plan B) for Ryan's birthday.

Bless all of you who have had birthdays and anniversaries in the time of quarantine. I know there have been a lot of disappointing cancellations to plans over the last few weeks. I have an idea conjured up for Ryan's birthday (which is at the end of April), and I am pretty sure it just got cancelled, due to the extension of social distancing. Good thing I am also working on a backup plan in case this first idea doesn't end up working out for us. I know Ryan isn't the stickler about birthdays that I am, but I really do want to make this a fun day for him - and here's hoping and praying he is well and not under quarantine for his day! ALL the plans would be a lot harder to do from the other side of a window.

5. Make one new recipe. 

Our meal planning options look 100% different right now as we use what we have and try not to venture forth into the store more than we absolutely have to. But I have a couple of things in mind that I'd like to try to make for Ryan just to bring a little extra joy to his days. I want to commit to making at least one of them while we're here at home together.

6. Make plans for a uniquely memorable Easter.

EVERYTHING about Easter is going to look different this year. No new dress for me - because we're not allowed to buy clothes in our county right now. (It's okay. I plan to reuse the t-shirt I bought for Easter on the cruise ship last year.) No family meal for us. No church service with friends. But that doesn't mean it can't be a uniquely memorable day, so I'm looking for ways to make that happen!



I feel like this is the best I can do under the circumstances! Maybe I'll come up with some creative new ideas as the month progresses, but this is a start, right ? 

The Shafferland Shuffle

How's everyone doing? What a wild week this has been...again. Our county made the news this week when it began prohibiting non-essential purchases from stores that are still allowed to be open. So now if we go to a Wal-Mart/Meijer type store, we can't buy books, games, puzzles, clothes, craft supplies, etc. It has created quite the stir around here! I definitely have enough books to keep me occupied, we are good on games, I'm not very good at puzzles, and I should have plenty of clothes unless something goes horribly wrong, so basically I think I'll just have to suffer through crafting droughts.

I do feel sad for parents, though, who might need any and all of those things to keep their newly crafted homeschools running!

Meanwhile...here's a look at our week!

* Last Sunday we attended church via livestreaming (and yes, I wore my jammies). Oh! And I'd previously recorded a closing video for the service, so a much more polished version of Bekah appeared on our TV at the end. It was a really wonderful service, and after it ended, we made breakfast together and spent the day resting. It snowed that afternoon...what happened to spring around here?

* Monday, Ryan went to work at the main hospital, since his own department has been cut back so heavily. He ended up coming home early and got busy assembling the barn door we had ordered for the closet in our master bedroom. (Remember when I told you we reorganized the closet a couple of weeks ago? We had taken the door off and decided to replace it with a barn door to save space.) I did what work I could do from home, and that night we did a video chat with our friends in Illinois: their girls needed to interview us for a school assignment!

* Tuesday was staff meeting day for me, so I logged in via Zoom and took minutes for the group. Ryan worked at the main hospital again - but he got to come home for lunch! (I was still in staff meeting, but he sat beside me and ate while I typed.) We finished decorating our guest bathroom that night - and you saw the final before/after shots of that! We also hosted small group via Zoom that night, and it was really wonderful to see everyone!

* Wednesday started out foggy, but it became beautiful, warm, and sunny! The only truly beautiful day we had all week - and we took full advantage. Ryan worked all day, and I worked from home - from the sun porch, actually. When he came home that evening, we went out for a walk around the neighborhood - the only time in one solid week that I left the house!

* Ryan sent me pictures of the chalked walks outside the hospital Thursday morning. I love all the inspiring messages people are writing! After he came home from work, he resumed work on the barn door - which was in a painting stage by this time! He was so eager to get it installed!

* Ryan ended up working at his own hospital on Friday (covering a shift for someone) and I worked from home. At the end of the day, my friend Kari dropped off some oils for me. So weird to just wave at her from the door! Ryan and I did an at-home date that night, complete with pizza! Well, we actually started the date. It's continuing throughout the weekend. I'll have to tell you about it this week!

* Ryan did not have to work yesterday, so we were home (almost) all day. I slept in and had my morning coffee on the sun porch while I listened to the rain. (Sorry about the bed head.) Ryan did a grocery run for us and LOOK WHAT IS BACK IN STOCK!!!!!!! We spent the entire afternoon organizing drawers in our bedside tables/dresser/master bathroom, and I even made strawberry shortcake for dinner. (Dessert, obviously.)

Stay home and stay well, my friends! I need you!

The Saturday Six

One.

One of my friends posted about these this week. I'd never heard of them, but she said she and her husband bought some and have been living in them during quarantine-ville. Sweatpants with feet? I guess it's like grown-up footie jammies. I don't think I'd hate them. How about you?

Two.

Maybe you've seen this, but I hadn't, and it CRACKED ME UP! In our current season of video calls for everything, this video-conference-in-real-life meeting was hilarious!

Three.

This is a long tutorial, so you may want to skip to the end, to see the finished product, but I think these shutters are pretty sweet!! (And if you're home and bored, I guess it can be an inspiration project!)

Four.

Oh my soul!!! I saw this on Twitter this week, which was kind of a miracle, because I've been avoiding Twitter for the most part. It causes anxiety for me. But oh these sweet puppies enjoying a field trip at the aquarium? All the hearts...

Five.

A houseboat for sale, and it used to be a floating chapel? Swoon!! Check out THIS beauty!!

Six.

Next week begins a new month, and if you've been doing the Gospel Reading plan, I'm happy to tell you that at the end of April, you'll move into the book of Mark! I used Charles Swindoll's commentary on the book of Mark when I studied it, and I loved that commentary. I'd love to own that whole series someday!

What Are You Celebrating?

Yesterday I made a space for us to grieve the things that are difficult about this time. I still think it's important to acknowledge those hard places when we feel them, so I urge you to continue!

But today I'm making a space for us to celebrate the good things we're seeing in a time of unspeakable confusion.

Because there are good things, you know.

I've been making a little list of some of my favorite things about this time.

* Ryan and I have (so very sadly) NOT had the luxury of being stuck at home together for lo these many days. It's been a little tough on my heart to see all the couples who get to hang out together all day every day, know that we would be SO GOOD AT THAT, and still be apart each day. But one day this week, he did get to come home early, and because I'm working from home, my hours are flexible, so we took some time to just BE. It was a delightful afternoon that felt like a little gift in the midst of all the crazy.

* Yoga pants and sweatshirts. All. Day. Long. I've missed them since returning to work and have not felt guilty IN THE LEAST about returning to them for the time I can.

* Chalk the walk posts. Have you seen them on social media? If not, I'll fill you in. People are decorating their sidewalks with chalk, writing encouraging and inspiring messages for people who get out for walks throughout the day. Ryan and I took a walk Wednesday afternoon and the only chalk art we saw was a hopscotch game, but he sent me some pictures from the walk at the hospital yesterday, and it was so sweet to see the notes!

* An increase in general kindness. Ryan and I often walk the neighborhood, and we regularly wave and say hi to people who pass us on the sidewalk. Wednesday, during our walk, we heard someone say hi, but we didn't see anyone. We looked all around and finally saw a teenager sitting in the window of a house - waving. No one has ever waved from inside a house before! That was fun!

* A chance for creativity and rest. For those of us who aren't working full time right now, there's a chance to enjoy doing some things we might not ordinarily have the time to do. Yesterday I pulled out some old writing and looked over it. I had been away from that particular project for a long time and I thoroughly enjoyed reading through the words again. One of my friends is an artist, and she's loved the extra time to draw and paint. I've been seeing lots of book suggestions floating around social media.

* Stretching minds. I already told you our small group met on Zoom this week. I've been reading stories about teachers finding ways to keep teaching and encouraging their students. My sister found an idea for doing birthday parades for little ones whose parties were canceled. I even saw pictures from a photographer who had taken family portraits down her street by standing on the sidewalk and taking pictures of families on their porches. Such sweet ideas born out of times of need.

* Sharing. Musicians are sharing their music. Authors are reading their books. Artists are sharing their art. Homeschooling moms are sharing ideas. So much sharing. People aren't asking for money. They're just offering hope.

What pieces of good are you celebrating in this really hard time?

What Are You Grieving?

This past Tuesday, we met with our small group via Zoom. I know Zoom isn't new, but this week has been my introduction to using it, and it's been a really wonderful tool to help in this season of strange isolation.

I have to start by bragging on this one couple in our group. We have a pretty broad age range of small group members, but I was most worried about the oldest couple. I wasn't sure if they could get the program to cooperate, and I offered to go help them set it up if they had issues. They logged on six hours before the meeting began, got it all set up, and were the first people to join the meeting when it started. And everything worked the very first time. I was so stinkin' proud of them!

Though I haven't hated staying inside our home the last few days, it was really nice to see all their faces and hear their thoughts as we studied together for a couple of hours.

One of the things I talked about with them - which was something I also mentioned in passing to you in an earlier post this week - was grief. We all grieve different things in this time that none of us even imagined a month ago.

Many of my friends had to cancel their spring break trips. I thought back to a year ago at this time, when Ryan and I were just a few day away from leaving on his 40th birthday cruise. We had just come out of that long season of caring for his mom, and we needed that time away together. We needed warmth, sunshine, and a break. I would absolutely be grieving that if the trip had been this year. And I know my friends grieve their time away.

I read about an adoption service asking for prayer for parents who planned to travel to births and to get their long-awaited new babies, but travel bans are complicating that. I thought about some of my friends who have adopted and how precious that first-meeting trip was for them. To think about enormous delays to meet the baby you ache to have...I can't imagine the grief.

An older gentleman from our church passed away recently, and the funeral home had to cancel his public viewing. They had to modify the funeral service, and though I don't know they ended working out the details, I know it wasn't what the family ever would have imagined for their father and grandfather. I thought about Nita's viewing just a year ago - with 800 people coming through the viewing line and dozens more gathering for a final goodbye. I told Ryan if she'd died this year instead, I couldn't have even gone with him to the funeral. She had way too many immediate family members to allow for in-laws, grandchildren, or friends. I can't imagine what it would have been to send my husband away to his mother's funeral...alone.

Even in our church staff meetings, I've seen the grief of ministers who desperately want to do their jobs and minister to their people, but they can't. Our pastor preaches to empty seats. Our choir director can't assemble the choir. Our children's pastor can't meet up with kids for lunch. They're being creative in ministry, but they grieve what was so quickly pulled away.

School teachers grieve their classes.

Librarians miss their storytime kids.

Restaurant owners miss their regulars.

We're all grieving something.

I talked to a friend last night and as she tried to chide herself and dismiss her disappointment, I told her something I learned years ago from a hospital chaplain: Whatever pain is in front of you is the greatest possible pain. And I reminded her that her passions matter. I urged her not to dismiss the disappointment, but to recognize it and give it a place of grief for a time.

We don't wallow forever, of course. That is counterproductive. But we can grieve what we've lost - even for a time - or what we may have to face losing.

Ryan works in health care, and I've had to face the truth that he may come home one night and tell me he has to distance for two weeks. He may have to move into our bedroom and stay there. I may have to wave at him through the window and FaceTime from the next room. I may not be able to get a hug or look at his face in person even though we live in the same house. That's a potential grief I'm preparing for.

So what are you grieving? Have you thought about recognizing that grief for what it truly is? It may not last forever, but it is here for this season, and it's important to acknowledge it!

Guest Bathroom...Before and After!

I don't know about you, but I could use a little makeover news in my life right now. Truth be told, I could use a root touchup.

ANYONE???????

I told Ryan by the time this quarantine is over, I'm going to be a human skunk - hopefully in appearance only. And I rest in knowing I'm not alone.

I may not be able to get to the salon, but we got to the paint can and toolbox and finished decorating the guest bathroom, so I can FINALLY show you before and after pictures! (Is decorating ever REALLY done? I don't think so. But this is done enough for pictures.) You can click on photos to enlarge.

So without further ado...

The view from the hall. :) We got rid of the bathmat. We'll put a towel down when guests come and need to shower. We got rid of the builder grade towel bar and purchased a four holder rack from Amazon. (Each holder hinges onto the one above it, so you could use fewer spots or hang them separately, even, if you wanted.)

I got the three picture frames on the shiplap wall at Hobby Lobby and filled them with pictures from our travels. One has a water splash from Aruba, one has the Indiana Dunes, and one has a sunset over Lake Michigan.

I had originally planned to keep the shower curtain, what with the rustic nautical theme and all, but then when our navy color on the wall wasn't a true navy, we switched it out for a plain white curtain from Amazon. (We also got a new toilet paper holder from Amazon. Has a little more character than the builder grade one.)

Got ride of the hand towel bar too and found two smaller towel holders that are actually boat rope hooks. (They probably have a better name than that, but I don't know what it is.) I did get the two hand towels and four bath towels new also - at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, all on a sweet sale.The picture up on the wall in this last photo was from our first cruise, and it's in a porthole picture frame. It's been hanging in our master bath and I rehomed it here.

Eventually I want to hang something on this wall space behind the door, but I haven't come up with the perfect thing yet. Remember what I said at the beginning? Is decorating ever really done?

We took down that cabinet above the toilet and didn't reuse it. I repainted the letters for North/South/East/West so they would stand out against a white wall. And of course, our beautiful new double sink and mirrors vs. the single sink.

So there you have it! The before and after makeover of the guest bath! Can we be guests in our own home now?

Notes from the Heart

This weekend, I was scheduled to travel to Ohio to speak at a women's retreat. I'd been looking forward to it for months, preparing, praying...and then of course it was postponed along with everything taking place in everyone else's lives.

At first the retreat organizers planned to go ahead, even after group sizes were limited. The size of this group was small enough that it shouldn't impact us. But then the group size went down to ten, and restaurants were ordered to close. That was the end of the retreat at this time, and as I agreed to move forward with it at a later date, when gatherings are safe again, I asked the retreat leader if I could craft an email message for those who planned to attend the retreat. She gave me permission, and I thought maybe someone else might need the words I shared with that group. 

So here were my thoughts - and I'll allow them to apply to you in whatever way you need best.

The theme of the retreat was to be (and will be, when we can reschedule it) Your Story Matters. I have so many exciting thoughts to share with you about the truth of that statement – things the Lord has taught me over the span of my life. And of course, I will save those snippets and stories to share with you at that time, but I asked if I could send a message to you as a pre-retreat morsel that I hope is helpful and encouraging to you!       

     

This story that we’re all living right now – this wildly confusing, uncomfortable, disruptive story we are living as a collective world – matters. It does. 

These are not easy times. Some of you are home from work and not being paid – and you don’t know how long that might last. Some of you are home with children that you didn’t expect to have home with you just yet, and you’re scrambling to find routine and a way to teach them things you hadn’t felt prepared to teach. Some of you are wondering where the provisions will come from, because you’re down to your last…something. Some of you are sick with worry over aging family members or friends – or children with compromised immunity. Or maybe you’re scared for your own health’s safety. 

But this time matters, because even in this, God is working and moving, and this chapter of our lives counts for sure in the grand scheme.

A couple of days ago, the music pastor at our church said to me, “This is hard, but on the other side of this, I want to be able to look back and be proud of the way I chose to handle it. I want my faith to show even in this.” She didn’t mean proud as in boastful. She meant it appropriately – in a God-enabled satisfaction. 

Is it okay for me to offer a suggestion to all of you, even though I haven’t officially met you yet? As you walk (plod, stumble, crawl, whatever) through this season of life, jot down the things that boost your faith. Maybe a song you hear, a verse you read, a financial provision God makes, an act of kindness you witness…anything at all. Watch for Him to be at work and keep a list. When the hard days press in (as they’re bound to do) pull out the list and read it, reminding yourself that God has shown Himself faithful in your life’s story. And make a fresh determination to show yourself faithful to Him! When we’re on the other side of this very hard time, may you look back with gratitude and God-enabled satisfaction for how you chose to handle it.

May you sense the Lord especially near in this time!

For Those Living the Sequestered Single Life

Back on 9/11, I was single. I remember the evening after that world-changing day. My on-again-off-again boyfriend was out of town (for the week) on business. My parents were out of state on vacation (and did not yet own a cell phone). My roommate worked nights, so in that season, we never saw one another. Though the internet existed, it in no way existed in the way it does now. Facebook, video chats - even instant messenger chats - weren't full force on the scene. I'm trying to remember now if we even had internet at home during that time. If we did, it was most certainly dial-up and packed to the gills on a day like that. 

I remember that night, because I remember how it suffocated me. I couldn't turn on the television, because every channel had news coverage. I feel like I vaguely remember that some channels either shut down or switched to news coverage, even if it wasn't their thing. I was home with no one to talk to, minimal ways of successfully reaching others, no distractions from this crushing news, and gas prices shooting up to over $4.00 a gallon in one split second.

It was scary. It was lonely. 

My single friends have been heavy on my heart this week. One of my friends has told me she's already overwhelmed, and she still has some freedom to move about for work. I watched another friend have a literal panic attack when she found out she probably wouldn't be able to continue coming in to practice the piano, which is the thing that calms her anxiety. I read on Facebook where a widow at our church mourned the closing of her salon, because getting her hair and nails done is one of her ways to connect with others socially. 

Of course there are those who have also posted that they've been training their entire lives for a time like this. Forced to stay home for two weeks with nothing but books and coffee? Sign them up! But that isn't the case for everyone. 

May I offer a few suggestions for checking in on your single friends - or if you are my single friend, may I offer some suggestions for persevering in a lonely season?

To check in on your single friends:

* Reach out the very moment a name pops in your head. I'm a firm believer that God's a name-dropper. He'll deposit a name in your mind and many times, I believe it's because that person needs a prayer offered up in that moment - and even further - a tangible reminder that they matter. So when you think of the name, stop everything and send a text, place a call, or do a video chat. (May I also submit that when you're alone, sometimes hearing a voice or seeing a face provides loads of additional comfort that a text alone can't provide? One of my small group members called me this week and when I answered she said, "I'm okay, but I knew just hearing your voice would make me even more okay.") The lonely fear being forgotten. Hearing from you before they reach out to you for companionship will remind them they're not forgotten!

* Try to find a way to do something normal in a new way. If you normally get together for dinner or coffee with a single friend, get together on FaceTime (or some other similar method) and eat in your respective homes or drink coffee on your respective couches - and talk during that! It's not as ideal as being in the same room, but it sure can help! Work out together, do a Bible study together...maybe even just BE. Don't have an agenda. Just have a way to look up and know the other person is there for a bit. 

* Text some TV talk together. My sister used to do this with me, and I loved it. We'd both watch the same show in our own homes (not on video chat or anything) and we'd text back and forth our opinions and thoughts. It's how we watched TV together with 850 miles between us. We should do that again sometime. It was fun!

* Send some mail. Send a care package. Send a gift from Etsy. Send a card. Send SOMETHING so that the one allowed outing of the day (to get the mail) provides something more charming than bills! We ALL know we feel loved when we get mail. Show extra love to a single friend who may be craving a reminder of being remembered!

* Ask them what they're grieving and remember the answer. I've been reading stories all over the place about what people are missing that causes them great grief in their heart. One of my friends just got engaged for the first time at the age of 60. Her fiancé doesn't live in the same town, and this weekend, they were supposed to see each other, but that got canceled. Sixty years of waiting for love...and now she has to wait to even see him! She grieved that. I already mentioned my one friend who mourned the chance to go where she could play the piano and calm her soul. Some are grieving the loss of the gym, because it's the place where they work out aggression and stress. All of us have different reasons for feeling sad over the things we can't enjoy right now, but for some, that grief is very real and very big. Ask them what they're missing and then remember it. Look for ways to ease that particular grief if you can. 

* Tend to practical needs if you can. Is your single friend one who shouldn't be getting out for any reason right now (age, health...)? Could you pick up food or supplies and drop them off? Is your single friend in danger of losing work ad afraid of losing everything? Can you help in any way there? We offered for one of our single friends to move in with us during this time if staying alone was going to be too overwhelming for her. 

If you are a single friend...

* Ask us for help. Sometimes we get busy and caught up in our own schedules and thoughts, and we just don't think to ask. But we do love you and we do want to help, so don't be afraid to ask us. Don't be afraid to say you need a friend for a minute. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts. Be specific with what you need, and if we have the ability to help, know that we will!

* Push yourself to do what you need. One of my single friends (who is a color-coded-schedule-driven person like I am) said this week that she has created a schedule for herself to follow at home. She requires herself to get up by a certain time, cook meals, work out, read books, go for walks, limit social media, etc. because she knows those are the things that keep her mind and body healthy. Likewise, I had a friend mention that she knew she needed naps and mental check-out times to get through the overwhelming nature of it all. Know what you need, and push for or allow yourself those things as needed. In the long run, you'll be glad you did. 

* Learn something new. I've been reading all these posts by suddenly-homeschooling-parents about the fun things their kids are learning while they're home with no agenda. No reason you can't do the same. Has there been a thing that you've wanted to learn about for a while, but you've not had time? Now you have time! If you look online, I bet you can find a class about it - and your chances of finding a FREE class are probably even greater right now, because there are so many of those taking place. Cooking? Sign language? How to braid your hair? Makeup? There are many things you could pick up using what you already have in your home, I imagine!

* Purpose to use the time. This isn't just advice for the single. This is for ALL of us. But I say it because I remember when I was single, I would frequently tell myself that I should make the most of the time I had while I had it. When lonely days pressed in, and I was tempted to wallow, I would try to think of constructive things I could do that I might not have the luxury of doing if I had a husband or kids occupying my time in that moment. What books could I read (or write)? What Bible studies could I complete? What skill could I pick up? Just because you might be limited on where you can go or what you can do doesn't mean you have NO options. Purpose to use this time wisely so on the other side of this, you can look back and know that you gave it your all!

It's not a polished or perfect list. But maybe it will help. And I saw this advice this week that I've been trying to take to heart. "Remember: you've never dealt with a global pandemic before. You're doing amazing, and on your first try, too." 

The Shafferland Shuffle

And once again, the world has changed a whole lot since the last Shuffle post. Things look so much different than they even did last Sunday, and I can't even bring myself to imagine how much different they might look by next Sunday. It's too much! But I want to remember these days, so here's a peek at what our life looked like this week.

* As of last Sunday, the rule here in Indiana was that gatherings were still permitted, but they had to be under 250 people. Our church canceled public services and did a Facebook live service instead, but our pastor requested staff to attend in person. Since I'm a recent addition to the staff, that included me. Ryan and I went and thoroughly enjoyed the service, even though it was strange to be in such an empty room. (I wrote about the day here if you missed it.) After church, we spent the rest of the day at home - Ryan even made waffles and smoky links for us!

* Ryan went to the gym on Monday and had no idea this would be his last week of going to the gym for a while (the gyms have been shut down in our county). He was so worn out from the workout, he came home to take a nap! I went to work as usual on Monday and even got to take a field trip to the radio station to record an ad for an event that we hope will take place this fall. (Good thing we recorded on Monday. Radio stations are now closed to all people other than staff.) Monday night I asked Ryan if we could go back to the grocery store to get a few long term staple items. I felt like I needed to have some additional plans in place in case everything ends up closed for an undetermined amount of time. It really wasn't as bad out as we thought it might be.

* Several people have asked me about Ryan's work and how it's changed, and it did change dramatically throughout this week. He spent most of Tuesday deep cleaning at his work. (Obviously they always keep the place clean, but they went to extra measures this week.) Throughout the week, they kept cutting back on his patient load, reducing it further to try to keep as many of the patients home and safe as they could. The church staff had a FIVE HOUR MEETING on Tuesday to make plans for changing the face of ministry in the weeks to come. Because I've switched roles on the staff, I actually covered the office during this meeting, rather than attending it.) That evening, Ryan installed a new floor in the bathroom at a friend's house, and I worked at home.

* Ryan's job on Wednesday was to screen those who entered the hospital, and mine was to continue training for my new job. (I donned both my nametags that day. I'm #notquiteabagail and #notquitesabrina - a nod to both assistants I've trained under.) Abagail was so sweet and brought me Starbucks that afternoon. She said she wanted to thank me for covering for her so well during the staff meeting the day before.

* Thursday was laundry day, and Ryan thought the dryer sounded funny, so he spent some of his time cleaning out the dryer hose of all superfluous lint. I still going to the office - and our new church directories showed up that day! I could finally see people in the church again - even if on a piece of paper! That night, we worked out together at home, as will be our norm in the days to come.

* We knew going into Friday that by that evening, our county was moving to an orange level travel ban, which meant the closure of many businesses and the increased encouragement to stay home and stop spreading germs. One of the pastors treated the few staff members in the office to coffee, because he wanted a coffee run while he still could! After work, I made dinner for us, and then Ryan had to go back to work for four hours to help with an extra assignment. While he was gone, I hung up our new Easter art that I ordered last week.

* Ryan worked yesterday, and I took a mental health morning at home on the couch. My brain has been swirling all week, up and down with general thoughts and all over the place with work, so I needed some time to Pinterest and Hallmark my way through a day. I even made a batch of chocolate chip cookies so he could have freshly-baked treats when he came home. (That helped life feel normal for a moment!) Once he came home from work, we hunkered down for the rest of the day, catching up on DVR'd shows, taking naps, laughing, and talking. (And I never did put on makeup, so I'm not sick. I just look like I am.)

Much love to all of you, friends!

The Saturday Six

One.

It's already started, but if you missed the memo, Hallmark is doing a Christmas movie marathon this weekend. Not that I know where I'll be...

Two.

If you're unable to get out and shop right now, but you want to send a little encouragement, check out this happy mail site! (The shop owner's husband was in my high school graduating class, and he shared about it this week.)

Three.

Have you noticed an influx of freebies online - especially for kids? Lots of lessons and classes that people are so generously making available for free during this time. This week I found about this five session video series available for free! It's called Anxious for Nothing (appropriate, no?) and it's by Max Lucado!!! (I really enjoy his writing and teaching.) Check it out! (Note: I have not read this study, but since it's Max, I feel I can recommend it!)

Four.

One of my friends that I met at a retreat a few years ago posted this week that she isn't stressed about the TP shortage, because her family uses reusable TP. (It's a real thing. Look on Etsy!) I'm not knocking it AT ALL (especially in these days!) but it would definitely take some getting used to! But how about this list from the kitchen? Do you use any of these reusable things? Any of these gross you out? I confess a few intrigue me!

Five.

Well, at least here in our county, Hobby Lobby is closed for the foreseeable future. (We are under a travel ban, so all non-essential businesses were required to close. I know. How could Hobby Lobby be non-essential?) If you didn't make it there before closing time and therefore didn't get any Easter décor for your house, how about this simple twig/twine DIY cross?

Six.

What are you learning during your extra time off? (If you have any. I know not everyone does.) If flower arranging was on your list, check out this post. I am pretty sure if I tried this, mine might look a little more toddler-ish than this, but I think this one is gorgeous!