At the end of 2018, Ryan heard about a prayer retreat for men that several guys from our church planned to attend in January of this year. He felt he should go, but he hated to be away from me, and he wasn't sure he could get time off work on such short notice. We decided he would take the steps to try to go, and if for whatever reason, something didn't work out, we would accept that as a closed door from the Lord.
All the doors opened.
I think the retreat was supposed to be about a dozen days into January, so I got the idea to spend those first 10 or so days of the year praying specific words over Ryan's life. Being the alliteration nerd that I am, I decided to make all my words start with the letter P. And my plan (see what I did there?) was to write out these prayers and send them along with Ryan for him to read throughout the weekend. He could see what I'd been praying in the days leading up to the retreat and (I hoped!) see what God did with those prayers.
Everything changed on January 2nd, when his mom had her last huge health setback and landed in ICU. None of us knew if she would even make it home from the hospital.
She did, but she came home on hospice...the night the retreat began. As it became clear to us what we were dealing with concerning her health, Ryan knew he couldn't go to the retreat. We realized the open door of a day off that God had given him was really an open door of a day off to get his mom settled in at home to begin the final piece of her earthly journey.
I remember sitting in the cabin loft that Friday - that day he was supposed to be at the retreat. I had my books and Bibles spread all around me, and I wondered what would become of my ten words I'd prayed.
I decided to keep going. Every day of January, a different word that began with the letter P. And then came February, and I picked a new letter. And then another in March. On and on it has gone all year, and now I'm 2/3 of the way done with October. Two more letters and I'll have a full year of scribbled prayers. 365 words I've prayed over Ryan's life.
When I started this project on the first day of the year, I never expected it to be a full year prayer project. It was just a little gift of love I was going to offer for a prayer retreat.
I'm sure I don't know all the things God has done in Ryan's life and heart (even though I see him living out life every day!) through those words I've prayed. I'm sure there are things that even Ryan might not be able to see right now. (He doesn't know the words I've prayed, though he does know about the project.) But I can see how God leads me to words that seem to fit each season as we pass through it. The letters I choose at the beginning of the month lead me to significant words I couldn't even have known I'd need to offer when I chose the letter.
I've enjoyed praying each word...each letter. It's been a different way to approach praying for my husband, and I am looking forward to sifting through those pages, one by one, at the end of the year, to see the prayers I prayed over him.
Maybe it's just a nerdy Bekah thing and not something that would zing you in the least. But if it does, give it a try! You might just find some beautiful blessings hidden in the words!
1 comment:
Your devotion to each other is amazing.
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