Wilderness Wednesday: Taking a Desert on Vacation

I told you last Wednesday that I finally broke through the stronghold Satan had on my life...just in time to go on vacation with my friend Faith and her two little girls. I was markedly thankful for the deliverance but also nervous to be "stuck" in a car with three other people. I’d become most accustomed to dropping everything to pray out loud – call out to the Lord in deep, wrenching tears – or even just to stopping life to journal or read the Bible. My chances to do that in the presence of Faith, Hannah, and Kaylah, were not as great. Even so, I got in Faith’s car with my journal and Bible at my feet, and told her sometimes I might just have to write.

And before I was very far down the road...I had to do just that: Jesus, the peace that settled over me after talking to Sue Ann last night remains. I awakened to Your gentle whisper that she spoke truth over my life. And that I can trust You with my Isaac. You will take care of him and bring him back.

I’m on the road now and I was just praying and sensing Your love in such a sweet way. I felt You telling me to hold on – that You long to bless me for my faithfulness. And I told You I don’t feel like I’ve been very faithful…I’ve failed so much. And yet You told me Your mercy and grace covers those moments. And You are proud of me for how I have chosen to walk this road You have laid before me. Jesus, how I want to please Your heart. Help me. Help me to trust You for that promise.

That reminds me that last night, I channel surfed late and stumbled upon the College Wesleyan church service and subsequent discussion – and it was about Abraham and hearing God’s voice and receiving your life’s promises. Father, I wait in hope before You, believing You will do as You have promised. Sue Ann said in her prayer last night that You would not disappoint me.

Despite my worries, we did have a fun day. We stopped at a Sonic for lunch (praise the Lord!), and I was able to actually enjoy eating a burger and tater tots and a strawberry creamslush. We went to a Build-A-Bear and I made a cute bear in a red dress and named her HOPE. I needed hope to be tangible right then.

The drive down into Tennessee was actually painful. I knew those were roads like the ones he’d driven when we first met…and Tennessee was supposed to be our eloping place. My stomach churned when we drove past a wedding chapel. Why was I in this state without him? Why wasn’t he marrying me? Did he even love me at all?

We arrived (at long, long last) at our condo, and we unpacked the car and explored our new home for the next couple of days. I went to work right away cooking, but there was no way I could eat again.

After dinner, while Faith got Hannah and Kaylah ready for bed, I had to get out for a while. Had to be alone. I took my phone and walked – paced, really – the road in front of our condo. Back and forth, back and forth, I went. I called my sister and tried to remain calm.

Later that night, Faith and I both settled in with our laptops, and I pulled out the journal again: You told me tonight what I’m feeling now is not attack, but impatience. I NEED to trust You to work. Oh Jesus, the grace to be quiet does not come easily. Father God Almighty, help me to trust You fervently.


Father, why have You chosen me? How am I worthy to walk this road? How am I….I don’t even know what to say. You have a ministry for me – for us – and I long to see what it is. But Holy Lord, how have I been chosen? And how am I supposed to submit to Your plan?


WOW. Julie Crandall just emailed me 1 Peter 5:10 and said she didn’t remember the context, so I looked it up – starting back at verse six – “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you into his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”

I looked up the phrase “in due time” and see this: “It is not merely as a succession of moments, but a period of opportunity. It is a critical or decisive point in time; a moment of great importance and significance; a point when something is ready or favorable.” Oh Jesus, You do have a critical moment prepared and You will lift us up!

Streams: good. “Even though we follow Christ’s command, we should not expect to escape the storm…Christ may delay coming to us during our time of distress, but it is simply so our faith may be tested and strengthened. His purpose is also that our prayers will be more powerful, our desire for deliverance will be greater, and when deliverance finally comes, we will appreciate it more fully…we will never know our level of genuine faith until it is tested in a fierce storm and that is why our Savior is on board.” Praise You.