Bits for Sunday, August 23, 2009

I had a very dangerous encounter yesterday. No, I was not driving down the Marion bypass, nor was I navigating the still-confusing aisles of Wal Mart. Both would normally be good guesses, though.

I was in Lowe’s, actually, and I ran into Clarence. Clarence is not a disturbing geriatric specimen of a suitor, though again, that would normally be a good guess. Clarence is a somewhat evil tempter that shows up at my weakest moments and dazzles like none other can.

Clarence is the clearance aisle.

At least that’s what we call him in my family.

I’d made my way to Lowe’s to look at mums. Yet somehow the tiny shimmering yellow tags in the next room over lured me in…and suddenly I was rotating through the aisles pondering the curb appeal improvement of patio furniture. I paused at each box, mentally calculating just how much razzle-dazzle the little yellow tag promised and just how proportionate this piece of furniture would appear on either the porch or the patio.

I considered benches vs. tables and chairs. I pondered the compatibility with existing seasonal decorations – but of course should nothing match, there’s a Clarence for that too. I carefully eyed each box to see which would fit in my car and which would require a “DAD!!!!” phone call and a visit from the trusty white van. And I did my best to ignore all notices of “some assembly required.” All those adventures are a “Bekah’s Bits” in and of themselves.

One thing I will say about Clarence…he’s got a lot of family. Because you see, a Clarence bench requires a Clarence fire pit to match. And where there’s a Clarence fire pit, there’s bound to be a host of Clarence accessories...tiki torches, lighters, those little s’more stick things…on and on it goes. And the worst of it is…it the purchases that are not yet part of Clarence’s family, but are still required. Say, for example, a fire extinguisher.

Yesterday – probably because it was so cold – I managed to remain strong against Clarence’s temptations. I did not purchase the loveseat with the coffee table. I did not purchase the bistro set (yet). I did not purchase the cute park bench. I did not purchase the table-and-chairs-for-four. I did not purchase any one of the five fire pits I perused.

And I did remember the mums.

Which, by the way, had nothing to do with my friend Clarence.