Bits for Sunday, May 18

Now that I’m thirty, I feel this additional responsibility to be an adult. Probably feeling that about nine years too late, but better late than never, right? But things that I once did (or didn’t do) without much thought now make me stop and ponder.

I’m aspiring to be nice(r) in the Wal-Mart. And by that, I mean I’m trying not to stand in checkout and announce loudly on my cell phone “I THINK I’M GOING TO TURN FORTY BEFORE I PAY FOR THESE GROCERIES.” I’m giving valiant effort to attacking chores that need to be done whether or not I enjoy doing them. Like planting flowers, for instance…and even more than that…reading the tags to see the appropriate amount of necessary sunlight before I bake the “prefers shade” in a full dose of sunlight and then get mad over my lack of green thumb. I’m trying to be assertive – which for me was as simple as actually reporting to the video store that the DVD I rented didn’t work in my player. The twenty-something Bekah would have just dropped it off in the slot and probably rented it again in three months without remembering that it didn’t work. (In fact, I think it really did happen that way.)

And another thing I’m trying to do is to learn why people are the way they are…or at least learn how to talk to them while they’re being “that way.” And in an effort to do this, I’m reading a book every month on some type of relationship. This month I’m reading about marriage…but from a completely hysterical standpoint. The book is written by a “typical guy” whose writing mission is to explain to women why guys are such guys. I want to share with you this excerpt that CRACKED me up.

The author, Chris Fabry, is attempting a conversation with his wife…trying so hard to really connect with her:

“Then she says something that strikes a note with me, that jogs something in my memory. She’s talking about the church service and the touching moment when a teenager opened up and shared deep feelings for his parents and how it affected her. That story reminded me that many young people have difficulty with acne, which caused me to think of a guy I knew in high school, who’s now an accountant and making at least twice what I’m making, which made me mad and also caused me to think that it’s time to send in my quarterly taxes.

“I’m just about to say, ‘Hey, you know what? I need to send in those quarterly taxes,’ and I’ve just opened my mouth, and she’s looking at me with eyes brimming with tears, still thinking about that touching relational moment. My mouth is agape, so I need to say something or she’ll think I haven’t been concentrating on what she’s just said. So I sigh and shake my head and say ‘God is good, isn’t he?’

“I ask myself, Why am I so afraid to be honest and just tell her that her words made me think of something totally off the subject, and I really don’t know what she needs me to say at a moment like that, and most of the time I don’t know what she’s talking about or how I’m feeling about any subject? Why am I so scared to tell her that she lost me three paragraphs ago when she started talking about her relationship with a friend and the pain she’s feeling? Maybe she’ll think I don’t love her if I tell her this.

“I do love my wife. But I also love caramel corn and baseball, and I get an exhilaration from them that I don’t get from a relationship. At least not yet. Caramel corn doesn’t care if I helped out in the kitchen yesterday. It simply waits for me in its airtight tub. Crisp and cool. Ever faithful. I love you, caramel corn. You light up my life. You give me hope. To carry on. I have no trouble admitting that I love caramel corn or old songs by Debbie Boone.” (The H.I.M. Book pp. 49-50)

Hopefully you got the same chuckle from this that I did. And from what I’ve read in his book, I think I’m a lot like his wife, so I’ll probably end up in this very conversation someday. But I will be the first to admit that sometimes my brain takes off like his does. Like the time I read an email while on the phone and I ended up so engrossed in what I’d (mis)said in the email that I completely missed what the person on the phone was pouring out to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t care. I’m sure she was a dear lady. It’s just that I’m so easily distracted.

And just like I wanted that phone lady to give me grace…so I should extend the same grace to the other shoppers at the Wal-Mart. I should learn to find the humor in the waiting because let’s face it: until Meijer shows up in town, waiting is all we’re gonna do.

The other night I tried it. I was (impatiently) pushing my cart behind an old lady in a scooter. She was driving about ten miles UNDER the limit and I could not get around her because of oncoming cart traffic. We reached the end of the aisle and she found herself head to head with a woman coming out of the aisle with her cart. They both started to go, then they both stopped. Then they started, then they stopped. Finally the cart lady waved the scooter lady ahead, and just as she started to go, her children (who were catching up from somewhere behind me) yelled “MOM! WAIT!” More lurching of the scooter. I finally laughed. I wanted to be mad, but this poor lady…was it stop? Was it go? It was probably her first day to drive a scooter. In the end we both waited in checkout for close to a half hour, so what did it matter?

So this is my short term goal…try to see things from the other perspective. Try to realize that we don’t all live in the same brain…we don’t all process things the same…and life is just that much better if you laugh it off. And a snack of caramel corn couldn’t hurt.