I was snuggled up on the couch a few minutes ago, trying to collect my thoughts for Ladies’ Bible Study tomorrow night. We have only three weeks left in this “season,” and these last few meetings also happen to be my last as leader of the group. I’ve been teaching it for five years, and I know in my heart that God is calling me to move away from it. I hesitate to say “move on” from it – because I don’t know that He is going to move me on into something similar but on a different level. Maybe He is changing the course of my life altogether.
In fact, I know He is doing something. I just don’t what. Does that frustrate you as much as it frustrates me? This morning in church, I was parked in my chair on the second row, trying to figure out how to breathe with just one functioning nostril – and that one, slightly impaired. I learned during a rather emotional prayer time that mixing a pre-cold with prayer tears does not make for easy breathing. Especially when for the next hour after that, you can’t stand up and move around to clear your head! Anyway, so I was sitting there trying to breathe when our pastor asked if we wished God would just write down what He wants us to do.
Yes.
I’ve written about that before – wishing God would “unretire” the writing on walls method. I still wish He would consider it. And just as I was nodding my affirmation to the pastor’s question, I looked down at one of the verses in the Scripture reading. John 16:5: “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.”
That leaves me unsure whether to be thankful that I don’t know more or to wish that I were stronger so I could bear more knowledge. Know what I mean?
So after I came home (with a cleared head) and ate my leftover salsa chicken for lunch, I curled up on the couch with my notes for Bible study. I ran into my key verse for the night – Luke 12:48b: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”
This morning before I even got dressed and did my hair, I wrote in my prayer journal that I needed God to do something today. To say something. The last two weeks have been so busy that I haven’t had the time to sit back and chat with God like I normally do. I’ve hated that and can tell in my attitude that the conversation has been lacking. So I asked for today to be the starting point of reconnection.
I think we officially reconnected. I had something a little different in mind…like warm fuzzies and oozes of joy. Apparently what God had in mind was saying a little piece of the “much more” to me…by telling me that the more I get, the more responsibility I’ll have. And right now, I know there are some areas that require more out of me than I’m giving. And until I remedy that, I shouldn’t expect to be entrusted with any more.
A few minutes ago, I was emailing one of my friends and telling her about all the changes going on in the lives of many of my friends…this one getting married…that one having a baby. Another one starting a new job…still another moving away. Life around me is swirling. And I feel a bit caught in the middle, unsure of where my “swirl” will take me – or when it will even start. Change is hard for me, but I’d never thought much about how everyone else’s changes around me trickle down to change my life even when I’m standing still.
But it happens. And so for now, maybe it’s best that my own life be change-free so that I can work on focusing on the changes around me and supporting my friends as they enjoy their new territories.
As I’ve said before, I don’t think God is going to reinstitute writing on walls. But He does continue in His method of revealing little pieces of information right on time. Not early – but right on time. And my job in the meantime is to give what is demanded of me with what God has entrusted to my care. And if more is not entrusted, I have to rest in knowing that there’s a good reason for that.
In fact, I know He is doing something. I just don’t what. Does that frustrate you as much as it frustrates me? This morning in church, I was parked in my chair on the second row, trying to figure out how to breathe with just one functioning nostril – and that one, slightly impaired. I learned during a rather emotional prayer time that mixing a pre-cold with prayer tears does not make for easy breathing. Especially when for the next hour after that, you can’t stand up and move around to clear your head! Anyway, so I was sitting there trying to breathe when our pastor asked if we wished God would just write down what He wants us to do.
Yes.
I’ve written about that before – wishing God would “unretire” the writing on walls method. I still wish He would consider it. And just as I was nodding my affirmation to the pastor’s question, I looked down at one of the verses in the Scripture reading. John 16:5: “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.”
That leaves me unsure whether to be thankful that I don’t know more or to wish that I were stronger so I could bear more knowledge. Know what I mean?
So after I came home (with a cleared head) and ate my leftover salsa chicken for lunch, I curled up on the couch with my notes for Bible study. I ran into my key verse for the night – Luke 12:48b: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”
This morning before I even got dressed and did my hair, I wrote in my prayer journal that I needed God to do something today. To say something. The last two weeks have been so busy that I haven’t had the time to sit back and chat with God like I normally do. I’ve hated that and can tell in my attitude that the conversation has been lacking. So I asked for today to be the starting point of reconnection.
I think we officially reconnected. I had something a little different in mind…like warm fuzzies and oozes of joy. Apparently what God had in mind was saying a little piece of the “much more” to me…by telling me that the more I get, the more responsibility I’ll have. And right now, I know there are some areas that require more out of me than I’m giving. And until I remedy that, I shouldn’t expect to be entrusted with any more.
A few minutes ago, I was emailing one of my friends and telling her about all the changes going on in the lives of many of my friends…this one getting married…that one having a baby. Another one starting a new job…still another moving away. Life around me is swirling. And I feel a bit caught in the middle, unsure of where my “swirl” will take me – or when it will even start. Change is hard for me, but I’d never thought much about how everyone else’s changes around me trickle down to change my life even when I’m standing still.
But it happens. And so for now, maybe it’s best that my own life be change-free so that I can work on focusing on the changes around me and supporting my friends as they enjoy their new territories.
As I’ve said before, I don’t think God is going to reinstitute writing on walls. But He does continue in His method of revealing little pieces of information right on time. Not early – but right on time. And my job in the meantime is to give what is demanded of me with what God has entrusted to my care. And if more is not entrusted, I have to rest in knowing that there’s a good reason for that.
2 comments:
It was a blessing to read this and it seems you are in a good place in your spiritual journey.
B
Thanks Brandon! :) Hope you're having a good day enjoying that beautiful new baby!! She is too precious. Can't wait to see her in person!
Post a Comment